new to group, 9-11-01 surgery date...

[Guest guest]

Hello All,

My name is Chandra, I am new to this group. I had my LAP RNY on Sept. 11,

2001.. (what a great day for surgery huh??) I had some complications. In Oct.

my opening closed and had to be scoped and dialated.. that went well..

However in Nov. 2001 I had major pain, went to the ER, and was sent to the

regular hospital in town. My surgery was done in Gulf Port Mississippi by Amy

Rose. But I lived in Vicksburg MS, and when my complication arose I had no

time to be sent back down to my surgeon. They did emergency surgery on me (I

had a hernia, and also had scar tissue wrapped around my intestines, cutting

off circulation.) They called the Dr. out of surgery with someone else to

take me back. I was in the hospital for a week, got home around the 14th of

Nov. 2001.. Well I was still on strong pain meds, and trying very hard to get

down a whole can of ensure a day.. not succeeding very well. My mother in law

was staying with us to take care of my kids.. 5, Noah 2, and Jonah 1..

On Thanksgiving day Nov. 22, 2001.. I tucked them in for their naps and then

took my pain pill and then went to bed. I woke to hear her calling them in...

*I had told her A MILLION TIMES to not let them out alone!!! I heard her ask

Noah where is your sister, he mumbled " pool " I jumped up full of panic, and

ran out of my room.. she had him washing his hand, I said Noah where is your

sister, he started crying and said in the pool.. I ran out we had 2 neighbors

with pools, ran up the hill first she was not in that one, then I ran down

and she was there floating. I screamed and fell down. The people were right

there at their back door, and came running out and jumped in and got her out

and began CPR and called the ambulance. They continued trying to revive her

at the hospital, but at 605 pm on Nov. 22, 2001 they told me my baby girl was

dead. My world really had come to an end.. I was still so weak from surgery

that this really made me want to just die.. and I questioned God why? I had

nearly died while waiting to be taken to surgery, why didn't he take me then

if he was going to take my child a week later?? It has been 13 months, and 1

week now since she graduated to heaven. Not a minute goes by without me

thinking of her, and missing her and wishing so bad I could turn back time..

I have to focus though and I know she would be so sad if she saw how very sad

and depressed I can get at times. I still have the 2 boys. Noah is in

counseling because he saw her actually drown. He is doing much better now

then I could have hoped for in the few months he has been in.. I can't say I

am over the anger, somedays I am, somedays I am not. I just know that I

cannot use food the way I used to to deal with this. It has been harder

lately with the holidays, and just passing her 1 year angel day. I am coming

to this group mainly to lurk, and see how others are dealing with other

issues without the food.. and just to try and get in the swing of things.. It

is so hard I feel so guilty at times, I would much rather be 2 x as big as I

was and still have her then be skinny without her. She once told me she

wanted to grow up and be a circle like me.... now she will never get to grow

up at all... here is her website should anyone want to see an Angel...

http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/m/myangelsarah

I knew before to never take life for granted (I was engaged in 1991 and my

fiance fell off the side of his ship and hit the deck 40 ft below and died...

I thought nothing could be worse... till I lost my little girl.) Happy

Holidays to all, kiss those kiddos, and give lots of hugs! ~~Chandra in

Oklahoma

Lap RNY beginning wt 327 now 172 hoping for 145 (been stuck for months!)