Southern Hororscope

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Southern Signs

What's Your " Southern " Sign? Some of us (especially

Southerners) are pretty skeptical of horoscopes, and

it has become obvious that what we need are " Southern "

symbols:

OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20)

Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on

the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra

can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence

everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.

CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19)

Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A chitlin, however,

can make something of himself if he's motivated and has

lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful.

They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish

and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - Mar 20)

You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with

the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep

into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are

very! intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger.

Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't

worry about it.

MOON PIE (Mar 21 - Apr 20)

You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch.

It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies.

Big and round are the key words here.  You should marry anybody

who you can get remotely interested in the idea.  It's not going

to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics.

Or - maybe not.

POSSUM (Apr 21 - May 21)

When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked

tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it

attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually

think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically

healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work

and you may find your problems actually running you over.

CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21)

! Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always

hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the

mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living

room. You tend to be not particularly attractive physically, but

you have very, very good heads.

COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23)

Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the

" melting pot " of life and share their essence with the

essence of those round them.  Collards make good social workers,

psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal

life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies.  It

just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23)

Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although

one whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish

are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy

bottoms to the clear surface of l! ife.  Above all else, Catfish

should stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23)

Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself.  You like

to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to

travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club.

Where do you like to go?  Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or

bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have

all these things, that serves you well.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23)

You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man.

Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved

ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and

their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are

really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead

and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours

is a charmed life.  On the road of life, you can be sure that

pe! ople will always pull over and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22)

Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well

with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've

grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the

setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't

have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21)

You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are

actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a

fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback.

You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends.  You're

not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost

prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably

want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat

kinky, mating  possibility.