RODNEY DANGERFIELD'S BEST ONE-LINERS

[Guest guest]

RODNEY DANGERFIELD'S BEST ONE-LINERS

1. I was so poor growing up....If I wasn't born a

boy....I'd have nothing to play with

2. A girl phoned me the other day and said.... " Come on

over, there's nobody home. " I went over. Nobody was home.

3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me.

Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

4. One day as I came home early from work....I saw a guy

jogging naked. I said to the guy, " Hey buddy, why are you

doing that? " He said, " Because you came home early. "

5. Its been a rough day. I got up this morning put on a

shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and

the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

6. I was such an ugly kid....When I played in the sandbox

the cat kept covering me up.

!

7. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys

were a toaster and a radio.

8. I was such an ugly baby....My mother never breast fed

me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

9. I'm so ugly....My father carries around the picture of

the kid who came with his wallet.

10. When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting

room and said to my father, I'm very sorry we did

everything we could but he pulled through.

11. I'm so ugly....My mother had morning sickness....AFTER

I was born.

12. I was kidnapped & they sent a piece of my finger to my

father. He sent it back.

13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him

to help me find my parents. I said to him, " Do you think

we'll ever find them? " He said, " I don't know kid, there !

are so many places they can hide. "

14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next

Tuesday.

15. I'm so ugly....I worked in a pet shop, and people kept

asking how big I'd get.

16. I went to see my doctor. " Doctor, every morning when I

get up and look in the mirror....I feel like throwing up;

What's wrong with me? " He said... " I don't know but your

eyesight is perfect!

[Guest guest]

Thanks Dan

Those were great!

Lots of Love

Glenda

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