Things To Do When You're Bored

[Guest guest]

Things To Do When You're Bored

1.Break or create new records for the Guiness Book of Records. For example,

how

fast you can say the alphabet or how many beers you can drink in a day.

2.Stand on your head long enough so that you can see funny colours in front

of

your eyes.

3.Try to even up your non-dominant hand. Abuse it if it's not building up

fast

enough.

4.Pretend that everyone but you smells.

5.See how many individual pieces you can rip up from the closest piece of

paper.

6.Repeat the previous activity until you have enough paper to make a small

hill

of paper to hide in. Hide until someone comes along, jump out and scare

them

enough to give them proper bowel exercise.

7.Try to sing songs backwards, while they are playing front wards.

8.Get all your CDs and play them backwards to find hidden evil messages.

9.Find as many words as you can in the word ASPHYXIATED. (I found about 40)

10.Learn a new, obscure language.

11.Write all your Christmas cards, even if it's April.

12.Find the exact value of PI.

13.Start counting and see what number you get up to.

14.Make up dirty limericks and sing them ad nauseum. Try to make them a

techno-mix and then sell it to the music companies.

15.Turn the sound off on your TV and make up your own words to shows. Make

every

character a deviant of some sort.

16.Play Chess or Poker. Against yourself.

17.Crack every joint you possibly can in your body. (My friend reckons he

has)

18.Apply for every job in the newspaper, even if you're not qualified or

want

it. If you get an interview or ten, ignore them.

19.As with the previous example, make up a brilliant resumé. ( " Of course I

got

the Nobel Physics prize twice, what do you think I am, stupid? " )

20.Get every possible place on your body pierced. Show your granny every

one of

them.

21.Using your hands, try to massage and mould your body into a

supermodel/hunk.

22.Bug the Spice Girls enough to become Tagalong Spice.

23.Write Hanson hate mail. Be creative.

24.Create new words. Submit them to the Oxford Dictionary.

25.Find how many words you can make on an upside-down calculator.

26.Make a movie.

27.Get ten million points on Tetris.

28.See how far you can do the splits. Call the ambulance.

29.Ring random phone numbers. Make up funny stories. Ask for Bill

Jazkowich. If

they say you've got the wrong number, hang up and ring the same number

again.

Repeat about 20 times.

30.Find celebrity phone numbers. Even if you know B. Gates doesn't live

down

your street, just ring and make sure.

31.Watch the TV upside-down.

32.Make radically new and weird recipes. (1 cup of M&Ms, ¼ cup of milk, 3

strawberries and 1 blob of ice-cream. Mix at highspeed. Drink.)

33.Go to random links on the Net and then give page-long comments to each.

34.Compose a symphony.

35.Write your life story and sell it to the general public. Include your

involvement with: The JFK Assassination, The Roswell Incident, your

friendship

with Saddam Hussein and your leading of the Heaven's Gate cult.

36.Write a Brady Bunch Episode. Call it the Brady Bang Episode where a

truck

full of monkeys tips over the house and the family get up to lots of

" fun-filled

hi-jinks " .

37.Start your stand-up comedy career, successful or not.

38.Plan an Elvis Come Back special, even if he is dead.

39.Paint your room entirely black so as to freak you out at night and make

it

basically impossible to get out of your room.

40.Try every phone number in the country sequentially and see how many

interesting numbers you can find. Have competitions with your friends to

see how

many celebrities they can get.

41.Ring up the emergency services and ask for a pizza with the lot, minus

the

anchovies. Repeat 400 times.

42.Order some guy in Iran a pizza.

43.Read the dictionary. Then use long words to impress your friends.

44.Measure your room/house in volume to the closest cubed millimeter. If

you

have good enough tools, try to go even more precise.

45.Measure the speed of light. Try to beat the local physicists in

accuracy.

46.Have imaginary fights with yourself. This can be a loud argument (put on

two

different voices) or a fist-fight. You have to do the first few moves for

one

guy and then jump over and get hit. Make it acrobatic.

47.Buy a copy of every magazine in the news agency and read them. Enter

every

competition. Cut the good bits out and donate them to doctor's surgeries.

48.Build your own wide-area laser.

49.Build your own nuclear device.

50.Detonate your nuclear device at a football game.

51.Walk about your house naked. Don't worry when someone knocks on the

door. Act

as though nothing is amiss. Mow the lawn. Hold a rave party. (That's an

idea -

nude rave party)

52.Construct lists of things to do when you're bored.

53.Without mirrors, try to see the back of your head.

54.Do pushups until your arms break. Then once they do, do sit ups until

you

vomit. Then do starjumps until you are admitted to hospital. Enjoy the

rest.

55.Write a Police Academy 11 script.

56.Invite everyone you know to your house for a party, but don't have one.

Make

sure it's a black tie affair.

57.Buy a monkey. Teach it to type out Hamlet or Romeo & t. Get it to

do a

bit out of the movie, Gorillas in the Mist.

58.Read the Bible. That will cure you from being bored ever again.

59.As with the previous exercise, become a TV evangelist.

60.Start a cult.

61.Start a crime-spree.

62.Make up a plausible story so that you can blame Bill Gates for

abandoning

you, his long-lost illegitimate kid.

63.Form a band. ( " The Potato Skins " or " The Skid Marks " )

64.Tattoo yourself. Be creative.

65.Sleep for about a week. See how much energy you can pool doing this.

66.Catch a bus. Literally.

67.Create approximately 200 aliases. Use them for evil purposes.

68.Write lightbulb or Knock-Knock jokes.

69.Write a kid's joke book. Read other examples of it and you'll see you

don't

have to be funny.

70.Make your own sitcom. Again, it doesn't have to be all that funny. Make

all

the characters quirky beyond reality (Sue-Ellen, the psychopathic

grave-digger/prostitute/programmer from hell (yes she does all them)).

71.Make up a card game.

72.If you're out of school, contact all of your previous teachers and tell

them

how beneficial/detrimental their influence was. Alternate between

beneficial and

detrimental.

73.Walk along any street and get every fourteenth person and hug them like

they

were your best friend. Continue along the street and keep doing this until

you

are finally arrested.

74.Find a shop and try your damnedest to get physically thrown out. If they

just

guide them out, go outside and wait five seconds before re-entering.

75.Sit outside a Quit Smoking clinic with a huge cigar in your mouth. Blow

smoke

rings at people who enter the building.

76.Set up a hotdog stand outside of the Weight Loss clinic.

77.If you're male, go into a female lingerie store and try on everything

there.

Then buy some and leave. Come back and say you need something for your

girlfriend.

78.If you're a female, go to a news agency and buy about 28 copies of

Playboy-like magazines. Ask the checkout person what their problem is.

79.Dress up like a flasher and walk about the streets. Then " flash " at

people.

Underneath the trenchcoat you should have a T-shirt with " Scared ya! " on

it.

Wear pants if you want to.

80.Put a doctor's surgery sign in front of your house. Or your neighbors.

81.Ring into the police about an anonymous tip of a convicted

murderer/rapist/whatever-you-want. Say the person lives at your address

(but

don't tell them you live there). When the police come around, act normal

but

don't let them look in a certain cupboard or fridge. When they handcuff you

and

take you away, they'll realize that the only reason you wouldn't let them

in is

because it's messy.

82.Have insect gladiator fights. Name them. Have an illegal betting ring

for

them. Set up drug tests for all participants. Do the Roman Emperor thumbs

up/thumbs down approach.

83.Put dry ice in the toilet when guests come around.

84.Experiment with: pure sodium, liquid nitrogen, nitroglycerine, and as

many

acids as you can.

85.Drink as much alcohol as you can until you pass out. Get a friend to

record

your blood-alcohol level. Try the next day to beat it. Have competitions

amongst

your friends.

86.Get your pet drunk or stoned.

87.For students, do the previous exercise to your teacher/s or fellow

students.

Do weird things to your body and then go around shops as if everything is

normal. Such alterations are: painting half your face with gold paint,

shaving

off all bodily hair, get a bone put through your nose, get different

colored

contacts,shave the front half of your head, tie your shoelaces together,

put

bunny ears on, hang your genitalia out of your clothes, paint your teeth

different colours ( " Smile! " ), tie string all around your head really tight

or

put fish hooks in your nose, ears or lip.

88.Fake your own attempted murder (i.e. someone tried to murder you). Go as

gory

as you can. Stagger about the house freaking all your friends/family/guests

out.

Especially good at other people's parties (because they have to clean up

the

mess).

89.Hold a party, at your teacher's or neighbor's house. Everyone's invited.

90.Create a new language and then speak it to friends. Pretend to be one of

those " End of the World " people on street corners and speak loudly in your

language. Corner people and ask them questions in your language and don't

let

them go until they answer them. If smart-asses decide to speak gibberish

back,

act as though they are mad or correct their grammar.

91.Teach your dog to dance/kill/make dinner.

92.Set up a Net Camera in your room and have fun. Or alternately, set one

up in

your friend's bathroom. Have even more fun.

93.Pretend you're a reporterand roam the street. Or a cop. Or a terrorist

( " GET

DOWN! " ). Or a drunkard. Watch the people's reactions when you play your

part out

to the full.

94.Find a tall building and wait on a ledge. Threaten to jump. When they

ask you

to come down, make ridiculous requests. Make up a really odd story ( " My pet

goldfish doesn't love me anymore... I could handle my pet rock, but not

Goldy... " ). Drop eggs on the people down below. Drop watermelons to

demonstrate

how you'll land. Pretend to take a run-up. If no-one's nearby, dress up a

clothes model and drop it off the edge and hear the panic down below.

95.Find your nearest movie studio and pretend to work there. Even pretend

you're

a fill-in for an actor. Or a stuntman. Or the director. See if you can get

on

screen and boast to your friends.

96.Go to a golfing tournament and lie on the green. Wait until someone

chases

you out. Or if you get bored of lying there, chase people around, throwing

golf

balls and waving a golf club menacingly over your head.

97.Visit the old people's home. Find someone and convince them that you are

their grandchild. Try to get inheritance.

98.Go to primary school again. Sit in a class like a normal student. Listen

well

and answer some questions. Get distraught when you realize that mum didn't

pack

any lunch for you. Bully kids or get bullied. Be the teacher's pet.

99. In the office make a pot of coffee for about 100 cups in the 12 Decaf

pot.

Watch everyone have heart attacks.....

100. Read this list   Go Back...and read it again and wonder who the hell

would

send such a long list.