help!

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

You have come to a good place to get some practical advice. When I read your

" help " letter I could really relate to it because I wrote to this group

several years ago with the same questions. My dad, like yours, could not go

to a home. He would be very unhappy. There are many people here that care for

their loved ones at home as the caretaker and some have help. The things you

learn here will help you to make that possible. I know that my dad would not

be here today without people like Bill and Pam and and too many others

to mention. Whenever I had a question I would write and someone would have an

answer whether it was a medical question or just practical advice on daily

care. His quality of life is so much better now. It is also a good place to

share what has worked for others.

Sometimes the numbers of mail can be overwhelming at first but if you will

stick with it you will learn to go through it quickly. People here will give

you hope. You CAN live with MSA and can help your parents have a good life.

Jean (Phoenix)

[Guest guest]

SORRY I JUST SAW THIS EMAIL. I AM 43 YEARS OLD AND THE ILL ONE, SO THIS

IS FROM THAT PERSPECTIVE PLEASE. I HAVE GOTTEN MUCH HELP FROM ALL HERE

SINCE THIS LIST STARTED. THE BARB'S, VERA, PAMMY, ECT. HERE CAN HELP U

AND UR MOM. OTHERS TOO. THEY HAVE HELPED ME ALOT.

1)CHECK WITH THE DOCTOR ABOUT ASPIRATION. I DON'T KNOW IF UR DAD'S MEDS

ARE CRUSHED AND MIXED WITH SOMETHING THAT THE SPEECH THERAPIST

RECOMMENDED WHEN S/HE SAW UR DAD.

2)CALL AN HOME HEALTH CARE AGENCY AND HIRE OUTSIDE PEOPLE TO RELIEVE U

AND UR MOM. MEDICARE DOES AND SOME PPO'S DO COVER HOMEBOUND BUT THAT

TAKES ANYWHERE FROM A FEW DAYS TO A FEW MONTHS.

HOURS ARE GENERALLY 4, 6, AND 8 HOUR SHIFTS. 2 HOURS ISN'T LONG ENOUGH

AND THE AIDES WILL CALL OFF.

GOING THRU THE CHURCH , ECT. MAY BE TOO LONG OF A WAIT FOR U AND UR MOM

RIGHT NOW. U GUYS SOUND LIKE NEED A BREAK. I UNDERSTAND THE NURSING HOME

BIT AND I THANK U FOR WHAT U ARE DOING. BUT HIRE SOME PEOPLE FOR

ALTERNATE DAYS SO U GET UR REST.

3) HIRE MORE THAN ONE AIDE OR NURSING ASSISTANT BECAUSE THEY CALL OFF

AND THAT WAY U HAVE BACK UP. I HAVE HAD CARE FOR 7 YEARS AND HAVE HEARD

'I NEVER CALL OFF' TOO MANY TIMES. GENERALLY THE NURSING ASSISTANTS(

DIFFERENT THAN HOME HEALTH AIDES) WORK MON, WED, FRI OR T AND THURS.

DON'T LET THEM WORK MORE THAN 8 HOURS FOR IT IS TOO TIRING FOR THE

AIDES. PAY IS GENERALLY 8 - 10 BUCKS PRIVATELY. AGENCY ARE COSTLY, BUT

SOME AIDES GO OUT OF POCKET ON THE SIDE. BARGAIN THE HOURLY RATE WITH

THE ACCOUNTING DEPT. OR THE MANAGER (NOT THE SCHEDULERS)OF THE

AGENCIES.

4) IT IS EASIER IF U HAVE AN ELECTRIC HOYER THAN THE CRANK ONE , BUT THE

ELECTRIC IS 4 TO 5 K . HOWEVER, IT MAYBE CHEAPER TO RENT ONE RIGHT AT

THIS MOMENT. I DO NOT KNOW ALL OF UR CONDITIONS.

AGAIN THANK U FOR HELPING TAKE CARE OF UR DAD AND HOPEFULLY HIRING

OUTSIDE HELP FOR THE TIME BEING.

NANCY M.

nanababies1997 wrote:

>

> I am new to this group and am desperately searching for help with my

> Dad's care. He is 73 and was diagnosed with MSA nearly a year ago.

> He has suffered with sypmtoms of the disease for much longer, as you

> know it often takes a long time for an accurate diagnosis. He is no

> longer able to speak, is rarely able to walk and often has difficulty

> swallowing his meds. I agree with my mother that we do not want to

> remove him from their home (this has always been a great fear of

> his), but I don't know how much longer we can give him the care he

> needs in order to be comfortable. They live in the Baytown, Texas

> area. If any of you have any suggestions, they would be greatly

> appreciated.

>

> Thanks,

>

>

> If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may

> unsubscribe by sending a blank email to

>

> shydrager-unsubscribe

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Some days, trying to take care of my dad's physical/emotional needs and my mom's emotional needs, It just seems like I'm lost as to what to do.

From:

To: shydrager

Date: Thu, 22 Aug 2002 09:55:06 EDT

Subject: Re: Help!

> Hi ,

>

> You have come to a good place to get some practical advice. When I read

> your

> "help" letter I could really relate to it because I wrote to

> this group

> several years ago with the same questions. My dad, like yours, could not

> go

> to a home. He would be very unhappy. There are many people here that care

> for

> their loved ones at home as the caretaker and some have help. The things

> you

> learn here will help you to make that possible. I know that my dad would

> not

> be here today without people like Bill and Pam and and too many

> others

> to mention. Whenever I had a question I would write and someone would have

> an

> answer whether it was a medical question or just practical advice on daily

>

> care. His quality of life is so much better now. It is also a good place

> to

> share what has worked for others.

> Sometimes the numbers of mail can be overwhelming at first but if you

> will

> stick with it you will learn to go through it quickly. People here will

> give

> you hope. You CAN live with MSA and can help your parents have a good

> life.

>

> Jean (Phoenix)

>

> If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may

> unsubscribe by sending a blank email to

>

> shydrager-unsubscribe

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Your cry for help is familiar to me. I did the same thing to this

group a little over a year ago. My father decided that he wanted to

go into a home to try it out and he decided to stay. My parents

were selling their house at the time. My mother could not tale

care of him in the house the way that it is set up. It was a very

difficult reality for the kids (7 of us) to face but my parents

seemed to be at peace with the decision. I think that it would

have been better in some ways if my father was with my mum

but I also think that she would be very tired. My father did not want

her to get worn down and of course they would have had to hire

help but they chose another option. Luckily my mother into a nice

apt. very close to the home where my father is . He gets lots of

visits and I think that he feels safe there.

This is a great group and my heart goes out to you and your

parents. Peace,

Joanne

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for your suggestions. In the short time I've been associated with this group, I've begun not to feel so alone. So many people (doctors included) have never even heard of this disease. Needless to say, there have been very few that had any familiarity with the symptoms and effects on the families. Again, thanks for your help. As time goes on, maybe I'll be able to help someone as well.

From:

To: shydrager

Date: Mon, 26 Aug 2002 08:37:19 +1000 (GST)

Subject: Help!

> ,

>

> The meds you list are fairly typical. Some doctors use Wellbutrin

> (Bupropion) rather than Paxil. We found Paxil seemed to be associated with

> a

> condition called "sundowning." Also Seroquel can be used to help

> a patient

> deal with anxiety. However if you dad is getting satisfactory help from

> regular sinemet that's fine. We used mirapex, also apparently without

> success, although some have gotten help from it.

>

> You question seems to be directed more to issues of how the caregiver can

> continue to help with the patient. The answer is, not easily, unless the

> caregiver may be a true saint. Even then it's not easy if the caregiver is

> a

> small woman dealing with a very large man. This disease, perhaps more

> than

> some, robs you of your dreams and puts the caregiver's life on hold. In

> addition the lack of consistency from hour to hour, let alone from day to

> day, can be difficult. One way to help some is to seek consistant outside

> support from whatever source is available. Those sources may be

> governmental, providing help three to four hours of cleaning a week, or

> they

> may be hired out of personal savings and retirement funds, or they may

> mean

> depending on other siblings, relatives, and good friends.

>

> Finally you may have to think the "unthinkable," that your mom

> and you can

> no longer provide the care necessary without seriously hurting

> yourselves.

> In that case you may have to consider some kind of nursing home.

>

> Whatever the situation, the caregiver needs to develop personal support

> from

> whatever sources may be available. As you are finding out, this e-mail

> group

> is one good source of support. Members are showing day by day that you

> can

> cope with this disease, and they are providing encouragement when the

> going

> sometimes get tough for those of us who are less than saints.

>

> Peg and Jim from Guam

>

>

>

> ************************

> Thank you for responding. My dad is currently taking Sinemet and

> Comptan,

> 4 times daily. He also takes Lasix, Paxil, Casodex and Proscar (for

> prostate cancer), he takes Pepcid, EZ Lax, and occassionally, Ativan.

> The

> doctors have previously tried Mirapex, with no success. They also tried

> the

> Long Lasting forms of Sinemet, which seemed to create more dyskenesia and

> anxiety. He is now using his wheelchair 90% of the time, has

>

>

> ********************************

> *** Peg Jim

> *** # 29 Cruz Heights

> *** Ipan-Talofofo, Guam 96930-4736

> *** USA

> ***

> *** Note: Guam is 15 hours ahead of

> *** Eastern Standard Time (EST).

> *** 14 ahead of EDT.

> ********************************

>

>

> If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may

> unsubscribe by sending a blank email to

>

> shydrager-unsubscribe

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

I'm a 20 year old guy, and I had surgery just on my lower jaw almost three weeks

ago.

Everything is healing wonderfully, but all the restrictions of having just been

through

surgery are beginning to get to me.

It's summer! I'm supposed to be out experiencing things, traveling, causing

trouble, and

meeting girls! But instead I'm in my gray lonely room recouperating, and oh!,

what a sad

and lonely summer it's been.

I like to think that the reason my doctor is keeping the bands on my teeth for

so long is

that he's just a really good doctor who wants to make sure I heal completely and

avoid

taking any risks that could complicate things (he told me that I would have to

keep the

bands on for six weeks following surgery). But damnit! I can't stand it around

here

anymore!

I want to go out with my friends without being pitied and joked around with, and

I want to

meet new people without having to explain why my jaw is being held shut by

rubber bands

and my face slightly swollen. I want to travel, and I want to walk down the

street and

smile at people without being met with grimmaces and sorrowful glances.

I'm tired of this crap, and I feel like taking off these damn rubberbands and

cutting the

wires from my splint and going out into the world to have a good time. But I

know I can't,

and it just plain pisses me off. I'm keeping the splint and the rubberbands on

as long as

the doctor says so, because I trust him; I know him well, and I do trust him.

I want my life back, and I don't want to wait any longer. Can anyone relate?

[Guest guest]

I can sort of relate, but not really. When I wanted out, I went

out. Banded shut, bruised, drooling - out I went. I also had

people over. Easter and my birthday fell in my recovery period. I

hosted Easter (my family cooked, I provided the big house). I had

friends over to play cards. I had other friends over just to talk

to people. At my worst, when I was first banded shut and unable to

be understood by anyone, I sat at the computer and typed my half of

the conversation. Looking funny after surgery is no reason for

isolation.

Forget everyone else and their stares and pity. Go do what you want

to do. Wear a button that says, " Recovering from jaw surgery, " and

maybe you won't have to explain so much. There is absolutely no

reason to sit in your room alone. Unless you're feeling sick - and

I hope by week three you aren't - there is just no reason for it.

If you ever question your right to go have fun, remember that some

crazy lady on this board gave you permission to get off your bum and

go have fun - banded, drooling, swollen, and all.

Kris

> Hi everyone,

>

> I'm a 20 year old guy, and I had surgery just on my lower jaw

almost three weeks ago.

> Everything is healing wonderfully, but all the restrictions of

having just been through

> surgery are beginning to get to me.

>

> It's summer! I'm supposed to be out experiencing things,

traveling, causing trouble, and

> meeting girls! But instead I'm in my gray lonely room

recouperating, and oh!, what a sad

> and lonely summer it's been.

>

> I like to think that the reason my doctor is keeping the bands on

my teeth for so long is

> that he's just a really good doctor who wants to make sure I heal

completely and avoid

> taking any risks that could complicate things (he told me that I

would have to keep the

> bands on for six weeks following surgery). But damnit! I can't

stand it around here

> anymore!

>

> I want to go out with my friends without being pitied and joked

around with, and I want to

> meet new people without having to explain why my jaw is being held

shut by rubber bands

> and my face slightly swollen. I want to travel, and I want to

walk down the street and

> smile at people without being met with grimmaces and sorrowful

glances.

>

> I'm tired of this crap, and I feel like taking off these damn

rubberbands and cutting the

> wires from my splint and going out into the world to have a good

time. But I know I can't,

> and it just plain pisses me off. I'm keeping the splint and the

rubberbands on as long as

> the doctor says so, because I trust him; I know him well, and I do

trust him.

>

> I want my life back, and I don't want to wait any longer. Can

anyone relate?

[Guest guest]

I can relate to some point also. But like Kris - I went out as soon

as I thought people wouldn't run away in horror if they saw me

I had my surgery in December so I was able to put a hat and scarf on

to hide some of my bruising and swelling, but by week 3 - you

shouldn't look that bad. People might look - but you get use to it.

I've had some gaps from missing teeth (will be getting

implants/bridges soon - I hope) since my surgery and I still smile at

people even though I feel self-conscious at times. I just tell them I

had a rough hockey season

I had my surgery 2 weeks before Christmas, so I got a lot of pity and

a lot of people gawking at me and asking questions - but I was much

happier than I would have been if I had stayed home (even though some

days I felt like doing that)

Good luck!

Johanne

> Hi everyone,

>

> I'm a 20 year old guy, and I had surgery just on my lower jaw

almost three weeks ago.

> Everything is healing wonderfully, but all the restrictions of

having just been through

> surgery are beginning to get to me.

>

> It's summer! I'm supposed to be out experiencing things,

traveling, causing trouble, and

> meeting girls! But instead I'm in my gray lonely room

recouperating, and oh!, what a sad

> and lonely summer it's been.

>

> I like to think that the reason my doctor is keeping the bands on

my teeth for so long is

> that he's just a really good doctor who wants to make sure I heal

completely and avoid

> taking any risks that could complicate things (he told me that I

would have to keep the

> bands on for six weeks following surgery). But damnit! I can't

stand it around here

> anymore!

>

> I want to go out with my friends without being pitied and joked

around with, and I want to

> meet new people without having to explain why my jaw is being held

shut by rubber bands

> and my face slightly swollen. I want to travel, and I want to walk

down the street and

> smile at people without being met with grimmaces and sorrowful

glances.

>

> I'm tired of this crap, and I feel like taking off these damn

rubberbands and cutting the

> wires from my splint and going out into the world to have a good

time. But I know I can't,

> and it just plain pisses me off. I'm keeping the splint and the

rubberbands on as long as

> the doctor says so, because I trust him; I know him well, and I do

trust him.

>

> I want my life back, and I don't want to wait any longer. Can

anyone relate?

[Guest guest]

I was only banded shut for about 5 days and that was hard enough. I

know it's gotta be tough to be banded for weeks. But, you're 20 and

you'll heal fast. Think about how great you'll look when it's all

done.

Soon you'll be out of those bands, and there will be plenty of

summer left! And next summer all of this will be a faint memory.

Just because you're banded doesn't mean you can't work on your tan!

And hey, you can still go to the baseball game (you can't eat, but

you can still drink beer...?)!

Jay

> Hi everyone,

>

> I'm a 20 year old guy, and I had surgery just on my lower jaw

almost three weeks ago.

> Everything is healing wonderfully, but all the restrictions of

having just been through

> surgery are beginning to get to me.

>

> It's summer! I'm supposed to be out experiencing things,

traveling, causing trouble, and

> meeting girls! But instead I'm in my gray lonely room

recouperating, and oh!, what a sad

> and lonely summer it's been.

>

> I like to think that the reason my doctor is keeping the bands on

my teeth for so long is

> that he's just a really good doctor who wants to make sure I heal

completely and avoid

> taking any risks that could complicate things (he told me that I

would have to keep the

> bands on for six weeks following surgery). But damnit! I can't

stand it around here

> anymore!

>

> I want to go out with my friends without being pitied and joked

around with, and I want to

> meet new people without having to explain why my jaw is being held

shut by rubber bands

> and my face slightly swollen. I want to travel, and I want to

walk down the street and

> smile at people without being met with grimmaces and sorrowful

glances.

>

> I'm tired of this crap, and I feel like taking off these damn

rubberbands and cutting the

> wires from my splint and going out into the world to have a good

time. But I know I can't,

> and it just plain pisses me off. I'm keeping the splint and the

rubberbands on as long as

> the doctor says so, because I trust him; I know him well, and I do

trust him.

>

> I want my life back, and I don't want to wait any longer. Can

anyone relate?

[Guest guest]

I can sympathize 110%. I just found this website today, a week after

my surgery -- Thank god, too. I'm about to loose my mind. It's good

to hear someone else of the same age/sex whose also going through it.

I can't believe how well some of these people take it. With my teeth

banded shut and 3-5 more weeks to go seems torturous. Eating...er...

drinking with a syringe and catheter is hell; I've honestly manage

to get blended lasagnia onto to ceiling... 10 feet up.

And, being really skinny to start with (150, 6'2 " ), I've only gotten

skinnier and can feel it when I move.

Last night I couldn't fall asleep till 5... i think it's because I

don't do anything during the day... I'm so afraid of buring up

calories that I don't go hiking and climbing like I did before the

op.

Yeah, you're right. I want my life back too. I wanna go out and play

poker, see movies, call up girls from college... All seemingly out

of the question.

I wish you the best of luck. It certianly make me feel better to

know that I'm not the only one out there suffering with this. Thanks

for the post!

> Hi everyone,

>

> I'm a 20 year old guy, and I had surgery just on my lower jaw

almost three weeks ago.

> Everything is healing wonderfully, but all the restrictions of

having just been through

> surgery are beginning to get to me.

>

> It's summer! I'm supposed to be out experiencing things,

traveling, causing trouble, and

> meeting girls! But instead I'm in my gray lonely room

recouperating, and oh!, what a sad

> and lonely summer it's been.

>

> I like to think that the reason my doctor is keeping the bands on

my teeth for so long is

> that he's just a really good doctor who wants to make sure I heal

completely and avoid

> taking any risks that could complicate things (he told me that I

would have to keep the

> bands on for six weeks following surgery). But damnit! I can't

stand it around here

> anymore!

>

> I want to go out with my friends without being pitied and joked

around with, and I want to

> meet new people without having to explain why my jaw is being held

shut by rubber bands

> and my face slightly swollen. I want to travel, and I want to

walk down the street and

> smile at people without being met with grimmaces and sorrowful

glances.

>

> I'm tired of this crap, and I feel like taking off these damn

rubberbands and cutting the

> wires from my splint and going out into the world to have a good

time. But I know I can't,

> and it just plain pisses me off. I'm keeping the splint and the

rubberbands on as long as

> the doctor says so, because I trust him; I know him well, and I do

trust him.

>

> I want my life back, and I don't want to wait any longer. Can

anyone relate?

[Guest guest]

Oh man, you guys are incredible! You are missing out on one

tremendous opportunity to get sympathy from gorgeous babes! At 20 I

would have found any excuse to get a lady to give me any sort of

attention. Use this to your advantage! Think of the nurturing

spirit most women possess. Think of the leverage you have to get

them to shower you with that nurturing! Come on guys, start

scheming!

Seriously, at 20 though, you're more concerned with what you look

like, than who you are. Those of us who are older have learned to

accept who we are enough to just not care what others think, and go

out anyway. I've been out in public every day since my surgery, and

as long as my energy level holds out, I don't plan to stop. Is

someone has a problem with the way I look, then let them come talk

to me, and I'll explain. If they want to stare, then I'll give them

a drooling, swollen, bruied freak show, and make them embarrassed

for having done so.

Don't stop living because you are recovering. Besides, you'll be

amazed at how much better you feel when you get out and at least get

some fresh air.

Dammit

> > Hi everyone,

> >

> > I'm a 20 year old guy, and I had surgery just on my lower jaw

> almost three weeks ago.

> > Everything is healing wonderfully, but all the restrictions of

> having just been through

> > surgery are beginning to get to me.

> >

> > It's summer! I'm supposed to be out experiencing things,

> traveling, causing trouble, and

> > meeting girls! But instead I'm in my gray lonely room

> recouperating, and oh!, what a sad

> > and lonely summer it's been.

> >

> > I like to think that the reason my doctor is keeping the bands

on

> my teeth for so long is

> > that he's just a really good doctor who wants to make sure I

heal

> completely and avoid

> > taking any risks that could complicate things (he told me that I

> would have to keep the

> > bands on for six weeks following surgery). But damnit! I can't

> stand it around here

> > anymore!

> >

> > I want to go out with my friends without being pitied and joked

> around with, and I want to

> > meet new people without having to explain why my jaw is being

held

> shut by rubber bands

> > and my face slightly swollen. I want to travel, and I want to

> walk down the street and

> > smile at people without being met with grimmaces and sorrowful

> glances.

> >

> > I'm tired of this crap, and I feel like taking off these damn

> rubberbands and cutting the

> > wires from my splint and going out into the world to have a good

> time. But I know I can't,

> > and it just plain pisses me off. I'm keeping the splint and the

> rubberbands on as long as

> > the doctor says so, because I trust him; I know him well, and I

do

> trust him.

> >

> > I want my life back, and I don't want to wait any longer. Can

> anyone relate?

[Guest guest]

Guys, I have a really, really revolutionary notion for you here.

There have been some charming young men who have posted in the past

whilst in recovery, even whilst wired shut, who have made an amazing

discovery. Some charming young women actually LIKE to help take care

of young man in whom they find an increasing interest. Especially if

he has, um, something going on that's gonna get better, gonna go

away -- and they don't reject the possibility that as things ensue,

perhaps they might also enjoy helping to take care of a charming

young lady in need of reciprocal assistance.

I'm not saying that being wired is gonna make you a killer on the

ladies front. But I'm saying don't lake it make you shy, if you're up

to socializing...

Cammie

> > Hi everyone,

> >

> > I'm a 20 year old guy, and I had surgery just on my lower jaw

> almost three weeks ago.

> > Everything is healing wonderfully, but all the restrictions of

> having just been through

> > surgery are beginning to get to me.

> >

> > It's summer! I'm supposed to be out experiencing things,

> traveling, causing trouble, and

> > meeting girls! But instead I'm in my gray lonely room

> recouperating, and oh!, what a sad

> > and lonely summer it's been.

> >

> > I like to think that the reason my doctor is keeping the bands on

> my teeth for so long is

> > that he's just a really good doctor who wants to make sure I heal

> completely and avoid

> > taking any risks that could complicate things (he told me that I

> would have to keep the

> > bands on for six weeks following surgery). But damnit! I can't

> stand it around here

> > anymore!

> >

> > I want to go out with my friends without being pitied and joked

> around with, and I want to

> > meet new people without having to explain why my jaw is being

held

> shut by rubber bands

> > and my face slightly swollen. I want to travel, and I want to

> walk down the street and

> > smile at people without being met with grimmaces and sorrowful

> glances.

> >

> > I'm tired of this crap, and I feel like taking off these damn

> rubberbands and cutting the

> > wires from my splint and going out into the world to have a good

> time. But I know I can't,

> > and it just plain pisses me off. I'm keeping the splint and the

> rubberbands on as long as

> > the doctor says so, because I trust him; I know him well, and I

do

> trust him.

> >

> > I want my life back, and I don't want to wait any longer. Can

> anyone relate?

[Guest guest]

Giggle and Sigh, Dammit... The younger generation...

It just takes a few years, apparently to wisen up. Now you have it

all figured out, amigoviejo! Congratulations!

Cammie

> Oh man, you guys are incredible! You are missing out on one

> tremendous opportunity to get sympathy from gorgeous babes! At 20

I

> would have found any excuse to get a lady to give me any sort of

> attention. Use this to your advantage! Think of the nurturing

> spirit most women possess. Think of the leverage you have to get

> them to shower you with that nurturing! Come on guys, start

> scheming!

>

> Seriously, at 20 though, you're more concerned with what you look

> like, than who you are. Those of us who are older have learned to

> accept who we are enough to just not care what others think, and go

> out anyway. I've been out in public every day since my surgery,

and

> as long as my energy level holds out, I don't plan to stop. Is

> someone has a problem with the way I look, then let them come talk

> to me, and I'll explain. If they want to stare, then I'll give

them

> a drooling, swollen, bruied freak show, and make them embarrassed

> for having done so.

>

> Don't stop living because you are recovering. Besides, you'll be

> amazed at how much better you feel when you get out and at least

get

> some fresh air.

>

> Dammit

[Guest guest]

Me, I appreciate someone who can handle the bumps of life with a

modicum of fun or grace or humor or strength. Its attractive. Even

someone who allows another to help them gets points. Becasue the

helper/helpee relationship, even if its for just a little thing, is

not always an easy one to negotiate. Thats a place your charm can

shine through. So beaucoup points for you if you can manage it.

Remember, for most of us, its not the wound itself thats attractive.

And dont get me wrong, you can still have ups, downs, yell, sulk, be

pissed off, say the wrong thing, etc. You can get points for saying

sorry, or even showing your regret.

So, whats NOT attractive? Continually taking out your frustrations on

other people. Or being purposely mean just becasue you want someone

else to feel rotten too. Thats just not okay. Period. Dumb. Self-

sabotoging. Bad. Immature. NOT okay.

> Guys, I have a really, really revolutionary notion for you here.

>

> There have been some charming young men who have posted in the past

> whilst in recovery, even whilst wired shut, who have made an

amazing

> discovery. Some charming young women actually LIKE to help take

care

> of young man in whom they find an increasing interest. Especially

if

> he has, um, something going on that's gonna get better, gonna go

> away -- and they don't reject the possibility that as things ensue,

> perhaps they might also enjoy helping to take care of a charming

> young lady in need of reciprocal assistance.

>

> I'm not saying that being wired is gonna make you a killer on the

> ladies front. But I'm saying don't lake it make you shy, if you're

up

> to socializing...

>

> Cammie

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Joanne,

A year ago I had to put my husband into a facility as I could not give him

the proper care any more. I did for 3 years but as he became more and more

unable to do for himself and I got more and more worn out both physically

and (I can see it now) mentally I had to make the horrible decision.

He's in a very nice place and gets very good care, even tho' they don't

understand his diagnosis (mentally, they've never had it before) they try

extremely hard to help him and me. I went through the guilt trip and still

do many days but as I watch him there and his needs I know I did the right

thing.

Please support your Mom & Dad in their decision as it makes it so much more

easier when you have support. My husband is 78 yrs old and was diagnosed

12/1/99. We've been together for 55 yrs.

S, caregiver of Warren

Re: Help!

>

> Your cry for help is familiar to me. I did the same thing to this

> group a little over a year ago. My father decided that he wanted to

> go into a home to try it out and he decided to stay. My parents

> were selling their house at the time. My mother could not tale

> care of him in the house the way that it is set up. It was a very

> difficult reality for the kids (7 of us) to face but my parents

> seemed to be at peace with the decision. I think that it would

> have been better in some ways if my father was with my mum

> but I also think that she would be very tired. My father did not want

> her to get worn down and of course they would have had to hire

> help but they chose another option. Luckily my mother into a nice

> apt. very close to the home where my father is . He gets lots of

> visits and I think that he feels safe there.

> This is a great group and my heart goes out to you and your

> parents. Peace,

>

> Joanne

>

>

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