Additions to the Periodic Table

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Additions to the Periodic Table

" Two additions to the Periodic Table of Elements have

been brought to our attention.  In the interest of

promoting science, we reprint them below.

Element Name:  WOMANIUM

Symbol:  WO

Atomic weight:  (don't even go there)

Physical properties:  Generally soft and round in

form.  Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time.

Melts when treated properly.  Bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties:  Very active.  Highly unstable.

Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum

and precious stones.  Turns slightly green when placed

next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental.  Excellent catalyst for

dispersion of wealth.  The most p! owerful income

reducing agent known.

Caution:  Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Element Name:  MANIUM

Symbol:  XY

Atomic weight: (200+/-50)

Physical properties:  Solid at room temperature, but

gets bent out of shape easily.  Fairly dense and

sometimes flaky.  Difficult to find a pure sample.

Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct

electricity as easily as younger samples.

Chemical properties:  Attempts to bond with WO any

chance it can get.  Also tends to form strong bonds

with itself.  Becomes explosive when mixed with KD

(element: CHILDIUM) for prolonged episodes of time.

Neutralize by soaking in alcohol.

Usage:  None known.  Possibly good methane source.

Caution:  In the absence of WO, this element rapidly

decomposes and begins to smell. "