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Are you sure I didn't write this posting? Sounds so much like Fred and I. In all the years Fred and I have been together , I can only remember once before he came down with MSA that he cried. That was when we had to have our dog to down because he had cancer. Now with the MSA he seem's to be touched by everything. At times he tells me that it's tears of joy, but there are those times that it's not. Those are the times that are so hard. I know I can only do so much for him and he wont ever be 100 % better. Still he try's to do as much as he can. Sometimes he over does and that's hard on both of us. Him because he is weak or overheated from doing, me because his weak and that means I have to do more to try and help him to walk or get him up or finish the job he started and couldn't finish it. It's hard for him because he thinks that his not supporting the family the way he should be. He has all these things to do around here, so that the illness won't get him. He feels as long as he has the jobs to do and he keeps trying to do them, the MSA won't get him completely and then I try to get him to slow down , so he won't finish the jobs so soon. Wondering if he finish's them all, will he just give up. Nothing is easy with this illness. It's hard for those that have it and hard for the caregiver. The thing that I find that helps is talking to someone else that understands. If there is a support group around you close , I'd join it , if I were you. Jeff can talk to other's that may have the MSA and ask question or talk about how he feels and you can talk to other caregiver's and know that they walk that same road you do. Just knowning your not alone really does help. It's nice to talk to someone face to face, it really is.

HUgs Vera

Hi folks,

I don't post alot, but I read the digest daily, and print messages that I

think would be helpful to Jeff or his doctors. I need some advice. Jeff

has gone in to a period where he is very emotional about his condition. He

has broken down twice this week (we have been together 6 years, and I had

only seen him cry once or twice that whole time-both times within the past

12 months, relating to the disease) He came home from work today just to

see me, because he says that he feels like he's getting to the end, and

that he feels as though he's dying inside (physically-not emotionally).

He's afraid to fall asleep because he's afraid he won't wake up. I have

asked him why he feels like this, and he says that physically he's weak,

out of breath alot, lightheaded, dizzy, sees things in peripheral vision

that are not here. Also, I've noticed he gets sudden sharp pains in his

head from his right eye up over the top of his skull and to the base of the

neck. He says it feels like an electric shock. It happened yesterday when

we were at the mall. He's stumbling ALOT more. He wears the support

stockings that go up his calf to aid in the swelling, and hand & wrist

supports. He keeps dropping his keys, utensils, cell phone, etc. Today he

cried and told me how sorry he was that he's putting us through all of

this. We saw the doctor last week and he's ordered another MRI for later

this week to see if anything shows up. His last MRI was in January and was

mostly inconclusive. Can anyone out there relate to what he is feeling? I

can't even begin to imagine what he's going through, all I know is that my

husband, lover, friend is hurting, and I feel completely powerless to help

him. Since he came home this morning, I've had a lump in my throat that

won't go away. Any input would be appreciated. And, again, thanks to all

of you for listening.