Guest guest Posted September 13, 2002 Report Share Posted September 13, 2002 There were two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, " Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat. " The guy with the Chihuahua says, " We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us. " The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, " Just follow my lead. " They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses and he starts to walk in. The bouncer at the door says, " Sorry, mac, no pets allowed. " The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, " You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye-dog. " The bouncer says, " A Doberman Pinscher? " He answers, " Yes, they're using them now; they're very good and protect me from robbers, too. " The man at the door says, " Come on in. " The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, " What the heck, " so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. Once again the bouncer says, " Sorry, pal, no pets allowed. " The guy with the Chihuahua says, " You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog. " The bouncer at the door says, " A Chihuahua? " The man with the Chihuahua says, " A Chihuahua?????? They gave me a Chihuahua?! " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 24, 2002 Report Share Posted September 24, 2002 >1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an >ambulance. > > >2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a >skating rink. > > >3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the >back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy >cigarettes at the front. > > > >4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, >and a diet coke. > > > >5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the >pens to the counters. > > > >6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the >driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. > > > >7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then >have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk >to in the first place. > > > >8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in >packages of eight. > > > >9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process >so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking >creatures'. > > > >10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille >lettering. > > > >EVER WONDER > > > >Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? > > > >Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? > > > >Why don't you ever see the headline " Psychic Wins Lottery " ? > > > >Why is " abbreviated " such a long word? > > > >Why is it that doctors call what they do " practice " ? > > > >Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on " Start " ? > > > >Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made >with real lemons? > > > >Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? > > > >Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? > > > >Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? > > > >When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? > > > >Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? > > > >Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? > > > >You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't >they make the whole plane out of that stuff? > > > >Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? > > > >Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? > > > >If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? > > > >If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? > > > >------------------ > > > >In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through >stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. > > > >On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only time I >have to work on my hair). > > > >On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.Details >inside. (the shoplifter special)? > > > >On a bar of Dial soap: " Directions: Use like regular soap. " (and that would >be how???....) > > > >On some Swanson frozen dinners: " Serving suggestion: Defrost. " (but, it's > " just " a suggestion). > > > >On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): " Do not turn upside down. " >(well...duh, a bit late, huh)! > > > >On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: " Product will be hot after heating. " (...and >you thought????...) > > > >On packaging for a Rowenta iron: " Do not iron clothes on body. " (but wouldn't >this save me more time)? > > > >On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: " Do not drive a car or operate machinery >after taking this medication. " (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of >construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds >off those forklifts.) > > > >On Nytol Sleep Aid: " Warning: May cause drowsiness. " (and...I'm taking this >because???....) > > > >On most brands of Christmas lights: " For indoor or outdoor use only. " (as >opposed to...what)? > > > >On a Japanese food processor: " Not to be used for the other use. " (now, >somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) > > > >On Sunsbury's peanuts: " Warning: contains nuts. " (talk about a news flash) > > > >On an American Airlines packet of nuts: " Instructions: Open packet, eat >nuts. " (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) > > > >On a child's superman costume: " Wearing of this garment does not enable you >to fly. " (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) > > > >On a Swedish chainsaw: " Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or >genitals. " (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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