Re: Re: Parted ways with another fat friend (to Robynn and Tamara)

[Guest guest]

Wow! I'm glad that you put this post out there, Pam, as I feel the same way as you. It's just that because I don't know Tamara or Francisco, I was afraid to say what it was that I honestly felt about both situations. Thanks for your honesty, Pam. And good luck to the both of you, Tamara and francisco.

Pam bPamela A Marsh wrote:

Okay, normally I would stay out of a conversation likethis and just keep my thoughts to myself. I can't letthis rest so here goes. Francisco and Tamara, I ammore than welcome to receive whatever it is you haveto say because after all, this is what this forum isabout and I did open the door...here goes...Francisco, this has truly been a turning point in yourlife. A journey like none other. I have seen youpost about losing friends, gaining new friends. Iread that your very last "fat" friend is about to beno longer a friend. Tamara, I read what you saidabout your sister and here is just my one cent on thismatter...strictly my opinion and by far it does notmean I am right or wrong but when we take our journeyand the changes happen, new windows open and we beginto see things that we never

noticed before because wejust never noticed or either we saw it and was tooafraid to grab hold to it. None of us (post ops orpre ops, obese or whatever title you wish to use) seethe same thing even when we are standing right next toone another looking through the same window. If Ihave someone and they are my real friend then we cancome to a compromise on anything. It is so mucheasier to walk away from a situation than it is tostay. Why must we lose our "friends" to establish wethis new person is. Why do we have to walk away because ultimately that is what happens. Our"friends" don't leave..we do. Francisco, you saidyour friend said that the last year was all about youand that you did not give back. Well, he/she iscorrect. It has been about you and nothing is wrongwith that. Giving back...you said that he wanted youto be his food police. I don't feel

there is anythingwrong with it if this person is your "friend". Itssupose to be 50/50 in any relationship but sometimesif we have to be the giver of 80/20 or 90/10 thensometimes that is what you do when you have value inthe relationship. I am not saying to kiss anyonebehind here. I am just saying I don't ever want tocome to a position where I am walking away from"friends" because I have evolved because you justnever know when you are going to need that person tolean on. Yes, people might feel jealous because whowouldn't be but it just means they are human anddesire exactly what you have...FREEDOM and HAPPINESS. So the next time someone is being needy...let usremember that we were and in most case still are NEEDYto. Everybody needs someone. I don't want to everforget that I was not a normal person at one time inmy life. I want to always remember so that I can besensitive

to that arena.Francisco, you are a very beautiful person who hasjust blossomed and are out there on the forefront forall to see. I am so happy that you have made thisjourney and I wish nothing but the best for you.Tamara, you are just beginning and I wish you well onyour journey. Love your sister and understand whereshe is coming from. You can neither replace her orafford to separate yourself from her. Love her forwho she is and for the things that you don'tlike...just remember that these are the things thatmakes your sister who she is tool. --- Francisco wrote:> Robynn:> > This is very well stated. I totally agree with you.> I'd find it > hard (although not impossible) to cut off a family> member.> > Friends, however, are slightly easier to cut out. > And I didn't do it >

lightly. I'm a very tolerant and forgiving person,> but Dr. Fisher > warned me that there would be people like this in my> life, so I've > followed his advice in limiting (or cutting off) my> contact with > negative saboteurs.> > Tamara:> > Best of luck deciding what to do and working this> through. > Unfortunately, this is one of those byproducts of> the process that we > all have to face.> > It's not easy, but as always, you are so worth the> effort.> > Best of luck to you, and be sure to let us know how> it goes.> > Francisco> > > > > > Hey everyone, especially you posties:> > > > > > Have you had anything like this happen?> > > > > > A now former friend (he is boardering on being> morbidly obese)and > > I > > > had another disagreement, and I've decided that> this is just the > > last > > > straw.> > > > > > After this little disagreement, I was sitting> here mulling it > > over. > > > He said that the last year has been all about> me, and that I > > haven't > > > given anything back to him. Oh boo hoo! That> is such needy > crap, > > > and I just don't agree.> >

> > > > And it just hit me. Bill was my last fat> friend. All of my fat > > > friends have turned their backs on me in some> sort of jealous > fit, > > > and I now live among the normal-weighted. What> the hell was I > > > supposed to give back? I think what he really> wanted was for me > to > > > FAIL, like he's failed over and over again. He> originally === message truncated ===__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Well Pam, like I stated, I normally don't respond to

anything that might see like it could be a debate

because we have opinions and someone does get hurt or

things are taken out of context. I admire Francisco

and I have enjoyed hearing about his journey. Simply

fabulous. I also know or read his post about the hurt

he has experienced and the changes. I think the

reason I posted what I did is because I am 6 months

post op. I am 26 pounds away from my goal. I am

feeling really good right now and a lot of people are

really noticing and complimenting me and now are

stressing that I should not lose anymore weight. Its

just a personal goal for me to reach that magic number

but if I did not lose anymore, I would be alright

here. My post was basically a reminder for me. I

don't want to get comfortable because of where I am.

I don't ever want to forget others that are struggling

the way I used to. I don't ever want to look back and

see that I have left some pretty important people

behind because I of where I am today.

I truly don't know the entire story that Francisco

posts about. I only go by what he types and in some

sense I really should not have commented because of

the fact that there are a lot of missing pieces that I

am not aware of.

Its okay to voice yourself on here but we have to know

that when you post something you have to be prepared

for how others will respond to you or about you. As

long as you got thick skin for the just in case type

of response then you are alright. You take from the

post what you can use and if the rest does nothing for

you then leave it.

Pam, don't be hurt of offended by what Francisco said.

He did not mean any harm about the " fat team " or " not

fat team " . If you know him then you will understand

it.

I hope that clears up some things. Take care and hang

in there.

Pam Marsh

--- Pamela florenceboss@...> wrote:

> Wow! I'm glad that you put this post out there, Pam,

> as I feel the same way as you. It's just that

> because I don't know Tamara or Francisco, I was

> afraid to say what it was that I honestly felt about

> both situations. Thanks for your honesty, Pam. And

> good luck to the both of you, Tamara and francisco.

>

> Pam b

>

> Pamela A Marsh sweetnlow20012001@...> wrote:

> Okay, normally I would stay out of a conversation

> like

> this and just keep my thoughts to myself. I can't

> let

> this rest so here goes. Francisco and Tamara, I am

> more than welcome to receive whatever it is you have

> to say because after all, this is what this forum is

> about and I did open the door...here goes...

>

> Francisco, this has truly been a turning point in

> your

> life. A journey like none other. I have seen you

> post about losing friends, gaining new friends. I

> read that your very last " fat " friend is about to be

> no longer a friend. Tamara, I read what you said

> about your sister and here is just my one cent on

> this

> matter...strictly my opinion and by far it does not

> mean I am right or wrong but when we take our

> journey

> and the changes happen, new windows open and we

> begin

> to see things that we never noticed before because

> we

> just never noticed or either we saw it and was too

> afraid to grab hold to it. None of us (post ops or

> pre ops, obese or whatever title you wish to use)

> see

> the same thing even when we are standing right next

> to

> one another looking through the same window. If I

> have someone and they are my real friend then we can

> come to a compromise on anything. It is so much

> easier to walk away from a situation than it is to

> stay. Why must we lose our " friends " to establish

> we

> this new person is. Why do we have to walk away

> because ultimately that is what happens. Our

> " friends " don't leave..we do. Francisco, you said

> your friend said that the last year was all about

> you

> and that you did not give back. Well, he/she is

> correct. It has been about you and nothing is wrong

> with that. Giving back...you said that he wanted

> you

> to be his food police. I don't feel there is

> anything

> wrong with it if this person is your " friend " . Its

> supose to be 50/50 in any relationship but sometimes

> if we have to be the giver of 80/20 or 90/10 then

> sometimes that is what you do when you have value in

> the relationship. I am not saying to kiss anyone

> behind here. I am just saying I don't ever want to

> come to a position where I am walking away from

> " friends " because I have evolved because you just

> never know when you are going to need that person to

> lean on. Yes, people might feel jealous because who

> wouldn't be but it just means they are human and

> desire exactly what you have...FREEDOM and

> HAPPINESS.

> So the next time someone is being needy...let us

> remember that we were and in most case still are

> NEEDY

> to. Everybody needs someone. I don't want to ever

> forget that I was not a normal person at one time in

> my life. I want to always remember so that I can be

> sensitive to that arena.

>

> Francisco, you are a very beautiful person who has

> just blossomed and are out there on the forefront

> for

> all to see. I am so happy that you have made this

> journey and I wish nothing but the best for you.

>

> Tamara, you are just beginning and I wish you well

> on

> your journey. Love your sister and understand where

> she is coming from. You can neither replace her or

> afford to separate yourself from her. Love her for

> who she is and for the things that you don't

> like...just remember that these are the things that

> makes your sister who she is tool.

>

>

>

>

> --- Francisco gemellodigiovanni@...> wrote:

>

> > Robynn:

> >

> > This is very well stated. I totally agree with

> you.

> > I'd find it

> > hard (although not impossible) to cut off a family

> > member.

> >

> > Friends, however, are slightly easier to cut out.

> > And I didn't do it

> > lightly. I'm a very tolerant and forgiving

> person,

> > but Dr. Fisher

> > warned me that there would be people like this in

> my

> > life, so I've

> > followed his advice in limiting (or cutting off)

> my

> > contact with

> > negative saboteurs.

> >

> > Tamara:

> >

> > Best of luck deciding what to do and working this

> > through.

> > Unfortunately, this is one of those byproducts of

> > the process that we

> > all have to face.

> >

> > It's not easy, but as always, you are so worth the

> > effort.

> >

> > Best of luck to you, and be sure to let us know

> how

> > it goes.

> >

> > Francisco

> >

> >

> >

> > > Tamara:

> > >

> > > I think that at least she's being honest with

> you,

> > and that's a

> > good thing. SHe's not doing subtle little crap

> that

> > is trying to

> > derail you. But, by the same token, you need to

> > establish your own

> > boundaries, like saying, " Look, I'm not sharing

> this

> > to depress

> > you...I'm sharing it because I'm happy and I want

> to

> > share the good

> > and bad things in my life. You are my sister...I

> > expect you to be as

> > happy for me as I have been for you. As for you

> > being

> > depressed...maybe you should just look at the fact

> > that I am trying

> > to save my own life...and that this option is not

> > entirely impossible

> > for you to choose, too, if you want to. So, it's

> > not like I won the

> > lottery...it's not like you can't also have this

> > surgery. SO...plese

> > support me and love me through this process which

> > isn't always easy

> > (I'm still struggling with the psychological

> factor

> > of not being able

> > to eat when I want to...) and know that I will

> > support you NO MATTER

> > WHAT decisions you make. "

> > >

> > > I don't know if just cutting people off is

> always

> > healthy. In

> > Francisco's case, this was just a friend, who

> > exhibited many many

> > negative behaviours that were entirely

> unsupportive.

> > SO, it made

> > sense for him to say , " See ya. " But with a

> sister,

> > especially one

> > who is being honest about her own feelings (she's

> > not saying you are

> > a bad person for being happy...she's just

> > acknowledging that she

> > feels personal dispair about her own situation), I

> > think you'd be

> > happier if you managed to talk things through. It

> > may take a while,

> > but you'll get there.

> > >

> > > My brother is morbidly obese. He just started a

>

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Pam.

Pam bPamela A Marsh wrote:

Well Pam, like I stated, I normally don't respond toanything that might see like it could be a debatebecause we have opinions and someone does get hurt orthings are taken out of context. I admire Franciscoand I have enjoyed hearing about his journey. Simplyfabulous. I also know or read his post about the hurthe has experienced and the changes. I think thereason I posted what I did is because I am 6 monthspost op. I am 26 pounds away from my goal. I amfeeling really good right now and a lot of people arereally noticing and complimenting me and now arestressing that I should not lose anymore weight. Itsjust a personal goal for me to reach that magic numberbut if I did not lose anymore, I would be alrighthere. My post was basically a reminder for me. Idon't want to get

comfortable because of where I am. I don't ever want to forget others that are strugglingthe way I used to. I don't ever want to look back andsee that I have left some pretty important peoplebehind because I of where I am today. I truly don't know the entire story that Franciscoposts about. I only go by what he types and in somesense I really should not have commented because ofthe fact that there are a lot of missing pieces that Iam not aware of.Its okay to voice yourself on here but we have to knowthat when you post something you have to be preparedfor how others will respond to you or about you. Aslong as you got thick skin for the just in case typeof response then you are alright. You take from thepost what you can use and if the rest does nothing foryou then leave it.Pam, don't be hurt of offended by what Francisco said.He did not mean any harm about the "fat team"

or "notfat team". If you know him then you will understandit.I hope that clears up some things. Take care and hangin there.Pam Marsh--- Pamela wrote:> Wow! I'm glad that you put this post out there, Pam,> as I feel the same way as you. It's just that> because I don't know Tamara or Francisco, I was> afraid to say what it was that I honestly felt about> both situations. Thanks for your honesty, Pam. And> good luck to the both of you, Tamara and francisco.> > Pam b> > Pamela A Marsh wrote:> Okay, normally I would stay out of a conversation> like> this and just keep my thoughts to myself. I can't> let> this rest so here goes. Francisco and Tamara, I am> more than welcome to receive whatever it is you have> to say because after all, this is what

this forum is> about and I did open the door...here goes...> > Francisco, this has truly been a turning point in> your> life. A journey like none other. I have seen you> post about losing friends, gaining new friends. I> read that your very last "fat" friend is about to be> no longer a friend. Tamara, I read what you said> about your sister and here is just my one cent on> this> matter...strictly my opinion and by far it does not> mean I am right or wrong but when we take our> journey> and the changes happen, new windows open and we> begin> to see things that we never noticed before because> we> just never noticed or either we saw it and was too> afraid to grab hold to it. None of us (post ops or> pre ops, obese or whatever title you wish to use)> see> the same thing even when we are standing right

next> to> one another looking through the same window. If I> have someone and they are my real friend then we can> come to a compromise on anything. It is so much> easier to walk away from a situation than it is to> stay. Why must we lose our "friends" to establish> we> this new person is. Why do we have to walk away > because ultimately that is what happens. Our> "friends" don't leave..we do. Francisco, you said> your friend said that the last year was all about> you> and that you did not give back. Well, he/she is> correct. It has been about you and nothing is wrong> with that. Giving back...you said that he wanted> you> to be his food police. I don't feel there is> anything> wrong with it if this person is your "friend". Its> supose to be 50/50 in any relationship but

sometimes> if we have to be the giver of 80/20 or 90/10 then> sometimes that is what you do when you have value in> the relationship. I am not saying to kiss anyone> behind here. I am just saying I don't ever want to> come to a position where I am walking away from> "friends" because I have evolved because you just> never know when you are going to need that person to> lean on. Yes, people might feel jealous because who> wouldn't be but it just means they are human and> desire exactly what you have...FREEDOM and> HAPPINESS. > So the next time someone is being needy...let us> remember that we were and in most case still are> NEEDY> to. Everybody needs someone. I don't want to ever> forget that I was not a normal person at one time in> my life. I want to always remember so that I can be> sensitive to that arena.>

> Francisco, you are a very beautiful person who has> just blossomed and are out there on the forefront> for> all to see. I am so happy that you have made this> journey and I wish nothing but the best for you.> > Tamara, you are just beginning and I wish you well> on> your journey. Love your sister and understand where> she is coming from. You can neither replace her or> afford to separate yourself from her. Love her for> who she is and for the things that you don't> like...just remember that these are the things that> makes your sister who she is tool. > > > > > --- Francisco wrote:> > > Robynn:> > > > This is very well stated. I totally agree with> you.> > I'd find it > > hard (although not impossible) to cut off a

family> > member.> > > > Friends, however, are slightly easier to cut out. > > And I didn't do it > > lightly. I'm a very tolerant and forgiving> person,> > but Dr. Fisher > > warned me that there would be people like this in> my> > life, so I've > > followed his advice in limiting (or cutting off)> my> > contact with > > negative saboteurs.> > > > Tamara:> > > > Best of luck deciding what to do and working this> > through. > > Unfortunately, this is one of those byproducts of> > the process that we > > all have to face.> > > > It's not easy, but as always, you are so worth the> > effort.> > > > Best of luck to you, and be sure to let us know> how> > it goes.> > > >

Francisco> > > > > > > > > Tamara:> > > > > > I think that at least she's being honest with> you,> > and that's a > > good thing. SHe's not doing subtle little crap> that> > is trying to > > derail you. But, by the same token, you need to> > establish your own > > boundaries, like saying, "Look, I'm not sharing> this> > to depress > > you...I'm sharing it because I'm happy and I want> to> > share the good > > and bad things in my life. You are my sister...I> > expect you to be as > > happy for me as I have been for you. As for you> > being > > depressed...maybe you

should just look at the fact> > that I am trying > > to save my own life...and that this option is not> > entirely impossible > > for you to choose, too, if you want to. So, it's> > not like I won the > > lottery...it's not like you can't also have this> > surgery. SO...plese > > support me and love me through this process which> > isn't always easy > > (I'm still struggling with the psychological> factor> > of not being able > > to eat when I want to...) and know that I will> > support you NO MATTER > > WHAT decisions you make."> > > > > > I don't know if just cutting people off is> always> > healthy. In > > Francisco's case, this was just a friend, who> > exhibited many many > > negative behaviours that were entirely>

unsupportive.> > SO, it made > > sense for him to say , "See ya." But with a> sister,> > especially one > > who is being honest about her own feelings (she's> > not saying you are > > a bad person for being happy...she's just> > acknowledging that she > > feels personal dispair about her own situation), I> > think you'd be > > happier if you managed to talk things through. It> > may take a while, > > but you'll get there.> > > > > > My brother is morbidly obese. He just started a> === message truncated ===__________________________________________________