Other major difficulties in your life?

August 11, 2005

First let me state the obvious: this group is awesome, maybe it should be made into one of the better reality shows, ;^P

Among the many things I am experiencing as I start on this road and continually evalute all of its turns...

Do any of you have any other ""issues/difficulties/whatever you want to call them", that are at least as big as the weight issue???

I guess I'd just like to find out how others manage this major "life juggling", especially when this GB demands a lot of attention and life changes.

This is a good day for reflection for me. I'm going to a memorial service for the 18 year old son of a co-worker and friend. He was recently killed in the park for what appears to be the fact that he wore the wrong color T-shirt.

dean

August 11, 2005

WOW Dean...please relay my sympathies and thoughts to the family and

friends!!

Things like this make you realize sometimes just how petty our

problems can seem in the big scheme of things.

As for big underlying problems, I can tell you that they dont go

away with the weight loss, if anything, they become more apparent

because they are no longer hidden in the fat and we can no longer

stifle the emotions with food. We must use the pre op 10% time and

the rapid honeymoon phase of losing in dealing with those problems

either through councelling or meeting them head on. We need to learn

how to deal with them with other strategies other than eating. We no

longer appear invisible, we are suddenly thrust into the limelight.

Some of us have never had to deal with attention from others, and go

a little crazy. We need to re learn adolescent socializing skills.

Just some thoughts

Huggles

> First let me state the obvious: this group is awesome, maybe it

should be made into one of the better reality shows, ;^P

>

> Among the many things I am experiencing as I start on this road

and continually evalute all of its turns...

> Do any of you have any other " " issues/difficulties/whatever you

want to call them " , that are at least as big as the weight issue???

>

> I guess I'd just like to find out how others manage this

major " life juggling " , especially when this GB demands a lot of

attention and life changes.

>

> This is a good day for reflection for me. I'm going to a memorial

service for the 18 year old son of a co-worker and friend. He was

recently killed in the park for what appears to be the fact that he

wore the wrong color T-shirt.

>

> dean

August 11, 2005

Wow Dean, I am sorry and please give my condolences to

the family.

On a separate note, I think said something very

important. I was always around130-145 prior to having

children (not very big at all) so for me, I am going

back to were I was (I am 26 pounds from my goal). I

do get a lot of attention. A lot of encouragement and

sometimes...some days it has been extremely hard. I

have to constantly remind myself of what I value the

most. I don't recall getting this much attention from

men the first time I was small. Who knows. All I

know is that I keep it real and pray for strength. So

many doors are open out there but I have to make the

choice to either walk past them or go through them. I

am thankful that I have had the courage and strength

to keep walking right on by.

I wish you luck with your journey and know that we are

here to support you. Take care!

Pam Marsh

--- Diane Duenas brendadiane64@...>

wrote:

> WOW Dean...please relay my sympathies and thoughts

> to the family and

> friends!!

>

> Things like this make you realize sometimes just how

> petty our

> problems can seem in the big scheme of things.

>

> As for big underlying problems, I can tell you that

> they dont go

> away with the weight loss, if anything, they become

> more apparent

> because they are no longer hidden in the fat and we

> can no longer

> stifle the emotions with food. We must use the pre

> op 10% time and

> the rapid honeymoon phase of losing in dealing with

> those problems

> either through councelling or meeting them head on.

> We need to learn

> how to deal with them with other strategies other

> than eating. We no

> longer appear invisible, we are suddenly thrust into

> the limelight.

> Some of us have never had to deal with attention

> from others, and go

> a little crazy. We need to re learn adolescent

> socializing skills.

>

> Just some thoughts

>

> Huggles

>

> > First let me state the obvious: this group is

> awesome, maybe it

> should be made into one of the better reality shows,

> ;^P

> >

> > Among the many things I am experiencing as I start

> on this road

> and continually evalute all of its turns...

> > Do any of you have any other

> " " issues/difficulties/whatever you

> want to call them " , that are at least as big as the

> weight issue???

> >

> > I guess I'd just like to find out how others

> manage this

> major " life juggling " , especially when this GB

> demands a lot of

> attention and life changes.

> >

> > This is a good day for reflection for me. I'm

> going to a memorial

> service for the 18 year old son of a co-worker and

> friend. He was

> recently killed in the park for what appears to be

> the fact that he

> wore the wrong color T-shirt.

> >

> > dean

>

____________________________________________________

Start your day with Yahoo! - make it your home page

http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

August 11, 2005

Miss Pam...

Well said, you've got the wisdom juices flowing today!

>mwah<

Azin

> > > First let me state the obvious: this group is

> > awesome, maybe it

> > should be made into one of the better reality shows,

> > ;^P

> > >

> > > Among the many things I am experiencing as I start

> > on this road

> > and continually evalute all of its turns...

> > > Do any of you have any other

> > " " issues/difficulties/whatever you

> > want to call them " , that are at least as big as the

> > weight issue???

> > >

> > > I guess I'd just like to find out how others

> > manage this

> > major " life juggling " , especially when this GB

> > demands a lot of

> > attention and life changes.

> > >

> > > This is a good day for reflection for me. I'm

> > going to a memorial

> > service for the 18 year old son of a co-worker and

> > friend. He was

> > recently killed in the park for what appears to be

> > the fact that he

> > wore the wrong color T-shirt.

> > >

> > > dean

> >

>

> ____________________________________________________

> Start your day with Yahoo! - make it your home page

> http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

August 11, 2005

Dean:

It's interesting you bring this up because I think it is a major part

of our process/journey.

I know that I had no idea of how I would fit into the world as a

normal weighted person. The isolation that I had imposed on myself

made me fearful. What if people didn't like me as a slim person?

Well, that would be a crushing defeat since I wouldn't be able to

blame it on my weight anymore. How will I deal with sexual

attention? What will people say to me at work? at home?

Just remember that you have to take it one day at a time. I know

that it's a cliche, but it's true. And remember that as long as you

focus on what's right for you, you'll be OK. You must make an

ironclad agreement with yourself never to give up on you.

Any problem that exists before surgery will still be there. Getting

down to normal weight does not suddenly make life perfect. People

will still be rude while driving their cars, sometimes we will get a

flat tire, and the buttered bread will fall face down (but you're not

supposed to be eating buttered bread anyway so count that one out...

he he he).

Anyway, the difference is you. You will work hard to make yourself

successful, and when you need help, you must, must, must reach out

for help. We've all got Mama Kaiser to help us out when we ask.

We've all got this great support group.

Everything in your life will change. My changes so far: all

comorbidities gone, my clothes fit for months at a time (now at goal

weight for 9 months all my small clothes still fit!!), I can run 15

miles if I want to, I run at least 9 miles a week, I go dancing at

least once a week, I have no time for TV because my life is so full

with activities and people who enrich my life, I can fit in any seat

in any restaurant, I can ride amusement park rides. My 11 year long-

term relationship ended. I am now seen as " smart " at work. I don't

tolerate negative people. I actively seek out every spark of

positivity and inspiration I can find and absorb--sunsets, moonbeams,

ocean breezes, the purr of my kitty. There are seven guys (with a

few more waiting in the wings) that I'm currently dating; how the

hell is it that I'm attractive enough to get that kind of attention?

For the first time in my life, I had the nickname (from one of the

guys I am dating) " handsome guy. " I could go on and on because every

tiny way that I operate in the world is different.

The thing that has really changed is that I love myself. And it's

not because I'm attractive or normal weighted. I actually decided to

start loving myself before I lost the weight because I discovered

that that was the only way I was going to succeed. I loved the

weight off. I love the inside person I've let come out for the first

time in my life. I am a total reflection of who I've always been

inside.

So, Dean, get ready for the most important and life-altering time in

your life. It's not all roses and daisies. There are many

challenges, difficult choices and painful experiences. But it is all

so worth it. By giving yourself the love that you've deserved all

along, you will find that you have strength to accomplish things you

never thought possible.

I am so grateful for this gift. My deepest desire came true. God

heard my cries and took away my pain. But it only happened when I

was ready for it. And it only happened because I believed it would.

And I turned that belief into positive action to get the job done.

As Dr. Phil has said, " You absolutely generate in your life the

outcomes that you feel you deserve. And if you don't believe that

you deserve the good things that come along in your life, you will

sabotage yourself at every turn. " So be your best friend, your

stongest ally, your most upbeat cheerleader.

Each and everyone of us has the potential to have miracles happen in

our lives. There are so many here who are proof of that potential.

We are walking, living, breathing miracles.

Best of luck to you,

Francisco

> First let me state the obvious: this group is awesome, maybe it

should be made into one of the better reality shows, ;^P

>

> Among the many things I am experiencing as I start on this road and

continually evalute all of its turns...

> Do any of you have any other " " issues/difficulties/whatever you

want to call them " , that are at least as big as the weight issue???

>

> I guess I'd just like to find out how others manage this

major " life juggling " , especially when this GB demands a lot of

attention and life changes.

>

> This is a good day for reflection for me. I'm going to a memorial

service for the 18 year old son of a co-worker and friend. He was

recently killed in the park for what appears to be the fact that he

wore the wrong color T-shirt.

>

> dean

August 11, 2005

Dean:

I think what you are asking is how to you maintain focus on yourself, your weight loss, your health...when you have lots of wolves howling at the doors? It's not easy to put ourselves first. Not at all.

For me, I do have other difficulties in my life: my marriage broke up about 17 months ago, but I am still friends with him, and he wants to be with me...and I don't feel the same. Dealing with the idea of breaking the heart of someone I care about so much is very very tough.

While I was losing the pre-surgery weight, I was also dealing with somebody who I had fallen deeply in love with while we were both married to others. His life was full of a lot of overwhelming trials (none of them were his fault, save the demise of his bad marriage), and I wanted to stick by him...but those trials wound up destroying him, and I had to watch helplessly as he slipped away, more and more...deeper into his shell. I also had to deal with the guilt and pain of being in love with somebody else for three years when I had made a vow to love and honor somebody else. This was a horrifically painful trial for me...and moving out was terribly difficult. The man I loved and I never had a full-fledged affair while we were married, but we were too intimate, and it was inappropriate, and it wreaked havoc.

He came to see me in March (I had the surgery in June), and in the month following, we both realized it wasn't going to work...after four and a half years invested. I had seen this coming for a long time...but it was unbelievably painful to finally confront reality.

And then, rather than turning back to my husband (which a large part of me hoped I could/would do), I met somebody else...fell madly in love (to my shock and surprise), and now I am dealing with a very long distance romance (he lives in France), contemplating him moving here...thinking about sleeping with a new lover post-surgery...worrying about my body and skin tone...wondering how painful this is going to be for my ex-husband...and floating on air, all at the same time.

To further complicate matters, Olivier (the other man, who I recently let go of) found out about the new guy, and is now trying to fight for me...but coming out here in September, the month before will be here. I hope that I am emotionally prepared to handle that...to handle the possibility that he may say all of the words that I longed to hear for such a long time. But, in my heart of hears, I know that Olivier is very very damaged, and will never be able to give enough. And that, well that...is heartbreaking. See, if things had worked out with Olivier, I could have somehow mentally justified breaking up with my husband. You know...like Olivier was my destiny, and I jsut couldn't fight fate. (Is my destiny? Was Olivier the path to ...quite possibly.)

On top of that, my dear brother in law, who I adore, has cancer. Olivier's mother has cancer. One of my dearest friends died unexpectedly from colon cancer just a few days before my surgery. was like a brother to me, and we'd known each other since the 3rd grade. I went to the funeral two days before the surgery. The day before the surgery, my other closest friend had to terminate a pregnancy that she and her husband had been longing for for years due to severe severe genetic deformity. I took her there the day before. It was very emotional and difficult.

In the past year, I lost my beloved grandfather, who was more of a father figure to me than anything.

I also have a very stressful, highly demanding job...and trying to figure out how in the heck I was going to be able to leave for a few weeks...well. That was tough.

Now, I'm very tired and having a hard time adjusting to the workload demand that hasn't diminished at all for me during my recovery.

My father is on the edge of homelessness, and I've been having to scrape up enough money to pay his rent...even though I am overwhelmed with debt because I felt so guilty when I left that I took nothing except for all of the credit card debt...and then I had to rack up more to buy furniture, etc...

I am the Secretary/Treasurer of an organization I started (Association for the Preservation of Afghan Archeology), and the organization is exploding right now...and I'm trying to find the time/energy to stay on top of it all.

My new love, even though he is conveniently located 6,000 miles a day, requires a lot of attention (as do I.) So, we talk for a couple of hours every day...even more on weekends...and my head is frequently off with him.

Plus, I have zillions of good friends who have birthdays and festivities that they want me to participate in. I go to the gym four to five times a week. I work approximately 12 hours every day...and I have about a 30 minute commute.

So...it is tough to be organized enough to have lost the initial weight...and to continue to put myself first (enough) to make sure that I eat, drink, take vitamins, exercise and sleep.

But...it can be done.

My mantra for today: If I am not an advocate for my own health and my body, who else will be?

I am the only one who can set down boundaries when it comes to the demands that are placed upon me. I am the only one who can say, "NO, I just cannot do that." I am the only one who can put me first.

And that, my friend, is the struggle of the ages. Do I feel sad that I can't eat chocolate bars? Nope. NOt an issue for me (yet, anyway). THe issue is taking time, admitting I'm tired, getting enough sleep, and saying, "You know what? I need a little time for myself right now."

Again...it can be done. But, it's a struggle. When I finally kicked myself in my own rear end to lose those final lbs. (because I waffled for months), I had to really prioritize it. ANd the rest be damned.

Does that answer your question? Or did I just go off on a rant?

RobynnDean wrote:

First let me state the obvious: this group is awesome, maybe it should be made into one of the better reality shows, ;^P

Among the many things I am experiencing as I start on this road and continually evalute all of its turns...

Do any of you have any other ""issues/difficulties/whatever you want to call them", that are at least as big as the weight issue???

I guess I'd just like to find out how others manage this major "life juggling", especially when this GB demands a lot of attention and life changes.

This is a good day for reflection for me. I'm going to a memorial service for the 18 year old son of a co-worker and friend. He was recently killed in the park for what appears to be the fact that he wore the wrong color T-shirt.

dean

August 11, 2005

Robynn, it's amazing how supportive you are to everyone, after all the struggles you've been through, and contimue to endure. It's a wonder you have time for the group, let alone sleep. My hat's off to you... your multi-tasking abilities are obviously superb. I hope everything works out for the best for you.

Ron

Re: Other major difficulties in your life?