Re: Parted ways with another fat friend (to Robynn and Tamara)

[Guest guest]

-Pam: I appreciate your comments on this, and sincerely hope that

nothing I said was offensive and/or hurtful to you or anyone else

here. While giving up my sister or anyone in my life is the very

last thing that I would ever want to do, I also know that carrying an

emotional anchor around your neck is unhealthy for you and the

anchor. I am not giving up on our reltainship, because I do love my

sister. I am just wary of continually being the 80 percent in our

50/50 raltaionship. Please aagina accept my apologies if you were

offended, and thanks for your well wishes. Love Tamara

-- In gastric-bypass-support-kaiser-patients , Pamela

A Marsh wrote:

> Okay, normally I would stay out of a conversation like

> this and just keep my thoughts to myself. I can't let

> this rest so here goes. Francisco and Tamara, I am

> more than welcome to receive whatever it is you have

> to say because after all, this is what this forum is

> about and I did open the door...here goes...

>

> Francisco, this has truly been a turning point in your

> life. A journey like none other. I have seen you

> post about losing friends, gaining new friends. I

> read that your very last " fat " friend is about to be

> no longer a friend. Tamara, I read what you said

> about your sister and here is just my one cent on this

> matter...strictly my opinion and by far it does not

> mean I am right or wrong but when we take our journey

> and the changes happen, new windows open and we begin

> to see things that we never noticed before because we

> just never noticed or either we saw it and was too

> afraid to grab hold to it. None of us (post ops or

> pre ops, obese or whatever title you wish to use) see

> the same thing even when we are standing right next to

> one another looking through the same window. If I

> have someone and they are my real friend then we can

> come to a compromise on anything. It is so much

> easier to walk away from a situation than it is to

> stay. Why must we lose our " friends " to establish we

> this new person is. Why do we have to walk away

> because ultimately that is what happens. Our

> " friends " don't leave..we do. Francisco, you said

> your friend said that the last year was all about you

> and that you did not give back. Well, he/she is

> correct. It has been about you and nothing is wrong

> with that. Giving back...you said that he wanted you

> to be his food police. I don't feel there is anything

> wrong with it if this person is your " friend " . Its

> supose to be 50/50 in any relationship but sometimes

> if we have to be the giver of 80/20 or 90/10 then

> sometimes that is what you do when you have value in

> the relationship. I am not saying to kiss anyone

> behind here. I am just saying I don't ever want to

> come to a position where I am walking away from

> " friends " because I have evolved because you just

> never know when you are going to need that person to

> lean on. Yes, people might feel jealous because who

> wouldn't be but it just means they are human and

> desire exactly what you have...FREEDOM and HAPPINESS.

> So the next time someone is being needy...let us

> remember that we were and in most case still are NEEDY

> to. Everybody needs someone. I don't want to ever

> forget that I was not a normal person at one time in

> my life. I want to always remember so that I can be

> sensitive to that arena.

>

> Francisco, you are a very beautiful person who has

> just blossomed and are out there on the forefront for

> all to see. I am so happy that you have made this

> journey and I wish nothing but the best for you.

>

> Tamara, you are just beginning and I wish you well on

> your journey. Love your sister and understand where

> she is coming from. You can neither replace her or

> afford to separate yourself from her. Love her for

> who she is and for the things that you don't

> like...just remember that these are the things that

> makes your sister who she is tool.

>

>

>

>

> --- Francisco wrote:

>

> > Robynn:

> >

> > This is very well stated. I totally agree with you.

> > I'd find it

> > hard (although not impossible) to cut off a family

> > member.

> >

> > Friends, however, are slightly easier to cut out.

> > And I didn't do it

> > lightly. I'm a very tolerant and forgiving person,

> > but Dr. Fisher

> > warned me that there would be people like this in my

> > life, so I've

> > followed his advice in limiting (or cutting off) my

> > contact with

> > negative saboteurs.

> >

> > Tamara:

> >

> > Best of luck deciding what to do and working this

> > through.

> > Unfortunately, this is one of those byproducts of

> > the process that we

> > all have to face.

> >

> > It's not easy, but as always, you are so worth the

> > effort.

> >

> > Best of luck to you, and be sure to let us know how

> > it goes.

> >

> > Francisco

> >

> >

> >

> > > > Hey everyone, especially you posties:

> > > >

> > > > Have you had anything like this happen?

> > > >

> > > > A now former friend (he is boardering on being

> > morbidly obese)and

> > > I

> > > > had another disagreement, and I've decided that

> > this is just the

> > > last

> > > > straw.

> > > >

> > > > After this little disagreement, I was sitting

> > here mulling it

> > > over.

> > > > He said that the last year has been all about

> > me, and that I

> > > haven't

> > > > given anything back to him. Oh boo hoo! That

> > is such needy

> > crap,

> > > > and I just don't agree.

> > > >

> > > > And it just hit me. Bill was my last fat

> > friend. All of my fat

> > > > friends have turned their backs on me in some

> > sort of jealous

> > fit,

> > > > and I now live among the normal-weighted. What

> > the hell was I

> > > > supposed to give back? I think what he really

> > wanted was for me

> > to

> > > > FAIL, like he's failed over and over again. He

> > originally

> === message truncated ===

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>