Re: Re: Parted ways with another fat friend (to Tamara from Pam :>))

[Guest guest]

Oh No Tamara, I am not offended not at all. Please

don't think so. I was worried about offending you

(lol). Isn't this a trip. I do understand everything

that you are saying and have said. If you want to

know the truth about things and why I view things the

way I do, its basically I used to NEVER care if what I

did or said hurt or offended people. I would just cut

a person to the quick and not even care. One day, I

became a victim of my own abuse (what I had been

dishing out). I this thing hurt me so very badly and

I just vowed that I would really step back and be

aware of what I do to others. I just think most of

the time...well all the time, I can get carried away

with worry that I can overdue it just a tad bit. So

we are cool. No worries. I am just glad that you put

your thoughts out here and that you found support and

sound advice. I run on emotion to much to reallybe of

help to anyone (smile). Its okay I guess because I

know people like Robynn, Francisco and will be

here to get people in the right direction.

So, now that we are back to normal, its going to be

alright. Hang in there.

Pam Marsh

--- Tamara tamarakeller1@...> wrote:

> -Pam: I appreciate your comments on this, and

> sincerely hope that

> nothing I said was offensive and/or hurtful to you

> or anyone else

> here. While giving up my sister or anyone in my

> life is the very

> last thing that I would ever want to do, I also know

> that carrying an

> emotional anchor around your neck is unhealthy for

> you and the

> anchor. I am not giving up on our reltainship,

> because I do love my

> sister. I am just wary of continually being the 80

> percent in our

> 50/50 raltaionship. Please aagina accept my

> apologies if you were

> offended, and thanks for your well wishes. Love

> Tamara

>

> -- In

>

gastric-bypass-support-kaiser-patients ,

> Pamela

> A Marsh wrote:

> > Okay, normally I would stay out of a conversation

> like

> > this and just keep my thoughts to myself. I can't

> let

> > this rest so here goes. Francisco and Tamara, I

> am

> > more than welcome to receive whatever it is you

> have

> > to say because after all, this is what this forum

> is

> > about and I did open the door...here goes...

> >

> > Francisco, this has truly been a turning point in

> your

> > life. A journey like none other. I have seen you

> > post about losing friends, gaining new friends. I

> > read that your very last " fat " friend is about to

> be

> > no longer a friend. Tamara, I read what you said

> > about your sister and here is just my one cent on

> this

> > matter...strictly my opinion and by far it does

> not

> > mean I am right or wrong but when we take our

> journey

> > and the changes happen, new windows open and we

> begin

> > to see things that we never noticed before because

> we

> > just never noticed or either we saw it and was too

> > afraid to grab hold to it. None of us (post ops

> or

> > pre ops, obese or whatever title you wish to use)

> see

> > the same thing even when we are standing right

> next to

> > one another looking through the same window. If I

> > have someone and they are my real friend then we

> can

> > come to a compromise on anything. It is so much

> > easier to walk away from a situation than it is to

> > stay. Why must we lose our " friends " to establish

> we

> > this new person is. Why do we have to walk away

> > because ultimately that is what happens. Our

> > " friends " don't leave..we do. Francisco, you said

> > your friend said that the last year was all about

> you

> > and that you did not give back. Well, he/she is

> > correct. It has been about you and nothing is

> wrong

> > with that. Giving back...you said that he wanted

> you

> > to be his food police. I don't feel there is

> anything

> > wrong with it if this person is your " friend " .

> Its

> > supose to be 50/50 in any relationship but

> sometimes

> > if we have to be the giver of 80/20 or 90/10 then

> > sometimes that is what you do when you have value

> in

> > the relationship. I am not saying to kiss anyone

> > behind here. I am just saying I don't ever want

> to

> > come to a position where I am walking away from

> > " friends " because I have evolved because you just

> > never know when you are going to need that person

> to

> > lean on. Yes, people might feel jealous because

> who

> > wouldn't be but it just means they are human and

> > desire exactly what you have...FREEDOM and

> HAPPINESS.

> > So the next time someone is being needy...let us

> > remember that we were and in most case still are

> NEEDY

> > to. Everybody needs someone. I don't want to

> ever

> > forget that I was not a normal person at one time

> in

> > my life. I want to always remember so that I can

> be

> > sensitive to that arena.

> >

> > Francisco, you are a very beautiful person who has

> > just blossomed and are out there on the forefront

> for

> > all to see. I am so happy that you have made this

> > journey and I wish nothing but the best for you.

> >

> > Tamara, you are just beginning and I wish you well

> on

> > your journey. Love your sister and understand

> where

> > she is coming from. You can neither replace her

> or

> > afford to separate yourself from her. Love her

> for

> > who she is and for the things that you don't

> > like...just remember that these are the things

> that

> > makes your sister who she is tool.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > --- Francisco wrote:

> >

> > > Robynn:

> > >

> > > This is very well stated. I totally agree with

> you.

> > > I'd find it

> > > hard (although not impossible) to cut off a

> family

> > > member.

> > >

> > > Friends, however, are slightly easier to cut

> out.

> > > And I didn't do it

> > > lightly. I'm a very tolerant and forgiving

> person,

> > > but Dr. Fisher

> > > warned me that there would be people like this

> in my

> > > life, so I've

> > > followed his advice in limiting (or cutting off)

> my

> > > contact with

> > > negative saboteurs.

> > >

> > > Tamara:

> > >

> > > Best of luck deciding what to do and working

> this

> > > through.

> > > Unfortunately, this is one of those byproducts

> of

> > > the process that we

> > > all have to face.

> > >

> > > It's not easy, but as always, you are so worth

> the

> > > effort.

> > >

> > > Best of luck to you, and be sure to let us know

> how

> > > it goes.

> > >

> > > Francisco

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > > Tamara:

> > > >

> > > > I think that at least she's being honest with

> you,

> > > and that's a

> > > good thing. SHe's not doing subtle little crap

> that

> > > is trying to

> > > derail you. But, by the same token, you need to

> > > establish your own

> > > boundaries, like saying, " Look, I'm not sharing

> this

> > > to depress

> > > you...I'm sharing it because I'm happy and I

> want to

> > > share the good

> > > and bad things in my life. You are my

> sister...I

> > > expect you to be as

>

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