Re: OT: My Mom's Quit Eating

[Guest guest]

It will be surprising if Mom lives out the week.

This journey is one we cannot help her with. She must take it herself. But it is a journey to a land free from pain... one which we must not hinder her from taking -- not because we do not love her, but because we love her too much to force her to

stay.

Marilyn, my heart goes out to you in this most difficult of

times. It sounds like you have good Hospice nurses and I am so

glad. My SIL said they were invaluable to her. It's true that your

Mom must make this last journey by herself but I think the family can

help her by continuing to surround her with your love. It's all we

can do for them. I know we are all praying for you and your family. I've

been where you are now and it's so hard; all we can do is let our

loved one go to a better place when it's time.

Take care,

[Guest guest]

Dear Marilyn,

Reading your mail brings tears to my eyes. I am praying along with the whole group for peace and strength for everyone in your family at this difficult moment.

What a great daughter you are Marilyn, I have no words to write praising how much you have done .......

I get the very inspiration from you to be able to do sth for my parents before it is too late .

Words I know are poor comforters, but I know that you know that the whole group is with you to share the sorrows.

Sandhya.

Subject: Re: OT: My Mom's Quit EatingTo: BTVC-SCD Date: Saturday, October 24, 2009, 3:36 PM

At 01:57 PM 10/24/2009, you wrote:

With my Mom, I thought of it as an honor guard, there to honor her life, and insure she was not alone as it ebbed away. It is so hard though.Thanks to everyone. I just spoke to the hospice nurse -- my sister's scheduled to go back to Utah tomorrow, and is debating staying on.She said that the length of time a person survives without food depends on how much fat they have -- which on Mom is very little. It can, however, be up to 30 days.Mom keeps saying, over and over that she wants to go home.... even though she is at home. I find myself wondering if she's wanting her heavenly home. I'm doing what I can: making sure that Dad has good meals, and everything. We're having Mexican tonight: I'm doing souffle bread tortillas (Harry just had to go get me some more parchment -- have you ever noticed that your tools / ingredients always go wonky when you need

them the most?) and guacamole and egg nog frozen yogurt (in lieu of a flan with caramel sauce). My sister's doing her infamous taco and enchilada mixes, and my nieces is doing her almost-legal chicken taco mixture. (It's almost-legal because she uses a Penzey's spice mix in it instead of individual ingredients. We'll see how I do with it. <wry grin>Tuesday night, it was roasted chicken and asparagus. Wednesday, pork spare ribs marinated in honey and olive oil, with a Caesar salad. Thursday, blackened catfish and green beans with remoulade sauce. Yesterday, cheeseburgers with salad.

— Marilyn New Orleans, Louisiana, USA Undiagnosed IBS since 1976, SCD since 2001 Darn Good SCD Cook No Human Children Shadow & Sunny Longhair Dachshund

[Guest guest]

I agree -it's so hard, we all surrounded mom physically and actually told her

it's ok to go - as she was such an awesome mom and was still SO worried about

the 5 of us and my dad as she was dying - so we promised to take care of each

other and dad and gave her " permission " to go and she did - sometimes they need

that - hang in there..prayers are with you and your family

Eileen

>

>

> It will be surprising if Mom lives out the week.

> This journey is one we cannot help her with. She

> must take it herself. But it is a journey to a

> land free from pain... one which we must not

> hinder her from taking -- not because we do not

> love her, but because we love her too much to force her to stay.

>

> Marilyn, my heart goes out to you in this most difficult of

> times. It sounds like you have good Hospice nurses and I am so glad.

> My SIL said they were invaluable to her. It's true that your Mom

> must make this last journey by herself but I think the family can

> help her by continuing to surround her with your love. It's all we

> can do for them. I know we are all praying for you and your family.

> I've been where you are now and it's so hard; all we can do is let

> our loved one go to a better place when it's time.

>

> Take care,

>

>

[Guest guest]

At 03:05 AM 10/27/2009, you wrote:

Words I know are poor

comforters, but I know that you know that the whole group is with you to

share the sorrows.

All good thoughts and wishes are welcome.

I was just over to see Mom this morning, and read to her, some of her

favorite Psalms, and one of my own favorites, the book of Ruth. She's not

really responding to much of anything.

My Dad's the one who is in pain now -- he keeps thinking of all the

things he MIGHT have done that would have made this outcome easier.

I told Dad that I had ordered the turkeys for Thanksgiving and Christmas,

and he sighed, and said the was afraid Mom wouldn't be with us for it. I

told him, no, she wouldn't, but we'd have all her favorite dishes, and

remember the years she was with us.

—

Marilyn

New

Orleans, Louisiana, USA

Undiagnosed IBS since 1976, SCD since 2001

Darn Good SCD Cook

No Human Children

Shadow & Sunny Longhair Dachshund

[Guest guest]

I was just over to see Mom this morning, and read

to her, some of her favorite Psalms, and one of

my own favorites, the book of Ruth. She's not

really responding to much of anything.

My Dad's the one who is in pain now -- he keeps

thinking of all the things he MIGHT have done

that would have made this outcome easier.

I told Dad that I had ordered the turkeys for

Thanksgiving and Christmas, and he sighed, and

said the was afraid Mom wouldn't be with us for

it. I told him, no, she wouldn't, but we'd have

all her favorite dishes, and remember the years she was with us.

Mom may not seem to be responding but I am positive she knows you are

there and may even have known you were reading her favorites to

her. My FIL had a brain stem stroke and never regained

consciousness, about as bad as " unresponsive " can get, but the nurses

told us that they do know we are with them, and they hear us even if

they seem unresponsive. It's probably true that Dad is in more pain

now as he contemplates the future. I think it was a very good idea to

tell him you'd ordered the turkeys. He probably sees the future as a

great void without Mom, but you've just added some normal structure

to things and reminded him that life will go on, and you will be

remembering Mom at those times, too.

I lost a cousin several years ago. Her young grandchildren were

asking her widower about why she was gone and saying they wanted to

talk to Grandma! He explained to them that Grandma had gone to

heaven, and so forth. And one of the little ones listened carefully

and then said, " So Grandma is gone to Heaven but we can talk to her

in our hearts? " I think it's important for adults to remember this,

too. I lost my mother in 2000 and I don't think there is a day there

isn't something I don't wish I could tell her. So I tell her anyhow.

[Guest guest]

That's exactly what my aunt did with her mom. They had been practically force

feeding her for a couple years before things got really bad. At one point, my

aunt told her mom that her late husband had been waiting for her for a long

time, and that it was okay to go to him. Her mom passed away that day.

Holly

Crohn's

SCD 12/01/08

>

> I agree -it's so hard, we all surrounded mom physically and actually told her

it's ok to go - as she was such an awesome mom and was still SO worried about

the 5 of us and my dad as she was dying - so we promised to take care of each

other and dad and gave her " permission " to go and she did - sometimes they need

that - hang in there..prayers are with you and your family

> Eileen

>