for your reading enjoyment

[Guest guest]

You Know When You've Had WLS When.....

*I have a date " does not mean your going out.

*You have baby food in the house and no baby.

* " I'm a loser " is a good thing.

* All of your silverware says Gerber.

* A wooden spoon isn't just for cooking.

* " Welcome to the other side " doesn't include death.

* New clothes fall off in a week.

* You get excited about hand me downs.

* The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says " one at a time please " .

* Going bald and getting wrinkles is a good thing.

* " Just water for me please " .

* Hitting the " Century Mark " is actually a good thing.

* You can be touched by an angel and still not be considered crazy.

* When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide.

* When you get excited that your incision was " only 6 inches " .

* When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club.

* Other women are calling you " bitch " behind your back.

* When you are glared at in the plus size department because you

don't " belong there " .

* When you really don't have a thing to wear.

* You have to prove you are the person on the drivers license.

* You start being in the pictures not behind the camera.

* You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeons card.

* You are never parted from a bottle of water

* When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal.

* Being too small for your britches.

* When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll

them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail

holder.

* When you go pick up your child at school and all the other kids say

WOW you're mom is hot.

* When you got to the mall a take the first available space instead

of circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door.

* You truly are a " cheap date " .

* When one drink makes you flipping floozy!

* When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound.

* You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar.

* Vitamins feel like a meal.

* You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast

reduction.

* You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who

asks " did you change your hair? "

* You can cross your legs... both of them

* Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra

* When your obsession from food turns to your scale.

* They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from

a turnstile.

* No more velcro shoes

* Tongs are no longer to fry chicken.

* " Checking for leaks " no longer includes your panties

* When your stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine

washables

* Your mother says " You don't eat enough "

* When your doctor looks you in the eye and says " I know you will

have sucess with this. "

* Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking

him.

* You can wear corderoy pants without igniting a fire

* When you wave and your upper arms wave back

* You safety pin your underwear

* Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some

skinny mistress

* Cannot blame the cat for shedding

* Cancel your Lane Credit Card

* 3 Lean Cuisines a week and thats your total grocery purchase

* The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god..did he

die???