Weight Insults

[Guest guest]

Oh , you have my sympathy in spades, I am getting the same exact treatment from some list members in my mail box over the Deb issue. It is SO HARD not to respond in kind. But all it really does is reduce you to their level and leave you feeling even worse. But, sometimes, one is just too tired to resist the urge to yell back. Here, have some Kleenex. let's both have a good cry.

Nan E.

[Guest guest]

Hello Everyone:

I could use some advice as to how to handle weight insults. I've been

heavy most of my life, and it's getting to the point where I may have to

have surgery to help correct this problem (RNY, or VBG - but I would prefer

to have the Duodenal Switch). Something happened to me today that made me

feel horrible about myself.

I was riding the bus home after work, when I was forced to sit in the back

because the front of the bus was too crowded. Unfortunately for me, I was

seated near some rowdy teenagers, one of which said (just as I was sitting

down) something about " she will fill the seat " - or something to that

affect. Being as assertive as I could be, I turned around and asked if

they had a problem with me. I guess that was the wrong question, because

it led to a shouting match between me & them. There were three teens

altogether - two boys and a girl, aged around 15 or so. The girl was more

outspoken and obnoxious than the other two.

They claimed they weren't talking about me, but I believe they were lying.

I've been around these insults long enough to know they were referring to

me. I wasn't born yesterday, nor am I being paranoid.

The driver told me to not use the language I was using at the time. I told

him that these kids provoked this exchange, and if anyone should be

disciplined, it should have been the teenagers because they started it. I

admit that my choice of words could have been better, but I was worn out,

had a very long day at work, and just wasn't up to enduring the torment. I

was simply trying to stand up for myself. The bus driver made me look like

the villain, even though those teenagers caused this exchange.

To make matters worse, those kids got off at the same bus stop as I. The

shouting match started up again, and the girl was especially obnoxious and

claimed that since she wasn't on the bus any longer, that she could say

whatever she wanted.

I screamed at them to get away from me & leave me the **&$# alone.

Eventually they did just that, but by the time this whole thing was over, I

was quite shaken. An older man was walking nearby, and he was kind enough

to offer to let me into his home to call the police. I declined because I

was only about 1/4 block from my apartment.

I cried my eyes out after I got inside. How can people be so cruel? And

why do teenagers especially have to be so insulting? I just don't

understand them.

I could use anyone's advice on how to cope with what happened. I feel so

bad about myself I could scream. Thanks for listening.

[Guest guest]

;

I'm so sorry you had to bear the brunt of those unruly and

insensitive teens.

I ride the bus myself and used to be petrified about what others

might say. I'm not sure if my own home-spun wisdom would

have worked on them but it one anticipates problems before they

arise, it is sometimes possible to not even engage that anger.

Once anger is let loose, it's like fire; it feeds off itself.

In a situation such as yours, I would have taken a deep calming

breadth as I looked her in the eye and said, " Yes, I probably will "

to her statement about 'probably taking up the whole seat'.

After I acknowledge how inproportionate in size I am, I again look

the other in the eye and say (with a twinkle in my own eye), " If you

sit next to me, at least you don't have to worry about falling out of

the seat. I'm like an automatic seat belt "

In 100% of the cases I've said this, young or old, well dressed or

common, the other individual has always said something to the

effect, " Oh, you're fine! " . Sometimes they will laugh as well.

After the ice has been broken [so to speak], I try to engage the

other in a topic that intersts them. One time when I was in the

back of the bus with a bunch of rude teens, I asked one what she

was listening to on her headset. She asked wide-eyed if I could

hear her mucic. {It was BLARING} I told her I could almost hear it

and it sounded like something I would like. We then started

talking about the Blues.

The idea is to get them to focus more on themselves than on

me. I don't know if this will help you, but I hope it does.

We ALL know that we are excessively fat. Only a blind person will

fail to notice. Even people who are too polite to say something,

notice. But we also know that some [mostly young] people can

be trouble makers.

Being forwarned can mean being forarmed. When they are rude,

they are reaching out to you in a mean and nasty way. Try

reaching out to them first in a pleasant way, Be versatile enough

to be funny [or a bit self-effacing] if that's what it takes.

Best of luck

gobo

> Hello Everyone:

>

> I could use some advice as to how to handle weight insults.

I've been

> heavy most of my life, and it's getting to the point where I may

have to

> have surgery to help correct this problem (RNY, or VBG - but I

would prefer

> to have the Duodenal Switch). Something happened to me

today that made me

> feel horrible about myself.

>

> I was riding the bus home after work, when I was forced to sit

in the back

> because the front of the bus was too crowded. Unfortunately

for me, I was

> seated near some rowdy teenagers, one of which said (just as

I was sitting

> down) something about " she will fill the seat " - or something to

that

> affect. Being as assertive as I could be, I turned around and

asked if

> they had a problem with me. I guess that was the wrong

question, because

> it led to a shouting match between me & them. There were

three teens

> altogether - two boys and a girl, aged around 15 or so. The girl

was more

> outspoken and obnoxious than the other two.

>

> They claimed they weren't talking about me, but I believe they

were lying.

> I've been around these insults long enough to know they were

referring to

> me. I wasn't born yesterday, nor am I being paranoid.

>

> The driver told me to not use the language I was using at the

time. I told

> him that these kids provoked this exchange, and if anyone

should be

> disciplined, it should have been the teenagers because they

started it. I

> admit that my choice of words could have been better, but I

was worn out,

> had a very long day at work, and just wasn't up to enduring the

torment. I

> was simply trying to stand up for myself. The bus driver made

me look like

> the villain, even though those teenagers caused this exchange.

>

> To make matters worse, those kids got off at the same bus

stop as I. The

> shouting match started up again, and the girl was especially

obnoxious and

> claimed that since she wasn't on the bus any longer, that she

could say

> whatever she wanted.

>

> I screamed at them to get away from me & leave me the **&$#

alone.

> Eventually they did just that, but by the time this whole thing

was over, I

> was quite shaken. An older man was walking nearby, and he

was kind enough

> to offer to let me into his home to call the police. I declined

because I

> was only about 1/4 block from my apartment.

>

> I cried my eyes out after I got inside. How can people be so

cruel? And

> why do teenagers especially have to be so insulting? I just

don't

> understand them.

>

> I could use anyone's advice on how to cope with what

happened. I feel so

> bad about myself I could scream. Thanks for listening.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Gobo -

Bad news! I was told by a blind person that they could tell that I

was fat. It has to do with a difference in the resonance or tone of

our voice. Damn! I can't fool anyone anymore.

Best -

Nick in Sage

> ;

> I'm so sorry you had to bear the brunt of those unruly and

> insensitive teens.

> . . .

>

> We ALL know that we are excessively fat. Only a blind person will

> fail to notice. . .

> Best of luck

> gobo

>

[Guest guest]

, I wish I could give you a big ol hug and make you feel

better. I'm so sorry for what you went through. How incredibly rude.

It's sad that these teenagers are so lacking in self-esteem and

basic manners that they woudl behave in such a way.

Perhaps,(and this is really tough) you could ask yourself how you

would handle them if at that moment, you were a wise and

compassionate person. (I'm sure you are, I'm just talking about

regaining your focus in a time of attack).

Maybe a smile and sublte shake of your head, or as some of the other

responses indicate, a good natured response such as " yep, people come

in all sizes and shapes I guess " or something similarly benign.

If you can forgive them, and see them as the pathetic ones (because

they are) it takes the sting out of the insult.

It took me years to find the inner peace and confidence to allow

others their occaisional stupid remarks. I'm still practicing, but

getting there.

Bless you sweet , I have nice soft shoulders if you need a good

cry.

Meli

BMI 47

Dr Hess

June 21,01

Summer Solstice

-- In duodenalswitch@y..., Manwaring wrote:

> Hello Everyone:

>

> I could use some advice as to how to handle weight insults. I've

been

> heavy most of my life, and it's getting to the point where I may

have to

> have surgery to help correct this problem (RNY, or VBG - but I

would prefer

> to have the Duodenal Switch). Something happened to me today that

made me

> feel horrible about myself.

>

> I was riding the bus home after work, when I was forced to sit in

the back

> because the front of the bus was too crowded. Unfortunately for

me, I was

> seated near some rowdy teenagers, one of which said (just as I was

sitting

> down) something about " she will fill the seat " - or something to

that

> affect. Being as assertive as I could be, I turned around and

asked if

> they had a problem with me. I guess that was the wrong question,

because

> it led to a shouting match between me & them. There were three

teens

> altogether - two boys and a girl, aged around 15 or so. The girl

was more

> outspoken and obnoxious than the other two.

>

> They claimed they weren't talking about me, but I believe they were

lying.

> I've been around these insults long enough to know they were

referring to

> me. I wasn't born yesterday, nor am I being paranoid.

>

> The driver told me to not use the language I was using at the

time. I told

> him that these kids provoked this exchange, and if anyone should be

> disciplined, it should have been the teenagers because they started

it. I

> admit that my choice of words could have been better, but I was

worn out,

> had a very long day at work, and just wasn't up to enduring the

torment. I

> was simply trying to stand up for myself. The bus driver made me

look like

> the villain, even though those teenagers caused this exchange.

>

> To make matters worse, those kids got off at the same bus stop as

I. The

> shouting match started up again, and the girl was especially

obnoxious and

> claimed that since she wasn't on the bus any longer, that she could

say

> whatever she wanted.

>

> I screamed at them to get away from me & leave me the **&$# alone.

> Eventually they did just that, but by the time this whole thing was

over, I

> was quite shaken. An older man was walking nearby, and he was kind

enough

> to offer to let me into his home to call the police. I declined

because I

> was only about 1/4 block from my apartment.

>

> I cried my eyes out after I got inside. How can people be so

cruel? And

> why do teenagers especially have to be so insulting? I just don't

> understand them.

>

> I could use anyone's advice on how to cope with what happened. I

feel so

> bad about myself I could scream. Thanks for listening.

>

>

[Guest guest]

We live in a world that does not accept fat. Maybe we remind people

that they can be this way too and it scares them. I have had empty

beer cans thrown at from teenage boys, they said the most vile things

and they were angry I could feel the hate radiating from them.

I was once chased by a car that jumped the curb and drove on the

sidewalk so the boys could see how fast I could run, I ran onto the

front yard of someone's home.

These are the same type of people that harassed black people earlier

in the century, the handicapped who ever is different or unprotected.

It is no longer correct to be a racist but it is still ok to be

fatist. Just look at the school systems, if kids made fun of a black

child because they were black, the school system would stop it ASAP,

however if the same child is fat, they do nothing or very little.

Teri

[Guest guest]

OUTSTANDING ADVICE! HEADS UP FOR ALL OF US.

T. in Kansas

Dr. B 01/30/01

-50 lbs

[Guest guest]

>

> I cried my eyes out after I got inside. How can people be so

cruel? And

> why do teenagers especially have to be so insulting? I just don't

> understand them.

>

People are afraid of anyone not like themselves, unless they make an

effort not to be. Teenagers are miserable little people. I know I

was. They are too self-absorbed to consider how anyone else is

feeling.

The thing that always made me laugh in high school was how hard these

little brats would try to be " different. " Dye your hair purple, wear

a dog collar, pierce your nose, just don't be like anyone else. This

was " respectable " , being different. They'd get so mad when anyone

would treat them different, " Don't judge me on the way I look. I'm

just expressing myself. "

Well, I was the fattest girl in the class. I was sure different

looking. Did they judge me and avoid me because of the way I

looked? Of course. They are incapable of really being independent

minded.

I don't have any advice on how to deal with morons. Every situation

is unique. One time I was in a movie and these three teen boys

started throwing candy at my head. They were sitting about 4 seats

back from me. I got up, large coke in hand, and dumped over all

three of them. Then I went to the manager who gave me free movie

passes and offered to throw them out for me. She laughed when I told

her what I'd done. I said sitting through the movie wet and sticky

was good enough revenge for me.

Another time I was walking home from work (where I had to stand all

day) and weighed 320 at the time. This was in Iowa and these three

morons in a pickup truck drove by and one yelled out " Are you even

human? " That made me feel really good as well.

I used to take walks when I was on this one particular diet back

in '93. It was on a busy street and someone would always honk and

yell something insulting at me. I'd just wave like we were pals,

probably making them more uncomfortable than I was.

Another time my sister and I went to a movie and we had to walk

through this narrow roped-off area. I walked through first and then

Sherry. The guy behind her, on a date apparently, made his cheeks

puff out big and made the universal " fatso " signal with his hands out-

stretched. I walked up to him and said, " That's my sister " and

kicked him in the shins with my cowboy boots. He limped into the

theatre. Sherry later apologized to him for me, and he apologized to

her.

Donna

Rabkin pre-op

June 13th

Oregon, Aetna, etc.

[Guest guest]

Hi -- Glad you are taking some proactive steps with the bus company!

Hope it bears some fruit! Getting over that kind of conflict takes time -- and the helpless and victimized feeling can get out of hand. Me, I just get angry, and when I get angry, I don't shut up. Well, I survived, got thru the first tests and have a tentative surgery date for the panni on 6/13 if I pass the rest of the tests. Hang in there! Nan E.

[Guest guest]

Nan:

I'm still reeling from that incident. I emailed a complaint to the bus

company, but haven't heard from them as of yet. I'm hoping that they will

at least have the courtesy to email an apology for how the driver handled

this.

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. Isn't it strange how these

things seem to happen at the worst possible moment?

Take care.

[Guest guest]

Donna:

Thanks for writing back. I guess there's no end to the insults these cruel

people can come up with. I'm sorry to hear about what you went through.

Take care.

At 03:46 AM 5/25/01 -0000, you wrote:

>

>>

>> I cried my eyes out after I got inside. How can people be so

>cruel? And

>> why do teenagers especially have to be so insulting? I just don't

>> understand them.

>>

>

>People are afraid of anyone not like themselves, unless they make an

>effort not to be. Teenagers are miserable little people. I know I

>was. They are too self-absorbed to consider how anyone else is

>feeling.

>

>The thing that always made me laugh in high school was how hard these

>little brats would try to be " different. " Dye your hair purple, wear

>a dog collar, pierce your nose, just don't be like anyone else. This

>was " respectable " , being different. They'd get so mad when anyone

>would treat them different, " Don't judge me on the way I look. I'm

>just expressing myself. "

>

>Well, I was the fattest girl in the class. I was sure different

>looking. Did they judge me and avoid me because of the way I

>looked? Of course. They are incapable of really being independent

>minded.

>

>I don't have any advice on how to deal with morons. Every situation

>is unique. One time I was in a movie and these three teen boys

>started throwing candy at my head. They were sitting about 4 seats

>back from me. I got up, large coke in hand, and dumped over all

>three of them. Then I went to the manager who gave me free movie

>passes and offered to throw them out for me. She laughed when I told

>her what I'd done. I said sitting through the movie wet and sticky

>was good enough revenge for me.

>

>Another time I was walking home from work (where I had to stand all

>day) and weighed 320 at the time. This was in Iowa and these three

>morons in a pickup truck drove by and one yelled out " Are you even

>human? " That made me feel really good as well.

>

>I used to take walks when I was on this one particular diet back

>in '93. It was on a busy street and someone would always honk and

>yell something insulting at me. I'd just wave like we were pals,

>probably making them more uncomfortable than I was.

>

>Another time my sister and I went to a movie and we had to walk

>through this narrow roped-off area. I walked through first and then

>Sherry. The guy behind her, on a date apparently, made his cheeks

>puff out big and made the universal " fatso " signal with his hands out-

>stretched. I walked up to him and said, " That's my sister " and

>kicked him in the shins with my cowboy boots. He limped into the

>theatre. Sherry later apologized to him for me, and he apologized to

>her.

>

>Donna

>Rabkin pre-op

>June 13th

>Oregon, Aetna, etc.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>----------------------------------------------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Can someone tell me what happen to on the bus with the teens. I don't know the story but in reading my heart goes out to her. Re: Re: Weight Insults Hi -- Glad you are taking some proactive steps with the bus company! Hope it bears some fruit! Getting over that kind of conflict takes time -- and the helpless and victimized feeling can get out of hand. Me, I just get angry, and when I get angry, I don't shut up. Well, I survived, got thru the first tests and have a tentative surgery date for the panni on 6/13 if I pass the rest of the tests. Hang in there! Nan E. ----------------------------------------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Can some one answer this Re: Re: Weight Insults Hi -- Glad you are taking some proactive steps with the bus company! Hope it bears some fruit! Getting over that kind of conflict takes time -- and the helpless and victimized feeling can get out of hand. Me, I just get angry, and when I get angry, I don't shut up. Well, I survived, got thru the first tests and have a tentative surgery date for the panni on 6/13 if I pass the rest of the tests. Hang in there! Nan E. ----------------------------------------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

go the web site and search under "weight insults"-- the story is only about a week old-- you can read her original version-- Nan e