Mothers

[Guest guest]

Mothers of children with disabilities worthy of praise

By Lori Borgman Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service

Expectant mothers waiting for a newborn's arrival say they don't

care what sex the baby is. They just want it to have ten fingers and

ten toes.

Mothers lie.

Every mother wants so much more. She wants a perfectly healthy baby

with around head, rosebud lips, button nose, beautiful eyes and

satin skin. She wants a baby so gorgeous that people will pity the

Gerber baby for being flat-out ugly.

She wants a baby that will roll over, sit up and take those first

steps right on schedule (according to the baby development chart on

page 57,column two). Every mother wants a baby that can see, hear,

run, jump and fire neurons by the billions. She wants a kid that can

smack the ball out of the park and do toe points that are the envy

of the entire ballet class. Call it greed if you want, but a mother

wants what a mother wants. Some mothers get babies with something

more.

Maybe you're one who got a baby with a condition you couldn't

pronounce, a spine that didn't fuse, a missing chromosome or a

palette that didn't close. The doctor's words took your breath away.

It was just like the time at recess in the fourth grade when you

didn't see the kick ball coming and it knocked the wind right out of

you.

Some of you left the hospital with a healthy bundle, then, months,

even years later, took him in for a routine visit, or scheduled her

for a well check, and crashed head first into a brick wall as you

bore the brunt of devastating news. It didn't seem possible. That

didn't run in your family. Could this really be happening in your

lifetime?

I watch the Olympics for the sheer thrill of seeing finely sculpted

bodies. It's not a lust thing, it's a wondrous thing. They appear as

specimens without flaw -- muscles, strength and coordination all

working in perfect harmony. Then an athlete walks over to a tote

bag, rustles through the contents and pulls out an inhaler.

There's no such thing as a perfect body. Everybody will bear

something at some time or another. Maybe the affliction will be

apparent to curious eyes, or maybe it will be unseen, quietly

treated with trips to the doctor, therapy or surgery. Mothers of

children with disabilities live the limitations with them.

ly, I don't know how you do it. Sometimes you mothers scare me.

How you lift that kid in and out of the wheelchair twenty times a

day. How you monitor tests, track medications, and serve as the

gatekeeper to a hundred specialists yammering in your ear.

I wonder how you endure the clichés and the platitudes, the well-

intentioned souls explaining how G-d is at work when you've

occasionally questioned if G-d is on strike. I even wonder how you

endure schmaltzy columns like this one -- saluting you, painting you

as hero and saint, when you know you're ordinary. You snap, you

bark, you bite. You didn't volunteer for this, you didn't jump up

and down in the motherhood line yelling, " Choose me, G-d. Choose me!

I've got what it takes. "

You're a woman who doesn't have time to step back and put things in

perspective, so let me do it for you. From where I sit, you're way

ahead of the pack. You've developed the strength of a draft horse

while holding onto the delicacy of a daffodil. You have a heart that

melts like chocolate in a glove box in July, counter-balanced

against the stubbornness of an Ozark mule.

You are the mother, advocate and protector of a child with a

disability. You're a neighbour, a friend, a woman I pass at church

and my sister-in-law. You're a wonder.

I'm not sure if it's the list or my ISP but I sent it here this

morning as a tribute to all the mothers and grandmothers on the list

but it should be to the parents because the Dads are important too.

It never appeared this morning so I'm sending it again.

Bless you all!

Alice

[Guest guest]

Alice,

Thank you.

Anne R

[Guest guest]

Oh ya

another note on the Mother issue, I agree they need to butt out, my Mom is good

she does not get into the middle, but has some side suggestions for me, that’s

OK.

But my

friend had her Mother come and help her out recently, she has Graves Dx, had

her thyroid nuked, but the docs are having a terrible time regulating her, and

she has really been struggling lately, anyway back to her Mom, she caused total

ciaos in her home, telling everyone what to do, and what to fix, and even

calling a repair man to fix things in the home, and my friend calls and asked

me why her husband was being a total A--, I told her time to tell MOM to GO

home, nice lady, but, my friend said, funny that what “”

(another wonderful I am blessed to know) anyway she told her the same

thing, mom needs to go home.

So Mom

goes home and husband is not so bad anymore, I love that friends can sometime

see things we can’t and are not afraid to tell us, that is true

friendship and I see her all the time. Marla

From: Neurosarcoidosis [mailto:Neurosarcoidosis ] On Behalf Of topdat@...

Sent: Thursday, October 04, 2007

8:45 AM

To: Neurosarcoidosis

Subject: Re:

Re: Getting my son into college

Marla, I didn't get your post so I must appologize for not

respondind.. Your post makes a lot of sense, I know he's stretching his wings,

and believe me that's the last thing I want to be is a mother that leads her

son around by the ear for his entire life.. I want him to be independant and

have a full and wonderful life, I just don't think its quite time... Plus,

adding fuel to our fire is my mother, which when we argue she comes down here,

three doors away and agrees with him, that he should have his freedom.. My

dearest mother was physically abusive to me and my brothers our entire

lives..which I find odd that she is so understanding and caring with Damian.. I

would have found myself getting up our of a floor somewhere, if I talked back

or pulled this stunt..She needs to BUTT out! that's my thought..

Anyway, I really appreciate the fact that you guys have

shared your experiences with me.. it makes me think that maybe its not

competely me.. that maybe I haven't failed competely.. and I sure hope that

when time comes I do let go.. I just don't think its right now..

Hugs,

..

No virus found in this incoming message.

Checked by AVG Free Edition.

Version: 7.5.488 / Virus Database: 269.14.0/1048 - Release Date: 10/3/2007 8:22

PM

[Guest guest]

Marla, that is being a true friend, being able to tell someone you know what you think without fear that they will get mad.. or actually knowing that they problably will get mad but will get over it.. I have a friend named Sandy like that.. She sometimes will drive me "plum batty" and I have to tell her.. either do something about it or hush.. so she just usually hushes.. lol.. She looks at me with very surprised eyes.. then we move on to a different topic.. If my mother hadn't been so physical with my brothers and myself, I might not resent it as much but seeing her being so caring, just makes me sick.. mainly because I can't get a kind word.. Anyway, I love that doctor too that you saw, I may have to come to where ever it is that you live.. I know the state.. but for some reason tonight can't figure out how to spell it.. so I'm just as bad as you.. lol

BTW, good luck with the trash man..my trash didn't get taken out this week.. that means, I'll probably draw the trash into his bedroom so he can remember to take it out in the morning.. as I sit here shaking my head.. lol as you said one step forward two steps back..

Hugs,

RE: mothers

Oh ya another note on the Mother issue, I agree they need to butt out, my Mom is good she does not get into the middle, but has some side suggestions for me, that’s OK.

But my friend had her Mother come and help her out recently, she has Graves Dx, had her thyroid nuked, but the docs are having a terrible time regulating her, and she has really been struggling lately, anyway back to her Mom, she caused total ciaos in her home, telling everyone what to do, and what to fix, and even calling a repair man to fix things in the home, and my friend calls and asked me why her husband was being a total A--, I told her time to tell MOM to GO home, nice lady, but, my friend said, funny that what “” (another wonderful I am blessed to know) anyway she told her the same thing, mom needs to go home.

So Mom goes home and husband is not so bad anymore, I love that friends can sometime see things we can’t and are not afraid to tell us, that is true friendship and I see her all the time. Marla

From: Neurosarcoidosis [mailto:Neurosarcoidosis ] On Behalf Of topdat (AT) bellsouth (DOT) netSent: Thursday, October 04, 2007 8:45 AMTo: Neurosarcoidosis Subject: Re: Re: Getting my son into college

Marla, I didn't get your post so I must appologize for not respondind.. Your post makes a lot of sense, I know he's stretching his wings, and believe me that's the last thing I want to be is a mother that leads her son around by the ear for his entire life.. I want him to be independant and have a full and wonderful life, I just don't think its quite time... Plus, adding fuel to our fire is my mother, which when we argue she comes down here, three doors away and agrees with him, that he should have his freedom.. My dearest mother was physically abusive to me and my brothers our entire lives..which I find odd that she is so understanding and caring with Damian.. I would have found myself getting up our of a floor somewhere, if I talked back or pulled this stunt..She needs to BUTT out! that's my thought..

Anyway, I really appreciate the fact that you guys have shared your experiences with me.. it makes me think that maybe its not competely me.. that maybe I haven't failed competely.. and I sure hope that when time comes I do let go.. I just don't think its right now..

Hugs,

..

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.488 / Virus Database: 269.14.0/1048 - Release Date: 10/3/2007 8:22 PM

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.488 / Virus Database: 269.14.0/1048 - Release Date: 10/3/2007 8:22 PM

[Guest guest]

's suggestion that you drag the trash into your son's room reminded me of something I did years ago. My Theresa was in high school, had a cat that she loved, but wouldn't clean out the cat box. The cat box was in her closet and one day I was walking down the hall & smelled it clear out there. I went in, intending to just dump some more kitty litter on top of it. Guess what, the bag of kitty litter was full of poop & pee! Poor Tinkerbell had been climbing into that bag to do her business! Here's where the questionable parenting comes in. I took the litter box & the bag & dumped them both on Theresa's bed, which was covered with clothes, etc. When she came home from school, she couldn't believe it. 20 years later, she still talks about it; actually, threatens her kids with similar stuff. Desperate times call for desperate measures, right?

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