very depressed......

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Hi Friends,

I need a friend right now. Randy is doing super! He has lost thirty pounds since surgery on August 2!!!! Woooo Hooooo! He tried his first food over the weekend, everything went great. We even went to the fair and he had a bit of Souix Burger, nothing bugs him, he isn't craving anything, he is full after a bite or two, He is great!

I, on the other hand , am so bummed out. Here is the goofy story. First of all, when it was Randy's turn for a shrink, he went to the Kaiser lady, signed, sealed, delivered...all done. I went with him, great. My turn came and the rules changed the week of my appt.it changed to a six month program, my PC doc signed me off, I'm not bananas, passed "GO" and went to my appt at UCLA. I got a "go directly to shrink card" so I called the lady they use, made the appt...or rather, she called, chatted with Randy and gave him my appt time to give to me, and complained that I should have seen her BEFORE I went to UCLA, that this is all wrong....oh well, it works. Now try to follow me here..... The day before THAT appt, she called to reschedule it, I told her I had already taken the day off, she agreed to keep the day, but change the time, instead of 11 am it was now 9 am. I left the house at 5:30 to get there, the 405 during rush hour in westwood, UGLY!!!! I got to her building at about 8,

found a 20 minute parking, had a cup of coffee and drove to the parking structure at 8:30, reasonable . For the sake of reader enjoyment, I will add that nobody was there yet, there was nowhere to sit, so right next to the docs door there was a fire escape. It's Brentwood, the fire escape was air conditioned, carpeted, I decided to sit there for a few minutes til she showed up. When I went to leave...the door was locked, I trucked down two flights of stairs, around the parking structure to the elevator, and still got there before the doc. When she showed up, she gave me instructions.... sit in the waiting room, and fill out 18 (that's right EIGHTEEN) pages of questions! Including drawing a picture of myself now and after surgery! She said it should take an hour, if I finish in less than an hour review the form and elaborate more.

THE APPOINTMENT.... she asked about my parents support for this...???!!!!! I figured "OK"? maybe she isn't on that page yet...they both passed away when I was a teen, over thirty years ago. After two hours, she told me, no lie, she was going to analize me in a few minutes time, I was getting more from her than I could get in years of therapy!!!! I was overweight from depression from whemn Randy was sick 18 years ago, because my parents died I was afraid of losing him too. Blah, Blah, Blah.... I went to years of therapy when all that happened.... Anyway, she said she would let UCLA know in a couple weeks, I asked if everything looked good...she repeated this two week time. I left the building. The parking attendant almost had a cow, she sent me to get validated for parking, it was a rate of 2.25 every 15 minutes and was close to 30 dollars. She would not take my money until I parked and tried to get my stub validated..... I saw the doc in the elevator, asked if she

validated....no. Then she asked why, when I told her....NO JOKE...... she told me to go down to the ground floor, buy a cookie and the bagel shop would validate me!!!!! Now, as I am biting my tongue, I'm in the elevator with her.....wanting so very much to say...."aren't you the eating disorder lady who just told me to buy a cookie?" .....but in the intrest of wanting a clean bill of mental health, I shut up. I bought a diet coke, and laughed all the way home!!!!!!

UCLA didn't like my EKG I had to get hospital records because the cardiologist kicked my referral back to the PC. Cardiologists are so pompous!!!! Then UCLA called to say the damn kooky cookie doctor said I need therapy for my depression!!!! So, now I have to go see a doc for this phantom depression.... when I called the cookie doc, she friggen said she wrote a "glowing recomendation for surgery!!" I asked her to please call UCLA and help them read her writing because they told me she wrote I need therapy!!!! She said she recomends that for everyone! I need to see a therapist once or twice, go to a couple support meetings, you guys don't count, it's not in person.... and thats the end of it. She told me people get depressed after surgery, I need to know what to do when that happens....well no shit! Randy just had his surgery , I helped him when he crashed and burned about two weeks out, and through the rash, and I understand(thanks to this board) about fat storing

hormones and that the hormones go crazy when they lose their happy fot home. But, in the interest of jumping through hoops , I finally got an appointment in SEPTEMBER, to see a new shrink.... I wasn't allowed to say "weight loss surgery" or no appt, but now I am depressed!!!! My window of oppretunity has slipped by, now I have to call UCLA and tell them I have to wait until December for surgery, I start full time classes at the college, work starts back up next week, And now I am depressed. I thought Randy and I would support each other, now he will be so far ahead of me, I don't know if he will be as patient as I was for him....that's silly, I know he will, but he will be months out and I'll be whiny, clear liquidy, and I've worked so hard to do everything.....I wasn't depressed before but I sure am now.