Re: Kids question/to debra

[Guest guest]

debra, that is a toughie. i know that the more my mom paid

attention to what i ate (while i was growing up) the more obsessed i

became with food. it was our major battle. she was my food police

and i ate everything i could get my hands on. i even stole money

from her purse to go buy treats at the little corner store.

i swore iwould never do that with my kids. and i didn't. but

because of our eating lifestyle, they both ended up obese as well. i

wish they didn't have to go thru life being so fat, like i did. but

they atleast have a healthier sense of self-esteem. i felt i was

never " good enough " for my mom. whatever size i was, even at my

lowest wt., was always too big. she had to try and squeeze me into

clothes that were one size smaller. but in her defense, i know her

friends would ask her " why don't you make her lose wt? she has such

a pretty face " . it wasn't her job, but there was pressure on her as

well to have me conform to society's standards.

with your daughter seeing all you have gone thru, you know it has

affected her perception of food and body image and how you are

treated. maybe counseling for all of you together, to learn how to

re-relate to food would be a good thing. just let her know that

whatever size she is, she is a wonderful daughter. the more secure

she feels in that important relationship with her mom, the more

likely she is to feel good about herself. and maybe less likely to

have a full-blown eating disorder.

just sharing my thoughts, hope it helps.

mary y. st. louis

itchin to be switchin

> This is a tough question. I am MO, scheduled to have a DS in

July. I

> have two teenaged daughters, one of whom is already showing signs

of

> an eating disorder - and I don't know what to do! She is thrilled

> that I am having the surgery, but knows that I have gone through

years

> of hell, self-blame, dieting and failing, etc. to get here. Does

> anyone know how to stop the progression of this disease while she

is

> still young, that she may never have to diet or have surgery to

live

> a healthy life? I'm truly frightened for her, and want to help her

to

> not have to go through what I did. Suggestions?

>

> Debbie in Philly

> Pre-op, Dr. Ren

> 7/12/01

> BMI 43, Age 42

[Guest guest]

Debra,

I wanted to let you know I'm trying weight watchers (I need to get a

medically supervised diet on my 'diet resume' just in case they don't

count all the one's I've failed myself *rolls* What I wanted to share

was that there was this one young boy there, surrounded by mainly

females and his mother and I just couldn't help by feel sorry for him

and all the other kids that had to goto WW, etc. He went into get

weighed and his Mom was out there asking how much he weighed and if

he lost weight and he lost a pound and she gave him a hug. I know

she really meant well, but it definitely seemed like that food police

issue and an invasion of privacy, etc, even though she was his

mother. It's that issue where it seemed like the Mother or Father

was trying to do it for him, or just trying too hard in general, so

the control and therefore the pleasure in the results were taken away

from him. As all of us know, this isn't something we can do for

others and a lot of times monitoring or restricting children's food

just causes it to be subverted or hidden. Hell, I only had 10 lbs to

lose in high school, but it pissed me off when people mentioned it or

my Mom or someone in my family told me I shouldn't eat 'x' because it

wasn't healthy and everyone else was eating it. I don't have

children yet (not sure if I want them *grins*) but I think it may be

more effective to sort of emphasis the risks and complications of the

surgery to your daughter so she understands, hey there maybe a

solution, but it't not a easy/simple solution and the 'easy' way

would be change her lifestyle while she is still able so she doesn't

become MO in the first place. I wish you luck as this is definitely a

hard issue to address!

I hope I at least helped clarify some of your concerns, even though I

don't have kids!

*hugs*

Anita

Pre-pre-op in Denver

>

>

> > This is a tough question. I am MO, scheduled to have a DS in

> July. I

> > have two teenaged daughters, one of whom is already showing signs

> of

> > an eating disorder - and I don't know what to do! She is

thrilled

> > that I am having the surgery, but knows that I have gone through

> years

> > of hell, self-blame, dieting and failing, etc. to get here. Does

> > anyone know how to stop the progression of this disease while she

> is

> > still young, that she may never have to diet or have surgery to

> live

> > a healthy life? I'm truly frightened for her, and want to help

her

> to

> > not have to go through what I did. Suggestions?

> >

> > Debbie in Philly

> > Pre-op, Dr. Ren

> > 7/12/01

> > BMI 43, Age 42