Re: not telling family (LONG)

[Guest guest]

Sondra, Nan, and ,

Add me to your list, too. I just sighed a very relieved sign when I read your posts. My situation is not necessarily that my parents haven't ever approved of me and such, but rather they are just PLAIN UNSUPPORTIVE IN EVERY WHICH WAY. If there is any sort of problem, (and this would certainly be viewed as one) they just want to run and bury their heads in the sand, in the hopes that it will all go away, as long as we NEVER, EVER TALK ABOUT IT.

That's been the story of my life.

Many years ago, after yet another one of my weight loss attempts, I was struggling tremendously with body image. (I know, I know, DUH, we still are!!) Anyway, I had lost about 75 pounds over the course of a year, and I had been able to keep it off for about 2 1/2 years, when it started creeping up on me again. Well, even though I had done this SAME thing, over and over again, this time was somehow different. I panicked, and almost became the victim of an eating disorder. I just totally and completely obsessed about food, day and night. It was the last thing I thought about before I went to bed (What did I eat today that I shouldn't have?) It was the first thing that I thought about in the morning (Was I GOOD or BAD yesterday?) Well, it got to the point where I was driving myself crazy, and through the suggestion of my therapist, I signed myself in to this program at the hospital. It was similar to what alcoholics and drug addicts do, I suppose. I was in there with all sorts of people, with different problems (i.e. depression, drug problems, alcohol problems, even one multiple personality). Anyway, before I admitted myself, I had to do one of the hardest things I've EVER had to do.

I had to go tell my family. Well, I took my best friend with me, thinking my parents might show SOME support with a non-family member there. How wrong I was. I get there, and my father is not home. My mother is there, one brother, and my sister. I say, "Mom, I need for you to come sit down. I have something I need to tell you." You know what she says? She says, "This better not be bad news. I don't want to hear any bad news." UN----ING believable!! Anyway, I say, "Well, it IS bad news. And you ARE going to hear it." So, I spilled my guts out to them, and after I was done, not ONE word of encouragement, love or support from ANY of them.

Once in the hospital, they came to visit me twice. (I was in for about two weeks). The first time, they come in to see me, and they are all beside themselves. I ask them what's wrong, and they tell me that they saw someone they knew on the elevator on the way up. They were SO worried that this person would find out that I was in the hospital and what for, etc. That was ALL they cared about. Not ONCe did they say, how are you, what are they doing for you in here, what can we do to help you, etc. For THAT, my friends, would somehow be some sort of an admission that they might be responsible in some way for my being there.

The second time they came to visit was no better. We all went in to this room that was set up for patients and visiting family members. My father says to my brother, "Oh, did you remember to set the VCR for such and such (I can't remember!!) show?" My brother, evidently, had not remembered, and that set the tone for THAT visit. Nothing was as important as the show that they were missing to be there with ME.

So, that pretty much sums up what I have going for me as far as support is concerned. I have decided that I will NOT tell ANY of my family members, because if I can't have their support, then I don't want anything from them.

(Man, that sounded like a spoiled child, didn't it?) I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who is very supportive of this, and with his help, God's help, and my shrink's help, we'll get through this together.

Well, thank you for letting me vent. I really didn't mean to ramble on like I did. I originally intended just to say that I completely understand where you all are coming from.

hugs,

Pam

Pre-op in MD

Dr. Vanguri

Surgery date July 9, 2001

[Guest guest]

I can't say that I know what you all are going through as I have just begun

my adventure into this whole thing. I'm hoping to have my consult by the

end of this month.

Anyway, I just really wanted to say that I feel for all those who do not

have the support of their families. I can't say that my friends are all

that supportive of my decision to go forward with something as drastic as

this, but when I sat down with my mom and told her of my plans, she was

quite supportive. I mean, she would be more than happy to see me not go

through with this for the plain and simple fact that she worries about me

and every little thing to do with me as I am her " baby. " And yet, she knows

how important this is to me and to my well being in the long run. One thing

I would also like to share for a minute about both my mom and dad is that

they have never been embarrassed of me or anything that I've done. They are

both okay with the fact that I am fat (aside from it being unhealthy). They

are not ashamed to take me anywhere or be seen with me or introduce me to

anybody that they know (although I tend to not to want to go anywhere....but

that's another subject). I can't imagine what my life would be like if I

didn't have the support in everything that I do from my parents.

Granted...they may not always like what I do or be happy with what I

do...but they realize that I am my own person and I'm going to make my own

choices....good or bad. Their job is to catch me if I fall, pick me up,

dust me off and send me on my way again to hopefully succeed the second time

around:) For those of you who do not have that support from your

families....my prayers go out to you. Should you ever need a shoulder to

cry on or an ear to talk off...feel free to contact me. I'd be happy to

share some of my excess support!

> Re: not telling family (LONG)

>

> Sondra, Nan, and ,

>

> Add me to your list, too. I just sighed a very relieved sign when I read

> your posts. My situation is not necessarily that my parents haven't ever

> approved of me and such, but rather they are just PLAIN UNSUPPORTIVE IN

> EVERY

> WHICH WAY. If there is any sort of problem, (and this would certainly be

> viewed as one) they just want to run and bury their heads in the sand, in

> the

> hopes that it will all go away, as long as we NEVER, EVER TALK ABOUT IT.

>

> That's been the story of my life.

>

> Many years ago, after yet another one of my weight loss attempts, I was

> struggling tremendously with body image. (I know, I know, DUH, we still

> are!!) Anyway, I had lost about 75 pounds over the course of a year, and

> I

> had been able to keep it off for about 2 1/2 years, when it started

> creeping

> up on me again. Well, even though I had done this SAME thing, over and

> over

> again, this time was somehow different. I panicked, and almost became the

>

> victim of an eating disorder. I just totally and completely obsessed

> about

> food, day and night. It was the last thing I thought about before I went

> to

> bed (What did I eat today that I shouldn't have?) It was the first thing

> that I thought about in the morning (Was I GOOD or BAD yesterday?) Well,

> it

> got to the point where I was driving myself crazy, and through the

> suggestion

> of my therapist, I signed myself in to this program at the hospital. It

> was

> similar to what alcoholics and drug addicts do, I suppose. I was in there

>

> with all sorts of people, with different problems (i.e. depression, drug

> problems, alcohol problems, even one multiple personality). Anyway,

> before I

> admitted myself, I had to do one of the hardest things I've EVER had to

> do.

> I had to go tell my family. Well, I took my best friend with me, thinking

> my

> parents might show SOME support with a non-family member there. How wrong

> I

> was. I get there, and my father is not home. My mother is there, one

> brother, and my sister. I say, " Mom, I need for you to come sit down. I

> have something I need to tell you. " You know what she says? She says,

> " This

> better not be bad news. I don't want to hear any bad news. " UN----ING

> believable!! Anyway, I say, " Well, it IS bad news. And you ARE going to

> hear it. " So, I spilled my guts out to them, and after I was done, not

> ONE

> word of encouragement, love or support from ANY of them.

>

> Once in the hospital, they came to visit me twice. (I was in for about

> two

> weeks). The first time, they come in to see me, and they are all beside

> themselves. I ask them what's wrong, and they tell me that they saw

> someone

> they knew on the elevator on the way up. They were SO worried that this

> person would find out that I was in the hospital and what for, etc. That

> was

> ALL they cared about. Not ONCe did they say, how are you, what are they

> doing for you in here, what can we do to help you, etc. For THAT, my

> friends, would somehow be some sort of an admission that they might be

> responsible in some way for my being there.

>

> The second time they came to visit was no better. We all went in to this

> room that was set up for patients and visiting family members. My father

> says to my brother, " Oh, did you remember to set the VCR for such and such

> (I

> can't remember!!) show? " My brother, evidently, had not remembered, and

> that

> set the tone for THAT visit. Nothing was as important as the show that

> they

> were missing to be there with ME.

>

> So, that pretty much sums up what I have going for me as far as support is

>

> concerned. I have decided that I will NOT tell ANY of my family members,

> because if I can't have their support, then I don't want anything from

> them.

> (Man, that sounded like a spoiled child, didn't it?) I am blessed to have

> a

> wonderful husband who is very supportive of this, and with his help, God's

>

> help, and my shrink's help, we'll get through this together.

>

> Well, thank you for letting me vent. I really didn't mean to ramble on

> like

> I did. I originally intended just to say that I completely understand

> where

> you all are coming from.

>

> hugs,

>

>

> Pam

> Pre-op in MD

> Dr. Vanguri

> Surgery date July 9, 2001

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------

>