Fear and trembling in the new carcass

[Guest guest]

OK...so as many of you know...I've been carrying on an Internet

romance for the past five and a half months. When it all began, I

weighed about 246 at 5'6 " . The subject of weight never really came

up in the beginning...although with time, I told him I'd be having

surgery, that I had gained quite a lot of weight in the prior couple

of years, and that the surgery would be changing me a lot.

I only sent him face shots...and some older shots.

Then, I had my surgery on June 8th. At the time of surgery, I was

235. Right now, I'm 174. So, that's 61 lbs. down from surgery, and

72 from the point that I started writing him...and 87 lbs. from my

orientation date. ANd I sent lots of pictures of myself on the way

down.

ALl of my life, I have been very athletic. Even at my heaviest, I

never had cellulite. My fat was solid and firm, encasing my muscles,

as it were. So...consequently, I looked better naked than I did in

clothes.

So, now here I am...wearing size 10 pants (at least at Anne

...I bought a pair today, yahoo!), clearly smaller than I was.

Sometimes, I feel really good about the way I look. Like when

Olivier and his friends were here...I felt great. And I was 11 lbs.

heavier. Actually, 15 lbs. heavier.

(Internet love) will be here on Saturday at noon. He knows I've

lost weight, and that I'm still losing weight. He knows I don't like

the fact that I now have little scars on my tummy. He knows that I

say I feel like a Sharpei. But, here's the thing...I'm scared.

For the first time in my life, I am ashamed of my body. It's weird,

isn't it? Here I am, much thinner (and I've yo yoed through the

years, so it's not my first time at this weight)...but my muscle has

all but disappeared. My upper arms and inner thighs are truly

disgusting. No, I don't have skin hanging down in big flaps in my

inner thighs...but there are lots of lines and creases...and it's

like my inner thighs have segregated from the rest of my thigh. And

my upper arms are like jello.

Part of this is my fault. I've been sick and tired, and haven't been

working out regularly for the past month and a half or so. Not with

weights anyway. Partly that's my trainer's fault...he had to take

time off. Being sick and without my trainer, the motivation alluded

me.

So part of me knows that I'll firm up a bit...that once I'm at my

goal weight, I can build muscle again. And ultimately, if need be, I

can be nipped and tucked.

ANd don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for this opportunity to lose the

weight relatively without effort. I'm happy to be a size 10 instead

of a size 20.

But, wow. The idea of being naked in front of him terrifies me.

(particularly because the woman he dumped for me is 14 years younger

than me...without a weight issue.) I stupidly booked us to go to

Hawaii...so there I'll be: pale, flabby, hanging ass (flat), tubular

small breasts (they are only 38 B now, and most of them are in my arm

pits), scars on my not firm (though thank God, not creased) tummy, my

hideous inner thighs, with its creases and crevasses and hanging

flesh...and my stupid flabby arms. I'm going to be naked in front of

someone new. It's freaking me out.

Part of it is just getting used to this new body...which is hard to

do because it changes every day. It's weird, because one day, I look

in the mirror, and I look pretty darned thin. A few weeks later, and

several lbs. lighter, I'll look down at my thigh, and it will seem

enormous.

I thought I looked great in a pair of size 12 jeans, and this sexy

shirt a month ago. Now all I can see are the mounds of flesh, the

little pockets of fat under my bra straps, the flab.

Tim has spoken of body dysmorphia...and I understand that concept.

My ex-husband grabbed my calf when we were in the car. I immediately

was aware that my calf is much more flabby than it used to be, in its

former muscular self. (and, much like a hotdog skin that is stretch

tight around the stuffing...tight). I immediately became self-

conscious about the flabbiness. When I said, " What are you grabbing

at my calf for? " , he responded, " Your legs are just so tiny, I can't

get over it. "

So, maybe he wasn't going for the flab that I was looking at.

I have no objective way to view myself. Everybody who knows me is

telling me I'm " skinny " . I'm " tiny " . I look " fantastic " . But these

are people comparing me to my old self. NO one at 5'6 " and 174 lbs.

is skinny. No one is tiny. I'm an overweight woman, who needs to

lose almost 20 lbs. before she is no longer technically overweight.

My ex says I look like I could " maybe " lose 5 lbs., but that he

didn't see how it would be possible for me to shed another 40. (I'd

like to be 135, which is not an unrealistic goal, at all.)

I walk into " regular " stores now, and I'm still deluged with size 2,

4 and 6. Not many in my size. NOt many bras that are 38B, either.

So, does this every change? Do you get used to your new body? Once

the plastic surgery is done (if necessary, and I'm beginning to think

it will be), do you ever get used to the big scar? I mean, all of

this transition, and part of me wonders how my body must feel to

change so much, so fast.

I don't mean this to be a bummer...or to dissuade others. I don't

regret the surgery. Here's what I do regret: I regret that I spent

my youth gaining and losing and regaining the same 50 lbs. I regret

that my body will always bear some scars, reminding me of how I

abused my body at one point in my life. I regret that I can't even

think of wearing sleeveless shirts, even though my arms are

finally " thin " ...because now they look like Granny arms.

How I wish I could take my clothes off in front of ...confident

that not only does he love me as a person...but he's turned on to me

as a woman....instead of worrying that the artist in him will reject

my new assymetric, wobbly, scarred and wobbly body.

It's tough.

Robynn

[Guest guest]

Robynn...

First of all....congratulations on your success to date. You are

very insirational.

I believe that you don't have any worries here with . Of all the

things you've said about him over these past months the one that

sticks out the most in my mind is the part where you mention that

he's said to you many times that he doesn't care about what your body

looks like because he's interested in the whole package. I know for

me it's not all about what the body looks like but more the

intelligence, wit, humor, caring and love that is shown by the person

that I love. Try not to worry about what's going to happen, plan the

action but not the results and have a great time !

Regards

Gordy

>

> OK...so as many of you know...I've been carrying on an Internet

> romance for the past five and a half months. When it all began, I

> weighed about 246 at 5'6 " . The subject of weight never really came

> up in the beginning...although with time, I told him I'd be having

> surgery, that I had gained quite a lot of weight in the prior

couple

> of years, and that the surgery would be changing me a lot.

>

> I only sent him face shots...and some older shots.

>

> Then, I had my surgery on June 8th. At the time of surgery, I was

> 235. Right now, I'm 174. So, that's 61 lbs. down from surgery,

and

> 72 from the point that I started writing him...and 87 lbs. from my

> orientation date. ANd I sent lots of pictures of myself on the way

> down.

>

> ALl of my life, I have been very athletic. Even at my heaviest, I

> never had cellulite. My fat was solid and firm, encasing my

muscles,

> as it were. So...consequently, I looked better naked than I did in

> clothes.

>

> So, now here I am...wearing size 10 pants (at least at Anne

> ...I bought a pair today, yahoo!), clearly smaller than I

was.

> Sometimes, I feel really good about the way I look. Like when

> Olivier and his friends were here...I felt great. And I was 11

lbs.

> heavier. Actually, 15 lbs. heavier.

>

> (Internet love) will be here on Saturday at noon. He knows

I've

> lost weight, and that I'm still losing weight. He knows I don't

like

> the fact that I now have little scars on my tummy. He knows that I

> say I feel like a Sharpei. But, here's the thing...I'm scared.

>

> For the first time in my life, I am ashamed of my body. It's

weird,

> isn't it? Here I am, much thinner (and I've yo yoed through the

> years, so it's not my first time at this weight)...but my muscle

has

> all but disappeared. My upper arms and inner thighs are truly

> disgusting. No, I don't have skin hanging down in big flaps in my

> inner thighs...but there are lots of lines and creases...and it's

> like my inner thighs have segregated from the rest of my thigh.

And

> my upper arms are like jello.

>

> Part of this is my fault. I've been sick and tired, and haven't

been

> working out regularly for the past month and a half or so. Not

with

> weights anyway. Partly that's my trainer's fault...he had to take

> time off. Being sick and without my trainer, the motivation

alluded

> me.

>

> So part of me knows that I'll firm up a bit...that once I'm at my

> goal weight, I can build muscle again. And ultimately, if need be,

I

> can be nipped and tucked.

>

> ANd don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for this opportunity to lose

the

> weight relatively without effort. I'm happy to be a size 10

instead

> of a size 20.

>

> But, wow. The idea of being naked in front of him terrifies me.

> (particularly because the woman he dumped for me is 14 years

younger

> than me...without a weight issue.) I stupidly booked us to go to

> Hawaii...so there I'll be: pale, flabby, hanging ass (flat),

tubular

> small breasts (they are only 38 B now, and most of them are in my

arm

> pits), scars on my not firm (though thank God, not creased) tummy,

my

> hideous inner thighs, with its creases and crevasses and hanging

> flesh...and my stupid flabby arms. I'm going to be naked in front

of

> someone new. It's freaking me out.

>

> Part of it is just getting used to this new body...which is hard to

> do because it changes every day. It's weird, because one day, I

look

> in the mirror, and I look pretty darned thin. A few weeks later,

and

> several lbs. lighter, I'll look down at my thigh, and it will seem

> enormous.

>

> I thought I looked great in a pair of size 12 jeans, and this sexy

> shirt a month ago. Now all I can see are the mounds of flesh, the

> little pockets of fat under my bra straps, the flab.

>

> Tim has spoken of body dysmorphia...and I understand that concept.

> My ex-husband grabbed my calf when we were in the car. I

immediately

> was aware that my calf is much more flabby than it used to be, in

its

> former muscular self. (and, much like a hotdog skin that is

stretch

> tight around the stuffing...tight). I immediately became self-

> conscious about the flabbiness. When I said, " What are you

grabbing

> at my calf for? " , he responded, " Your legs are just so tiny, I

can't

> get over it. "

>

> So, maybe he wasn't going for the flab that I was looking at.

>

> I have no objective way to view myself. Everybody who knows me is

> telling me I'm " skinny " . I'm " tiny " . I look " fantastic " . But

these

> are people comparing me to my old self. NO one at 5'6 " and 174

lbs.

> is skinny. No one is tiny. I'm an overweight woman, who needs to

> lose almost 20 lbs. before she is no longer technically

overweight.

> My ex says I look like I could " maybe " lose 5 lbs., but that he

> didn't see how it would be possible for me to shed another 40.

(I'd

> like to be 135, which is not an unrealistic goal, at all.)

>

> I walk into " regular " stores now, and I'm still deluged with size

2,

> 4 and 6. Not many in my size. NOt many bras that are 38B, either.

>

> So, does this every change? Do you get used to your new body?

Once

> the plastic surgery is done (if necessary, and I'm beginning to

think

> it will be), do you ever get used to the big scar? I mean, all of

> this transition, and part of me wonders how my body must feel to

> change so much, so fast.

>

> I don't mean this to be a bummer...or to dissuade others. I don't

> regret the surgery. Here's what I do regret: I regret that I

spent

> my youth gaining and losing and regaining the same 50 lbs. I

regret

> that my body will always bear some scars, reminding me of how I

> abused my body at one point in my life. I regret that I can't even

> think of wearing sleeveless shirts, even though my arms are

> finally " thin " ...because now they look like Granny arms.

>

> How I wish I could take my clothes off in front of ...confident

> that not only does he love me as a person...but he's turned on to

me

> as a woman....instead of worrying that the artist in him will

reject

> my new assymetric, wobbly, scarred and wobbly body.

>

> It's tough.

>

> Robynn

>

[Guest guest]

Robynn

You just very eloquently spoke about what Im going through too. I

have had some plastics...my tummy and my arms. But they both bear

the scars. My scars on my arms goes from armpit to elbow. I cant see

it and most people cant unless I raise my arms. Its fading, but its

still very noticeable one year later. I think of my tummy tuck scar

as making me look like the back end of a volkswagon. My thighs are

enormous. I carried my weight mostly in my thighs and butt....and

believe me they are so gross now. I love wearing little skirts now

because I can....but one day I caught a glimpse of my inner thigh

hanging almost half way to my knee..now I wont wear that skirt

anymore.

I dont have any words of comfort. Its the one negative about this

surgery. I cannot afford to have my legs done and Kaiser wont cover

it. I was extremely lucky that I qualified for the tummy. I paid for

my arms myself.

I do weight training but its not helping much.

While I understand your fear and apprehension. From what you've told

us about ...he is really into you. I do not think he will be

turned off by you. This will totally be a huge leap of faith for

you....let yourself feel how totally awesome you are. We all have

things about ourselves we dont like. Even a friend of mine who is a

size 2...says she is thankful she has been married forever because

she would not want some one new seeing her naked. And she has no

flab whatsoever. Its all our distorted view of ourselves. Sure we

have scars and flab...reminders of where we have been. But we cant

let them keep us from living and loving.

My dear hubby claims he doesnt see them anymore, and he says all the

right things. But even being married 24 years, I often wonder if all

my journey markers are disgusting to him.

Thanks for taking the plung to talk about this. I am going thru the

same emotions

>

> OK...so as many of you know...I've been carrying on an Internet

> romance for the past five and a half months. When it all began, I

> weighed about 246 at 5'6 " . The subject of weight never really

came

> up in the beginning...although with time, I told him I'd be having

> surgery, that I had gained quite a lot of weight in the prior

couple

> of years, and that the surgery would be changing me a lot.

>

> I only sent him face shots...and some older shots.

>

> Then, I had my surgery on June 8th. At the time of surgery, I was

> 235. Right now, I'm 174. So, that's 61 lbs. down from surgery,

and

> 72 from the point that I started writing him...and 87 lbs. from my

> orientation date. ANd I sent lots of pictures of myself on the

way

> down.

>

> ALl of my life, I have been very athletic. Even at my heaviest, I

> never had cellulite. My fat was solid and firm, encasing my

muscles,

> as it were. So...consequently, I looked better naked than I did

in

> clothes.

>

> So, now here I am...wearing size 10 pants (at least at Anne

> ...I bought a pair today, yahoo!), clearly smaller than I

was.

> Sometimes, I feel really good about the way I look. Like when

> Olivier and his friends were here...I felt great. And I was 11

lbs.

> heavier. Actually, 15 lbs. heavier.

>

> (Internet love) will be here on Saturday at noon. He knows

I've

> lost weight, and that I'm still losing weight. He knows I don't

like

> the fact that I now have little scars on my tummy. He knows that

I

> say I feel like a Sharpei. But, here's the thing...I'm scared.

>

> For the first time in my life, I am ashamed of my body. It's

weird,

> isn't it? Here I am, much thinner (and I've yo yoed through the

> years, so it's not my first time at this weight)...but my muscle

has

> all but disappeared. My upper arms and inner thighs are truly

> disgusting. No, I don't have skin hanging down in big flaps in my

> inner thighs...but there are lots of lines and creases...and it's

> like my inner thighs have segregated from the rest of my thigh.

And

> my upper arms are like jello.

>

> Part of this is my fault. I've been sick and tired, and haven't

been

> working out regularly for the past month and a half or so. Not

with

> weights anyway. Partly that's my trainer's fault...he had to take

> time off. Being sick and without my trainer, the motivation

alluded

> me.

>

> So part of me knows that I'll firm up a bit...that once I'm at my

> goal weight, I can build muscle again. And ultimately, if need

be, I

> can be nipped and tucked.

>

> ANd don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for this opportunity to lose

the

> weight relatively without effort. I'm happy to be a size 10

instead

> of a size 20.

>

> But, wow. The idea of being naked in front of him terrifies me.

> (particularly because the woman he dumped for me is 14 years

younger

> than me...without a weight issue.) I stupidly booked us to go to

> Hawaii...so there I'll be: pale, flabby, hanging ass (flat),

tubular

> small breasts (they are only 38 B now, and most of them are in my

arm

> pits), scars on my not firm (though thank God, not creased) tummy,

my

> hideous inner thighs, with its creases and crevasses and hanging

> flesh...and my stupid flabby arms. I'm going to be naked in front

of

> someone new. It's freaking me out.

>

> Part of it is just getting used to this new body...which is hard

to

> do because it changes every day. It's weird, because one day, I

look

> in the mirror, and I look pretty darned thin. A few weeks later,

and

> several lbs. lighter, I'll look down at my thigh, and it will seem

> enormous.

>

> I thought I looked great in a pair of size 12 jeans, and this sexy

> shirt a month ago. Now all I can see are the mounds of flesh, the

> little pockets of fat under my bra straps, the flab.

>

> Tim has spoken of body dysmorphia...and I understand that

concept.

> My ex-husband grabbed my calf when we were in the car. I

immediately

> was aware that my calf is much more flabby than it used to be, in

its

> former muscular self. (and, much like a hotdog skin that is

stretch

> tight around the stuffing...tight). I immediately became self-

> conscious about the flabbiness. When I said, " What are you

grabbing

> at my calf for? " , he responded, " Your legs are just so tiny, I

can't

> get over it. "

>

> So, maybe he wasn't going for the flab that I was looking at.

>

> I have no objective way to view myself. Everybody who knows me is

> telling me I'm " skinny " . I'm " tiny " . I look " fantastic " . But

these

> are people comparing me to my old self. NO one at 5'6 " and 174

lbs.

> is skinny. No one is tiny. I'm an overweight woman, who needs to

> lose almost 20 lbs. before she is no longer technically

overweight.

> My ex says I look like I could " maybe " lose 5 lbs., but that he

> didn't see how it would be possible for me to shed another 40.

(I'd

> like to be 135, which is not an unrealistic goal, at all.)

>

> I walk into " regular " stores now, and I'm still deluged with size

2,

> 4 and 6. Not many in my size. NOt many bras that are 38B, either.

>

> So, does this every change? Do you get used to your new body?

Once

> the plastic surgery is done (if necessary, and I'm beginning to

think

> it will be), do you ever get used to the big scar? I mean, all of

> this transition, and part of me wonders how my body must feel to

> change so much, so fast.

>

> I don't mean this to be a bummer...or to dissuade others. I don't

> regret the surgery. Here's what I do regret: I regret that I

spent

> my youth gaining and losing and regaining the same 50 lbs. I

regret

> that my body will always bear some scars, reminding me of how I

> abused my body at one point in my life. I regret that I can't

even

> think of wearing sleeveless shirts, even though my arms are

> finally " thin " ...because now they look like Granny arms.

>

> How I wish I could take my clothes off in front of

...confident

> that not only does he love me as a person...but he's turned on to

me

> as a woman....instead of worrying that the artist in him will

reject

> my new assymetric, wobbly, scarred and wobbly body.

>

> It's tough.

>

> Robynn

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Gordy. I have had great success so far. I remember back before the surgery, trying to figure out just how much i could lose before he came. I think we came to a conclusion that I'd probably be about 189. So, here I am at 174...and I'm proud of that. Happy about that.

It's weird, I used to have the thought that once the clothes were off...men pretty much only could see three things. You know what I mean. He's French, and so he's not used to the hard body Callifornia girl look anyway, as no right thinking French woman would ever exercise (other than walk in high heels). So, it may not be as shocking for him to see me. Perhaps he's used to some flab.

I want to love my body. I want to feel confident about it. I'm sure part of the terror is natural, after all...I've (we've) invested a lot of emotional energy into this thing over the past five and a half months. Now it's where the rubber meets the road (so to speak ; ) and there is a lot of fear for me. What if what if what if what if. The other part is that I'm still very sick, with an ear infection (I can still barely hear, and I started taking antibiotics on Monday a.m.), I'm congested...my eyes are puffy...it's so ANNOYING. I just want to be normal and healthy and ready to rumble.

Instead of that, I'm grumpy and tired and full of snot. With Sharpei thighs.

OK, time to start thinking positively. Like, 'Hey, I am wearing size 10 pants. How about that!!!!"

Thanks, guys.

RobynnGordy wrote:

Robynn...First of all....congratulations on your success to date. You are very insirational.I believe that you don't have any worries here with . Of all the things you've said about him over these past months the one that sticks out the most in my mind is the part where you mention that he's said to you many times that he doesn't care about what your body looks like because he's interested in the whole package. I know for me it's not all about what the body looks like but more the intelligence, wit, humor, caring and love that is shown by the person that I love. Try not to worry about what's going to happen, plan the action but not the results and have a great time ! RegardsGordy >> OK...so as many of you know...I've been carrying on an Internet > romance for the past five and a half months. When it all began, I > weighed about 246 at 5'6". The subject of weight never really came > up in the beginning...although with time, I told him I'd be having > surgery, that I had gained quite a lot of weight in the prior couple > of years, and that the surgery would be changing me a lot.> > I only sent him face shots...and some older shots.> > Then, I had my surgery on June 8th. At the time of surgery, I was > 235. Right now, I'm 174. So, that's 61 lbs. down from surgery, and > 72 from the point that I started writing him...and 87 lbs. from my > orientation date. ANd I sent lots of pictures of myself on the way > down.> > ALl of my life, I have been very athletic. Even at my heaviest, I >

never had cellulite. My fat was solid and firm, encasing my muscles, > as it were. So...consequently, I looked better naked than I did in > clothes.> > So, now here I am...wearing size 10 pants (at least at Anne > ...I bought a pair today, yahoo!), clearly smaller than I was. > Sometimes, I feel really good about the way I look. Like when > Olivier and his friends were here...I felt great. And I was 11 lbs. > heavier. Actually, 15 lbs. heavier.> > (Internet love) will be here on Saturday at noon. He knows I've > lost weight, and that I'm still losing weight. He knows I don't like > the fact that I now have little scars on my tummy. He knows that I > say I feel like a Sharpei. But, here's the thing...I'm scared.> > For the first time in my life, I am ashamed of my body. It's weird,

> isn't it? Here I am, much thinner (and I've yo yoed through the > years, so it's not my first time at this weight)...but my muscle has > all but disappeared. My upper arms and inner thighs are truly > disgusting. No, I don't have skin hanging down in big flaps in my > inner thighs...but there are lots of lines and creases...and it's > like my inner thighs have segregated from the rest of my thigh. And > my upper arms are like jello.> > Part of this is my fault. I've been sick and tired, and haven't been > working out regularly for the past month and a half or so. Not with > weights anyway. Partly that's my trainer's fault...he had to take > time off. Being sick and without my trainer, the motivation alluded > me. > > So part of me knows that I'll firm up a bit...that once I'm at my > goal weight, I

can build muscle again. And ultimately, if need be, I > can be nipped and tucked.> > ANd don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for this opportunity to lose the > weight relatively without effort. I'm happy to be a size 10 instead > of a size 20.> > But, wow. The idea of being naked in front of him terrifies me. > (particularly because the woman he dumped for me is 14 years younger > than me...without a weight issue.) I stupidly booked us to go to > Hawaii...so there I'll be: pale, flabby, hanging ass (flat), tubular > small breasts (they are only 38 B now, and most of them are in my arm > pits), scars on my not firm (though thank God, not creased) tummy, my > hideous inner thighs, with its creases and crevasses and hanging > flesh...and my stupid flabby arms. I'm going to be naked in front of > someone

new. It's freaking me out.> > Part of it is just getting used to this new body...which is hard to > do because it changes every day. It's weird, because one day, I look > in the mirror, and I look pretty darned thin. A few weeks later, and > several lbs. lighter, I'll look down at my thigh, and it will seem > enormous.> > I thought I looked great in a pair of size 12 jeans, and this sexy > shirt a month ago. Now all I can see are the mounds of flesh, the > little pockets of fat under my bra straps, the flab.> > Tim has spoken of body dysmorphia...and I understand that concept. > My ex-husband grabbed my calf when we were in the car. I immediately > was aware that my calf is much more flabby than it used to be, in its > former muscular self. (and, much like a hotdog skin that is stretch > tight around the

stuffing...tight). I immediately became self-> conscious about the flabbiness. When I said, "What are you grabbing > at my calf for?", he responded, "Your legs are just so tiny, I can't > get over it."> > So, maybe he wasn't going for the flab that I was looking at.> > I have no objective way to view myself. Everybody who knows me is > telling me I'm "skinny". I'm "tiny". I look "fantastic". But these > are people comparing me to my old self. NO one at 5'6" and 174 lbs. > is skinny. No one is tiny. I'm an overweight woman, who needs to > lose almost 20 lbs. before she is no longer technically overweight. > My ex says I look like I could "maybe" lose 5 lbs., but that he > didn't see how it would be possible for me to shed another 40. (I'd > like to be 135, which is not an unrealistic goal, at

all.)> > I walk into "regular" stores now, and I'm still deluged with size 2, > 4 and 6. Not many in my size. NOt many bras that are 38B, either.> > So, does this every change? Do you get used to your new body? Once > the plastic surgery is done (if necessary, and I'm beginning to think > it will be), do you ever get used to the big scar? I mean, all of > this transition, and part of me wonders how my body must feel to > change so much, so fast.> > I don't mean this to be a bummer...or to dissuade others. I don't > regret the surgery. Here's what I do regret: I regret that I spent > my youth gaining and losing and regaining the same 50 lbs. I regret > that my body will always bear some scars, reminding me of how I > abused my body at one point in my life. I regret that I can't even > think of

wearing sleeveless shirts, even though my arms are > finally "thin"...because now they look like Granny arms.> > How I wish I could take my clothes off in front of ...confident > that not only does he love me as a person...but he's turned on to me > as a woman....instead of worrying that the artist in him will reject > my new assymetric, wobbly, scarred and wobbly body.> > It's tough.> > Robynn>

[Guest guest]

Thanks ...glad to know I'm not alone. As for the scars, and what your husband said about not noticing them anymore, I'm sure that's true. My ex-husband was burned by coffee as a little boy. The scar is huge and keloid on half of his chest. He hadn't told me about it before we made love the first time. When he took his shirt off, I was a bit shocked, to be honest. Just because I hadn't been expecting it. It certainly didn't dull the passion for that night, though.

Pretty much right away, I didn't even notice it at all. Now, I don't even see it. It's not that the scar has faded, I doubt that it has much...after all, the scar was already 28 years old when I saw it for the first time. It just becomes part of the landscape, after awhile. When others comment on it, I'm surprised that they notice it at alll.

But, I think I tend to have a sexist view of things...I'm always being told how visually oriented men are...and so it makes me think that they are more critical of the view. I have been with some men who have been very hard on me about my weight (fortunately, not Steve, Olivier or ), even when I was at the weight I am at now. So, it left some psychological scars that are hard to get rid of.

THanks for understanding. I guess the trick is to learn to look at the scars fondly...as badgges of honor. Markers of all of our great achievements...the road to weight loss. The road to health.

Oy.

Robynn Diane Duenas wrote:

RobynnYou just very eloquently spoke about what Im going through too. I have had some plastics...my tummy and my arms. But they both bear the scars. My scars on my arms goes from armpit to elbow. I cant see it and most people cant unless I raise my arms. Its fading, but its still very noticeable one year later. I think of my tummy tuck scar as making me look like the back end of a volkswagon. My thighs are enormous. I carried my weight mostly in my thighs and butt....and believe me they are so gross now. I love wearing little skirts now because I can....but one day I caught a glimpse of my inner thigh hanging almost half way to my knee..now I wont wear that skirt anymore. I dont have any words of comfort. Its the one negative about this surgery. I cannot afford to have my legs done and Kaiser wont cover it. I was

extremely lucky that I qualified for the tummy. I paid for my arms myself.I do weight training but its not helping much. While I understand your fear and apprehension. From what you've told us about ...he is really into you. I do not think he will be turned off by you. This will totally be a huge leap of faith for you....let yourself feel how totally awesome you are. We all have things about ourselves we dont like. Even a friend of mine who is a size 2...says she is thankful she has been married forever because she would not want some one new seeing her naked. And she has no flab whatsoever. Its all our distorted view of ourselves. Sure we have scars and flab...reminders of where we have been. But we cant let them keep us from living and loving.My dear hubby claims he doesnt see them anymore, and he says all the right things. But even being married 24 years, I often wonder if all my journey markers are

disgusting to him.Thanks for taking the plung to talk about this. I am going thru the same emotions>> OK...so as many of you know...I've been carrying on an Internet > romance for the past five and a half months. When it all began, I > weighed about 246 at 5'6". The subject of weight never really came > up in the beginning...although with time, I told him I'd be having > surgery, that I had gained quite a lot of weight in the prior couple > of years, and that the surgery would be changing me a lot.> > I only sent him face shots...and some older shots.> > Then, I had my surgery on June 8th. At the time of surgery, I was > 235. Right now, I'm 174. So, that's 61 lbs. down from surgery, and > 72 from the point that I started writing

him...and 87 lbs. from my > orientation date. ANd I sent lots of pictures of myself on the way > down.> > ALl of my life, I have been very athletic. Even at my heaviest, I > never had cellulite. My fat was solid and firm, encasing my muscles, > as it were. So...consequently, I looked better naked than I did in > clothes.> > So, now here I am...wearing size 10 pants (at least at Anne > ...I bought a pair today, yahoo!), clearly smaller than I was. > Sometimes, I feel really good about the way I look. Like when > Olivier and his friends were here...I felt great. And I was 11 lbs. > heavier. Actually, 15 lbs. heavier.> > (Internet love) will be here on Saturday at noon. He knows I've > lost weight, and that I'm still losing weight. He knows I don't like > the fact that I

now have little scars on my tummy. He knows that I > say I feel like a Sharpei. But, here's the thing...I'm scared.> > For the first time in my life, I am ashamed of my body. It's weird, > isn't it? Here I am, much thinner (and I've yo yoed through the > years, so it's not my first time at this weight)...but my muscle has > all but disappeared. My upper arms and inner thighs are truly > disgusting. No, I don't have skin hanging down in big flaps in my > inner thighs...but there are lots of lines and creases...and it's > like my inner thighs have segregated from the rest of my thigh. And > my upper arms are like jello.> > Part of this is my fault. I've been sick and tired, and haven't been > working out regularly for the past month and a half or so. Not with > weights anyway. Partly that's my trainer's

fault...he had to take > time off. Being sick and without my trainer, the motivation alluded > me. > > So part of me knows that I'll firm up a bit...that once I'm at my > goal weight, I can build muscle again. And ultimately, if need be, I > can be nipped and tucked.> > ANd don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for this opportunity to lose the > weight relatively without effort. I'm happy to be a size 10 instead > of a size 20.> > But, wow. The idea of being naked in front of him terrifies me. > (particularly because the woman he dumped for me is 14 years younger > than me...without a weight issue.) I stupidly booked us to go to > Hawaii...so there I'll be: pale, flabby, hanging ass (flat), tubular > small breasts (they are only 38 B now, and most of them are in my arm > pits), scars on my not

firm (though thank God, not creased) tummy, my > hideous inner thighs, with its creases and crevasses and hanging > flesh...and my stupid flabby arms. I'm going to be naked in front of > someone new. It's freaking me out.> > Part of it is just getting used to this new body...which is hard to > do because it changes every day. It's weird, because one day, I look > in the mirror, and I look pretty darned thin. A few weeks later, and > several lbs. lighter, I'll look down at my thigh, and it will seem > enormous.> > I thought I looked great in a pair of size 12 jeans, and this sexy > shirt a month ago. Now all I can see are the mounds of flesh, the > little pockets of fat under my bra straps, the flab.> > Tim has spoken of body dysmorphia...and I understand that concept. > My ex-husband grabbed my calf when we were

in the car. I immediately > was aware that my calf is much more flabby than it used to be, in its > former muscular self. (and, much like a hotdog skin that is stretch > tight around the stuffing...tight). I immediately became self-> conscious about the flabbiness. When I said, "What are you grabbing > at my calf for?", he responded, "Your legs are just so tiny, I can't > get over it."> > So, maybe he wasn't going for the flab that I was looking at.> > I have no objective way to view myself. Everybody who knows me is > telling me I'm "skinny". I'm "tiny". I look "fantastic". But these > are people comparing me to my old self. NO one at 5'6" and 174 lbs. > is skinny. No one is tiny. I'm an overweight woman, who needs to > lose almost 20 lbs. before she is no longer technically

overweight. > My ex says I look like I could "maybe" lose 5 lbs., but that he > didn't see how it would be possible for me to shed another 40. (I'd > like to be 135, which is not an unrealistic goal, at all.)> > I walk into "regular" stores now, and I'm still deluged with size 2, > 4 and 6. Not many in my size. NOt many bras that are 38B, either.> > So, does this every change? Do you get used to your new body? Once > the plastic surgery is done (if necessary, and I'm beginning to think > it will be), do you ever get used to the big scar? I mean, all of > this transition, and part of me wonders how my body must feel to > change so much, so fast.> > I don't mean this to be a bummer...or to dissuade others. I don't > regret the surgery. Here's what I do regret: I regret that I spent > my youth

gaining and losing and regaining the same 50 lbs. I regret > that my body will always bear some scars, reminding me of how I > abused my body at one point in my life. I regret that I can't even > think of wearing sleeveless shirts, even though my arms are > finally "thin"...because now they look like Granny arms.> > How I wish I could take my clothes off in front of ...confident > that not only does he love me as a person...but he's turned on to me > as a woman....instead of worrying that the artist in him will reject > my new assymetric, wobbly, scarred and wobbly body.> > It's tough.> > Robynn>

[Guest guest]

Robynn,

I'm sure you've thought of this before, but...

If can't deal with your body, then the hell with him. I had a guy

do that once with me: I got my clothes off and he made some remarks

that were less than tactful (thought my thighs " should be thinner " ).

So I bailed; end of story. Yes, it hurt like hell. But you have to

have guts and take the chance or you'll never find love, and I know

you want that.

There's no courage without fear and no bravery without something to be

brave about.

These are all things you'd tell me, if I were in the same situation.

Get your clothes off, don't look down, and concentrate on pleasuring

him! Good luck!

Martha

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Martha. The reality is that he's very sweet and kind and supportive...and I'm sure he'll be fine. It's me that is the problem. HOpefully the passion will be so heavy duty I'll be thinking about OTHER parts of my body (and his, bien sur) instead of the Sharpei inner thighs...nursefera2 wrote:

Robynn,I'm sure you've thought of this before, but...If can't deal with your body, then the hell with him. I had a guydo that once with me: I got my clothes off and he made some remarksthat were less than tactful (thought my thighs "should be thinner").So I bailed; end of story. Yes, it hurt like hell. But you have tohave guts and take the chance or you'll never find love, and I knowyou want that. There's no courage without fear and no bravery without something to bebrave about. These are all things you'd tell me, if I were in the same situation.Get your clothes off, don't look down, and concentrate on pleasuringhim! Good luck!Martha

[Guest guest]

I know one gal who married someone in Australia that she met through the

Internet, and she married him during their initial get-together.

I also met my husband through Match.com. I will say this though: there

is a real advantage to meeting people closer to home. There is much less

pressure on the initial meeting. If you're meeting someone who lives

within an hour's drive, and it doesn't work out, there's no big

emotional or financial investment.

I would recommend that you at least mentally prepare a Plan B. If things

with don't work out, then what? Maybe be prepared mentally for

having to get separate sleeping quarters, maybe in a different hotel.

That way, you can still have fun, and it won't be a total loss. Also,

knowing that you HAVE a Plan B might ease some of the pressure, so you

are LESS likely to need it. Not sure if that makes sense. Something

about having a choice. You aren't STUCK with him, so you can CHOOSE to

stick with him, rather than " Oh crap, now what do I do? "

Good luck, and keep us posted! No, we don't need ALL the juicy details,

but maybe some! ;-)

Robynn wrote:

>OK...so as many of you know...I've been carrying on an Internet

>romance for the past five and a half months. When it all began, I

>weighed about 246 at 5'6 " . The subject of weight never really came

>up in the beginning...although with time, I told him I'd be having

>surgery, that I had gained quite a lot of weight in the prior couple

>of years, and that the surgery would be changing me a lot.

>

>I only sent him face shots...and some older shots.

>

>Then, I had my surgery on June 8th. At the time of surgery, I was

>235. Right now, I'm 174. So, that's 61 lbs. down from surgery, and

>72 from the point that I started writing him...and 87 lbs. from my

>orientation date. ANd I sent lots of pictures of myself on the way

>down.

>

>ALl of my life, I have been very athletic. Even at my heaviest, I

>never had cellulite. My fat was solid and firm, encasing my muscles,

>as it were. So...consequently, I looked better naked than I did in

>clothes.

>

>So, now here I am...wearing size 10 pants (at least at Anne

>...I bought a pair today, yahoo!), clearly smaller than I was.

>Sometimes, I feel really good about the way I look. Like when

>Olivier and his friends were here...I felt great. And I was 11 lbs.

>heavier. Actually, 15 lbs. heavier.

>

> (Internet love) will be here on Saturday at noon. He knows I've

>lost weight, and that I'm still losing weight. He knows I don't like

>the fact that I now have little scars on my tummy. He knows that I

>say I feel like a Sharpei. But, here's the thing...I'm scared.

>

>For the first time in my life, I am ashamed of my body. It's weird,

>isn't it? Here I am, much thinner (and I've yo yoed through the

>years, so it's not my first time at this weight)...but my muscle has

>all but disappeared. My upper arms and inner thighs are truly

>disgusting. No, I don't have skin hanging down in big flaps in my

>inner thighs...but there are lots of lines and creases...and it's

>like my inner thighs have segregated from the rest of my thigh. And

>my upper arms are like jello.

>

>Part of this is my fault. I've been sick and tired, and haven't been

>working out regularly for the past month and a half or so. Not with

>weights anyway. Partly that's my trainer's fault...he had to take

>time off. Being sick and without my trainer, the motivation alluded

>me.

>

>So part of me knows that I'll firm up a bit...that once I'm at my

>goal weight, I can build muscle again. And ultimately, if need be, I

>can be nipped and tucked.

>

>ANd don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for this opportunity to lose the

>weight relatively without effort. I'm happy to be a size 10 instead

>of a size 20.

>

>But, wow. The idea of being naked in front of him terrifies me.

>(particularly because the woman he dumped for me is 14 years younger

>than me...without a weight issue.) I stupidly booked us to go to

>Hawaii...so there I'll be: pale, flabby, hanging ass (flat), tubular

>small breasts (they are only 38 B now, and most of them are in my arm

>pits), scars on my not firm (though thank God, not creased) tummy, my

>hideous inner thighs, with its creases and crevasses and hanging

>flesh...and my stupid flabby arms. I'm going to be naked in front of

>someone new. It's freaking me out.

>

>Part of it is just getting used to this new body...which is hard to

>do because it changes every day. It's weird, because one day, I look

>in the mirror, and I look pretty darned thin. A few weeks later, and

>several lbs. lighter, I'll look down at my thigh, and it will seem

>enormous.

>

>I thought I looked great in a pair of size 12 jeans, and this sexy

>shirt a month ago. Now all I can see are the mounds of flesh, the

>little pockets of fat under my bra straps, the flab.

>

>Tim has spoken of body dysmorphia...and I understand that concept.

>My ex-husband grabbed my calf when we were in the car. I immediately

>was aware that my calf is much more flabby than it used to be, in its

>former muscular self. (and, much like a hotdog skin that is stretch

>tight around the stuffing...tight). I immediately became self-

>conscious about the flabbiness. When I said, " What are you grabbing

>at my calf for? " , he responded, " Your legs are just so tiny, I can't

>get over it. "

>

>So, maybe he wasn't going for the flab that I was looking at.

>

>I have no objective way to view myself. Everybody who knows me is

>telling me I'm " skinny " . I'm " tiny " . I look " fantastic " . But these

>are people comparing me to my old self. NO one at 5'6 " and 174 lbs.

>is skinny. No one is tiny. I'm an overweight woman, who needs to

>lose almost 20 lbs. before she is no longer technically overweight.

>My ex says I look like I could " maybe " lose 5 lbs., but that he

>didn't see how it would be possible for me to shed another 40. (I'd

>like to be 135, which is not an unrealistic goal, at all.)

>

>I walk into " regular " stores now, and I'm still deluged with size 2,

>4 and 6. Not many in my size. NOt many bras that are 38B, either.

>

>So, does this every change? Do you get used to your new body? Once

>the plastic surgery is done (if necessary, and I'm beginning to think

>it will be), do you ever get used to the big scar? I mean, all of

>this transition, and part of me wonders how my body must feel to

>change so much, so fast.

>

>I don't mean this to be a bummer...or to dissuade others. I don't

>regret the surgery. Here's what I do regret: I regret that I spent

>my youth gaining and losing and regaining the same 50 lbs. I regret

>that my body will always bear some scars, reminding me of how I

>abused my body at one point in my life. I regret that I can't even

>think of wearing sleeveless shirts, even though my arms are

>finally " thin " ...because now they look like Granny arms.

>

>How I wish I could take my clothes off in front of ...confident

>that not only does he love me as a person...but he's turned on to me

>as a woman....instead of worrying that the artist in him will reject

>my new assymetric, wobbly, scarred and wobbly body.

>

>It's tough.

>

>Robynn

>

>

--

Eleanor Oster

eleanor@... (personal address)

www.smallboxes.com/gastricbypass.htm

San , CA

Open RNY (100 cm bypassed) 07/15/2003

P. Fisher, M.D., Kaiser Richmond (CA)

~5'9 " tall

05/09/2003 319 Orientation

07/15/2003 ~290 Surgery

Current 157±2 Goal until plastics?

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Eleanor. Fortunately, no Plan B will be necessary.... ; )

Robynn

As for details...let's just say that this French guy really is an EXPERT in the art of amour. Yowza, yowza yowza and hallelujah. If it doesn't last forever (who knows), it is still a much needed downpour on the desert plains here, you know....

RobynnEleanor Oster wrote:

I know one gal who married someone in Australia that she met through the Internet, and she married him during their initial get-together.I also met my husband through Match.com. I will say this though: there is a real advantage to meeting people closer to home. There is much less pressure on the initial meeting. If you're meeting someone who lives within an hour's drive, and it doesn't work out, there's no big emotional or financial investment.I would recommend that you at least mentally prepare a Plan B. If things with don't work out, then what? Maybe be prepared mentally for having to get separate sleeping quarters, maybe in a different hotel. That way, you can still have fun, and it won't be a total loss. Also, knowing that you HAVE a Plan B might ease some of the pressure, so you are LESS likely to need it. Not sure

if that makes sense. Something about having a choice. You aren't STUCK with him, so you can CHOOSE to stick with him, rather than "Oh crap, now what do I do?"Good luck, and keep us posted! No, we don't need ALL the juicy details, but maybe some! ;-)Robynn wrote:>OK...so as many of you know...I've been carrying on an Internet >romance for the past five and a half months. When it all began, I >weighed about 246 at 5'6". The subject of weight never really came >up in the beginning...although with time, I told him I'd be having >surgery, that I had gained quite a lot of weight in the prior couple >of years, and that the surgery would be changing me a lot.>>I only sent him face shots...and some older shots.>>Then, I had my surgery on June 8th. At the time of surgery, I was >235. Right now, I'm 174. So, that's 61 lbs. down from surgery, and >72

from the point that I started writing him...and 87 lbs. from my >orientation date. ANd I sent lots of pictures of myself on the way >down.>>ALl of my life, I have been very athletic. Even at my heaviest, I >never had cellulite. My fat was solid and firm, encasing my muscles, >as it were. So...consequently, I looked better naked than I did in >clothes.>>So, now here I am...wearing size 10 pants (at least at Anne >...I bought a pair today, yahoo!), clearly smaller than I was. >Sometimes, I feel really good about the way I look. Like when >Olivier and his friends were here...I felt great. And I was 11 lbs. >heavier. Actually, 15 lbs. heavier.>> (Internet love) will be here on Saturday at noon. He knows I've >lost weight, and that I'm still losing weight. He knows I don't like >the fact that I now

have little scars on my tummy. He knows that I >say I feel like a Sharpei. But, here's the thing...I'm scared.>>For the first time in my life, I am ashamed of my body. It's weird, >isn't it? Here I am, much thinner (and I've yo yoed through the >years, so it's not my first time at this weight)...but my muscle has >all but disappeared. My upper arms and inner thighs are truly >disgusting. No, I don't have skin hanging down in big flaps in my >inner thighs...but there are lots of lines and creases...and it's >like my inner thighs have segregated from the rest of my thigh. And >my upper arms are like jello.>>Part of this is my fault. I've been sick and tired, and haven't been >working out regularly for the past month and a half or so. Not with >weights anyway. Partly that's my trainer's fault...he had to take >time

off. Being sick and without my trainer, the motivation alluded >me. >>So part of me knows that I'll firm up a bit...that once I'm at my >goal weight, I can build muscle again. And ultimately, if need be, I >can be nipped and tucked.>>ANd don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for this opportunity to lose the >weight relatively without effort. I'm happy to be a size 10 instead >of a size 20.>>But, wow. The idea of being naked in front of him terrifies me. >(particularly because the woman he dumped for me is 14 years younger >than me...without a weight issue.) I stupidly booked us to go to >Hawaii...so there I'll be: pale, flabby, hanging ass (flat), tubular >small breasts (they are only 38 B now, and most of them are in my arm >pits), scars on my not firm (though thank God, not creased) tummy, my >hideous inner thighs, with

its creases and crevasses and hanging >flesh...and my stupid flabby arms. I'm going to be naked in front of >someone new. It's freaking me out.>>Part of it is just getting used to this new body...which is hard to >do because it changes every day. It's weird, because one day, I look >in the mirror, and I look pretty darned thin. A few weeks later, and >several lbs. lighter, I'll look down at my thigh, and it will seem >enormous.>>I thought I looked great in a pair of size 12 jeans, and this sexy >shirt a month ago. Now all I can see are the mounds of flesh, the >little pockets of fat under my bra straps, the flab.>>Tim has spoken of body dysmorphia...and I understand that concept. >My ex-husband grabbed my calf when we were in the car. I immediately >was aware that my calf is much more flabby than it used to be, in its

>former muscular self. (and, much like a hotdog skin that is stretch >tight around the stuffing...tight). I immediately became self->conscious about the flabbiness. When I said, "What are you grabbing >at my calf for?", he responded, "Your legs are just so tiny, I can't >get over it.">>So, maybe he wasn't going for the flab that I was looking at.>>I have no objective way to view myself. Everybody who knows me is >telling me I'm "skinny". I'm "tiny". I look "fantastic". But these >are people comparing me to my old self. NO one at 5'6" and 174 lbs. >is skinny. No one is tiny. I'm an overweight woman, who needs to >lose almost 20 lbs. before she is no longer technically overweight. >My ex says I look like I could "maybe" lose 5 lbs., but that he >didn't see how it would be possible for me to shed another 40.

(I'd >like to be 135, which is not an unrealistic goal, at all.)>>I walk into "regular" stores now, and I'm still deluged with size 2, >4 and 6. Not many in my size. NOt many bras that are 38B, either.>>So, does this every change? Do you get used to your new body? Once >the plastic surgery is done (if necessary, and I'm beginning to think >it will be), do you ever get used to the big scar? I mean, all of >this transition, and part of me wonders how my body must feel to >change so much, so fast.>>I don't mean this to be a bummer...or to dissuade others. I don't >regret the surgery. Here's what I do regret: I regret that I spent >my youth gaining and losing and regaining the same 50 lbs. I regret >that my body will always bear some scars, reminding me of how I >abused my body at one point in my life. I regret that I

can't even >think of wearing sleeveless shirts, even though my arms are >finally "thin"...because now they look like Granny arms.>>How I wish I could take my clothes off in front of ...confident >that not only does he love me as a person...but he's turned on to me >as a woman....instead of worrying that the artist in him will reject >my new assymetric, wobbly, scarred and wobbly body.>>It's tough.>>Robynn> >-- Eleanor Ostereleanor@... (personal address)www.smallboxes.com/gastricbypass.htmSan , CAOpen RNY (100 cm bypassed) 07/15/2003 P. Fisher, M.D., Kaiser Richmond (CA)~5'9" tall05/09/2003 319 Orientation07/15/2003 ~290 SurgeryCurrent 157±2 Goal until plastics?

[Guest guest]

I'm not even gonna TRY to resist the obvious comment about use of a

raincoat! Seriously, I know what you mean about desert plains. I was

with someone who was impotent because of medical problems, for about 15

YEARS! It wasn't until almost a year after he died that I finally, er,

got a drink. So enjoy, and be careful!

Robynn VanPatten wrote:

> As for details...let's just say that this French guy really is an

> EXPERT in the art of amour. Yowza, yowza yowza and hallelujah. If it

> doesn't last forever (who knows), it is still a much needed downpour

> on the desert plains here, you know....

--

Eleanor Oster

eleanor@... (personal address)

www.smallboxes.com/gastricbypass.htm

San , CA

Open RNY (100 cm bypassed) 07/15/2003

P. Fisher, M.D., Kaiser Richmond (CA)

~5'9 " tall

05/09/2003 319 Orientation

07/15/2003 ~290 Surgery

Current 157±2 Goal until plastics?

[Guest guest]

Hi, Robynn -

I've been away from the computer for a few days, so I wasn't able to

respond to this when you sent it, and it's just as well I waited - it

sounds like things are going really, really well for you with ,

and I'm soooo happy to hear it. Of course, you're such a wonderful

person, how could it be otherwise?

Except that we all have these voices in our heads that feed us the

negative c**p that tells us we're not good enough, not pretty enough,

not WHATEVER enough. Those are the voices that a lot of us have tried

for years to silence by stuffing food in our mouths to shut them out.

And those voices won't go away just because our outsides change. . .

our insides have to change along with them, until we realize that the

voices are WRONG. Whether you end up in a lifetime relationship with

, or whether this turns out to be a wonderful short interlude, I

hope you'll come away with more belief in yourself and more ability

to trust that other people (particularly men) really mean it when

they say you're beautiful.

I do have a bit of a rant, though. I want to respond to one

particular part of what you wrote:

>I have no objective way to view myself. Everybody who knows me is

>telling me I'm " skinny " . I'm " tiny " . I look " fantastic " . But these

>are people comparing me to my old self. NO one at 5'6 " and 174 lbs.

>is skinny. No one is tiny. I'm an overweight woman, who needs to

>lose almost 20 lbs. before she is no longer technically overweight.

>My ex says I look like I could " maybe " lose 5 lbs., but that he

>didn't see how it would be possible for me to shed another 40. (I'd

>like to be 135, which is not an unrealistic goal, at all.)

135 may not be an unrealistic goal. Then again, maybe it is.

Let's take an example: My 14 year old daughter is 5'7 " , and weighs

between 160-170 lbs. She's also a cross-country runner who runs 5-7

miles most days, takes dance, and bikes 5-6 miles a day to and from

school. She wears a size 12 in most clothes. You look at this kid,

and she's the picture of health and fitness. But if you put her

height and weight into a BMI calculator, you come out with a BMI

ranging from 25.1 to 26.6; even the lowest amount is

still " overweight " . What's wrong with this picture?????

What's wrong is that it's missing one crucial factor: muscle mass.

The same website whose BMI calculator I used, Healthlink (from the

Medical College of Wisconsin) stated " Because BMI does not show the

difference between fat and muscle, it does not always accurately

predict when weight could lead to health problems. For example,

someone with a lot of muscle (such as a body builder) may have a BMI

in the unhealthy range, but still be healthy and have little risk of

developing diabetes or having a heart attack. "

Their calculator estimated my daughter's lean body weight as around

112 pounds. Her doctor did a body fat test on her that indicated her

lean body weight was closer to 128 pounds - so 16 lbs more muscle

than " normal " for her weight. That's crucial, folks! That's what

keeps her metabolism pumping at a high rate, even when she's sleeping.

I'm just trying to inject a little reality into the numbers game

here. While BMI is very, very important, and weight is very, very

important, they're not the whole story. I see some of you running

marathons, dancing all night at clubs, and doing wonderful things

with your lives that you couldn't have imagined before surgery - and

then coming back and slamming yourselves because you haven't made a

magic number.

Beating ourselves up because we have to get to an artificial number

so we'll be " normal " isn't going to do any good. My weight puts my

life at risk. I have to lose a LOT. But I'd much rather be a 170-lb.

athlete than a 135-lb. non-athlete, if I could choose. I don't know

if that's possible; I may have damaged my knees too much to bike or

run even if I lose the weight - but I want to try.

OK, rant over.

Cathy C.

[Guest guest]

Cathy, I'm not Robynn, but that was a very good rant.

Thanks for a new perspective!

Laurie

__________________________________

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[Guest guest]

Cathy, Wow, that makes a lot of sense, that's for the muscle information verses BMI. Good input. DonnaCathy wrote: Hi, Robynn -I've been away from the computer for a few days, so I wasn't able to respond to this when you sent it, and it's just as well I waited - it sounds like things are going really, really well for you with , and I'm soooo happy to hear it. Of course, you're such a wonderful person, how could it be otherwise? Except that we all have these voices in our heads that feed us the negative c**p that tells us we're not good enough, not pretty enough, not WHATEVER enough. Those are the voices that a lot of us have tried for years to silence by stuffing food in our mouths to shut them out. And those voices won't go away just because our outsides change. . . our insides have to change along with them, until we realize that the voices are WRONG. Whether you end up in a lifetime relationship with , or whether this

turns out to be a wonderful short interlude, I hope you'll come away with more belief in yourself and more ability to trust that other people (particularly men) really mean it when they say you're beautiful. I do have a bit of a rant, though. I want to respond to one particular part of what you wrote:<MAJOR snippage to save space>>I have no objective way to view myself. Everybody who knows me is>telling me I'm "skinny". I'm "tiny". I look "fantastic". But these>are people comparing me to my old self. NO one at 5'6" and 174 lbs.>is skinny. No one is tiny. I'm an overweight woman, who needs to>lose almost 20 lbs. before she is no longer technically overweight.>My ex says I look like I could "maybe" lose 5 lbs., but that he>didn't see how it would be possible for me to shed another 40. (I'd>like to be 135, which is not an unrealistic goal, at all.)135 may not be an unrealistic

goal. Then again, maybe it is. Let's take an example: My 14 year old daughter is 5'7", and weighs between 160-170 lbs. She's also a cross-country runner who runs 5-7 miles most days, takes dance, and bikes 5-6 miles a day to and from school. She wears a size 12 in most clothes. You look at this kid, and she's the picture of health and fitness. But if you put her height and weight into a BMI calculator, you come out with a BMI ranging from 25.1 to 26.6; even the lowest amount is still "overweight". What's wrong with this picture?????What's wrong is that it's missing one crucial factor: muscle mass. The same website whose BMI calculator I used, Healthlink (from the Medical College of Wisconsin) stated "Because BMI does not show the difference between fat and muscle, it does not always accurately predict when weight could lead to health problems. For example, someone with a lot of muscle (such as a body builder) may have a

BMI in the unhealthy range, but still be healthy and have little risk of developing diabetes or having a heart attack." Their calculator estimated my daughter's lean body weight as around 112 pounds. Her doctor did a body fat test on her that indicated her lean body weight was closer to 128 pounds - so 16 lbs more muscle than "normal" for her weight. That's crucial, folks! That's what keeps her metabolism pumping at a high rate, even when she's sleeping.I'm just trying to inject a little reality into the numbers game here. While BMI is very, very important, and weight is very, very important, they're not the whole story. I see some of you running marathons, dancing all night at clubs, and doing wonderful things with your lives that you couldn't have imagined before surgery - and then coming back and slamming yourselves because you haven't made a magic number. Beating ourselves up

because we have to get to an artificial number so we'll be "normal" isn't going to do any good. My weight puts my life at risk. I have to lose a LOT. But I'd much rather be a 170-lb. athlete than a 135-lb. non-athlete, if I could choose. I don't know if that's possible; I may have damaged my knees too much to bike or run even if I lose the weight - but I want to try. OK, rant over. Cathy C. Donna JordonDSJordon@...

Yahoo! Music Unlimited - Access over 1 million songs. Try it free.

[Guest guest]

>

>

> >I have no objective way to view myself. Everybody who knows me is

> >telling me I'm " skinny " . I'm " tiny " . I look " fantastic " . But these

> >are people comparing me to my old self. NO one at 5'6 " and 174 lbs.

> >is skinny. No one is tiny. I'm an overweight woman, who needs to

> >lose almost 20 lbs. before she is no longer technically overweight.

> >My ex says I look like I could " maybe " lose 5 lbs., but that he

> >didn't see how it would be possible for me to shed another 40. (I'd

> >like to be 135, which is not an unrealistic goal, at all.)

>

> 135 may not be an unrealistic goal. Then again, maybe it is.

>

> Let's take an example: My 14 year old daughter is 5'7 " , and weighs

> between 160-170 lbs. She's also a cross-country runner who runs 5-7

> miles most days, takes dance, and bikes 5-6 miles a day to and from

> school. She wears a size 12 in most clothes. You look at this kid,

> and she's the picture of health and fitness. But if you put her

> height and weight into a BMI calculator, you come out with a BMI

> ranging from 25.1 to 26.6; even the lowest amount is

> still " overweight " . What's wrong with this picture?????

>

> What's wrong is that it's missing one crucial factor: muscle mass.

> The same website whose BMI calculator I used, Healthlink (from the

> Medical College of Wisconsin) stated " Because BMI does not show the

> difference between fat and muscle, it does not always accurately

> predict when weight could lead to health problems. For example,

> someone with a lot of muscle (such as a body builder) may have a

BMI

> in the unhealthy range, but still be healthy and have little risk

of

> developing diabetes or having a heart attack. "

>

> Their calculator estimated my daughter's lean body weight as around

> 112 pounds. Her doctor did a body fat test on her that indicated

her

> lean body weight was closer to 128 pounds - so 16 lbs more muscle

> than " normal " for her weight. That's crucial, folks! That's what

> keeps her metabolism pumping at a high rate, even when she's

sleeping.

>

> I'm just trying to inject a little reality into the numbers game

> here. While BMI is very, very important, and weight is very, very

> important, they're not the whole story. I see some of you running

> marathons, dancing all night at clubs, and doing wonderful things

> with your lives that you couldn't have imagined before surgery -

and

> then coming back and slamming yourselves because you haven't made a

> magic number.

>

> Beating ourselves up because we have to get to an artificial number

> so we'll be " normal " isn't going to do any good. My weight puts my

> life at risk. I have to lose a LOT. But I'd much rather be a 170-

lb.

> athlete than a 135-lb. non-athlete, if I could choose. I don't

know

> if that's possible; I may have damaged my knees too much to bike or

> run even if I lose the weight - but I want to try.

>

> OK, rant over.

>

> Cathy C.

>