Guest guest Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Robynn- I hear your every word , thought, worry and concern..................... I remember before surgery making my husband look at womens before and after pictures of what the body can do after large amounts of weight loss, he assured me that that would not bother him and i honestly dont think it does, ( well he does miss the larger boobs) but i think it bothers me more than him, i also have wrinkled inner thighs and very flabby upper arms.........but for me no longer having the diabetes or high cholesterol and lower blood pressure are worth it..............I too have people telling me i dont look like i need to lose but maybe ten pounds, and they call me skinny also.........but like you Robynn Lets be real when you get to regular ( normal) clothes sizes......................its fun to shop and yes we are not 4 ors 6's but right now i am at 12's and i am so happy with that, but for some women a 12 is depressing, losing weight and body image is like money the more you have the more you want..................... I dont have the stress of meeting someone new like you do.....................its always hard in the begining even if your skin weight hair tan and everything were model perfect you would still be stressing.........................so, take deep breaths, sarongs in hawaii are great and they have them everywhere...............your gonna do fine and it wont be easy but hopefully it will be good. When you meet on the internet like that its always hard to finally meet that person, and it seems like you are worrying so much about what he thinks dont forget about YOU and how YOU feel and what YOU think.................... I hope you get this post, I never get yours anymore unless i see it in someone elses post. You are just going to be butterflys and out of sorts for the next twenty four hours thats a given.............got get a manicure and a pedicure or your hair done, a massage anything to make you feel good relaxed and better about yourself wishing you the best Colleenbczion13@... wrote: Hi Robynn, Honey you are doing great take a deep breath you are just stressing over him see you face to face. I have been married for 30 years and That is very hard to keep things alive in the bed room I think you should look for knotty nighty's they are fun and you really don't get naked. But even if you do just take it slow and enjoy yourself. I'm sure he's not perfect also, he may be a little crooked if you know what I mean...I hope you laughed at that Relax and enjoy your hard work...... Big Hugs Caryl OK...so as many of you know...I've been carrying on an Internet romance for the past five and a half months. When it all began, I weighed about 246 at 5'6". The subject of weight never really came up in the beginning...although with time, I told him I'd be having surgery, that I had gained quite a lot of weight in the prior couple of years, and that the surgery would be changing me a lot.I only sent him face shots...and some older shots.Then, I had my surgery on June 8th. At the time of surgery, I was 235. Right now, I'm 174. So, that's 61 lbs. down from surgery, and 72 from the point that I started writing him...and 87 lbs. from my orientation date. ANd I sent lots of pictures of myself on the way down.ALl of my life, I have been very athletic. Even at my heaviest, I never had cellulite. My fat was solid and firm, encasing my muscles, as it were. So...consequently, I looked better naked than I did in clothes.So, now here I am...wearing size 10 pants (at least at Anne ...I bought a pair today, yahoo!), clearly smaller than I was. Sometimes, I feel really good about the way I look. Like when Olivier and his friends were here...I felt great. And I was 11 lbs. heavier. Actually, 15 lbs. heavier. (Internet love) will be here on Saturday at noon. He knows I've lost weight, and that I'm still losing weight. He knows I don't like the fact that I now have little scars on my tummy. He knows that I say I feel like a Sharpei. But, here's the thing...I'm scared.For the first time in my life, I am ashamed of my body. It's weird, isn't it? Here I am, much thinner (and I've yo yoed through the years, so it's not my first time at this weight)...but my muscle has all but disappeared. My upper arms and inner thighs are truly disgusting. No, I don't have skin hanging down in big flaps in my inner thighs...but there are lots of lines and creases...and it's like my inner thighs have segregated from the rest of my thigh. And my upper arms are like jello.Part of this is my fault. I've been sick and tired, and haven't been working out regularly for the past month and a half or so. Not with weights anyway. Partly that's my trainer's fault...he had to take time off. Being sick and without my trainer, the motivation alluded me. So part of me knows that I'll firm up a bit...that once I'm at my goal weight, I can build muscle again. And ultimately, if need be, I can be nipped and tucked.ANd don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for this opportunity to lose the weight relatively without effort. I'm happy to be a size 10 instead of a size 20.But, wow. The idea of being naked in front of him terrifies me. (particularly because the woman he dumped for me is 14 years younger than me...without a weight issue.) I stupidly booked us to go to Hawaii...so there I'll be: pale, flabby, hanging ass (flat), tubular small breasts (they are only 38 B now, and most of them are in my arm pits), scars on my not firm (though thank God, not creased) tummy, my hideous inner thighs, with its creases and crevasses and hanging flesh...and my stupid flabby arms. I'm going to be naked in front of someone new. It's freaking me out.Part of it is just getting used to this new body...which is hard to do because it changes every day. It's weird, because one day, I look in the mirror, and I look pretty darned thin. A few weeks later, and several lbs. lighter, I'll look down at my thigh, and it will seem enormous.I thought I looked great in a pair of size 12 jeans, and this sexy shirt a month ago. Now all I can see are the mounds of flesh, the little pockets of fat under my bra straps, the flab.Tim has spoken of body dysmorphia...and I understand that concept. My ex-husband grabbed my calf when we were in the car. I immediately was aware that my calf is much more flabby than it used to be, in its former muscular self. (and, much like a hotdog skin that is stretch tight around the stuffing...tight). I immediately became self-conscious about the flabbiness. When I said, "What are you grabbing at my calf for?", he responded, "Your legs are just so tiny, I can't get over it."So, maybe he wasn't going for the flab that I was looking at.I have no objective way to view myself. Everybody who knows me is telling me I'm "skinny". I'm "tiny". I look "fantastic". But these are people comparing me to my old self. NO one at 5'6" and 174 lbs. is skinny. No one is tiny. I'm an overweight woman, who needs to lose almost 20 lbs. before she is no longer technically overweight. My ex says I look like I could "maybe" lose 5 lbs., but that he didn't see how it would be possible for me to shed another 40. (I'd like to be 135, which is not an unrealistic goal, at all.)I walk into "regular" stores now, and I'm still deluged with size 2, 4 and 6. Not many in my size. NOt many bras that are 38B, either.So, does this every change? Do you get used to your new body? Once the plastic surgery is done (if necessary, and I'm beginning to think it will be), do you ever get used to the big scar? I mean, all of this transition, and part of me wonders how my body must feel to change so much, so fast.I don't mean this to be a bummer...or to dissuade others. I don't regret the surgery. Here's what I do regret: I regret that I spent my youth gaining and losing and regaining the same 50 lbs. I regret that my body will always bear some scars, reminding me of how I abused my body at one point in my life. I regret that I can't even think of wearing sleeveless shirts, even though my arms are finally "thin"...because now they look like Granny arms.How I wish I could take my clothes off in front of ...confident that not only does he love me as a person...but he's turned on to me as a woman....instead of worrying that the artist in him will reject my new assymetric, wobbly, scarred and wobbly body.It's tough.Robynn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Thanks Colleen...I'm getting my hair done, and my nails done, too....and then we are both getting massages tomorrow.... I appreciate your encouragement. RobynnColleen Garner wrote: Robynn- I hear your every word , thought, worry and concern..................... I remember before surgery making my husband look at womens before and after pictures of what the body can do after large amounts of weight loss, he assured me that that would not bother him and i honestly dont think it does, ( well he does miss the larger boobs) but i think it bothers me more than him, i also have wrinkled inner thighs and very flabby upper arms.........but for me no longer having the diabetes or high cholesterol and lower blood pressure are worth it..............I too have people telling me i dont look like i need to lose but maybe ten pounds, and they call me skinny also.........but like you Robynn Lets be real when you get to regular ( normal) clothes sizes......................its fun to shop and yes we are not 4 ors 6's but right now i am at 12's and i am so happy with that, but for some women a 12 is depressing, losing weight and body image is like money the more you have the more you want..................... I dont have the stress of meeting someone new like you do.....................its always hard in the begining even if your skin weight hair tan and everything were model perfect you would still be stressing.........................so, take deep breaths, sarongs in hawaii are great and they have them everywhere...............your gonna do fine and it wont be easy but hopefully it will be good. When you meet on the internet like that its always hard to finally meet that person, and it seems like you are worrying so much about what he thinks dont forget about YOU and how YOU feel and what YOU think.................... I hope you get this post, I never get yours anymore unless i see it in someone elses post. You are just going to be butterflys and out of sorts for the next twenty four hours thats a given.............got get a manicure and a pedicure or your hair done, a massage anything to make you feel good relaxed and better about yourself wishing you the best Colleenbczion13@... wrote: Hi Robynn, Honey you are doing great take a deep breath you are just stressing over him see you face to face. I have been married for 30 years and That is very hard to keep things alive in the bed room I think you should look for knotty nighty's they are fun and you really don't get naked. But even if you do just take it slow and enjoy yourself. I'm sure he's not perfect also, he may be a little crooked if you know what I mean...I hope you laughed at that Relax and enjoy your hard work...... Big Hugs Caryl OK...so as many of you know...I've been carrying on an Internet romance for the past five and a half months. When it all began, I weighed about 246 at 5'6". The subject of weight never really came up in the beginning...although with time, I told him I'd be having surgery, that I had gained quite a lot of weight in the prior couple of years, and that the surgery would be changing me a lot.I only sent him face shots...and some older shots.Then, I had my surgery on June 8th. At the time of surgery, I was 235. Right now, I'm 174. So, that's 61 lbs. down from surgery, and 72 from the point that I started writing him...and 87 lbs. from my orientation date. ANd I sent lots of pictures of myself on the way down.ALl of my life, I have been very athletic. Even at my heaviest, I never had cellulite. My fat was solid and firm, encasing my muscles, as it were. So...consequently, I looked better naked than I did in clothes.So, now here I am...wearing size 10 pants (at least at Anne ...I bought a pair today, yahoo!), clearly smaller than I was. Sometimes, I feel really good about the way I look. Like when Olivier and his friends were here...I felt great. And I was 11 lbs. heavier. Actually, 15 lbs. heavier. (Internet love) will be here on Saturday at noon. He knows I've lost weight, and that I'm still losing weight. He knows I don't like the fact that I now have little scars on my tummy. He knows that I say I feel like a Sharpei. But, here's the thing...I'm scared.For the first time in my life, I am ashamed of my body. It's weird, isn't it? Here I am, much thinner (and I've yo yoed through the years, so it's not my first time at this weight)...but my muscle has all but disappeared. My upper arms and inner thighs are truly disgusting. No, I don't have skin hanging down in big flaps in my inner thighs...but there are lots of lines and creases...and it's like my inner thighs have segregated from the rest of my thigh. And my upper arms are like jello.Part of this is my fault. I've been sick and tired, and haven't been working out regularly for the past month and a half or so. Not with weights anyway. Partly that's my trainer's fault...he had to take time off. Being sick and without my trainer, the motivation alluded me. So part of me knows that I'll firm up a bit...that once I'm at my goal weight, I can build muscle again. And ultimately, if need be, I can be nipped and tucked.ANd don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for this opportunity to lose the weight relatively without effort. I'm happy to be a size 10 instead of a size 20.But, wow. The idea of being naked in front of him terrifies me. (particularly because the woman he dumped for me is 14 years younger than me...without a weight issue.) I stupidly booked us to go to Hawaii...so there I'll be: pale, flabby, hanging ass (flat), tubular small breasts (they are only 38 B now, and most of them are in my arm pits), scars on my not firm (though thank God, not creased) tummy, my hideous inner thighs, with its creases and crevasses and hanging flesh...and my stupid flabby arms. I'm going to be naked in front of someone new. It's freaking me out.Part of it is just getting used to this new body...which is hard to do because it changes every day. It's weird, because one day, I look in the mirror, and I look pretty darned thin. A few weeks later, and several lbs. lighter, I'll look down at my thigh, and it will seem enormous.I thought I looked great in a pair of size 12 jeans, and this sexy shirt a month ago. Now all I can see are the mounds of flesh, the little pockets of fat under my bra straps, the flab.Tim has spoken of body dysmorphia...and I understand that concept. My ex-husband grabbed my calf when we were in the car. I immediately was aware that my calf is much more flabby than it used to be, in its former muscular self. (and, much like a hotdog skin that is stretch tight around the stuffing...tight). I immediately became self-conscious about the flabbiness. When I said, "What are you grabbing at my calf for?", he responded, "Your legs are just so tiny, I can't get over it."So, maybe he wasn't going for the flab that I was looking at.I have no objective way to view myself. Everybody who knows me is telling me I'm "skinny". I'm "tiny". I look "fantastic". But these are people comparing me to my old self. NO one at 5'6" and 174 lbs. is skinny. No one is tiny. I'm an overweight woman, who needs to lose almost 20 lbs. before she is no longer technically overweight. My ex says I look like I could "maybe" lose 5 lbs., but that he didn't see how it would be possible for me to shed another 40. (I'd like to be 135, which is not an unrealistic goal, at all.)I walk into "regular" stores now, and I'm still deluged with size 2, 4 and 6. Not many in my size. NOt many bras that are 38B, either.So, does this every change? Do you get used to your new body? Once the plastic surgery is done (if necessary, and I'm beginning to think it will be), do you ever get used to the big scar? I mean, all of this transition, and part of me wonders how my body must feel to change so much, so fast.I don't mean this to be a bummer...or to dissuade others. I don't regret the surgery. Here's what I do regret: I regret that I spent my youth gaining and losing and regaining the same 50 lbs. I regret that my body will always bear some scars, reminding me of how I abused my body at one point in my life. I regret that I can't even think of wearing sleeveless shirts, even though my arms are finally "thin"...because now they look like Granny arms.How I wish I could take my clothes off in front of ...confident that not only does he love me as a person...but he's turned on to me as a woman....instead of worrying that the artist in him will reject my new assymetric, wobbly, scarred and wobbly body.It's tough.Robynn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Thanks Colleen...I'm getting my hair done, and my nails done, too....and then we are both getting massages tomorrow.... I appreciate your encouragement. RobynnColleen Garner wrote: Robynn- I hear your every word , thought, worry and concern..................... I remember before surgery making my husband look at womens before and after pictures of what the body can do after large amounts of weight loss, he assured me that that would not bother him and i honestly dont think it does, ( well he does miss the larger boobs) but i think it bothers me more than him, i also have wrinkled inner thighs and very flabby upper arms.........but for me no longer having the diabetes or high cholesterol and lower blood pressure are worth it..............I too have people telling me i dont look like i need to lose but maybe ten pounds, and they call me skinny also.........but like you Robynn Lets be real when you get to regular ( normal) clothes sizes......................its fun to shop and yes we are not 4 ors 6's but right now i am at 12's and i am so happy with that, but for some women a 12 is depressing, losing weight and body image is like money the more you have the more you want..................... I dont have the stress of meeting someone new like you do.....................its always hard in the begining even if your skin weight hair tan and everything were model perfect you would still be stressing.........................so, take deep breaths, sarongs in hawaii are great and they have them everywhere...............your gonna do fine and it wont be easy but hopefully it will be good. When you meet on the internet like that its always hard to finally meet that person, and it seems like you are worrying so much about what he thinks dont forget about YOU and how YOU feel and what YOU think.................... I hope you get this post, I never get yours anymore unless i see it in someone elses post. You are just going to be butterflys and out of sorts for the next twenty four hours thats a given.............got get a manicure and a pedicure or your hair done, a massage anything to make you feel good relaxed and better about yourself wishing you the best Colleenbczion13@... wrote: Hi Robynn, Honey you are doing great take a deep breath you are just stressing over him see you face to face. I have been married for 30 years and That is very hard to keep things alive in the bed room I think you should look for knotty nighty's they are fun and you really don't get naked. But even if you do just take it slow and enjoy yourself. I'm sure he's not perfect also, he may be a little crooked if you know what I mean...I hope you laughed at that Relax and enjoy your hard work...... Big Hugs Caryl OK...so as many of you know...I've been carrying on an Internet romance for the past five and a half months. When it all began, I weighed about 246 at 5'6". The subject of weight never really came up in the beginning...although with time, I told him I'd be having surgery, that I had gained quite a lot of weight in the prior couple of years, and that the surgery would be changing me a lot.I only sent him face shots...and some older shots.Then, I had my surgery on June 8th. At the time of surgery, I was 235. Right now, I'm 174. So, that's 61 lbs. down from surgery, and 72 from the point that I started writing him...and 87 lbs. from my orientation date. ANd I sent lots of pictures of myself on the way down.ALl of my life, I have been very athletic. Even at my heaviest, I never had cellulite. My fat was solid and firm, encasing my muscles, as it were. So...consequently, I looked better naked than I did in clothes.So, now here I am...wearing size 10 pants (at least at Anne ...I bought a pair today, yahoo!), clearly smaller than I was. Sometimes, I feel really good about the way I look. Like when Olivier and his friends were here...I felt great. And I was 11 lbs. heavier. Actually, 15 lbs. heavier. (Internet love) will be here on Saturday at noon. He knows I've lost weight, and that I'm still losing weight. He knows I don't like the fact that I now have little scars on my tummy. He knows that I say I feel like a Sharpei. But, here's the thing...I'm scared.For the first time in my life, I am ashamed of my body. It's weird, isn't it? Here I am, much thinner (and I've yo yoed through the years, so it's not my first time at this weight)...but my muscle has all but disappeared. My upper arms and inner thighs are truly disgusting. No, I don't have skin hanging down in big flaps in my inner thighs...but there are lots of lines and creases...and it's like my inner thighs have segregated from the rest of my thigh. And my upper arms are like jello.Part of this is my fault. I've been sick and tired, and haven't been working out regularly for the past month and a half or so. Not with weights anyway. Partly that's my trainer's fault...he had to take time off. Being sick and without my trainer, the motivation alluded me. So part of me knows that I'll firm up a bit...that once I'm at my goal weight, I can build muscle again. And ultimately, if need be, I can be nipped and tucked.ANd don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for this opportunity to lose the weight relatively without effort. I'm happy to be a size 10 instead of a size 20.But, wow. The idea of being naked in front of him terrifies me. (particularly because the woman he dumped for me is 14 years younger than me...without a weight issue.) I stupidly booked us to go to Hawaii...so there I'll be: pale, flabby, hanging ass (flat), tubular small breasts (they are only 38 B now, and most of them are in my arm pits), scars on my not firm (though thank God, not creased) tummy, my hideous inner thighs, with its creases and crevasses and hanging flesh...and my stupid flabby arms. I'm going to be naked in front of someone new. It's freaking me out.Part of it is just getting used to this new body...which is hard to do because it changes every day. It's weird, because one day, I look in the mirror, and I look pretty darned thin. A few weeks later, and several lbs. lighter, I'll look down at my thigh, and it will seem enormous.I thought I looked great in a pair of size 12 jeans, and this sexy shirt a month ago. Now all I can see are the mounds of flesh, the little pockets of fat under my bra straps, the flab.Tim has spoken of body dysmorphia...and I understand that concept. My ex-husband grabbed my calf when we were in the car. I immediately was aware that my calf is much more flabby than it used to be, in its former muscular self. (and, much like a hotdog skin that is stretch tight around the stuffing...tight). I immediately became self-conscious about the flabbiness. When I said, "What are you grabbing at my calf for?", he responded, "Your legs are just so tiny, I can't get over it."So, maybe he wasn't going for the flab that I was looking at.I have no objective way to view myself. Everybody who knows me is telling me I'm "skinny". I'm "tiny". I look "fantastic". But these are people comparing me to my old self. NO one at 5'6" and 174 lbs. is skinny. No one is tiny. I'm an overweight woman, who needs to lose almost 20 lbs. before she is no longer technically overweight. My ex says I look like I could "maybe" lose 5 lbs., but that he didn't see how it would be possible for me to shed another 40. (I'd like to be 135, which is not an unrealistic goal, at all.)I walk into "regular" stores now, and I'm still deluged with size 2, 4 and 6. Not many in my size. NOt many bras that are 38B, either.So, does this every change? Do you get used to your new body? Once the plastic surgery is done (if necessary, and I'm beginning to think it will be), do you ever get used to the big scar? I mean, all of this transition, and part of me wonders how my body must feel to change so much, so fast.I don't mean this to be a bummer...or to dissuade others. I don't regret the surgery. Here's what I do regret: I regret that I spent my youth gaining and losing and regaining the same 50 lbs. I regret that my body will always bear some scars, reminding me of how I abused my body at one point in my life. I regret that I can't even think of wearing sleeveless shirts, even though my arms are finally "thin"...because now they look like Granny arms.How I wish I could take my clothes off in front of ...confident that not only does he love me as a person...but he's turned on to me as a woman....instead of worrying that the artist in him will reject my new assymetric, wobbly, scarred and wobbly body.It's tough.Robynn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.