Guest guest Posted September 12, 2004 Report Share Posted September 12, 2004 Jen-...My name is Robin and I had a lapds 3/03 and if you need to talk or have questions..email me at rokin2rich@.... I am 32 wks pregnant Robin > , > > I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wasn't on the pill, THAT > MONTH, but had been for YEARS before that, and had been with my boyfriend > about 2 weeks when a condom broke. I told him not to stress because I had > been told many times I wouuldn't be able to get preggers without tons of > work. Well I didn't think twice about it, and then about a month later a > girlfriend of mine was talking about how she had cramps and I about fell off > my stool realizing it had been almost 2 months since my last period. The > next day I took a pregnancy test, and then 5 more, just in case the first > five were wrong... Needless to say, that wasn't the case. > > I was not in a " baby place " I lived in a high rise in downtown Chicago, > living the sex in the city life to the fullest. I didn't have any illusions > about the guy I had been seeing being Mr. Right, he didn't even have a > divorce yet, although he had been seperated for 3 years, but we had fun > together and that was where we both were in life. I have wanted children my > whole life, when all my friends in our college town started to get married > and have kids, I was still the fat chick, no prospects of anyone seeing past > it for anything but a good time in the sac, and I certainly wasn't finding > anyone I could start a family with. It was very hard to watch all of my > friends live the life I so desperately wanted so I picked up and moved > downtown. I had my DS about a year later after I moved and so began my > life. I swear, I didn't know what living was until almost a year after my > wls. > > I was single, cute, sexy, and normal for the first time in my life. Guys > were falling all over me, I was finally happy with me, had a ton of friends > that were my age, no kids, no responsibilities, and really none of us wanted > any at that point. We were at a very selfish stage in our lives were it was > all about us, and we didn't really need anyone else to have to worry about. > I was dating many people, not just one, and at times even sleeping with a > few of them. It was a very free love time of my life, and while I am glad > that I experienced it, because I never did when I was younger... As a > result I got preggers. > > Last winter, I was working with the father, we were both pretty big > partyers, and we always had a blast. It was all very casual, and then BAM! > About a week before I found out I was pregnant, he decided to try to work > things out with his wife. That was actually fine with me, like I said, it > wasn't like I was in love with the guy, we just really liked each other. So > when a week later I found out I was pregnant that didn't exactly sit well > with him. He demanded I have an abortion, said I was irresponsible, had > been drinking, smoking, etc. and that if I had the baby it would have all > kinds of problems because I was a terrible person and could never be a > mother, etc. At 31 years old, after having wanted this my whole life and > having recent surgeries and fertilitiy issues that told me that I might > never have my own kids, I was an emotional wreck. > > I wasn't in a place in my life when I wanted a baby either, I didn't want to > move out of the city, but couldn't afford day care in Chicago on my own. > All my friends didn't know what to do with me, if they couldn't take me out > dancing and buy me a martini to ease the pain, they were pretty much at a > loss, as I would have been if it was one of them. As I said, a baby just > wasn't part of the life plan just then... But at the same time, this was > something I had always wanted, and without a doubt, might never happen > again. I personally couldn't go through with an abortion. Maybe at 22, but > not at 30. So to me it wasn't a question of what, it was how and when. > > I left chicago and moved back to where I grew up as a young kid, in the twin > cities, MN. It was a HUGE culture shock, plus I had to stay with Mom and > Dad for about 3 months while I found a job at 16 weeks pregnant, and an > apartment, etc. The father still wont speak to me, and I am looking at > doing it all alone. > > And I would do it all over again in a heart beat. No questions asked. I > have monthly ultra sounds and feel almost like I know this little peroson > living inside me already. Every time it moves, or gets the hiccups it > almost makes me want to cry. I have had a number of complications, and am > on partial bed rest at the moment, and still, there is nothing I would do to > change a thing. Hang in there, trust YOUR gut. Know that you will make the > right decision, and that with or without his support you will be just fine. > > Keep the faith girl, it will be ok. > Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2005 Report Share Posted October 25, 2005 Hi everyone Im feeling really down and depressed. My son just told me last night that he is moving to Nevada. So I get to be a parttime grandma again. Im very jealous of the other grandma who will now have both grandkids full time(my sons married sisters and my oldest already lives in Nevada). But its more than that. I am tired of feeling inadequate. That some one is always better than me. That Im not good enough. That no matter how much I give, its not enough. Im tired of feeling like a weak failure who cant seem to stick with the program. Im tired of feeling that no matter how much I love...Im not loved back. Im tired of feeling like I dont have friends that want to be friends with me just for the sake of being my friend...that they are friends cuz they have to be. I guess Im tired of being me if that makes any sense. Ok, sorry this is such a downer message, I just needed to reach out to people who would understand I hope. Huggles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2005 Report Share Posted October 25, 2005 , I hear what you are saying and it make sense to me. I think that we all go through a period were we are tired of being tired of just being tired and it seems like its just never enough. Its great that you voiced that here and you know that we are thinking and wishing you well wishes. Walk through this and you are going to be fine even if it does not seem like it. I guess I can relate to what you are saying about the program. Today is my anniversary from when I started this process and I look at where I am today and I am amazed. I never in a million years thought I would be here. I am skinny again and its almost scary because I really don't want lose anymore looking at my body. I mean if more comes off that is cool but its sort of scary. Then I say no, just a little more. I feel sort of like I am obsessed about this and that is where I don't want to be. I read a email about someone (it was Robynn) talking about getting nauseated when she see food brought to the table. I was just telling my husband that sometimes (majority of the times) I hate to eat. I am back to skipping breakfast and that is because I am not hungry and then there is the burden of trying to figure out what I will eat for lunch and then dinner...well maybe a sugar free Popsicle or a graham cracker with a slice of cheese and that is it and I am satisfied but at the same time, I would rather have nothing. I guess we are all in a funk of sorts. As for being your friend, I'd like to be your friend and thought that we were but I know that I have not done my part and reached out to you. I mean for pete's sake, I have your dog gone telephone number and rarely use it. Believe me, it has nothing to do with you as a individual but its about me and me learning how to reach out to people without being afraid that I will get hurt. You know that seems to be a lot of people's issues. So, I know I rambled on and on but know that I am here and I will call you in a bit once I get things settled down here at work. Hugs to you . Pam Marsh - 103 Pounds gone but not forgotten --- Diane Duenas brendadiane64@...> wrote: > Hi everyone > > Im feeling really down and depressed. > > My son just told me last night that he is moving to > Nevada. So I get > to be a parttime grandma again. Im very jealous of > the other grandma > who will now have both grandkids full time(my sons > married sisters > and my oldest already lives in Nevada). > > But its more than that. I am tired of feeling > inadequate. That some > one is always better than me. That Im not good > enough. That no > matter how much I give, its not enough. Im tired of > feeling like a > weak failure who cant seem to stick with the > program. Im tired of > feeling that no matter how much I love...Im not > loved back. Im tired > of feeling like I dont have friends that want to be > friends with me > just for the sake of being my friend...that they are > friends cuz > they have to be. I guess Im tired of being me if > that makes any > sense. > > Ok, sorry this is such a downer message, I just > needed to reach out > to people who would understand I hope. > > Huggles > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2005 Report Share Posted October 25, 2005 ... I'm sorry you are so down in the dumps, I've felt that way before, so I understand. I'm not trying to minimize your feelings, or take away their validity for you...but I have to say, this sounds like a hormone induced depression to me. I generally get that complete ,"Nobody loves me, everybody hates me...I guess I'll eat some worms" feeling when I'm on my period...and I know youve been going through a lot of hormonal issues. That certainly may be contributing, you know? I know it's tough to see your son leave the state...but I doubt that his decision has anything to do with leaving you. That was probably the "negative" or downside to his decision-making. California is lovely and has a lot to offer, but the cost of living is astronomical, particularly compared to Nevada where a regular person doesn't even have to pay any state income tax. He has a family to support, and can probably give his family a better life financially in Nevada. Also, don't forget the Bible mentions that sons leave their families to cleave to their wives. It doesn't say the opposite. The reality is that daughters have a different relationship with their mothers...and it isn't a surprise that both daughters want and need to be close to their mothers, particularly when they themselves become mothers...and your son is being a loving husband by making this decision. In other words, you raised him right. He's not being selfish. The good news is that Nevada isn't very far away. You can take those ridiculously cheap buses to Las Vegas to visit them. They can come here. I know it isn't the same as having the ability to see the grandbabies every single day...and that's hard, I know. But, as hard as this is...I think you are doing yourself a disservice to take it personally. And you are doing your son a disservice. He is leaving the nest to forge his own life. You raised him to be independent. He's doing what he needs to do to take the best care of his family. You raised him to be a considerate and loving husband and father. You raised him to be that way through your own example. So, even though you'll miss him...and that's perfectly normal and ok...there is no reason for you to view this as a rejection of you. I seriously doubt that you were one of the reasons they decided to leave. Instead, you are probably the main reason they are sad about leaving. And besides, California is much more beautiful than Nevada, so they may decide they hate it there...and notwithstanding the higher standard of living they can secure (like buying a nice house, for example)...they may be right back here in due time. You'll just have to make sure you visit a lot. Don't just wait for them to come to you. And if your husband can't travel...go alone. As for your "failure" in your weight struggles...I have gone through that in the past, and I know how hard it is. How much you beat yourself up. How horrible you feel. But please do not forget that you have finished a marathon...you have lost over one hundred lbs, and you have successful kept off the vast majority of it. You are going through a hormonal nightmare right now...and that makes all women want to eat. You have also gone through a huge transition in your life...you've sacrificed some personal happiness for your family, in the spirit of wanting to keep your marriage together...and all of that is hard hard stuff. Give yourself some credit. There are a lot of people who love you. They love you just for you. Not for what you do for them...but because you are. And yes, part of your personality is to be a sweet, loving person. You've devoted your life to being a selfless mother and wife. And now you feel like you aren't being honored for that...but rather, people just expect you to do everything for them...to make those sacrifices. And people probably do...because they are used to you doing that. That's the they know and love, and that is what they are comfortable with. Because that is who you have been. You've broken out of their comfort zone a bit, what with your tatoos, running, and the struggles you had with flirtations. You aren't the person they knew. They don't know how to handle that. That's normal. You've changed, and they have to handle the change...so give them time. My own mother went through a selfish period just as I was graduating from high school. I was her baby, and she didn't want to be a mother anymore. She changed a lot, and it was hard for me to adjust. It was hard not to feel rejected by her because of those changes. People in your life may be feeling a bit rejected, too...because we become dependent and accustomed to the accomodators in our life showing that they love us through their constant sacrifice. When those people start changing, it makes us wonder whether we are still loved. So, we react to that sense of rejection. Do you know what I mean? So, maybe these people in your life that you feel don't love you anymore...maybe they wonder whether you love them anymore...because you've changed a lot. You are coming into your own, more. You are standing up on your own two feet, more. And that's scary. And maybe you are gaining weight in part, because all of these changes are scary to you...and part of you wants things to be simple again...back to the days before you dared to dream. When you were just easy, simple, reliable, self-sacrificing . Back when everyone was comfortable with you...and you didn't have to worry about temptations and when you didn't dare to think for a moment that maybe you deserve a bit of emotional fulfillment. , you can't find that deep fulfillment in somebody else. It has to come from inside of you. You have to learn to really love and cherish yourself as you are. Who you are...warts and all. Others can't make you feel loveable. They can certainly help to support you...and if you have people in your life who are constantly belittling you or making you feel bad about who you are...well, yes, you need to learn to either cut them out of your life, confront them and stand up for yourself...or you need to learn that they are limited human beings, and decide to discount their words so that they don't have such an effect on you. These are not easy challenges, and I don't mean to tell you that you can just snap your fingers and get there on your own. It's never that simple, is it? But, here's the thing. I love you, and really...I have not even known you for very long. You are kind and sweet, if tortured and complicated at times (I know that feeling)...and you have achieved amazing things in your life. Including the fact that you've raised at least two sons who are loving and giving husbands and fathers. And that's something. Something really big. Be proud of that. Make a list of your accomplishments, with no caveats. What you had to overcome to lose the weight. Your marathon. The fact that you are still married after all of these years. That you were able to overcome some huge temptations to bail...that your marriage is doing much better. These are monumental things, . You've run a marathon. You've opened up to people on this board in a way that I bet you never had before in your life. You managed to be a great mom, even when you had a horrible upbringing yourself. Be proud of all of that. i know I am very proud of you for that. And, here's the thing...take a walk in a pretty place. Start talking to God about the things in your life for which you are grateful. Talk about the gifts that you have been given, the gifts that you have nurtured in your own personality. Affirm yourself, you know? And know that you are very loved by many of us...and especially by me. Your friend, Robynn Diane Duenas wrote: Hi everyoneIm feeling really down and depressed.My son just told me last night that he is moving to Nevada. So I get to be a parttime grandma again. Im very jealous of the other grandma who will now have both grandkids full time(my sons married sisters and my oldest already lives in Nevada). But its more than that. I am tired of feeling inadequate. That some one is always better than me. That Im not good enough. That no matter how much I give, its not enough. Im tired of feeling like a weak failure who cant seem to stick with the program. Im tired of feeling that no matter how much I love...Im not loved back. Im tired of feeling like I dont have friends that want to be friends with me just for the sake of being my friend...that they are friends cuz they have to be. I guess Im tired of being me if that makes any sense. Ok, sorry this is such a downer message, I just needed to reach out to people who would understand I hope.Huggles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2005 Report Share Posted October 25, 2005 ... I'm sorry you are so down in the dumps, I've felt that way before, so I understand. I'm not trying to minimize your feelings, or take away their validity for you...but I have to say, this sounds like a hormone induced depression to me. I generally get that complete ,"Nobody loves me, everybody hates me...I guess I'll eat some worms" feeling when I'm on my period...and I know youve been going through a lot of hormonal issues. That certainly may be contributing, you know? I know it's tough to see your son leave the state...but I doubt that his decision has anything to do with leaving you. That was probably the "negative" or downside to his decision-making. California is lovely and has a lot to offer, but the cost of living is astronomical, particularly compared to Nevada where a regular person doesn't even have to pay any state income tax. He has a family to support, and can probably give his family a better life financially in Nevada. Also, don't forget the Bible mentions that sons leave their families to cleave to their wives. It doesn't say the opposite. The reality is that daughters have a different relationship with their mothers...and it isn't a surprise that both daughters want and need to be close to their mothers, particularly when they themselves become mothers...and your son is being a loving husband by making this decision. In other words, you raised him right. He's not being selfish. The good news is that Nevada isn't very far away. You can take those ridiculously cheap buses to Las Vegas to visit them. They can come here. I know it isn't the same as having the ability to see the grandbabies every single day...and that's hard, I know. But, as hard as this is...I think you are doing yourself a disservice to take it personally. And you are doing your son a disservice. He is leaving the nest to forge his own life. You raised him to be independent. He's doing what he needs to do to take the best care of his family. You raised him to be a considerate and loving husband and father. You raised him to be that way through your own example. So, even though you'll miss him...and that's perfectly normal and ok...there is no reason for you to view this as a rejection of you. I seriously doubt that you were one of the reasons they decided to leave. Instead, you are probably the main reason they are sad about leaving. And besides, California is much more beautiful than Nevada, so they may decide they hate it there...and notwithstanding the higher standard of living they can secure (like buying a nice house, for example)...they may be right back here in due time. You'll just have to make sure you visit a lot. Don't just wait for them to come to you. And if your husband can't travel...go alone. As for your "failure" in your weight struggles...I have gone through that in the past, and I know how hard it is. How much you beat yourself up. How horrible you feel. But please do not forget that you have finished a marathon...you have lost over one hundred lbs, and you have successful kept off the vast majority of it. You are going through a hormonal nightmare right now...and that makes all women want to eat. You have also gone through a huge transition in your life...you've sacrificed some personal happiness for your family, in the spirit of wanting to keep your marriage together...and all of that is hard hard stuff. Give yourself some credit. There are a lot of people who love you. They love you just for you. Not for what you do for them...but because you are. And yes, part of your personality is to be a sweet, loving person. You've devoted your life to being a selfless mother and wife. And now you feel like you aren't being honored for that...but rather, people just expect you to do everything for them...to make those sacrifices. And people probably do...because they are used to you doing that. That's the they know and love, and that is what they are comfortable with. Because that is who you have been. You've broken out of their comfort zone a bit, what with your tatoos, running, and the struggles you had with flirtations. You aren't the person they knew. They don't know how to handle that. That's normal. You've changed, and they have to handle the change...so give them time. My own mother went through a selfish period just as I was graduating from high school. I was her baby, and she didn't want to be a mother anymore. She changed a lot, and it was hard for me to adjust. It was hard not to feel rejected by her because of those changes. People in your life may be feeling a bit rejected, too...because we become dependent and accustomed to the accomodators in our life showing that they love us through their constant sacrifice. When those people start changing, it makes us wonder whether we are still loved. So, we react to that sense of rejection. Do you know what I mean? So, maybe these people in your life that you feel don't love you anymore...maybe they wonder whether you love them anymore...because you've changed a lot. You are coming into your own, more. You are standing up on your own two feet, more. And that's scary. And maybe you are gaining weight in part, because all of these changes are scary to you...and part of you wants things to be simple again...back to the days before you dared to dream. When you were just easy, simple, reliable, self-sacrificing . Back when everyone was comfortable with you...and you didn't have to worry about temptations and when you didn't dare to think for a moment that maybe you deserve a bit of emotional fulfillment. , you can't find that deep fulfillment in somebody else. It has to come from inside of you. You have to learn to really love and cherish yourself as you are. Who you are...warts and all. Others can't make you feel loveable. They can certainly help to support you...and if you have people in your life who are constantly belittling you or making you feel bad about who you are...well, yes, you need to learn to either cut them out of your life, confront them and stand up for yourself...or you need to learn that they are limited human beings, and decide to discount their words so that they don't have such an effect on you. These are not easy challenges, and I don't mean to tell you that you can just snap your fingers and get there on your own. It's never that simple, is it? But, here's the thing. I love you, and really...I have not even known you for very long. You are kind and sweet, if tortured and complicated at times (I know that feeling)...and you have achieved amazing things in your life. Including the fact that you've raised at least two sons who are loving and giving husbands and fathers. And that's something. Something really big. Be proud of that. Make a list of your accomplishments, with no caveats. What you had to overcome to lose the weight. Your marathon. The fact that you are still married after all of these years. That you were able to overcome some huge temptations to bail...that your marriage is doing much better. These are monumental things, . You've run a marathon. You've opened up to people on this board in a way that I bet you never had before in your life. You managed to be a great mom, even when you had a horrible upbringing yourself. Be proud of all of that. i know I am very proud of you for that. And, here's the thing...take a walk in a pretty place. Start talking to God about the things in your life for which you are grateful. Talk about the gifts that you have been given, the gifts that you have nurtured in your own personality. Affirm yourself, you know? And know that you are very loved by many of us...and especially by me. Your friend, Robynn Diane Duenas wrote: Hi everyoneIm feeling really down and depressed.My son just told me last night that he is moving to Nevada. So I get to be a parttime grandma again. Im very jealous of the other grandma who will now have both grandkids full time(my sons married sisters and my oldest already lives in Nevada). But its more than that. I am tired of feeling inadequate. That some one is always better than me. That Im not good enough. That no matter how much I give, its not enough. Im tired of feeling like a weak failure who cant seem to stick with the program. Im tired of feeling that no matter how much I love...Im not loved back. Im tired of feeling like I dont have friends that want to be friends with me just for the sake of being my friend...that they are friends cuz they have to be. I guess Im tired of being me if that makes any sense. Ok, sorry this is such a downer message, I just needed to reach out to people who would understand I hope.Huggles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2005 Report Share Posted October 25, 2005 Pam...your loving words are always so soothing to the soul. I love reading you. thanks for being a part of this board and a part of my life.... RobynnRobynn VanPatten wrote: ... I'm sorry you are so down in the dumps, I've felt that way before, so I understand. I'm not trying to minimize your feelings, or take away their validity for you...but I have to say, this sounds like a hormone induced depression to me. I generally get that complete ,"Nobody loves me, everybody hates me...I guess I'll eat some worms" feeling when I'm on my period...and I know youve been going through a lot of hormonal issues. That certainly may be contributing, you know? I know it's tough to see your son leave the state...but I doubt that his decision has anything to do with leaving you. That was probably the "negative" or downside to his decision-making. California is lovely and has a lot to offer, but the cost of living is astronomical, particularly compared to Nevada where a regular person doesn't even have to pay any state income tax. He has a family to support, and can probably give his family a better life financially in Nevada. Also, don't forget the Bible mentions that sons leave their families to cleave to their wives. It doesn't say the opposite. The reality is that daughters have a different relationship with their mothers...and it isn't a surprise that both daughters want and need to be close to their mothers, particularly when they themselves become mothers...and your son is being a loving husband by making this decision. In other words, you raised him right. He's not being selfish. The good news is that Nevada isn't very far away. You can take those ridiculously cheap buses to Las Vegas to visit them. They can come here. I know it isn't the same as having the ability to see the grandbabies every single day...and that's hard, I know. But, as hard as this is...I think you are doing yourself a disservice to take it personally. And you are doing your son a disservice. He is leaving the nest to forge his own life. You raised him to be independent. He's doing what he needs to do to take the best care of his family. You raised him to be a considerate and loving husband and father. You raised him to be that way through your own example. So, even though you'll miss him...and that's perfectly normal and ok...there is no reason for you to view this as a rejection of you. I seriously doubt that you were one of the reasons they decided to leave. Instead, you are probably the main reason they are sad about leaving. And besides, California is much more beautiful than Nevada, so they may decide they hate it there...and notwithstanding the higher standard of living they can secure (like buying a nice house, for example)...they may be right back here in due time. You'll just have to make sure you visit a lot. Don't just wait for them to come to you. And if your husband can't travel...go alone. As for your "failure" in your weight struggles...I have gone through that in the past, and I know how hard it is. How much you beat yourself up. How horrible you feel. But please do not forget that you have finished a marathon...you have lost over one hundred lbs, and you have successful kept off the vast majority of it. You are going through a hormonal nightmare right now...and that makes all women want to eat. You have also gone through a huge transition in your life...you've sacrificed some personal happiness for your family, in the spirit of wanting to keep your marriage together...and all of that is hard hard stuff. Give yourself some credit. There are a lot of people who love you. They love you just for you. Not for what you do for them...but because you are. And yes, part of your personality is to be a sweet, loving person. You've devoted your life to being a selfless mother and wife. And now you feel like you aren't being honored for that...but rather, people just expect you to do everything for them...to make those sacrifices. And people probably do...because they are used to you doing that. That's the they know and love, and that is what they are comfortable with. Because that is who you have been. You've broken out of their comfort zone a bit, what with your tatoos, running, and the struggles you had with flirtations. You aren't the person they knew. They don't know how to handle that. That's normal. You've changed, and they have to handle the change...so give them time. My own mother went through a selfish period just as I was graduating from high school. I was her baby, and she didn't want to be a mother anymore. She changed a lot, and it was hard for me to adjust. It was hard not to feel rejected by her because of those changes. People in your life may be feeling a bit rejected, too...because we become dependent and accustomed to the accomodators in our life showing that they love us through their constant sacrifice. When those people start changing, it makes us wonder whether we are still loved. So, we react to that sense of rejection. Do you know what I mean? So, maybe these people in your life that you feel don't love you anymore...maybe they wonder whether you love them anymore...because you've changed a lot. You are coming into your own, more. You are standing up on your own two feet, more. And that's scary. And maybe you are gaining weight in part, because all of these changes are scary to you...and part of you wants things to be simple again...back to the days before you dared to dream. When you were just easy, simple, reliable, self-sacrificing . Back when everyone was comfortable with you...and you didn't have to worry about temptations and when you didn't dare to think for a moment that maybe you deserve a bit of emotional fulfillment. , you can't find that deep fulfillment in somebody else. It has to come from inside of you. You have to learn to really love and cherish yourself as you are. Who you are...warts and all. Others can't make you feel loveable. They can certainly help to support you...and if you have people in your life who are constantly belittling you or making you feel bad about who you are...well, yes, you need to learn to either cut them out of your life, confront them and stand up for yourself...or you need to learn that they are limited human beings, and decide to discount their words so that they don't have such an effect on you. These are not easy challenges, and I don't mean to tell you that you can just snap your fingers and get there on your own. It's never that simple, is it? But, here's the thing. I love you, and really...I have not even known you for very long. You are kind and sweet, if tortured and complicated at times (I know that feeling)...and you have achieved amazing things in your life. Including the fact that you've raised at least two sons who are loving and giving husbands and fathers. And that's something. Something really big. Be proud of that. Make a list of your accomplishments, with no caveats. What you had to overcome to lose the weight. Your marathon. The fact that you are still married after all of these years. That you were able to overcome some huge temptations to bail...that your marriage is doing much better. These are monumental things, . You've run a marathon. You've opened up to people on this board in a way that I bet you never had before in your life. You managed to be a great mom, even when you had a horrible upbringing yourself. Be proud of all of that. i know I am very proud of you for that. And, here's the thing...take a walk in a pretty place. Start talking to God about the things in your life for which you are grateful. Talk about the gifts that you have been given, the gifts that you have nurtured in your own personality. Affirm yourself, you know? And know that you are very loved by many of us...and especially by me. Your friend, Robynn Diane Duenas wrote: Hi everyoneIm feeling really down and depressed.My son just told me last night that he is moving to Nevada. So I get to be a parttime grandma again. Im very jealous of the other grandma who will now have both grandkids full time(my sons married sisters and my oldest already lives in Nevada). But its more than that. I am tired of feeling inadequate. That some one is always better than me. That Im not good enough. That no matter how much I give, its not enough. Im tired of feeling like a weak failure who cant seem to stick with the program. Im tired of feeling that no matter how much I love...Im not loved back. Im tired of feeling like I dont have friends that want to be friends with me just for the sake of being my friend...that they are friends cuz they have to be. I guess Im tired of being me if that makes any sense. Ok, sorry this is such a downer message, I just needed to reach out to people who would understand I hope.Huggles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2005 Report Share Posted October 25, 2005 , Didn't I just Boo you, this says hey let's be friends. I understand depression way to much, my husband has it so bad, I had to take him to crisis, he's talking suicide. I've been dealing with this for many years and all the medicine in the world, therapists, doctors can't seem to get things right for him. What they tell me is you can't fix him, he can't fix himself and we will do our best to make him somewhat better, but we can't fix him the way he was when you married him 24 years ago. My husband is a gentle loving, caring man when he feels good, but the feeling good gets further and further away. Then they say remember if he does kill himself it's not your fault. I have to go on with life even though, I've had 2 deaths last month, my son had his motorcycle accident and still dealing with getting his shoulder fixed, my 2 boys are suppose to be moving out in Feb. together, my husbands step mom cancer is back (his real mom and dad have already died) and dealing with my husband. The doctors also tell me it might be easier for him to move up to a calm small community where there's not lots of people and traffic, and he might do better if he only has to deal with his own responsibilities. So I'm thinking of maybe starting my life all over again, next year after the boys move, and helping getting my husband settled where he needs to be. I will be totally starting over, moving in with a girlfriend, selling my house, giving up a business, having to get a new job and the list goes on. Again I have to be strong and through all this I will make sure the 3 men in my life are taken care of. My 2 boys in a place of their own, and if my husband doesn't do anything stupid getting him set up, and I take care of my mom 83 and dad 94 in Dec., but I will not forget about me. I know I am loved and have friends even though I don't have much time for the things and people I love, I have to believe in myself and that things will get better. So what I am saying to you, your children love you, but don't you know boys pull away from their moms more than girls do. So it doesn't surprise me that your boys are moving where their wives want to be. That doesn't mean they love you less, there love has just turned where it should be on their wives. As far as being jealous of the other grandma, well I believe that happens to a lot of people. Remember you do have friends, family and a husband and I'm sure he loves you, remember love changes the longer you've been married, it's not like what we read from Robyn here on site. I think we miss how it was, or what we wish it could of been, but the magic doesn't last forever, but there's always good in every thing I believe, just look deep and always on the bright side of life. I'll talk to you more in private, don't be hard on yourself. I went to support group last night was good. Gayle said please come back, and e-mail her private and you two can make up, you are friends also. Keep your head up. We're here for you, smile and the world smiles back, love and love will be returned. Your friend and caring person. Donna Diane Duenas wrote: Hi everyoneIm feeling really down and depressed.My son just told me last night that he is moving to Nevada. So I get to be a parttime grandma again. Im very jealous of the other grandma who will now have both grandkids full time(my sons married sisters and my oldest already lives in Nevada). But its more than that. I am tired of feeling inadequate. That some one is always better than me. That Im not good enough. That no matter how much I give, its not enough. Im tired of feeling like a weak failure who cant seem to stick with the program. Im tired of feeling that no matter how much I love...Im not loved back. Im tired of feeling like I dont have friends that want to be friends with me just for the sake of being my friend...that they are friends cuz they have to be. I guess Im tired of being me if that makes any sense. Ok, sorry this is such a downer message, I just needed to reach out to people who would understand I hope.HugglesDonna JordonDSJordon@... Yahoo! FareChase - Search multiple travel sites in one click. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2005 Report Share Posted October 25, 2005 Pam, You are such a nice person, thanks for you being on here. DonnaPamela A Marsh wrote: , I hear what you are saying and it make senseto me. I think that we all go through a period were weare tired of being tired of just being tired and itseems like its just never enough.Its great that you voiced that here and you know thatwe are thinking and wishing you well wishes. Walkthrough this and you are going to be fine even if itdoes not seem like it.I guess I can relate to what you are saying about theprogram. Today is my anniversary from when I startedthis process and I look at where I am today and I amamazed. I never in a million years thought I would behere. I am skinny again and its almost scary becauseI really don't want lose anymore looking at my body. I mean if more comes off that is cool but its sort ofscary. Then I say no, just a little more. I feelsort of like I am obsessed about this and that iswhere I don't want to be. I read a email aboutsomeone (it was Robynn) talking about gettingnauseated when she see food brought to the table. Iwas just telling my husband that sometimes (majorityof the times) I hate to eat. I am back to skippingbreakfast and that is because I am not hungry and thenthere is the burden of trying to figure out what Iwill eat for lunch and then dinner...well maybe asugar free Popsicle or a graham cracker with a sliceof cheese and that is it and I am satisfied but at thesame time, I would rather have nothing. I guess weare all in a funk of sorts. As for being your friend,I'd like to be your friend and thought that we werebut I know that I have not done my part and reachedout to you. I mean for pete's sake, I have your doggone telephone number and rarely use it. Believe me,it has nothing to do with you as a individual but itsabout me and me learning how to reach out to peoplewithout being afraid that I will get hurt. You knowthat seems to be a lot of people's issues.So, I know I rambled on and on but know that I am hereand I will call you in a bit once I get things settleddown here at work.Hugs to you .Pam Marsh - 103 Pounds gone but not forgotten--- Diane Duenas wrote:> Hi everyone> > Im feeling really down and depressed.> > My son just told me last night that he is moving to> Nevada. So I get > to be a parttime grandma again. Im very jealous of> the other grandma > who will now have both grandkids full time(my sons> married sisters > and my oldest already lives in Nevada). > > But its more than that. I am tired of feeling> inadequate. That some > one is always better than me. That Im not good> enough. That no > matter how much I give, its not enough. Im tired of> feeling like a > weak failure who cant seem to stick with the> program. Im tired of > feeling that no matter how much I love...Im not> loved back. Im tired > of feeling like I dont have friends that want to be> friends with me > just for the sake of being my friend...that they are> friends cuz > they have to be. I guess Im tired of being me if> that makes any > sense. > > Ok, sorry this is such a downer message, I just> needed to reach out > to people who would understand I hope.> > Huggles> > > > > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2005 Report Share Posted October 25, 2005 Thanks Pam I hate when I get into funks like this. I feel like running and hiding. I knew I could count on you to understand and thats why I posted. Its kinda like the old saying when you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on!! Good news is that Im not reaching for a starbucks when I want one soooooo bad. > > > Hi everyone > > > > Im feeling really down and depressed. > > > > My son just told me last night that he is moving to > > Nevada. So I get > > to be a parttime grandma again. Im very jealous of > > the other grandma > > who will now have both grandkids full time(my sons > > married sisters > > and my oldest already lives in Nevada). > > > > But its more than that. I am tired of feeling > > inadequate. That some > > one is always better than me. That Im not good > > enough. That no > > matter how much I give, its not enough. Im tired of > > feeling like a > > weak failure who cant seem to stick with the > > program. Im tired of > > feeling that no matter how much I love...Im not > > loved back. Im tired > > of feeling like I dont have friends that want to be > > friends with me > > just for the sake of being my friend...that they are > > friends cuz > > they have to be. I guess Im tired of being me if > > that makes any > > sense. > > > > Ok, sorry this is such a downer message, I just > > needed to reach out > > to people who would understand I hope. > > > > Huggles > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2005 Report Share Posted October 25, 2005 Thank you Robynn, I appreciate you too and I am reminded of how blessed I am when I can walk over to see you or have you walk over to my work station or just read your short novels (smile- I do enjoy them) on here. You probably have no clue as to how much you have helped and continue to help all of us inspite of what you are dealing with. You should be so proud of yourself..I mean good golly girlie, you look smashing...and only the Lord knows the final outcome. So, keep pressing your way Robynn...you are one gorgious babe. ...I forgot...congrats on not getting the Star Bucks. Pam Marsh --- Robynn VanPatten robynnsf@...> wrote: > Pam...your loving words are always so soothing to > the soul. I love reading you. thanks for being a > part of this board and a part of my life.... > > Robynn > > Robynn VanPatten robynnsf@...> wrote: > ... > > I'm sorry you are so down in the dumps, I've felt > that way before, so I understand. I'm not trying to > minimize your feelings, or take away their validity > for you...but I have to say, this sounds like a > hormone induced depression to me. I generally get > that complete , " Nobody loves me, everybody hates > me...I guess I'll eat some worms " feeling when I'm > on my period...and I know youve been going through a > lot of hormonal issues. That certainly may be > contributing, you know? > > I know it's tough to see your son leave the > state...but I doubt that his decision has anything > to do with leaving you. That was probably the > " negative " or downside to his decision-making. > California is lovely and has a lot to offer, but the > cost of living is astronomical, particularly > compared to Nevada where a regular person doesn't > even have to pay any state income tax. He has a > family to support, and can probably give his family > a better life financially in Nevada. Also, don't > forget the Bible mentions that sons leave their > families to cleave to their wives. It doesn't say > the opposite. The reality is that daughters have a > different relationship with their mothers...and it > isn't a surprise that both daughters want and need > to be close to their mothers, particularly when they > themselves become mothers...and your son is being a > loving husband by making this decision. In other > words, you raised him right. He's not being > selfish. > > The good news is that Nevada isn't very far away. > You can take those ridiculously cheap buses to Las > Vegas to visit them. They can come here. I know it > isn't the same as having the ability to see the > grandbabies every single day...and that's hard, I > know. But, as hard as this is...I think you are > doing yourself a disservice to take it personally. > And you are doing your son a disservice. He is > leaving the nest to forge his own life. You raised > him to be independent. He's doing what he needs to > do to take the best care of his family. You raised > him to be a considerate and loving husband and > father. You raised him to be that way through your > own example. > > So, even though you'll miss him...and that's > perfectly normal and ok...there is no reason for you > to view this as a rejection of you. I seriously > doubt that you were one of the reasons they decided > to leave. Instead, you are probably the main reason > they are sad about leaving. And besides, California > is much more beautiful than Nevada, so they may > decide they hate it there...and notwithstanding the > higher standard of living they can secure (like > buying a nice house, for example)...they may be > right back here in due time. You'll just have to > make sure you visit a lot. Don't just wait for them > to come to you. And if your husband can't > travel...go alone. > > As for your " failure " in your weight struggles...I > have gone through that in the past, and I know how > hard it is. How much you beat yourself up. How > horrible you feel. But please do not forget that > you have finished a marathon...you have lost over > one hundred lbs, and you have successful kept off > the vast majority of it. You are going through a > hormonal nightmare right now...and that makes all > women want to eat. You have also gone through a > huge transition in your life...you've sacrificed > some personal happiness for your family, in the > spirit of wanting to keep your marriage > together...and all of that is hard hard stuff. > > Give yourself some credit. There are a lot of > people who love you. They love you just for you. > Not for what you do for them...but because you are. > And yes, part of your personality is to be a sweet, > loving person. You've devoted your life to being a > selfless mother and wife. And now you feel like you > aren't being honored for that...but rather, people > just expect you to do everything for them...to make > those sacrifices. > > And people probably do...because they are used to > you doing that. That's the they know and > love, and that is what they are comfortable with. > Because that is who you have been. You've broken > out of their comfort zone a bit, what with your > tatoos, running, and the struggles you had with > flirtations. You aren't the person they knew. They > don't know how to handle that. That's normal. > You've changed, and they have to handle the > change...so give them time. > > My own mother went through a selfish period just as > I was graduating from high school. I was her baby, > and she didn't want to be a mother anymore. She > changed a lot, and it was hard for me to adjust. It > was hard not to feel rejected by her because of > those changes. People in your life may be feeling a > bit rejected, too...because we become dependent and > accustomed to the accomodators in our life showing > that they love us through their constant sacrifice. > When those people start changing, it makes us wonder > whether we are still loved. So, we react to that > sense of rejection. Do you know what I mean? So, > maybe these people in your life that you feel don't > love you anymore...maybe they wonder whether you > love them anymore...because you've changed a lot. > You are coming into your own, more. You are > standing up on your own two feet, more. > > And that's scary. And maybe you are gaining weight > in part, because all of these changes are scary to > you...and part of you wants things to be simple > again...back to the days before you dared to dream. > When you were just easy, simple, reliable, > self-sacrificing . Back when everyone was > comfortable with you...and you didn't have to worry > about temptations and when you didn't dare to think > for a moment that maybe you deserve a bit of > emotional fulfillment. > > , you can't find that deep fulfillment in > somebody else. It has to come from inside of you. > You have to learn to really love and cherish > yourself as you are. Who you are...warts and all. > Others can't make you feel loveable. They can > certainly help to support you...and if you have > people in your life who are constantly belittling > you or making you feel bad about who you are...well, > yes, you need to learn to either cut them out of > your life, confront them and stand up for > yourself...or you need to learn that they are > limited human beings, and decide to discount their > words so that they don't have such an effect on you. > > These are not easy challenges, and I don't mean to > tell you that you can just snap your fingers and get > there on your own. It's never that simple, is it? > > But, here's the thing. I love you, and really...I > have not even known you for very long. You are kind > and sweet, if tortured and complicated at times (I > know that feeling)...and you have achieved amazing > things in your life. Including the fact that you've > raised at least two sons who are loving and giving > husbands and fathers. And that's something. > Something really big. Be proud of that. > > Make a list of your accomplishments, with no > caveats. What you had to overcome to lose the > weight. Your marathon. The fact that you are still > married after all of these years. That you were > able to overcome some huge temptations to > bail...that your marriage is doing much better. > These are monumental things, . You've run a > marathon. You've opened up to people on this board > in a way that I bet you never had before in your > life. You managed to be a great mom, even when you > had a horrible upbringing yourself. Be proud of all > of that. i know I am very proud of you for that. > > And, here's the thing...take a walk in a pretty > place. Start talking to God about the things in > your life for which you are grateful. Talk about > the gifts that you have been given, the gifts that > you have nurtured in your own personality. Affirm > yourself, you know? > > And know that you are very loved by many of us...and > especially by me. > > Your friend, > Robynn > Diane Duenas brendadiane64@...> wrote: > Hi everyone > > Im feeling really down and depressed. > > My son just told me last night that he is moving to > Nevada. So I get > to be a parttime grandma again. Im very jealous of > the other grandma > who will now have both grandkids full time(my sons > married sisters > and my oldest already lives in Nevada). > > But its more than that. I am tired of feeling > inadequate. === message truncated === __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2005 Report Share Posted October 25, 2005 So are you Donna, so are you. I suppose we all should just give one another a great big cyber hug. So here you all go.....hugs hugs hugs hugs and more hugs. I hope I did that right - lol!!! Pam Marsh --- Donna Jordon dsjordon@...> wrote: > Pam, > You are such a nice person, thanks for you being on > here. Donna > > Pamela A Marsh sweetnlow20012001@...> wrote: > , I hear what you are saying and it make sense > to me. I think that we all go through a period were > we > are tired of being tired of just being tired and it > seems like its just never enough. > > Its great that you voiced that here and you know > that > we are thinking and wishing you well wishes. Walk > through this and you are going to be fine even if it > does not seem like it. > > I guess I can relate to what you are saying about > the > program. Today is my anniversary from when I > started > this process and I look at where I am today and I am > amazed. I never in a million years thought I would > be > here. I am skinny again and its almost scary > because > I really don't want lose anymore looking at my body. > > I mean if more comes off that is cool but its sort > of > scary. Then I say no, just a little more. I feel > sort of like I am obsessed about this and that is > where I don't want to be. I read a email about > someone (it was Robynn) talking about getting > nauseated when she see food brought to the table. I > was just telling my husband that sometimes (majority > of the times) I hate to eat. I am back to skipping > breakfast and that is because I am not hungry and > then > there is the burden of trying to figure out what I > will eat for lunch and then dinner...well maybe a > sugar free Popsicle or a graham cracker with a slice > of cheese and that is it and I am satisfied but at > the > same time, I would rather have nothing. I guess we > are all in a funk of sorts. As for being your > friend, > I'd like to be your friend and thought that we were > but I know that I have not done my part and reached > out to you. I mean for pete's sake, I have your dog > gone telephone number and rarely use it. Believe me, > it has nothing to do with you as a individual but > its > about me and me learning how to reach out to people > without being afraid that I will get hurt. You know > that seems to be a lot of people's issues. > > So, I know I rambled on and on but know that I am > here > and I will call you in a bit once I get things > settled > down here at work. > > Hugs to you . > > Pam Marsh - 103 Pounds gone but not forgotten > > --- Diane Duenas brendadiane64@...> > wrote: > > > Hi everyone > > > > Im feeling really down and depressed. > > > > My son just told me last night that he is moving > to > > Nevada. So I get > > to be a parttime grandma again. Im very jealous of > > the other grandma > > who will now have both grandkids full time(my sons > > married sisters > > and my oldest already lives in Nevada). > > > > But its more than that. I am tired of feeling > > inadequate. That some > > one is always better than me. That Im not good > > enough. That no > > matter how much I give, its not enough. Im tired > of > > feeling like a > > weak failure who cant seem to stick with the > > program. Im tired of > > feeling that no matter how much I love...Im not > > loved back. Im tired > > of feeling like I dont have friends that want to > be > > friends with me > > just for the sake of being my friend...that they > are > > friends cuz > > they have to be. I guess Im tired of being me if > > that makes any > > sense. > > > > Ok, sorry this is such a downer message, I just > > needed to reach out > > to people who would understand I hope. > > > > Huggles > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2005 Report Share Posted October 25, 2005 ... Just so you know -- YOU are the only one I have invited over for tea from this group. You, my dear, have been my inspiration since my first pre op appointment you came to speak at oh so many months ago. I really to understand how you are feeling. Remember how far you have come and EVERYTHING is better now than it was 2+ years ago. Huggles Chica Kerre > > Hi everyone > > Im feeling really down and depressed. > > My son just told me last night that he is moving to Nevada. So I get > to be a parttime grandma again. Im very jealous of the other grandma > who will now have both grandkids full time(my sons married sisters > and my oldest already lives in Nevada). > > But its more than that. I am tired of feeling inadequate. That some > one is always better than me. That Im not good enough. That no > matter how much I give, its not enough. Im tired of feeling like a > weak failure who cant seem to stick with the program. Im tired of > feeling that no matter how much I love...Im not loved back. Im tired > of feeling like I dont have friends that want to be friends with me > just for the sake of being my friend...that they are friends cuz > they have to be. I guess Im tired of being me if that makes any > sense. > > Ok, sorry this is such a downer message, I just needed to reach out > to people who would understand I hope. > > Huggles > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2005 Report Share Posted October 25, 2005 LOL thanks Kerre BTW you make awesome TEA!! Huggles > > > > Hi everyone > > > > Im feeling really down and depressed. > > > > My son just told me last night that he is moving to Nevada. So I get > > to be a parttime grandma again. Im very jealous of the other grandma > > who will now have both grandkids full time(my sons married sisters > > and my oldest already lives in Nevada). > > > > But its more than that. I am tired of feeling inadequate. That some > > one is always better than me. That Im not good enough. That no > > matter how much I give, its not enough. Im tired of feeling like a > > weak failure who cant seem to stick with the program. Im tired of > > feeling that no matter how much I love...Im not loved back. Im tired > > of feeling like I dont have friends that want to be friends with me > > just for the sake of being my friend...that they are friends cuz > > they have to be. I guess Im tired of being me if that makes any > > sense. > > > > Ok, sorry this is such a downer message, I just needed to reach out > > to people who would understand I hope. > > > > Huggles > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2005 Report Share Posted October 25, 2005 ((((((((EVERYBODY))))))))))))) > > > > > Hi everyone > > > > > > Im feeling really down and depressed. > > > > > > My son just told me last night that he is moving > > to > > > Nevada. So I get > > > to be a parttime grandma again. Im very jealous of > > > the other grandma > > > who will now have both grandkids full time(my sons > > > married sisters > > > and my oldest already lives in Nevada). > > > > > > But its more than that. I am tired of feeling > > > inadequate. That some > > > one is always better than me. That Im not good > > > enough. That no > > > matter how much I give, its not enough. Im tired > > of > > > feeling like a > > > weak failure who cant seem to stick with the > > > program. Im tired of > > > feeling that no matter how much I love...Im not > > > loved back. Im tired > > > of feeling like I dont have friends that want to > > be > > > friends with me > > > just for the sake of being my friend...that they > > are > > > friends cuz > > > they have to be. I guess Im tired of being me if > > > that makes any > > > sense. > > > > > > Ok, sorry this is such a downer message, I just > > > needed to reach out > > > to people who would understand I hope. > > > > > > Huggles > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2005 Report Share Posted October 25, 2005 :-) It's only as good as those who drink it :-) > > > > > > Hi everyone > > > > > > Im feeling really down and depressed. > > > > > > My son just told me last night that he is moving to Nevada. So I > get > > > to be a parttime grandma again. Im very jealous of the other > grandma > > > who will now have both grandkids full time(my sons married > sisters > > > and my oldest already lives in Nevada). > > > > > > But its more than that. I am tired of feeling inadequate. That > some > > > one is always better than me. That Im not good enough. That no > > > matter how much I give, its not enough. Im tired of feeling like > a > > > weak failure who cant seem to stick with the program. Im tired of > > > feeling that no matter how much I love...Im not loved back. Im > tired > > > of feeling like I dont have friends that want to be friends with > me > > > just for the sake of being my friend...that they are friends cuz > > > they have to be. I guess Im tired of being me if that makes any > > > sense. > > > > > > Ok, sorry this is such a downer message, I just needed to reach > out > > > to people who would understand I hope. > > > > > > Huggles > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2005 Report Share Posted October 25, 2005 , I'm sorry things are tough right now. I also had a crying day yesterday. I was wondering when that estrogen surge from fat loss was gonna hit! And today I hung up on my husband. Just know that your blues will pass, and you are appreciated and cared about here. Laurie __________________________________ Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005 http://mail.yahoo.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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