The Middle Wife

[Guest guest]

Thanks Judy, for sharing this with us!

The "Middle Wife" by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,

but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade

classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few

sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually,

show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles,model airplanes,

pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never,ever place any

boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school

and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, a, a very bright, very outgoing

kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a

pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother,

and I'm going to tell you about his birthday."

"First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad

put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for

nine months through an umbrella cord." She's standing there with her

hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my

camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh,

Oh, Oh!' a puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked

around the house for,like an hour,Oh, oh,oh!' Now this kid is doing a

hysterical duck walk and groaning. "My Dad called the middle wife. She

delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the

Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then a

lies down with her back against the wall.

"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case

he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like

psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming

water flowing away. It was too much! "Then the middle wife starts

saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but

never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother.

He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's

play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there."

Then a stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her

seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's

show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another "Middle

Wife" comes along.

Now you have two choices...laugh and close this page or pass this along

to someone else to spread the laughs. I know what I did!!!

Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy!

Judy in PA