Guest guest Posted October 28, 2005 Report Share Posted October 28, 2005 Hi all. Something happened to me this evening that I just have to share with someone, or I know I'll never get to sleep tonite, it's bothering me THAT much. Livermore had it's anual downtown trick or treating this evening. I took my four year old son and my six year old daughter, as I do every year. They were all exctied and looking cute. A red power ranger and a purple pegasus. The crowd was huge, bigger than I remember. So I have them both in tow, trick or treating up a storm. Everything was just peachy keen. My daughter took to saying " Trick or treat! Please give me something good to eat " and I got some comments on what well mannered children I had. So we are elbow to elbow with the rest of the goblins and parents. We come up to a storefront where a young woman dressed as Raggedy Ann is passing out candy. Most of the passer outers were not dressed up, or if they were, they were something ghoulish, so I think Raggedy looked very cute and approachable to my little ones. Soooo....my son says, in a very loud voice....(OMG)... " You look real fat with all that candy!!! " OMG. OMG. OMG. " What?!?! " says Miss Raggedy? So Travon speaks out in an even louder voice, " I said...You look real fat with all that candy!!! " There were gasps and oh my's from all around us. " I do?!?! " exclaims Miss Raggedy? I bend down and tell my young son, in front of Miss Raggedy, that that is a terribly rude and offensive thing to say, but we are blocking the line, and I am forced to drag my little trick or treaters off a few yards. I told them that calling someone fat is a hurtful thing to do, like calling someone ugly or stupid. They were flabberghasted. My older child said, " But mom, Travon thought it was a nice thing to say, He meant that she was lucky that she had all that candy and could eat it all and make her tummy stick out " Travon concurred that he meant it in a most positive, happy way. Of course, by then we are far from Miss Raggedy and she doesn't hear this part of our conversation. I asked my son to go back and apologize, and he agreed, but with the crowd, raggedy busily passing out candy, etc. I decided that it just wasn't doable. And I doubt Miss Ragedy, with a brief explaination of what was meant, would understand anyway. Not to mention that we would have started another scene. It was just too crowded and busy to do a darn thing about it. Miss Raggedy was by no means fat. As a fat person myself, this entire exchange just killed me. I hurt for her, I hurt for me, and I hurt that I had to put a damper on my children's fun night out. I can't get the whole thing out of my head. The kids and I will have another talk tomorrow about hurtful words. I am 100% positive that it was not their intent to cause pain with their words. This was soooo out of left field, it just knocked me off my feet. I'm still upset by it. Ok, I'll go crawl back under my rock now. Laurie __________________________________ Yahoo! FareChase: Search multiple travel sites in one click. http://farechase.yahoo.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 28, 2005 Report Share Posted October 28, 2005 Laurie, Nothing you can do. The kids probably already picked up on how upset you were. And the lady, if she has any perspective, knows that (1) she's not really fat and (2) kids see things differently and say awkward stuff. If she's really self-conscious about her figure (which thin gals can be), then this was probably just one out of many things she takes in every day to reinforce her bad body image. Not much you can do to change peoples' ideas of themselves. Come back to the present moment. Today is okay, a fresh start. Your little ones are precious and like I said, they probably 'get it' more than you realize. Martha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 28, 2005 Report Share Posted October 28, 2005 I can totally relate to what your son may be going through right now. Kids just do not have the thinking process to put their thoughts into cohesive words some times. I remember when I was about 8. I was trying to get my younger brother and sister to do something we were told to do, I dont even remember what it was, but I do remember they werent listening. My grandmother lived with us at the time(she was very strict), well she came out and got them in line with a very few words. I remember sinking back in the chair,relieved that my younger siblings were finally in control and saying, " Grandma, when I grow up I want to be just like you, mean mean mean. " Well my grandma was devastated and I couldnt figure out why as I had meant that I was impressed with how she could get them to listen and I guess strict. I was never ever allowed to forget how I had hurt my grandmother...EVER. Im 41 years old and my mom STILL brings it up. Now she brings it up jokingly...but it tears me up as I never meant to hurt her, I was trying to compliment her. So I in turn was devastated...so much so I vividly remember the incident even now. I think you did the right thing by reminding him of the correct words to use, but now let it go. He is probably shocked and upset himself because he didnt mean to offend her. Huggles > > Laurie, > Nothing you can do. The kids probably already picked up on how upset > you were. And the lady, if she has any perspective, knows that (1) > she's not really fat and (2) kids see things differently and say > awkward stuff. If she's really self-conscious about her figure (which > thin gals can be), then this was probably just one out of many things > she takes in every day to reinforce her bad body image. Not much you > can do to change peoples' ideas of themselves. > Come back to the present moment. Today is okay, a fresh start. Your > little ones are precious and like I said, they probably 'get it' more > than you realize. > Martha > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 28, 2005 Report Share Posted October 28, 2005 Unfortunately, he had probably heard the word " PHAT " from somewhere. Phat is usually used to mean nice, or fine. Probably harkens back to the days when obesity was associated with health and abundance. After all, if you were fat, that meant you could AFFORD lots of food. Sorry in advance if this offends, but I have to share a story that happened to my mother, who is NOT, and never has been, the slightest bit bigoted. She did grow up in Colorado Springs and Omaha, where there was not a lot of ethnic diversity. Anyway, she greeted one of her friends (black) at college with " I haven't seen you in a coon's age! " It probably had not even occurred to her that one of the derogatory terms for a black person WAS coon. He gulped, looked at her, and asked her to repeat it. She finally realized what she had said, and was mortified! Fortunately, this was a friend who was comfortable pointing out to her that there was a potential for the recipient of such a greeting to take offense. I'd say that you perhaps did overreact, but it is important to let your son know that some of the slang in current usage can be offensive, even if it isn't meant that way. Remember being upset when someone (I think it was a street person) audibly commented on her " fat ass " probably meaning " phat " ? He might very well have meant it as a good thing, but she was upset. I'd say don't make too big a deal of it, but do let him know that in OUR family, we don't use that term, and here's why. My two cents. LLLORY@... wrote: > Hi all. Something happened to me this evening that I just have to > share with someone, or I know I'll never get to sleep tonite, it's > bothering me THAT much. Livermore had it's anual downtown trick or > treating this evening. I took my four year old son and my six year > old daughter, as I do every year. They were all exctied and looking > cute. A red power ranger and a purple pegasus. The crowd was huge, > bigger than I remember. > So I have them both in tow, trick or treating up a storm. Everything > was just peachy keen. My daughter took to saying " Trick or treat! > Please give me something good to eat " and I got some comments on what > well mannered children I had. So we are elbow to elbow with the > rest of the goblins and parents. We come up to a storefront where a > young woman dressed as Raggedy Ann is passing out candy. Most of the > passer outers were not dressed up, or if they were, they were > something ghoulish, so I think Raggedy looked very cute and > approachable to my little ones. Soooo....my son says, in a very loud > voice....(OMG)... " You look real fat with all that candy!!! " OMG. > OMG. OMG. " What?!?! " says Miss Raggedy? So Travon speaks out in an > even louder voice, " I said...You look real fat with all that > candy!!! " There were gasps and oh my's from all around us. " I > do?!?! " exclaims Miss Raggedy? I bend down and tell my young son, in > front of Miss Raggedy, that that is a terribly rude and offensive > thing to say, but we are blocking the line, and I am forced to drag > my little trick or treaters off a few yards. I told them that > calling someone fat is a hurtful thing to do, like calling someone > ugly or stupid. They were flabberghasted. My older child said, " But > mom, Travon thought it was a nice thing to say, He meant that she was > lucky that she had all that candy and could eat it all and make her > tummy stick out " Travon concurred that he meant it in a most > positive, happy way. Of course, by then we are far from Miss Raggedy > and she doesn't hear this part of our conversation. I asked my son > to go back and apologize, and he agreed, but with the crowd, raggedy > busily passing out candy, etc. I decided that it just wasn't doable. > And I doubt Miss Ragedy, with a brief explaination of what was meant, > would understand anyway. Not to mention that we would have started > another scene. It was just too crowded and busy to do a darn thing > about it. Miss Raggedy was by no means fat. As a fat person myself, > this entire exchange just killed me. I hurt for her, I hurt for me, > and I hurt that I had to put a damper on my children's fun night out. > I can't get the whole thing out of my head. The kids and I will have > another talk tomorrow about hurtful words. I am 100% positive that > it was not their intent to cause pain with their words. This was > soooo out of left field, it just knocked me off my feet. I'm still > upset by it. Ok, I'll go crawl back under my rock now. -- Eleanor Oster eleanor@... (personal address) www.smallboxes.com/gastricbypass.htm San , CA Open RNY (100 cm bypassed) 07/15/2003 P. Fisher, M.D., Kaiser Richmond (CA) ~5'9 " tall 05/09/2003 319 Orientation 07/15/2003 ~290 Surgery Current 157±2 Goal until plastics? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 28, 2005 Report Share Posted October 28, 2005 As someone who for over 40 years was pointed out to their parents by children of that age (I was afer all probably the fattest person they had ever seen.) I can assure you that hurt as I was, I also knew that they had no malicious intent. Once in a supermarket line, a toddler piped up with, " You're FAT! " I bent down to him and pleasantly said, " I know that. " I hope his Mother used the opportunity as constructively as you did. You totally did the right thing. Don't worry. The kids are all right. Tim -240 > > Hi all. Something happened to me this evening that I > just have to share with someone, or I know I'll never > get to sleep tonite, it's bothering me THAT much. > Livermore had it's anual downtown trick or treating > this evening. I took my four year old son and my six > year old daughter, as I do every year. They were all > exctied and looking cute. A red power ranger and a > purple pegasus. The crowd was huge, bigger than I > remember. > So I have them both in tow, trick or treating up a > storm. Everything was just peachy keen. My daughter > took to saying " Trick or treat! Please give me > something good to eat " and I got some comments on what > well mannered children I had. So we are elbow to > elbow with the rest of the goblins and parents. We > come up to a storefront where a young woman dressed as > Raggedy Ann is passing out candy. Most of the passer > outers were not dressed up, or if they were, they were > something ghoulish, so I think Raggedy looked very > cute and approachable to my little ones. Soooo....my > son says, in a very loud voice....(OMG)... " You look > real fat with all that candy!!! " OMG. OMG. OMG. > " What?!?! " says Miss Raggedy? So Travon speaks out > in an even louder voice, " I said...You look real fat > with all that candy!!! " There were gasps and oh my's > from all around us. " I do?!?! " exclaims Miss Raggedy? > I bend down and tell my young son, in front of Miss > Raggedy, that that is a terribly rude and offensive > thing to say, but we are blocking the line, and I am > forced to drag my little trick or treaters off a few > yards. I told them that calling someone fat is a > hurtful thing to do, like calling someone ugly or > stupid. They were flabberghasted. My older child > said, " But mom, Travon thought it was a nice thing to > say, He meant that she was lucky that she had all that > candy and could eat it all and make her tummy stick > out " Travon concurred that he meant it in a most > positive, happy way. Of course, by then we are far > from Miss Raggedy and she doesn't hear this part of > our conversation. I asked my son to go back and > apologize, and he agreed, but with the crowd, raggedy > busily passing out candy, etc. I decided that it just > wasn't doable. And I doubt Miss Ragedy, with a brief > explaination of what was meant, would understand > anyway. Not to mention that we would have started > another scene. It was just too crowded and busy to do > a darn thing about it. Miss Raggedy was by no means > fat. As a fat person myself, this entire exchange > just killed me. I hurt for her, I hurt for me, and I > hurt that I had to put a damper on my children's fun > night out. I can't get the whole thing out of my > head. The kids and I will have another talk tomorrow > about hurtful words. I am 100% positive that it was > not their intent to cause pain with their words. This > was soooo out of left field, it just knocked me off my > feet. I'm still upset by it. Ok, I'll go crawl back > under my rock now. > Laurie > > > > __________________________________ > Yahoo! FareChase: Search multiple travel sites in one click. > http://farechase.yahoo.com > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 29, 2005 Report Share Posted October 29, 2005 Thanks Martha. I guess in the grand scheme, it's pretty minor. But I still wish we could have a re-do. LOL Laurie __________________________________ Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005 http://mail.yahoo.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 29, 2005 Report Share Posted October 29, 2005 , what a great story. Not that it was a good experience, but how well you could relate to my tale. I promise not to bring this up with Travon when he's 40. Thank you, Laurie __________________________________ Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005 http://mail.yahoo.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 29, 2005 Report Share Posted October 29, 2005 Ya know E, I thought of the Phat thing, but pretty much dismissed it. The more I think about it, the more I think you may be right! Thanks, Laurie __________________________________ Start your day with Yahoo! - Make it your home page! http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 29, 2005 Report Share Posted October 29, 2005 Thanks Tim. You made me all teary eyed. First off, that you had to experience such things (as we all have), and secondly (is that a word?) because you felt I handled it well. Thanks for the awesome compliment. Laurie PS I know you don't get those comments anymore, you hot thang you! __________________________________ Yahoo! FareChase: Search multiple travel sites in one click. http://farechase.yahoo.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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