Surgery? What surgery???

October 31, 2005

Hi All,

Has anyone - during their post-op travails - ever just forgotten

about the whole thing?

And that isn't quite the way I want to word this...cause it isn't

completely out on my mind (though I am)...but I realized last night

that I don't really think about it anymore.

I have been through the constructive thoughts,

" I am going to do this... "

" I need to eat this... "

" I shouldn't eat that... "

And I have been through the destructive thoughts,

" I can't believe I ate that... "

" I should be exercising... "

" I will never get this to happen... "

" Everyone is passing me by... "

Now, I don't think much about it...either way. That was a chilling

thought last night. And this morning, I still haven't done anything

about it. I don't want to die....I don't want to live in pain and

discomfort...so what am I getting out of being like this?

October 31, 2005

,

Are you pre op (not had the surgery yet)? Or are you post op and have had the surgery? I am post op 6 1/2 months and I know now what I need to eat and what's a no no, so I don't really talk about it much unless on here or at a support group. I think if you live the life change it gets easier and easier without all the thought. If your pre op and haven't had the surgery I believe you need to really think about every thing so you lose the 10% and learn all you can so your ready for the life change after surgery. Donna wrote:

Hi All,Has anyone - during their post-op travails - ever just forgotten about the whole thing?And that isn't quite the way I want to word this...cause it isn't completely out on my mind (though I am)...but I realized last night that I don't really think about it anymore.I have been through the constructive thoughts, "I am going to do this...""I need to eat this...""I shouldn't eat that..."And I have been through the destructive thoughts,"I can't believe I ate that...""I should be exercising...""I will never get this to happen...""Everyone is passing me by..."Now, I don't think much about it...either way. That was a chilling thought last night. And this morning, I still haven't done anything about it. I don't want to die....I don't want to live in pain and

discomfort...so what am I getting out of being like this? Donna JordonDSJordon@...

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October 31, 2005

...

I went through some of that in the pre-op travails...when it took me much longer to lose the weight than I thought it would...I couldn't even believe that I'd lose my motivation and focus...I mean, here was this chance for a complete miracle that I was being offered...and yet, I would still stray or just sort of go along without the big push towards weightloss.

That worried me a bit, and made me think that maybe my fate was just going to be obesity for the rest of my life. Yet, even that worry didn't quite push me.

The thing that helped me was hearing from people on the board, hearing how they were changing...how they were getting to their pre-op weightloss goal, and how they were scheduling the surgery. But perhaps even more, I was helped by constantly looking at the before and after pictures (and clicking on the images and reading about their whole journey) on the obesityhelp.com website. That made it real...you know, nothing like before and after pictures to get your mind reeling.

Finally, for me, it was knowing that wanted to come and see me...and yet I was putting him off again and again. It was somewhat symbolic to me of all of the things in my life that I put off because of my obesity, you know? So, I just got ticked off at myself, and did a full court press. I started to work out everyday, I drank water like a fishy, I severely restricted my carbs...I seriously restricted my overall intake, and I weighed myself everyday. I got honest with myself and I talked some turkey. You know, "Look, you can lollygag for the rest of your life, and nothing is going to change. Or you can suck it up, do this whole weightloss thing hell bent for leather...and get the weight off...have the surgery...and start a new life. A new life of cuter clothes and lighter steps...comfortable airplane rides and walks into rooms where I held no worries of being judged for my weight.

I just realized something today. Each year we have to elect new benefits during the "open enrollment" period. We can increase our life insurance by $50,000 every year without getting a doctor's clearance...but if we want to increase it to more, we need to get a physician's clearance. I knew that with my extra weight and hyperinsulinima, I would never be approved. But now, I know that I won't be getting looked at by a doctor until December...and there is a high likelihood that I won't even be considered overweight at that point. My blood pressure is 110 over 70. I'm sure that my hyperinsulinimia is under control...so I seriously doubt that my life insurance increase of more than $50,000 will be rejected. That means a lot. That means an insurance company will be looking at my likely longevity...and will be making a calculated decision that I'm at lower risk of dying young and costing them a bunch of money. Which means, in my

own life...that my risk of dying young has seriously decreased. Wow.

And that, my friend, is what you need to keep on the forefront of your mind. When you do that...and when you find some reason (like, I don't know...a family reunion that is happening next year...a vacation you want to take in a tropical place...where you want to be able to experience everything without being impeded by your weight...a wedding...) that you want to be at a certain weight, or at least at a seriously lesser weight...do the math calculation...figure out the time you need...and then realize, "Hey, if I don't put this weightloss effort into overdrive so that I can have the flippin' surgery and get the weight off...I'm going to be going to this special event ticked off at myself, instead of really proud of myself. Do I really want yet ANOTHER special occasion to be marred by my health status, by my...er...largesse?"

Buy yourself a ring or a watch or a bracelet...something that you see everyday, that you wear everyday...and make that your reminder that you are WORTH this. The cookies, the big portions are keeping yourself from being your true self, you happy self. Revile them. They are your false friends, your false comforters. They are not your friends.

We are. And we are telling you, ..you are worth this. And you need to believe that. And you need to make sure you don't forget that...do this. Please do this. Do this for your nieces and nephews, for your wife, for your friends...and for yourself.

The trick? You have to make yourself the first priority for a while. That's hard to do. If going out to restaurants and socializing makes you lose your way...decide that you are going to be somewhat of a hermit for a month or two. Beg your wife to be your taskmaster, and get a calendar where you put a big gold star on it everytime you exercise. Put it in a prominant place, so that when you can see it's been two weeks since your last gold star, you decide you are changing that.

Get a pedometer and wear it all of the time. Make your goal 10,000 steps in a day. Put it on your pjs or undies when you first wake up, and keep it on your pants or whatever until you go to bed. When you get home from work, if you are at 6,500 steps, say, "Shoot, come on wifey, I have to go hoof for 3,500 more steps. Let's get moving." It really can be a motivator, you know?

Do this. Do this. You can. Look at those before and afters. Think about your new life. Make lists of all of the things that will change for the better in your life. Every silly little thing you can think of. Keep on this list, and tell us about your struggles and your victories. All of that will help keep it on your mind...so that you don't drift away.

But ..it's been long enough now. It's time. Do this.

Robynn wrote:

Hi All,Has anyone - during their post-op travails - ever just forgotten about the whole thing?And that isn't quite the way I want to word this...cause it isn't completely out on my mind (though I am)...but I realized last night that I don't really think about it anymore.I have been through the constructive thoughts, "I am going to do this...""I need to eat this...""I shouldn't eat that..."And I have been through the destructive thoughts,"I can't believe I ate that...""I should be exercising...""I will never get this to happen...""Everyone is passing me by..."Now, I don't think much about it...either way. That was a chilling thought last night. And this morning, I still haven't done anything about it. I don't want to die....I don't want to live in pain and

discomfort...so what am I getting out of being like this?

October 31, 2005

This is completely normal and the farther out you get and the

more " normal " you feel...yes you do forget at times. For instance I

went out to breakfast with my family on Sunday morning after church

and I ordered the cappuchino. Ive been drinking starbucks(albeit

sugar free0 and thought the sugar content cant vary that much and Ill

be fine. Wrong!! I dumped big time..shakes, sweats, dizziness...the

whole enchilada. Or at a party I will fill my plate like everyone

else is doing, sit down and take a few bites and realize Im full but

still have all this food on my plate and think OMG why did I serve

myself so much when I know there is no way even 2 years out I can eat

all of this. Same thing with drinking before or with meals...I

sometimes forget if I drink anything closer than 30 min before my

meal I wont be able to eat as I will be way to full.

Huggles

>

> Hi All,

>

> Has anyone - during their post-op travails - ever just forgotten

> about the whole thing?

>

> And that isn't quite the way I want to word this...cause it isn't

> completely out on my mind (though I am)...but I realized last night

> that I don't really think about it anymore.

>

> I have been through the constructive thoughts,

>

> " I am going to do this... "

> " I need to eat this... "

> " I shouldn't eat that... "

>

> And I have been through the destructive thoughts,

>

> " I can't believe I ate that... "

> " I should be exercising... "

> " I will never get this to happen... "

> " Everyone is passing me by... "

>

> Now, I don't think much about it...either way. That was a chilling

> thought last night. And this morning, I still haven't done

anything

> about it. I don't want to die....I don't want to live in pain and

> discomfort...so what am I getting out of being like this?

>

October 31, 2005

I also struggle with the "eyes being bigger than the tummy" syndrome, and wind up with huge plates that I can take a bite or two of...and then it goes to waste (better that than to my waist, I am sure!)

Also, drinking water. Sometimes, when food feels it hasn't been chewed well enough and feels like lead in my throat, I automatically reach for water. That doesn't work anymore, post surgery, and in fact, makes it worse.

So yes, you start feeling more "normal" again...jus tlike a normal person who is thin and doesn't eat much.

Robynn Diane Duenas wrote:

This is completely normal and the farther out you get and the more "normal" you feel...yes you do forget at times. For instance I went out to breakfast with my family on Sunday morning after church and I ordered the cappuchino. Ive been drinking starbucks(albeit sugar free0 and thought the sugar content cant vary that much and Ill be fine. Wrong!! I dumped big time..shakes, sweats, dizziness...the whole enchilada. Or at a party I will fill my plate like everyone else is doing, sit down and take a few bites and realize Im full but still have all this food on my plate and think OMG why did I serve myself so much when I know there is no way even 2 years out I can eat all of this. Same thing with drinking before or with meals...I sometimes forget if I drink anything closer than 30 min before my meal I wont be

able to eat as I will be way to full.Huggles>> Hi All,> > Has anyone - during their post-op travails - ever just forgotten > about the whole thing?> > And that isn't quite the way I want to word this...cause it isn't > completely out on my mind (though I am)...but I realized last night > that I don't really think about it anymore.> > I have been through the constructive thoughts, > > "I am going to do this..."> "I need to eat this..."> "I shouldn't eat that..."> > And I have been through the destructive thoughts,> > "I can't believe I ate that..."> "I should be exercising..."> "I will never get this to happen..."> "Everyone is passing me by..."> > Now, I don't think much about it...either way.

That was a chilling > thought last night. And this morning, I still haven't done anything > about it. I don't want to die....I don't want to live in pain and > discomfort...so what am I getting out of being like this? > > >

October 31, 2005

Hi, -

It sounds to me like you're asking the right question when you

ask " What am I getting out of being like this? " Lately I've been

asking myself that same exact question. I still haven't been

approved (I have my psych appt. tomorrow a.m.) but I've been doing

some hard thinking because I want to know where some of my pitfalls

are.

One of the things that's come to me is that I really " stuff " a lot of

my emotions. I love my husband, and we have a basically good

marriage, but even in the best marriage you get angry at one another.

I don't deal well with being angry - it's really, really hard for me

to even recognize when I am angry, much less do something

constructive with the feeling or make the changes in my life that

would resolve whatever problems are causing the anger. It's scary.

Change is scary. Much easier to force myself to a semblance of calm,

ignore the fact that real changes in MY behaviour may be necessary,

and then drug myself with chocolate or buttered toast or whatever.

Then there's stress, and the whole idea that I have to take care of

so many, many things. I have kids. I have a demanding professional

career. I have an elderly mother, and problem siblings, and

financial worries. Basically, I have a LIFE. And it's as much as I

can do sometimes to take care of everybody's needs and get through

the day in one piece.

But ya know what? If Mama ain't happy (healthy, sane, whatever!)

ain't noooobody happy. . . in other words, if I don't take care of

myself I can't take care of anyone else. That's the big thing that's

finally pushing me into taking care of myself and doing what I need

to to get this surgery.

Each of us has different reasons why we're where we are - yours may

be different from mine, or Robynn's, or anyone elses. But you've

started to ask yourself what's keeping you here. That's the first

step towards getting past the roadblock. Keep going. It's scary but

it's worthwhile.

Cathy C.

>

> Hi All,

>

> Has anyone - during their post-op travails - ever just forgotten

> about the whole thing?

>

> And that isn't quite the way I want to word this...cause it isn't

> completely out on my mind (though I am)...but I realized last night

> that I don't really think about it anymore.

>

> I have been through the constructive thoughts,

>

> " I am going to do this... "

> " I need to eat this... "

> " I shouldn't eat that... "

>

> And I have been through the destructive thoughts,

>

> " I can't believe I ate that... "

> " I should be exercising... "

> " I will never get this to happen... "

> " Everyone is passing me by... "

>

> Now, I don't think much about it...either way. That was a chilling

> thought last night. And this morning, I still haven't done

anything

> about it. I don't want to die....I don't want to live in pain and

> discomfort...so what am I getting out of being like this?

>

October 31, 2005

Hi Cathy,

I'm Donna the one with too much life also. I was the same way before surgery, but I knew I needed to do it or I won't be able to take care of all the ones and all the things in this life. Then I realized I needed to do not just for those reason, but for myself. I really wanted it for myself and that's what pushed me, then I pushed myself after I realized that. I'm really happy I decided to do this for me. Life is still hard, still there, but I can handle it much better now that I have more energy and feel so much better health wise and about who I am. Good Luck and keep up the good work.

,

The same for you, Keep up the good work and hang in there. DonnaCathy wrote:

Hi, -It sounds to me like you're asking the right question when you ask "What am I getting out of being like this?" Lately I've been asking myself that same exact question. I still haven't been approved (I have my psych appt. tomorrow a.m.) but I've been doing some hard thinking because I want to know where some of my pitfalls are. One of the things that's come to me is that I really "stuff" a lot of my emotions. I love my husband, and we have a basically good marriage, but even in the best marriage you get angry at one another. I don't deal well with being angry - it's really, really hard for me to even recognize when I am angry, much less do something constructive with the feeling or make the changes in my life that would resolve whatever problems are causing the anger. It's scary. Change

is scary. Much easier to force myself to a semblance of calm, ignore the fact that real changes in MY behaviour may be necessary, and then drug myself with chocolate or buttered toast or whatever. Then there's stress, and the whole idea that I have to take care of so many, many things. I have kids. I have a demanding professional career. I have an elderly mother, and problem siblings, and financial worries. Basically, I have a LIFE. And it's as much as I can do sometimes to take care of everybody's needs and get through the day in one piece. But ya know what? If Mama ain't happy (healthy, sane, whatever!) ain't noooobody happy. . . in other words, if I don't take care of myself I can't take care of anyone else. That's the big thing that's finally pushing me into taking care of myself and doing what I need to to get this surgery. Each of us has different reasons why we're where we are -

yours may be different from mine, or Robynn's, or anyone elses. But you've started to ask yourself what's keeping you here. That's the first step towards getting past the roadblock. Keep going. It's scary but it's worthwhile.Cathy C.>> Hi All,> > Has anyone - during their post-op travails - ever just forgotten > about the whole thing?> > And that isn't quite the way I want to word this...cause it isn't > completely out on my mind (though I am)...but I realized last night > that I don't really think about it anymore.> > I have been through the constructive thoughts, > > "I am going to do this..."> "I need to eat this..."> "I shouldn't eat that..."> > And I have been through the destructive thoughts,> > "I

can't believe I ate that..."> "I should be exercising..."> "I will never get this to happen..."> "Everyone is passing me by..."> > Now, I don't think much about it...either way. That was a chilling > thought last night. And this morning, I still haven't done anything > about it. I don't want to die....I don't want to live in pain and > discomfort...so what am I getting out of being like this? > > >Donna JordonDSJordon@...

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October 31, 2005

Robynn,

Couldn't of said this better to , you write so well. The insurance go for it, you'll do just fine. DonnaRobynn VanPatten wrote: