life cycles, changing friendships

[Guest guest]

Tracie, I have struggled with feelings of abandonment by my work friends & others. I think a large part of my recent severe depression was related to that. But in just the last couple of weeks I've remembered something a therapist/friend told me several years ago. I was feeling guilty about not wanting to spend time with some women who had been very supportive of me when I finally began dealing with my childhood incest. They had helped me so much, but after a couple of years, I was ready to move on & they seemed to be stuck in the same place. That's a judgment on my part, but it's how I felt at the time. Marilyn, the therapist, told me that everyone is not going to walk with us for our entire life journey. We may have some friends or family that remain part of our lives, but others may walk with us for a ways, then our paths diverge, for lots of reasons. We may meet up again, or may never have contact again, but that doesn't lessen the value of their company or the gifts they shared with us. That did help me at the time, but I had forgotten this wise perspective until recently.

I suddenly realized that I've been trying to hold onto people when it's time for us to go separate ways. I've felt that if I didn't manage to keep them close, that I wouldn't be able to bear the loss. Now I'm beginning to think about the love, laughs, tears, etc. that we shared, and know that nothing can erase those memories & the strength I gained from those friendships. Once I shifted my focus from fear to appreciation, I began to relax and accept the reality--that my path would get mighty crowded & noisy if everyone who had ever loved, helped or supported me stayed with me for the rest of my life!

I hope I was able to explain this the way it was in my mind, and my heart.

Ramblin' Rose

Moderator i'm making a difference. Make every IM count for the cause of your choice. Join Now.

[Guest guest]

Rose,

Thank you so very much. You are right, sometimes we get to where we need to let go-- and move on.

Celebrating the joy and love and the pain and sorrow with dear friends is a gift.

I'm looking at this part of the passage and trying to remind myself that "If the eyes knew no tears, the soul would know no rainbows."

I don't know if I shared this--- but I had to go with david to a meeting at his work. His employer has changed the 401k plan they had-- and we had to make some decisions as to what to do next.

Well, I was lost during the meeting---- I couldn't follow crap. For me, the numbers thing had always come easily- so to not be able to grasp the concepts being presented, was another one of those "recognizing the loss" moments.

Then I approached his boss- and was trying to tell her about a problem in one of the offices they had set up. (They make office furniture for ophthalmology offices) It was a simple problem, but one that took away desk space-- and I just wanted to suggest an improvement. Well, I wasn't getting my point across-- at all.

I left there feeling so very incompetent-- and again, it was that damn reality check that the way I communicate, the way I comprehend-- is changing.

I have days where I think I'm doing great-- and that was one of them-- and boy did I end up beating me up.

anyway, we ended up sitting the financial counselor for the plan yesterday-- and we gave it to him, said direct where the money is put, and just let us know when it's time to shift it.

It's so very hard when you know you have the information somewhere in your head- and just can't access it in the same way you have always done.

That's my story, and I'm willing to change it--

Hugs,

Tracie

NS Co-owner/moderator

************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com.

[Guest guest]

Tracie I understand where you are coming from. I used to be so good with numbers , forms, contracts, etc. from working. Now I look at them and feel foolish. I actually need help . I usually go and ask my father especially for the 401K, retirement plan, etc. It's awful. I can remember being able to multitask at the office big time, doing purchasing, accounts payable and payroll. It's hard to accept the fact that you can't handle it anymore. Hugs, Debbie T. Co-Moderator tiodaat@... wrote: Rose,Thank you so very much. You are right, sometimes we get to where we need to let go-- and move on.

Celebrating the joy and love and the pain and sorrow with dear friends is a gift. I'm looking at this part of the passage and trying to remind myself that "If the eyes knew no tears, the soul would know no rainbows." I don't know if I shared this--- but I had to go with david to a meeting at his work. His employer has changed the 401k plan they had-- and we had to make some decisions as to what to do next. Well, I was lost during the meeting---- I couldn't follow crap. For me, the numbers thing had always come easily- so to not be able to grasp the concepts being presented, was another one of those "recognizing the loss" moments.Then I approached his boss- and was trying to tell her about a problem in one of the offices they had set up. (They make office furniture for ophthalmology offices) It was a simple problem, but one that took away desk space-- and I just wanted to suggest an improvement. Well, I

wasn't getting my point across-- at all. I left there feeling so very incompetent-- and again, it was that damn reality check that the way I communicate, the way I comprehend-- is changing. I have days where I think I'm doing great-- and that was one of them-- and boy did I end up beating me up. anyway, we ended up sitting the financial counselor for the plan yesterday-- and we gave it to him, said direct where the money is put, and just let us know when it's time to shift it. It's so very hard when you know you have the information somewhere in your head- and just can't access it in the same way you have always done. That's my story, and I'm willing to change it-- Hugs,TracieNS Co-owner/moderator**************************************AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com.

Don't be flakey. Get Yahoo! Mail for Mobile and always stay connected to friends.