5 stages of grief

[Guest guest]

I've been thinking about this and want your feedback.

The challenge of a support group like this is that all of us have an illness with no known cause, and no known cure. When a person is first diagnosed with chronic illness, the natural progression is to do everything you can to get your life back under control.

We actually go thru the Five Stages of Grieving, and will continue this path for the rest of life. At times, it will be more magnified in different areas, but the process is similar for all of us.

What we do have control over is how we react to dealing with a life of chronic illness.

The focus of this group is to help each person as they learn to live with disability. We are fortunate to have a large base of people that not only have dedicated their journey to trying to understand this disease, and share that information with each of us- we also have a base of people that want to help you get thru each day.

The Five Stages of Grieving written by Kubler Ross are:

Denial and Isolation

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

One of the biggest challenges is that we have always been healthy, active, competent, physically active people. Most of us are Type A personalities, and we need to understand what is happening and why life has changed. We figure that we can have answers, and we will have answers. Even if we have to move the mountain ourself to get the answer. This is where we continue to push ourself beyond the signal that our body sent to slow down. This is denial.

We end up in our computer rooms, searching for answers-- secluding ourself from life to get our life back to normal. This is the DENIAL AND ISOLATION.

When we face up to the fact that we aren't going to get the answers and solutions we want and have always been able to produce-- we get angry. We blame the government for not spending the money on research. We blame our doctors for not searching out an answer for us. We blame our jobs and the toxins we may have been exposed to. We blame the foods we consume, and the farmers that grow the foods-- as there has to be something that trigger this. We blame our partners and the stress our relationships bring into our life. We blame our parents for the sins of the past. We are pissed. When we're pissed, we want the loaded emotional gun to change the problem. We want the answer. This is ANGER!

So we start to realize that the isolation isn't working, being pissed at the world isn't working, and we can't expect medical science to figure it as quickly as we need it too. So we go into BARGAINING. We look at the choices we have in medications, we ask if I do this, stop doing that, if I quit my soccer coaching, if I get more rest, if I ... just find one more specialist that has to have the answer. We seek all the Alternative care choices, we seek psychotherapy, we seek out a good Chiropractor, we seek out a nutritionist, we seek out a Spiritual Healer. We seek, and we tell ourself that we will do what it takes to get better.

Next we face the disappointment that no matter how much money we've spent, how many different specialists and professionals and alternative providers we see, we still have sarcoidosis. Our life is still screwed up and our finances have taken a hit, and we are stumped. We haven't slept in ages, our hormones are nuts, and we hurt. The drugs we're on have side effects, and we aren't sure if we're making good decisions. Our MD's tell us we need an antidepressant, and we know we aren't depressed. But when your sleep cycle is screwed up by pain, and your hormones are screwed up by the disease and the drugs- you need an anti-depressant to get the seratonin and norephinephrine balanced in your brain- so that you can be in less pain and more functional. Yes-- this is DEPRESSION-- secondary to your illness, secondary to the feeling of being out of control of your physical body, and mental body.

One day you realize that you can live your life in fear of what is happening, and lose out on the joy of the good things that are still available to you. You still have your family, and if you learn to ask for their help-- they would jump at the chance to be there for you. You still have your sight, you still have your hearing, you still have the beauty of a good day. Those days have changed, but you are still on top of the sod. You can still share intimacy, in different ways. You learn to look at every part of life differently, and realize that the 60 or 70 hour work week isn't as important as it was. You grow-- and you learn that it's easier and less stressful and you feel better, as you learn to accept that life- your life --has limitations. This is ACCEPTANCE!

I'm not saying give up. Not at all. We all have to go thru this process, and we do it inch by inch, time after time-- like the ball of life, we go in and out of the various parts and each time we come out- we are a little bit stronger, a little more sure that we can survive these challenges, and we learn that spiderwebs, childrens' laughter, rainbows and tears all have a place. When we open our hearts to the pain of life, we open our heart even more to the love of life.

This is what we are about-- that is what this group is-- a place to learn how to accept that life changed, the script we had planned has been deleted, and we adjust.

I want answers like the rest of you-- I want a medical society that has time for me-- that puts me first when it's my time for my appointment. I wish I could say that it was toxic molds, that it was the job as the secretary at a pest control company, I wish I could say that it is growing up in the agricultural and the building trade community and that any one of us could trip into the exact reason that we are the chosen ones for sarcoidosis, and that we will be cured.

I believe that we have to keep looking for answers, and I know that if there isn't one - that I can still enjoy the health that I have, and the wonderful loving support of those that want to share this journey.

I want this for all of us.

May we all find a healing of our hearts and souls and spirits- and our bodies.

With compassion,

Tracie

NS Co-owner/moderator

Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com.

[Guest guest]

Tracie - As you know, you have definitely hit the nail on the head for me! I went thru each of these phases as you described. I still after 4 yrs. have problems with the last one - the acceptance stage. As you and I have discussed before, it has contributed to my experiences with depression. I am trying to get stronger every day and believe my depression (with meds of course and trips to a therapist) has been better. Still have times when I am really feeling bad that it seems to crop up, but I try to work thru it. My therapist helps me a lot. She knows what I have been thru and has been there for me every step of the way. I hope your post helps the others in the group . Of course, you have outdone yourself again with your knowledge and writing. Love, Debbie tiodaat@... wrote: I've been thinking about this and want your feedback. The challenge of a support group like this is that all of us have an illness with no known cause, and no known cure. When a person is first diagnosed with chronic illness, the natural progression is to do everything you can to get your life back under control. We actually go thru the Five Stages of Grieving, and will continue this path for the rest of life. At times, it will be more magnified in different areas, but the process is similar for all of us. What we do have control over is how we react to dealing with a life of chronic illness. The focus of this group is to help each person as they learn to live with disability. We are fortunate to have a large base of people that not only have dedicated their journey to trying to understand this disease, and share that information with each of us- we also have a base of people that want to help you get thru each day. The Five Stages of Grieving written by Kubler Ross are: Denial and Isolation Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance One of the biggest challenges is that we have always been healthy, active, competent, physically active people. Most of us are Type A personalities, and we need to

understand what is happening and why life has changed. We figure that we can have answers, and we will have answers. Even if we have to move the mountain ourself to get the answer. This is where we continue to push ourself beyond the signal that our body sent to slow down. This is denial. We end up in our computer rooms, searching for answers-- secluding ourself from life to get our life back to normal. This is the DENIAL AND ISOLATION. When we face up to the fact that we aren't going to get the answers and solutions we want and have always been able to produce-- we get angry. We blame the government for not spending the money on research. We blame our doctors for not searching out an answer for us. We blame our jobs and the toxins we may have been exposed to. We blame the foods we consume, and the farmers that

grow the foods-- as there has to be something that trigger this. We blame our partners and the stress our relationships bring into our life. We blame our parents for the sins of the past. We are pissed. When we're pissed, we want the loaded emotional gun to change the problem. We want the answer. This is ANGER! So we start to realize that the isolation isn't working, being pissed at the world isn't working, and we can't expect medical science to figure it as quickly as we need it too. So we go into BARGAINING. We look at the choices we have in medications, we ask if I do this, stop doing that, if I quit my soccer coaching, if I get more rest, if I ... just find one more specialist that has to have the answer. We seek all the Alternative care choices, we seek psychotherapy, we seek out a good Chiropractor, we seek out a nutritionist, we seek out a Spiritual

Healer. We seek, and we tell ourself that we will do what it takes to get better. Next we face the disappointment that no matter how much money we've spent, how many different specialists and professionals and alternative providers we see, we still have sarcoidosis. Our life is still screwed up and our finances have taken a hit, and we are stumped. We haven't slept in ages, our hormones are nuts, and we hurt. The drugs we're on have side effects, and we aren't sure if we're making good decisions. Our MD's tell us we need an antidepressant, and we know we aren't depressed. But when your sleep cycle is screwed up by pain, and your hormones are screwed up by the disease and the drugs- you need an anti-depressant to get the seratonin and norephinephrine balanced in your brain- so that you can be in less pain and more functional. Yes-- this is DEPRESSION-- secondary

to your illness, secondary to the feeling of being out of control of your physical body, and mental body. One day you realize that you can live your life in fear of what is happening, and lose out on the joy of the good things that are still available to you. You still have your family, and if you learn to ask for their help-- they would jump at the chance to be there for you. You still have your sight, you still have your hearing, you still have the beauty of a good day. Those days have changed, but you are still on top of the sod. You can still share intimacy, in different ways. You learn to look at every part of life differently, and realize that the 60 or 70 hour work week isn't as important as it was. You grow-- and you learn that it's easier and less stressful and you feel better, as you learn to accept that life- your life --has limitations. This is

ACCEPTANCE! I'm not saying give up. Not at all. We all have to go thru this process, and we do it inch by inch, time after time-- like the ball of life, we go in and out of the various parts and each time we come out- we are a little bit stronger, a little more sure that we can survive these challenges, and we learn that spiderwebs, childrens' laughter, rainbows and tears all have a place. When we open our hearts to the pain of life, we open our heart even more to the love of life. This is what we are about-- that is what this group is-- a place to learn how to accept that life changed, the script we had planned has been deleted, and we adjust. I want answers like the rest of you-- I want a medical society that has time for me-- that puts me first when

it's my time for my appointment. I wish I could say that it was toxic molds, that it was the job as the secretary at a pest control company, I wish I could say that it is growing up in the agricultural and the building trade community and that any one of us could trip into the exact reason that we are the chosen ones for sarcoidosis, and that we will be cured. I believe that we have to keep looking for answers, and I know that if there isn't one - that I can still enjoy the health that I have, and the wonderful loving support of those that want to share this journey. I want this for all of us. May we all find a healing of our hearts and souls and spirits- and our bodies. With

compassion, Tracie NS Co-owner/moderator Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com.

Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Yahoo! Games.

[Guest guest]

Tracie,

This is a wonderful description of the 5 stages. I have 's

book and have read it several times. It is really a good book and your

message is great. Very well said........ Thanks for sending it and taking

the time. You are great with words........wish I was, but my talent lies

in the technical parts..........:-) Thanks again for your help.

Hugs,

Darlene

NS Co-Owner/Moderator

[Guest guest]

I still after 4 yrs. have problems with the last one - the acceptance stage. As you and I have discussed before, it has contributed to my experiences with depression. I am trying to get stronger every day and believe my depression (with meds of course and trips to a therapist) has been better. Still have times when I am really feeling bad that it seems to crop up, but I try to work thru it.

Debbie,

You have come so very, very far! I know how hard this path is-- and how each of us is effected by a change of our life script.

Acceptance is a process, and some days we do it fairly well-- other days- we are back in some other stage-- and that's ok.

I know that when I'm in my panic mode-- and this last week was one of those weeks, that I can convince myself that life really sucks. has been with him Mom every night for the last 3 weeks, (she had to have open-heart sx) and I'm sure they've discussed whether he should pack up and leave me. (My fear, not reality at all).

I made the mistake of sharing some of the family dysfunction at a support group meeting, and one of the people there decided it was ok to tell everything I'd said to my mother-in law. So I made the shit list-- again (still.)

So I played my fear tape around those issues.

Now- I was the one that went to these extremes. I was the one that had to tell me to "stop." I wanted to be held, and told that all is ok. I wanted the security of his body and arms and rides to the orchard to watch the deer and the apples grow- and settle myself down- and I had to share. I don't want to share. Tonight is the last night he'll be down there, but he's only home for 2 nights and then leaves on a 7 day backpack trek. Ugggh.

When the story line that we have created (it is us--no one else) and we take some comment made 30 yrs ago, and bring in forward to where we decide we aren't worthy of the love that others are offering, that because we are sick, we are expendable, and we start down that road-- hang on-- hell is risen!

This is where the practice of STOP! comes in. You may actually have to tell yourself outloud to STOP!

Then gently, remind yourself that this is your "stinkin thinking" and you don't deserve to take this path. It's not a healthy one for you.

Next, tell yourself outloud that you are loved, and worthy. Breath in gently, deeply and repeat-- you are fine. You are loved. You are healthy.

Celebrate your strength, as only the strong can deal with lifestyles that we have- and we are strong-- and loving. Even when we need to cry out for help- that too is strength.

Love yourself, as we all love you,

Tracie

NS Co-owner/moderator

Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com.

[Guest guest]

Hi Tracie,Thank you for your hard work and dedication in what you do to help all of us. I enjoyed reading the following. As a psych nurse, this was especially interesting to me. Dr. Kubler-Ross was a woman of great strength. You are a woman of great strength too Tracie. Blessings,Beckytiodaat@... wrote: I've been thinking about this and want your feedback. The challenge of a support

group like this is that all of us have an illness with no known cause, and no known cure. When a person is first diagnosed with chronic illness, the natural progression is to do everything you can to get your life back under control. We actually go thru the Five Stages of Grieving, and will continue this path for the rest of life. At times, it will be more magnified in different areas, but the process is similar for all of us. What we do have control over is how we react to dealing with a life of chronic illness. The focus of this group is to help each person as they learn to live with disability. We are fortunate to have a large base of people that not only have dedicated their journey to trying to understand this disease, and share that information with each of us- we also have a base of people that want to help you get

thru each day. The Five Stages of Grieving written by Kubler Ross are: Denial and Isolation Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance One of the biggest challenges is that we have always been healthy, active, competent, physically active people. Most of us are Type A personalities, and we need to understand what is happening and why life has changed. We figure that we can have answers, and we will have answers. Even if we have to move the mountain ourself to get the answer. This is where we continue to push ourself beyond the signal that our body sent to slow down. This is denial. We end up in our computer

rooms, searching for answers-- secluding ourself from life to get our life back to normal. This is the DENIAL AND ISOLATION. When we face up to the fact that we aren't going to get the answers and solutions we want and have always been able to produce-- we get angry. We blame the government for not spending the money on research. We blame our doctors for not searching out an answer for us. We blame our jobs and the toxins we may have been exposed to. We blame the foods we consume, and the farmers that grow the foods-- as there has to be something that trigger this. We blame our partners and the stress our relationships bring into our life. We blame our parents for the sins of the past. We are pissed. When we're pissed, we want the loaded emotional gun to change the problem. We want the answer. This is ANGER!

So we start to realize that the isolation isn't working, being pissed at the world isn't working, and we can't expect medical science to figure it as quickly as we need it too. So we go into BARGAINING. We look at the choices we have in medications, we ask if I do this, stop doing that, if I quit my soccer coaching, if I get more rest, if I ... just find one more specialist that has to have the answer. We seek all the Alternative care choices, we seek psychotherapy, we seek out a good Chiropractor, we seek out a nutritionist, we seek out a Spiritual Healer. We seek, and we tell ourself that we will do what it takes to get better. Next we face the disappointment that no matter how much money we've spent, how many different specialists and professionals and alternative providers we see, we still have sarcoidosis. Our

life is still screwed up and our finances have taken a hit, and we are stumped. We haven't slept in ages, our hormones are nuts, and we hurt. The drugs we're on have side effects, and we aren't sure if we're making good decisions. Our MD's tell us we need an antidepressant, and we know we aren't depressed. But when your sleep cycle is screwed up by pain, and your hormones are screwed up by the disease and the drugs- you need an anti-depressant to get the seratonin and norephinephrine balanced in your brain- so that you can be in less pain and more functional. Yes-- this is DEPRESSION-- secondary to your illness, secondary to the feeling of being out of control of your physical body, and mental body. One day you realize that you can live your life in fear of what is happening, and lose out on the joy of the good things that are still available to you. You

still have your family, and if you learn to ask for their help-- they would jump at the chance to be there for you. You still have your sight, you still have your hearing, you still have the beauty of a good day. Those days have changed, but you are still on top of the sod. You can still share intimacy, in different ways. You learn to look at every part of life differently, and realize that the 60 or 70 hour work week isn't as important as it was. You grow-- and you learn that it's easier and less stressful and you feel better, as you learn to accept that life- your life --has limitations. This is ACCEPTANCE! I'm not saying give up. Not at all. We all have to go thru this process, and we do it inch by inch, time after time-- like the ball of life, we go in and out of the various parts and each time we come out- we are a little bit stronger, a little more sure

that we can survive these challenges, and we learn that spiderwebs, childrens' laughter, rainbows and tears all have a place. When we open our hearts to the pain of life, we open our heart even more to the love of life. This is what we are about-- that is what this group is-- a place to learn how to accept that life changed, the script we had planned has been deleted, and we adjust. I want answers like the rest of you-- I want a medical society that has time for me-- that puts me first when it's my time for my appointment. I wish I could say that it was toxic molds, that it was the job as the secretary at a pest control company, I wish I could say that it is growing up in the agricultural and the building trade community and that any one of us could trip into the exact reason that we are the chosen ones for

sarcoidosis, and that we will be cured. I believe that we have to keep looking for answers, and I know that if there isn't one - that I can still enjoy the health that I have, and the wonderful loving support of those that want to share this journey. I want this for all of us. May we all find a healing of our hearts and souls and spirits- and our bodies. With compassion, Tracie NS Co-owner/moderator Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com.

Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Yahoo! Games.

[Guest guest]

Tracie,You must have felt so betrayed. Especially to have a support group member do this. You are admired and loved by people you will never see. Even though you will never see some of us, you give 110% to help us all. Thank you again for what you do.Blessings,Beckytiodaat@... wrote: In a message dated 7/25/2007 3:50:10 A.M. Pacific Daylight Time, rozebudz36 (AT) yahoo (DOT) com writes: I still after 4 yrs. have problems with the last one - the acceptance stage. As you and I have discussed before, it has contributed to my experiences with depression. I am trying to get stronger every day and believe my depression (with meds of course and trips to a therapist) has been better. Still have times when I am really feeling bad that it seems to crop up, but I try to work thru it. Debbie, You have come so very, very far! I know how hard this path is-- and how each of us is effected by a

change of our life script. Acceptance is a process, and some days we do it fairly well-- other days- we are back in some other stage-- and that's ok. I know that when I'm in my panic mode-- and this last week was one of those weeks, that I can convince myself that life really sucks. has been with him Mom every night for the last 3 weeks, (she had to have open-heart sx) and I'm sure they've discussed whether he should pack up and leave me. (My fear, not reality at all). I made the mistake of sharing some of the family dysfunction at a support group meeting, and one of the people there decided it was ok to tell everything I'd said to my mother-in law. So I made the shit list-- again (still.) So I played my fear tape around those issues. Now- I was the one that went to these

extremes. I was the one that had to tell me to "stop." I wanted to be held, and told that all is ok. I wanted the security of his body and arms and rides to the orchard to watch the deer and the apples grow- and settle myself down- and I had to share. I don't want to share. Tonight is the last night he'll be down there, but he's only home for 2 nights and then leaves on a 7 day backpack trek. Ugggh. When the story line that we have created (it is us--no one else) and we take some comment made 30 yrs ago, and bring in forward to where we decide we aren't worthy of the love that others are offering, that because we are sick, we are expendable, and we start down that road-- hang on-- hell is risen! This is where the practice of STOP! comes in. You may actually have to tell yourself outloud to STOP! Then gently, remind

yourself that this is your "stinkin thinking" and you don't deserve to take this path. It's not a healthy one for you. Next, tell yourself outloud that you are loved, and worthy. Breath in gently, deeply and repeat-- you are fine. You are loved. You are healthy. Celebrate your strength, as only the strong can deal with lifestyles that we have- and we are strong-- and loving. Even when we need to cry out for help- that too is strength. Love yourself, as we all love you, Tracie NS Co-owner/moderator Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com.

Get the free Yahoo! toolbar and rest assured with the added security of spyware protection.

[Guest guest]

It's important though I think that " Acceptance " not be " Passivity " in one's own situation or outcome, or acceptance of a lack of changes that might save others from going what we go through.

In things that *really* can't be changed, acceptance IS important to prevent a state of constant fear and arousal that is really unhealthy. But I think its also important to understand the roots of emotion - especially how people tend to reject evidence which would necessitate any kind of difficult changes on their parts, which could often be described as 'acceptance' - even if that 'acceptance' reaction puts their lives in danger.

Look up the " cognitive dissonance " theory of Leon Festinger or the " groupthink " of Irving Janis for good descriptions of some of the thought processes that I'm talking about. Propagandists take advantage of our fear of change and use it - and historically, in retrospect, we are forced to realize that that kind of passivity has been responsible for a huge amount of grief. And death.

A good example is the difficulty the few people who were telling us in the 50s and 60s that tobacco causes lung cancer had in getting the nation to take them seriously even though the evidence was increasingly and then overwhelmingly on their side, the tobacco industry used very highly developed, sophisticated techniques to sow doubt and hold back regulation until fairly recently, time wise. During that time, literally millions of people died of smoking related diseases. (and untold billions of dollars were made on them)

I used to have a friend who worked in the advertising industry and he used to tell stories about the time he worked in a secretive ad group that was dedicated to stopping anti-cigarette regulation. (They actually made a movie about this campaign, which I haven't seen yet, but I really should try to see it. " Thank you for smoking " - that is a sign they had in their private elevator)

[Guest guest]

Dr. Kubler-Ross may have put a name to the grief process but it was only after extensive research into what she observed was happening around her. These stages were extended to include a part of a person's ongoing battle to overcome a trauma (be it personal such as financial crisis, trauma, sickness, death, etc.) as part of the reality of what was to happen and coping mechanisms therefore used in that stressful process. Her own background certainly had a large role to play in what she was to study in human nature. There is a peace to "accept the things I can not change and the wisdom to know the difference". Tracie can speak for herself but I know she didn't write this as a "lay down and give up" recommendation. These are steps that many people go through: some smoothly, some resisting and therefore with increased stress and cognitive dysfunction. Simply, these are observed reactions of the process of human nature when faced with

crisis/grieving...cause=effect.LiveSimply wrote: It's important though I think that "Acceptance" not be "Passivity" in one's own situation or outcome, or acceptance of a lack of changes that might save others from going what we go through. In things that *really* can't be changed, acceptance IS important to prevent a state of constant fear and arousal that is really unhealthy. But I think its also important to understand the roots of emotion - especially how people tend to reject evidence

which would necessitate any kind of difficult changes on their parts, which could often be described as 'acceptance' - even if that 'acceptance' reaction puts their lives in danger. Look up the "cognitive dissonance" theory of Leon Festinger or the "groupthink" of Irving Janis for good descriptions of some of the thought processes that I'm talking about. Propagandists take advantage of our fear of change and use it - and historically, in retrospect, we are forced to realize that that kind of passivity has been responsible for a huge amount of grief. And death. A good example is the difficulty the few people who were telling us in the 50s and 60s that tobacco causes lung cancer had in getting the nation to take them seriously even though the evidence was increasingly and then overwhelmingly on their side, the tobacco industry used very highly developed, sophisticated techniques to sow doubt and hold back regulation until fairly recently, time wise.

During that time, literally millions of people died of smoking related diseases. (and untold billions of dollars were made on them) I used to have a friend who worked in the advertising industry and he used to tell stories about the time he worked in a secretive ad group that was dedicated to stopping anti-cigarette regulation. (They actually made a movie about this campaign, which I haven't seen yet, but I really should try to see it. "Thank you for smoking" - that is a sign they had in their private elevator)

Pinpoint customers who are looking for what you sell.

[Guest guest]

Becky,

To me learning about the 5 Stages of Grief was a real eye opener. No matter whether change is forced by illness, divorce, a change of job, loss of a loved one- you get to go thru these stages.

I was introduced to this when I went to the Auburn Pain Medical Rehabilitation Center 17 yrs ago-- and learned how to live with chronic pain. The sarc didn't enter my life until 2 yrs later. At that time, I'd already been living with constant pain for 10 years.

The program there consisted of the psychologist, biofeedback, physical therapy, massage, Rheumatologist, Physical Medicine MD, exercise physiologist, chiropractic and acupuncture as well as an on call anesthiologist- all under one roof.

It truly was the most comprehensive program in all of Calif. I was so dependant on pain meds that I was self dosing- up to 100 mg of Vicodin and Darvocet and Percodan and Soma and Lortab and Relafen and.... and my pain was still thru the roof. I was also managing a 23 employee Eye Surgical Center and Clinic. We'd just gone from a single MD practice to 3 MD's plus the surgery center. In the first year, we went from a million dollar practice to a 7 million dollar practice. I had set up the computer system and all the coding and billing for both areas of practice and was the trainer for the techs and the receptionists. I loved the job-- loved it-- and I was so stoned I couldn't get thru a day without going down the street to the DC at least once a day.

But what was most incredible was that once I was given the tools to use Mind/Body medicine, and the tools to understand what was happening physiologically with my body, and taught to move my body and loosen the muscles that were so spasmed (and I know now that the hardening of the muscles of my back was the effect of sarcoidosis) that I could control a large part of my pain.

I learned that every time I go into panic mode- that I tell my body to go on the defense. That sends out the hormones for "fight or flight". That turns on the immune system to respond to something. Even tho the original injury was over- healed, there was a leftover response that something was still wrong. After all, that is what I told myself when I react with fear.

Dealing with sarcoidosis has made me go back daily to the skills I learned in Auburn. I literally have to take a "body inventory" throughout each day- many times over- so that I don't start "holding" and "armoring" myself against the pain in my body. Because when I react to the pain by trying to armor myself- I increase all the hormones that say protect this. This is just flooding my brain with signals to fix something. In us, that signal of constant alert doesn't turn off--and we build granulomas around the white cells that carried the message to fix something- instead of clear them out.

So this is where I literally take a deep breath, (go ahead, you need to do it right now also) and let that tension go. Take another one- then more- slowly, deeply, and tell yourself you are safe- in your body. Relax and enjoy the safeness.

This is a tiny example of what you can do with breathwork. Ladies, this is what they taught us in our Lamaze classes, and we should have learned this in grade school.

I do believe we truly have to go back to basics. Very basic.

Remember to exhale.

Tracie

NS Co-owner/moderatorGet a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com.

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It's important though I think that "Acceptance" not be "Passivity" in one's own situation or outcome, or acceptance of a lack of changes that might save others from going what we go through.In things that *really* can't be changed, acceptance IS important to prevent a state of constant fear and arousal that is really unhealthy.

I agree, we don't need to become passive and curl up and not look for answers-- but as I said, to live in such fear is a waste of what little energy we have.

TracieGet a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com.

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Hi Tracie,I attended a workshop regarding Kubler-Ross and it was one of the best continuing ed classes I ever took. Sarcoidosis is a good one for stress and affecting the body. Relaxation with this nasty disease is a key factor towards improvement to stand a chance at getting better. I learned to use deep breathing and guided imagery to relax myself too. It really does make a difference. The best thing though for me is my prayer (very short) that gets me in that space where I can feel a connection with God. It never fails to help me calm down and before I know it I'm okay.Tracie, we are sure fortunate to have you.Blessings,Beckytiodaat@... wrote: Becky, To me learning about the 5 Stages of Grief was a real eye opener. No matter whether change is forced by illness, divorce, a change of job, loss of a loved one- you get to go thru these stages. I was introduced to this when I went to the Auburn Pain Medical Rehabilitation Center 17 yrs ago-- and learned how to live with chronic pain. The sarc didn't enter my life until 2 yrs later. At that time, I'd already been living with constant pain for 10 years. The program there consisted of the psychologist, biofeedback, physical therapy, massage, Rheumatologist, Physical Medicine MD, exercise physiologist, chiropractic and acupuncture as well as an on call anesthiologist- all under one roof. It truly was the most comprehensive program in all of Calif. I was so dependant on pain meds that I was self dosing- up to 100 mg of Vicodin and Darvocet and Percodan and Soma and Lortab and Relafen and.... and my pain was still thru the roof. I was also managing a 23 employee Eye Surgical Center and Clinic. We'd just gone from a single MD practice to 3 MD's plus the surgery center. In the first year, we went from a million dollar practice to a 7 million dollar practice. I had set up the computer

system and all the coding and billing for both areas of practice and was the trainer for the techs and the receptionists. I loved the job-- loved it-- and I was so stoned I couldn't get thru a day without going down the street to the DC at least once a day. But what was most incredible was that once I was given the tools to use Mind/Body medicine, and the tools to understand what was happening physiologically with my body, and taught to move my body and loosen the muscles that were so spasmed (and I know now that the hardening of the muscles of my back was the effect of sarcoidosis) that I could control a large part of my pain. I learned that every time I go into panic mode- that I tell my body to go on the defense. That sends out the hormones for "fight or flight". That turns on the immune system to respond to something. Even tho the original injury was over- healed, there was a

leftover response that something was still wrong. After all, that is what I told myself when I react with fear. Dealing with sarcoidosis has made me go back daily to the skills I learned in Auburn. I literally have to take a "body inventory" throughout each day- many times over- so that I don't start "holding" and "armoring" myself against the pain in my body. Because when I react to the pain by trying to armor myself- I increase all the hormones that say protect this. This is just flooding my brain with signals to fix something. In us, that signal of constant alert doesn't turn off--and we build granulomas around the white cells that carried the message to fix something- instead of clear them out. So this is where I literally take a deep breath, (go ahead, you need to do it right now also) and let that tension go. Take another one- then more- slowly,

deeply, and tell yourself you are safe- in your body. Relax and enjoy the safeness. This is a tiny example of what you can do with breathwork. Ladies, this is what they taught us in our Lamaze classes, and we should have learned this in grade school. I do believe we truly have to go back to basics. Very basic. Remember to exhale. Tracie NS Co-owner/moderatorGet a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com.

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Amen.tiodaat@... wrote: In a message dated 7/26/2007 7:43:18 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, quackadillian (AT) gmail (DOT) com writes: It's important though I think that "Acceptance" not be "Passivity" in one's own situation or outcome, or acceptance of a lack of changes that might save others from going what we go

through.In things that *really* can't be changed, acceptance IS important to prevent a state of constant fear and arousal that is really unhealthy. I agree, we don't need to become passive and curl up and not look for answers-- but as I said, to live in such fear is a waste of what little energy we have. TracieGet a sneak peek of the all-new AOL.com.

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