Re: 17 yo attitude

[Guest guest]

,

Me thinks that Damian needs an asskicking. I don't care if you can't drive yourself anywhere-- a 17 yo boy doesn't get the family car unannounced and go off for a 3 day basketball tournement- without leaving mom a note-- and talking it over before hand.

Girl, as sick as you are-- you need to set some rules in concrete--or plant him in concrete.

Let me at em-- no, just kidding--. Or maybe not.

Now that I've thrown my 2 cents in-- and I'm sure you'll get another 50 cents worth from the others-- I want to see what options you have available other than your mom. I'm sure she is on overwhelm with your dad and his Parkinsons. I'm watching this process with my own dad, and we lost 's dad to PK last winter.

Did you know that they are connecting some of the tremor to longstanding Vit B deficiency? Take that Folic Acid my friends. I know that my parents haven't had a decent diet in years, and dad always hated vegetables. Give him a steak and potatoes and macaroni salad-- and he was good to go. (So was the bypass surgery 10 yrs ago.)

But fruit and veges-- I gave them 6 mandarin oranges the other day, and his comment-- that's way more than we eat in a month. Hmmm.

Anyway, if I remember right, your dad is a retired minister of a local church? Can you call on anyone from the congregation to help you get to and from appts? Maybe they have a "caring ministry" that can bring in a meal or two each week, get you to and from appts, and even give mom a day out to catch her breath--and get a break from dad.

Does the medical group you go to have an ombudsman - volunteers that come and get people that don't have transportation. Shoot, a tank of gas (which most refuse) goes along ways to get those rides. Especially now that gas is close to $3.00 a gallon. Add lunch out, good conversation, and you've got a friend--who thrives on helping others.

Ask around-- if not with your church, check with others--check with the local hospital, etc.

You need some help, and need not to be stranded. I know Damian is being 17-- but hey, that's almost manhood. At least legally. It's time for him to step up to the plate, and get the courtesy to let you in on what is happening with his schedule. If he won't talk to you-- put up a calender on the door, and tell him that on Monday of each week, you expect his schedule of games, dates, homework assignments, nights out with the guys--to be on the calender. Along with phone # of those guys--so that you can get ahold of him if you need him.

It's ok to put yourself first-- he's had it easy with you-- in that you were able to accomodate him since he was 5. You gave the extra because he hadn't had the "normal" course of love that kids so deserve-- but you have shown him you're not abandoning him-- and as the man he's becoming, he needs to show you that he's not abandoning you.

He'll be mad-- and will stay mad whether you say anything or not-- heck, Tor's mad and he doesn't even live at home now. It's just that they like to be mad-- even if there is nothing happening- it's a power thing I think. But ya know, the real power comes from asking--no make that telling, them what you need. And expect them to follow thru.

If they don't -- they miss a basketball game, or tournament, or dance. Or they don't get the car for a week. Or a month. Each good deed then earns them back an hour or two of car use. A week of helping with the household stuff gets them to the game. It's past due, but I know that if you take away the stuff they are taking for granted, and make them earn the right to use and have these freedoms-- they'll quickly step up and get on board.

Love ya,

me

[Guest guest]

Thanks Tracie, I've got some folic acid I'll see if my dad won't take it.. sometimes if I suggest it he won't even though I've been a nurse for almost 30 years, he only believes me when it comes to Ibuprofen and tylenol... but I'll see if my mom can put it in his med planner.. Now about Damian, I read him his rights over the phone last night when I did get a hold of him.. I'm really angry with the coaches for taking him without parental consent.. I've tried to keep tight reins on him, but as of late have loosened them a bit because of his age, and I've been to sick to argue with him... He doesn't do a blame thing around the house here unless one of his buddies is coming over, then he goes like a mad man picking up and stuff.. I "need" his help.. He plans to move away to college after next year, needless to say I want him to have his freedom, after high school, but it scares the Bejesus out of me... I'll have no one to find me when I fall...I have a huge amount of family/cousins.. but they all work or are sick.. I have 2 1st cousins with Neurosarcoidosis. yup I do.. and they aren't doing as well as I am..right now.. I can get a ride to the doctor during the day, I ride the tenncare van which is public transportation, a wheelchair van comes and gets me and brings me back home.. its if something happens at night or evenings like with my eye sight going the other Night..my only option would be to call an ambulance..I don't know if they would consider than an emergency or not, I'll talk to the doctor about it this morning, see if that's what she wants me to do.. Problem then is how to get back home.. like I said its about an hour and 15 min..one way... Anyway, thanks friend.. I don't need this crap right now with Damian, but I guess that's what I've got, so I'll have to deal with it..

As always, a big hug,

-- Re: 17 yo attitude

,Me thinks that Damian needs an asskicking. I don't care if you can't drive yourself anywhere-- a 17 yo boy doesn't get the family car unannounced and go off for a 3 day basketball tournement- without leaving mom a note-- and talking it over before hand.Girl, as sick as you are-- you need to set some rules in concrete--or plant him in concrete. Let me at em-- no, just kidding--. Or maybe not. Now that I've thrown my 2 cents in-- and I'm sure you'll get another 50 cents worth from the others-- I want to see what options you have available other than your mom. I'm sure she is on overwhelm with your dad and his Parkinsons. I'm watching this process with my own dad, and we lost 's dad to PK last winter.Did you know that they are connecting some of the tremor to longstanding Vit B deficiency? Take that Folic Acid my friends. I know that my parents haven't had a decent diet in years, and dad always hated vegetables. Give him a steak and potatoes and macaroni salad-- and he was good to go. (So was the bypass surgery 10 yrs ago.)But fruit and veges-- I gave them 6 mandarin oranges the other day, and his comment-- that's way more than we eat in a month. Hmmm.Anyway, if I remember right, your dad is a retired minister of a local church? Can you call on anyone from the congregation to help you get to and from appts? Maybe they have a "caring ministry" that can bring in a meal or two each week, get you to and from appts, and even give mom a day out to catch her breath--and get a break from dad.Does the medical group you go to have an ombudsman - volunteers that come and get people that don't have transportation. Shoot, a tank of gas (which most refuse) goes along ways to get those rides. Especially now that gas is close to $3.00 a gallon. Add lunch out, good conversation, and you've got a friend--who thrives on helping others.Ask around-- if not with your church, check with others--check with the local hospital, etc. You need some help, and need not to be stranded. I know Damian is being 17-- but hey, that's almost manhood. At least legally. It's time for him to step up to the plate, and get the courtesy to let you in on what is happening with his schedule. If he won't talk to you-- put up a calender on the door, and tell him that on Monday of each week, you expect his schedule of games, dates, homework assignments, nights out with the guys--to be on the calender. Along with phone # of those guys--so that you can get ahold of him if you need him. It's ok to put yourself first-- he's had it easy with you-- in that you were able to accomodate him since he was 5. You gave the extra because he hadn't had the "normal" course of love that kids so deserve-- but you have shown him you're not abandoning him-- and as the man he's becoming, he needs to show you that he's not abandoning you. He'll be mad-- and will stay mad whether you say anything or not-- heck, Tor's mad and he doesn't even live at home now. It's just that they like to be mad-- even if there is nothing happening- it's a power thing I think. But ya know, the real power comes from asking--no make that telling, them what you need. And expect them to follow thru.If they don't -- they miss a basketball game, or tournament, or dance. Or they don't get the car for a week. Or a month. Each good deed then earns them back an hour or two of car use. A week of helping with the household stuff gets them to the game. It's past due, but I know that if you take away the stuff they are taking for granted, and make them earn the right to use and have these freedoms-- they'll quickly step up and get on board.Love ya,me