Work / employment question

[Guest guest]

Just when I thought it was safe to go back into the water…BAM (sorry

Emeril!), another flare. These, the ones which occur before the

previous flare has resolved, are the absolute worst. Yesterday, I

felt like I was hit by a bus...today, I feel like the bus driver

backed over me to see what he hit. Shame on me as I saw it coming

but was in denial despite the fatigue, shorter than normal memory,

bone pain, and crushing headache. Like an idiot, I kept telling

myself that it was just the stress of the season. Only a fool

deceives himself.

I showed up for work yesterday, only to return home after a few

hours. I've dug my heals in today, hoping to make it through all 8

hrs. I've learned not to fear the sarc monster...been there, done

that, got the T-shirt. It's the ability to continue working that

wakes me in the middle of the night. Best foot forward, right? Show

up for work and give it all you got regardless, right? Blame my

parents for the strong work ethic...thank you Mom & Dad; the values

you've instilled in me have kept me going & helped me make it through

hell & high water!

To say I am non-productive lately due to the effects of the sarc is

an understatement. Written words must be read over & over as vision,

headaches & ensuing memory issues make the gist, let alone the

details, difficult to comprehend. Conversations blur & details

disappear despite fervently scribed notes (see previous statement).

Needless to say, any work I do manage to produce is typically slow

and scattered.

BTW, I'm not on prednisone as my response to the drug includes the

not so pleasant side effect of horrendous mood swings à la Dr Jekyll

& Mr. Hyde. I realize there are other options but hope to locate a

specialist rather than let my primary doc select meds using a dart

board. This is not a slam on my primary...he is one of the better

physicians I have encounter but admits he is out of his league in

this instance.

I disclosed my dx to the company's health services and to my manager

shortly after the confirmatory biopsy this past December. As an

aside, I have a meeting scheduled with my boss to discuss the

possibility of re-assignment to less time critical projects as it is

in neither parties best interest for me to manage critical to

business issues. I thought it only fair that my employer knows that

my abilities are somewhat impaired. Is there anything else I should

do to protect my employment? I want to continue to work while still

being fair to my employer but don't want to jeopardize my employment

due to performance. A Catch 22 as I see it. I'm hoping that those

of you who have been down this road can shed some light on what lies

ahead. Any thoughts or advice will be sincerely appreciated.

These days, I'm careful not to say too much to friends or family.

Sarc is not contagious but it might as well be leprosy with the way

some folks avoid you once they know. This group is one of the few

safe havens where I can turn to commiserate and seek advice. For

this I am eternally grateful. Thank you for taking the time to

listen to my rant. Whatever the day brings, I wish each of you peace

& happiness.