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I don't post very often (once every two months). I'm scheduled for

surgery on July 30 with Dr. Rabkin. I don't think I'm nervous about

the actual surgery...is that a bad thing? I have anxiety around my

thickly calloused feet being exposed to people. I'm stressed that if

something happens to me and I die, someone will have to go clean out

my highly unorganized cabinets in my classroom at school and at

home. I haven't bought a robe so I don't have to walk the hospital

hallway in my butt-exposing designer robe, but that is easy to

remedy. I'm nervous about the post-op barium test(I have horific

memories around barium exams when I was 5). I have weird guilt

issues, like I should just diet and lose the weight rather than have

surgery...like I'm cheating or something (I'm usually able to self-

talk this one back to reality). I'm crying, but I don't know why...I

feel some depression around this surgery...maybe because I'm even in

the position where I need it...mortality reality?!

I'm open and asking for words of comfort, wisdom...butt

kicking...anyone?!

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