Re: I need some support - OT

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/19/2004 11:17:18 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

elfanie@... writes:

there is, honestly, no right or wrong here...you have

your beliefs, and he has his...nobody is right, nobody is

wrong...you have different beliefs, but didn't you know

that when you got married? and didn't you know that

before having children? What was the understanding

that you came to before having kids?

---------------------------------------

First of all.. there ARE CULTS... and if yo find it insulting.. then I

suggest you do some research.

And there IS right and wrong.

Why are you so judgemental...

Boy am I thankful you aren't God.. you would be condemning everyone who

wasn't just like YOU!

[Guest guest]

#1, if you desire blood products put it in writing. It must be in

writing or if you are unconscious, the Dr's will do what your husband

tells them (over your parents as well).

It has to be in writing.

Also, in our hospital, the MOTHER makes the decisions for the baby.

It's our motto that we KNOW who the mother is b/c the baby came out

of her, we don't know who the Dad is, regardless of who the mother

says it is.

For your health, safety and sanity, put it in writing!!

If an issue comes up for the baby, you and your husband need to be on

the same page in case you are unsconscious.

Check with the hospital social worker, she/he should be able to tell

you about their policies if a mother is unconscious who makes the

decision for the baby (would most always be Dad unless Mom has

papers).

I wouldn't deny blood or blood products in favor of dying or catching

a disease. You yourself know what precautions and safeguards they

take with blood these days.

Best wishes.... I wish I could help you knock sense into your in-laws

and hubby.

Sheila

[Guest guest]

First off...

you could call any religion you don't agree with a

" cult " ...and it's very insulting. I'm not JW....but I'd find

that very insulting - just because you don't agree with it

doesn't make it a cult.

second off...

you talk about their biblical stuff and say, " which is

totally wrong " ...can't you say that about any religion you

don't subscribe to??

Now...

you say that you found it hurtful that your husband said

he'd rather you die than go against god...why is that

hurtful? If there was something that I believed strongly

in my heart that would prevent me and my husband

from being in heaven together for eternity....I would not

do it!! I'd rather lose my huband for 20 years here on

earth and be togther forever in heaven....than to keep

him here against God's will and never see him after he

died and have him go to a bad place for eternity.

As for your wishes....they are your wishes and if you

make them known to your care provider, they will

respect your wishes, period. It's your body...and if you

want blood products to be an option, then that's your

choice. No question.

Did you two not discuss your VAST religious differences

(and your deep contempt for his beliefs) before you got

married? or before you had children? I just ask

because this is such a big issue, and a core life-altering

issue....that I'm actually NOT surprised that it is being

brought up again, and won't be surprised if it's brought

up many times more in the future.

there is, honestly, no right or wrong here...you have

your beliefs, and he has his...nobody is right, nobody is

wrong...you have different beliefs, but didn't you know

that when you got married? and didn't you know that

before having children? What was the understanding

that you came to before having kids?

I can imagine that this is really tough...on both of you...

Soderblom CCCE CD(DONA) CLD

Student Midwife - Mesa, AZ

CAPPA Board of Directors

Doula/CBE/Pregnancy/Birth Photography

Owner: Birth Story Diaries - real births, real photos

http://www.birthdiaries.com

Owner: SouthwestDoulas.com

[Guest guest]

Chrystal,

I am so sorry you are going through this! I haven't been too active on the

group because everyone here knows about all the CPS/hospital crap I have been

going though since Hannah was born and dealing with that and taking care of a

newborn is wearing me out, but I had to respond to your post.

When my twin sis and I were 19 and she already had my niece and nephew she got

involved in a cult, she didn't know it was a cult because it was disguised under

the name of a " Church of Christ " , but it was a cult, had even been focused on

via an Oprah show years ago. Anyway, once I found out she was involved in this

cult I was totally freaked because they were telling her to do things discipline

wise with her kids that I didn't think was right and they were encouraging her

to cut off communication with my mom and I. To make a long story short I did

some research and found an organization to help my family find an exit counselor

to educate my sister as to what was going on behind the scenes in her " church "

and how she was being manipulated and not given all the facts. Thankfully this

worked and she left the cult without much emotional scaring but she did feel

lost and alone for a while.

Maybe you can find something similar to this for your husband to re-educate him.

This re-education can't come from you or anyone else he knows or is close to

because you all have different motives than to educate him. A big reason that

my sister was even willing to listen to the exit counselor was because he used

to be involved with the cult that we were trying to get her out of, maybe you

can find something similar? I really hope this all works out for you, you

definitely don't need this stress right now. If I can be of any further help

please let me know.

Axelrod

I need some support - OT

As I write this I just feel this massive anxiety in my chest like I cannot

breath.

A little background. My husband was raised a Jehovahs Witness and his whole

family are a part of this cult and we don't really have anything to do with them

mainly because they do not like me because I am not one and because I helped

Jace out of the cult. And yes it is a cult..........a very destructive cult.

The main issue besides all the biblical stuff that they believe (which is

totally wrong) is the blood issue. Most people know the Jehovahs Witnesses

don't celebrate holidays or take blood or blood products in any form.

I am a trained paramedic and I also teach for the American Red Cross. The

blood issue has never been an issue for me. I know that Dr.'s take seriously

the responsibility of giving blood products and that when there is a failure in

the system its usually not because of the Dr's but the facility that collected

the blood.

4.5 years ago when we had our son my husband stated that he would rather I die

on the operating table than take blood products and go against God. This was

extremely hurtful to me. Luckily I had a OB who was very careful and when I had

my c-section there was never any need for blood. At the time I was newly

married and didn't know much about the Jehovahs Witnesses........I just knew I

wanted to make my husband happy. So I didn't put up much of a fight about his

wants. I definately wasn't as strong or informed as I am today...!

Now this was also an issue when I had my gastric bypass surgery. At the time

I told my Dr. do not listen to my husband and had my wishes put legally on paper

and notarized and had my parents (My dad is an R.N.) there in case there was any

problem to support my wishes.

My husband told me a few nights ago that he thinks we should talk to my Dr.

about the blood issue. Ever since the Red Cross messed up with some blood a few

weeks ago he has been freaking out. He does not want me to take blood at all

and said he would rather I die from not having blood than die later from

hepatitis or aids. His devout Jehovahs Witness mother has not been helping the

situation!!!!! I really despise her....

So now I am left with the option of going through the legal hoops again of

going against my husbands wishes....which will cause great problems........Not

that I'm big on obeying my husband but I do like peace in our house. He also

wants to make sure that if needed the new baby will also not receive any blood

products.

There is a chance my parents will not be here when the baby is born or won't

be able to get here on time......babies don't seem to come on schedule. So I

can't know I will have their support to protect me if I am unconcious and can't

protect myself.

I at least know that if I can't speak for the baby that the hospital will go

to court and give the baby what is necessary - there is a big history of

hospitals in our area going against the Jehovahs Witnesses and Christian

Scientists in court for the sake of childrens health.

I just feel really sad that this is coming up again. I thought I was done

with this....It wouldn't be such a big issue if I wasn't on blood thinners and

Jace knows that if there is an emergency these medications complicate things and

could make the need for blood products a real possibility.

I feel really sad and I feel like I should be happy because I'm almost at the

end of the journey to have this baby.

Any advice, thoughts, prayers are most welcome.

And if anyone is offended but what I wrote about Jehovahs Witnesses I'm

sorry....but if you had been what I had been through with this group you would

understand.

Chrystal

Wife to Jace - together 6 Years!

Happy Mommy to - 4 Years Old!

New Baby Boy Swenson Due July 28, 2004!

Zookeeper for 2 big dogs and 5 cats who let me feed them!

http://chrystallife.50megs.com/

http://members.ebay.com/aboutme/seeswensonauctions/