Re: It could be worse discussion - more writing

March 22, 2005

I really like this! Although I must admit, I don't consider

Aleksander to be disabled. I think a lot of these pieces have

relevance in all challenges we face in life, and how we decide to

face them.

This one made me think more about my husband. I swear he's a saint!

He has mitral valve prolapse and had open heart surgery to repair the

valve 2 years ago. He was 31 and prior to this, he had absoultely no

idea that there was anything wrong with his heart.

In April of last year, after going for a walk, I was making dinner

and was asking him for something when I heard a horrible noise from

the living room. I went out to see what it was (thought it was our

cat getting rid of a hairball), but it was , on the floor. He

was this horrible shade, looked like he was going to die. I thought

at first he was having a stroke or a heart attack or something like

that, but then realized it was a seizure. He had a ride to the

hospital in the ambulance, and after MANY tests, we found out he had

an abnormal brain wave, which means he simply has a lowered seizure

threshold that can easily be controlled with medication.

Then in June, shortly after we found out I was pregnant, he went in

for a checkup to make sure his heart was still doing well. We

learned then that the leak in his valve had returned but in a

different spot (due to an error by the first surgeon - stitching

something too tight, causing a tear). He would need to have the

surgery again. So, as I told my employer about my pregnancy, I had

to say, " I have some wonderful news, and some bad news. "

We had to rush around, trying to make sure he had a new doctor - a

better doctor! And, to try to fit in the surgery before the summer

was done so he'd be able to pick up our baby once he was born. In

August of last year, he had his second open heart surgery and this

time it seems to be fixed. And thank God he had it when he did

because Aleksander, who was due January 10th, decided he wanted to be

around for Thanksgiving!

Instead of wailing about how unlucky he is, the night before his

second surgery sent an e-mail to all of his friends with his

top ten list of what he'd be doing the following day. One of them,

which is my favorite, was: Sending postcards from the operating

room " wish you were here. " His humor is the biggest blessing of

all! I read that e-mail on the hospital computer outside of the ICU

while I waited for them to tell me it was okay to come in and see

him. It was the best reassurance I could have ever asked for.

's humor and spirit, intact despite the fear of knowing that

another person literally will hold his heart in their hands - for the

second time in his life.

We often joke about how we always seem to fall on the wrong side of

the statistics. We also say that instead of being the exception to

the rule, we are exceptional. I think everyone on this message board

is exceptional and deserves a huge pat on the back for approaching

life and the challenges we face every day with laughter. It strikes

me now how many times I see LOL on this message board, and how true

what Erma Bombeck writes is!

> This is my favourite piece of writing by Erma Bombeck, it never

fails to

> bring tears to my eyes!

>

> and

> Bilateral cf 24 Jan 2003

> www.clubfoot.co.za http://www.clubfoot.co.za/>

>

> HOW GOD SELECTS THE MOTHER OF A CHILD WITH DISABILITIES

> by Erma Bombeck

>

> Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by

social

> pressures and a couple by habit. Did you ever wonder how mothers of

> children with disabilities are chosen?

>

> Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his

instruments

> for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he

> instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

>

> " Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint . "

>

> " Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, Patron Saint Cecilia. "

>

> " Rutledge, , twins. Patron Saint Gerard. He's used to

profanity. "

>

> Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, " Give her a child

with

> disabilities. " The angel is curious. " Why this one, God? She's so

> happy. "

>

> " Exactly " , smiles God. " Could I give child with disabilities to a

mother

> who does not know laughter? That would be cruel " .

>

> " But has she the patience? " asks the angel.

>

> " I don't want her to have too much patience, or she will drown in a

sea

> of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off,

she'll

> handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and

> independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see,

the

> child I am going to give her has her own world. She has to make it

live

> in her world and that's not going to be easy. "

>

> " But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you. "

>

> God smiles. " No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has

> just enough selfishness. "

>

> The angel gasps. " Selfishness? Is that a virtue? "

>

> God nods. " If she cannot separate herself from the child

occasionally,

> she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with

less

> than perfect. "

>

> " She does not realize it yet, but she is to be envied. I will

permit her

> to see clearly the things I see .... ignorance, cruelty,

prejudice ...

> and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will

be at

> her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing

my

> work as surely as if she is here by my side. "

>

> " And what about her patron saint? " asks the angel, his pen poised

in mid

> air.

>

> God smiles. " A mirror will suffice. "

>

> Moss

> Steps Charity

> http://www.steps.org.za> www.steps.org.za

> Cell:

>

March 22, 2005

Oh gosh, what an experience. My FIL went into the hospital last

March...thought it was pneumonia, turned out it was mitral valve

prolapse...fast-forward, five days later having open heart surgery.

Same as your hubby--never had a murmur or anything, no clue there

was something wrong with his heart, and he was 61. I can't imagine

what it must be like to have that happen with your DH...watching my

MIL go through that. It is so wonderful that this time they were

able to fix him up good and proper!! He sounds like a wonderful

strong person! You're blessed to have time--and he to have YOU!

, mommy of:

Guinevere, on, Ava RCF ABS DBB 16-18/7

> > This is my favourite piece of writing by Erma Bombeck, it never

> fails to

> > bring tears to my eyes!

> >

> > and

> > Bilateral cf 24 Jan 2003

> > www.clubfoot.co.za http://www.clubfoot.co.za/>

> >

> > HOW GOD SELECTS THE MOTHER OF A CHILD WITH DISABILITIES

> > by Erma Bombeck

> >

> > Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by

> social

> > pressures and a couple by habit. Did you ever wonder how mothers

of

> > children with disabilities are chosen?

> >

> > Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his

> instruments

> > for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he

observes, he

> > instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

> >

> > " Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint . "

> >

> > " Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, Patron Saint Cecilia. "

> >

> > " Rutledge, , twins. Patron Saint Gerard. He's used to

> profanity. "

> >

> > Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, " Give her a

child

> with

> > disabilities. " The angel is curious. " Why this one, God? She's so

> > happy. "

> >

> > " Exactly " , smiles God. " Could I give child with disabilities to

a

> mother

> > who does not know laughter? That would be cruel " .

> >

> > " But has she the patience? " asks the angel.

> >

> > " I don't want her to have too much patience, or she will drown

in a

> sea

> > of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear

off,

> she'll

> > handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and

> > independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You

see,

> the

> > child I am going to give her has her own world. She has to make

it

> live

> > in her world and that's not going to be easy. "

> >

> > " But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you. "

> >

> > God smiles. " No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She

has

> > just enough selfishness. "

> >

> > The angel gasps. " Selfishness? Is that a virtue? "

> >

> > God nods. " If she cannot separate herself from the child

> occasionally,

> > she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless

with

> less

> > than perfect. "

> >

> > " She does not realize it yet, but she is to be envied. I will

> permit her

> > to see clearly the things I see .... ignorance, cruelty,

> prejudice ...

> > and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I

will

> be at

> > her side every minute of every day of her life because she is

doing

> my

> > work as surely as if she is here by my side. "

> >

> > " And what about her patron saint? " asks the angel, his pen

poised

> in mid

> > air.

> >

> > God smiles. " A mirror will suffice. "

> >

> > Moss

> > Steps Charity

> > http://www.steps.org.za> www.steps.org.za

> > Cell:

> >

March 22, 2005

Oh-forgot to add that my FIL is fine & dandy these days! We were

just " celebrating " his 1 year anniversary of open heart surgery!

> > > This is my favourite piece of writing by Erma Bombeck, it

never

> > fails to

> > > bring tears to my eyes!

> > >

> > > and

> > > Bilateral cf 24 Jan 2003

> > > www.clubfoot.co.za http://www.clubfoot.co.za/>

> > >

> > > HOW GOD SELECTS THE MOTHER OF A CHILD WITH DISABILITIES

> > > by Erma Bombeck

> > >

> > > Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few

by

> > social

> > > pressures and a couple by habit. Did you ever wonder how

mothers

> of

> > > children with disabilities are chosen?

> > >

> > > Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his

> > instruments

> > > for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he

> observes, he

> > > instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

> > >

> > > " Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint . "

> > >

> > > " Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, Patron Saint Cecilia. "

> > >

> > > " Rutledge, , twins. Patron Saint Gerard. He's used to

> > profanity. "

> > >

> > > Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, " Give her a

> child

> > with

> > > disabilities. " The angel is curious. " Why this one, God? She's

so

> > > happy. "

> > >

> > > " Exactly " , smiles God. " Could I give child with disabilities

to

> a

> > mother

> > > who does not know laughter? That would be cruel " .

> > >

> > > " But has she the patience? " asks the angel.

> > >

> > > " I don't want her to have too much patience, or she will drown

> in a

> > sea

> > > of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear

> off,

> > she'll

> > > handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self

and

> > > independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You

> see,

> > the

> > > child I am going to give her has her own world. She has to

make

> it

> > live

> > > in her world and that's not going to be easy. "

> > >

> > > " But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you. "

> > >

> > > God smiles. " No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect.

She

> has

> > > just enough selfishness. "

> > >

> > > The angel gasps. " Selfishness? Is that a virtue? "

> > >

> > > God nods. " If she cannot separate herself from the child

> > occasionally,

> > > she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless

> with

> > less

> > > than perfect. "

> > >

> > > " She does not realize it yet, but she is to be envied. I will

> > permit her

> > > to see clearly the things I see .... ignorance, cruelty,

> > prejudice ...

> > > and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I

> will

> > be at

> > > her side every minute of every day of her life because she is

> doing

> > my

> > > work as surely as if she is here by my side. "

> > >

> > > " And what about her patron saint? " asks the angel, his pen

> poised

> > in mid

> > > air.

> > >

> > > God smiles. " A mirror will suffice. "

> > >

> > > Moss

> > > Steps Charity

> > > http://www.steps.org.za> www.steps.org.za

> > > Cell:

> > >

March 22, 2005

That's funny that they thought it was pneumonia. had a cough

that wouldn't go away. The only reason they found the problem with

his heart was because I was sick of hearing him cough all the time

and called the doctor for him to set up an appointment. That's when

they told him about the murmer. He had lots of tests done, and was

told it was Mitral Valve Prolapse. We did all sorts of reading, and

statistically, only a small percentage of people require surgery that

have it. Ha! Of course he needed surgery! Then, statistically,

only something like less than a percent require surgery a second time

if the valve is repaired rather than replaced. Of course that was

him again!

But, his cardiologist and his surgeon, who are two of the kindest

people I've met, were amazing. Even though they warned us they may

have to replace the valve, they were able to repair it. It was

amazing, because statistically a second heart surgery is supposed to

take longer, and it is supposed to take longer for recovery. But,

defying statistics once again, was out of the hospital in 4

days (took him 6 for the first!), and was pretty much back to normal

in about 3 months. Now, other than the long scar on his chest, you'd

never know he had any surgeries, let alone two open heart surgeries.

I can very much sympathize with your MIL. It is terribly frightening

trying to imagine life without your spouse. It was compounded the

second time for me because I was imagining what it would be like

without him and raising a child alone.

But, after all of that, Aleksander's premature birth by emergency c-

section and his clubfoot seemed like a walk in the park! Especially

since his heart and brain are fine. That's what I was most concerned

about.

We're waiting to celebrate 's surgery until we are POSITIVE he

won't need it again. He keeps on referring to it as his annual open

heart surgery. Hopefully that won't be the case anymore! And the

upside is, we do know that his arteries are completely free of any

signs of heart disease. How many 33 year olds can say they know that?

> > > > This is my favourite piece of writing by Erma Bombeck, it

> never

> > > fails to

> > > > bring tears to my eyes!

> > > >

> > > > and

> > > > Bilateral cf 24 Jan 2003

> > > > www.clubfoot.co.za http://www.clubfoot.co.za/>

> > > >

> > > > HOW GOD SELECTS THE MOTHER OF A CHILD WITH DISABILITIES

> > > > by Erma Bombeck

> > > >

> > > > Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few

> by

> > > social

> > > > pressures and a couple by habit. Did you ever wonder how

> mothers

> > of

> > > > children with disabilities are chosen?

> > > >

> > > > Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his

> > > instruments

> > > > for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he

> > observes, he

> > > > instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

> > > >

> > > > " Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint . "

> > > >

> > > > " Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, Patron Saint Cecilia. "

> > > >

> > > > " Rutledge, , twins. Patron Saint Gerard. He's used to

> > > profanity. "

> > > >

> > > > Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, " Give her a

> > child

> > > with

> > > > disabilities. " The angel is curious. " Why this one, God?

She's

> so

> > > > happy. "

> > > >

> > > > " Exactly " , smiles God. " Could I give child with disabilities

> to

> > a

> > > mother

> > > > who does not know laughter? That would be cruel " .

> > > >

> > > > " But has she the patience? " asks the angel.

> > > >

> > > > " I don't want her to have too much patience, or she will

drown

> > in a

> > > sea

> > > > of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear

> > off,

> > > she'll

> > > > handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self

> and

> > > > independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother.

You

> > see,

> > > the

> > > > child I am going to give her has her own world. She has to

> make

> > it

> > > live

> > > > in her world and that's not going to be easy. "

> > > >

> > > > " But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you. "

> > > >

> > > > God smiles. " No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect.

> She

> > has

> > > > just enough selfishness. "

> > > >

> > > > The angel gasps. " Selfishness? Is that a virtue? "

> > > >

> > > > God nods. " If she cannot separate herself from the child

> > > occasionally,

> > > > she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will

bless

> > with

> > > less

> > > > than perfect. "

> > > >

> > > > " She does not realize it yet, but she is to be envied. I will

> > > permit her

> > > > to see clearly the things I see .... ignorance, cruelty,

> > > prejudice ...

> > > > and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I

> > will

> > > be at

> > > > her side every minute of every day of her life because she is

> > doing

> > > my

> > > > work as surely as if she is here by my side. "

> > > >

> > > > " And what about her patron saint? " asks the angel, his pen

> > poised

> > > in mid

> > > > air.

> > > >

> > > > God smiles. " A mirror will suffice. "

> > > >

> > > > Moss

> > > > Steps Charity

> > > > http://www.steps.org.za> www.steps.org.za

> > > > Cell:

> > > >

March 22, 2005

hI ALL,

I think what i am writing is nothing compared to your situation but i

thought why not i share it with you. When i read this message. i took

it from different side. I was a mum having a good stable life in my

country two healthy children, an angel husband and an excellant and

successful career. I am that kind of mothers who is taking life with

more selfishness and a little patience. My career and success was the

most important thing in my life. Suddenly god send me with

clubfoot. WOW . I struggled at first and said to God why me why me.

But after she is born. I had to leave all that stable life and

successful career in my country to come here to treat her in USA. I

lost everything i fought for in my life as i am career person. But now

I see that god did that to let me gain something more important. My

kids and their love to me now specially karen. She is the most

precious of all of them. I thank god for doing tis to change me.

> This is my favourite piece of writing by Erma Bombeck, it never fails to

> bring tears to my eyes!

>

> and

> Bilateral cf 24 Jan 2003

> www.clubfoot.co.za http://www.clubfoot.co.za/>

>

> HOW GOD SELECTS THE MOTHER OF A CHILD WITH DISABILITIES

> by Erma Bombeck

>

> Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social

> pressures and a couple by habit. Did you ever wonder how mothers of

> children with disabilities are chosen?

>

> Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments

> for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he

> instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

>

> " Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint . "

>

> " Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, Patron Saint Cecilia. "

>

> " Rutledge, , twins. Patron Saint Gerard. He's used to profanity. "

>

> Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, " Give her a child with

> disabilities. " The angel is curious. " Why this one, God? She's so

> happy. "

>

> " Exactly " , smiles God. " Could I give child with disabilities to a mother

> who does not know laughter? That would be cruel " .

>

> " But has she the patience? " asks the angel.

>

> " I don't want her to have too much patience, or she will drown in a sea

> of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll

> handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and

> independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the

> child I am going to give her has her own world. She has to make it live

> in her world and that's not going to be easy. "

>

> " But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you. "

>

> God smiles. " No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has

> just enough selfishness. "

>

> The angel gasps. " Selfishness? Is that a virtue? "

>

> God nods. " If she cannot separate herself from the child occasionally,

> she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with less

> than perfect. "

>

> " She does not realize it yet, but she is to be envied. I will permit her

> to see clearly the things I see .... ignorance, cruelty, prejudice ...

> and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at

> her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my

> work as surely as if she is here by my side. "

>

> " And what about her patron saint? " asks the angel, his pen poised in mid

> air.

>

> God smiles. " A mirror will suffice. "

>

> Moss

> Steps Charity

> http://www.steps.org.za> www.steps.org.za

> Cell:

>

March 22, 2005

What a trooper!!! Laughter is always the best medicine. I think some people

waste too much time in life being angry about what could have been. Laughter

really helps to move you through the tough times. Your husbands spirit is

wonderful and I'm sure helps keep your family afloat..

Hugs,

kannhoudek kannhoudek@...> wrote: