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I couldn't think od what I need to say today. It is a great deal and then it

is nothing. I had the CTscan yesterday and my surgeon was in surgery all day.

I am hoping that he will call in the next day or so. In the mean time I am

going todo more research on all the surgerys that may be presented to me. I love

all my hugs that I got. I felt them all. I am accepting again that if I need

the medicine to keep me from being miserable then I need to take it and not

feel guilty. All I really wan t to say in this e-mail is thank you for all your

higs and support. I know that if I didn't have this group I would be so

lonely. This disease keeps one in the house a great deal. I love you all and

will

be in touch.........:)Paget

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--- I know that if I didn't have this group I would be so

> lonely. This disease keeps one in the house a great deal. I love

you all and will

> be in touch.........:)Paget

>

>

>

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  • 2 years later...

Hi all

today they came to do all of the paper work for hospice, and explain every thing

and how it all works, the nurse thinks that he has a UTI because of his

confusion, she called the doctor and he said no to an antibiotic.

I don't know how I feel about that

I am thinking why not what do we have to loose.

I an uneasy about this next stage

He got up at 4pm and went back to bed at 8:30 the nurse told me not to force

feed him or make him get up if he doesn't want to.

Of course I have mixed feeling I still want to fight,yet I know what Duane's

wishes were.

This SUCKS

sorry no other word fit.

Hugs Jan thanks for listening

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Dear Jan,

I am sorry that you are going through this right now, actually any time would

not be a good time. The emotions that are running wild in your mind and the

heaviness in your heart must be overwhelming for you.

It is easier to say Okay and to agree with our loved ones when we discuss what

our wishes are when we are healthy, but when it comes to fulfilling those wishes

when they become sick is a whole different world. We wonder how we are going to

live without them in our lives, how are we going to make it through one day

without them, how will I be able to get out of bed once they are gone, will my

life have any meaning once they are no longer with me?

I can't imagine what you are going through but I want you to know that I am

praying for you both and hope that Duane doesn't suffer.

Do you know if Duane changed his mind and wants to fight now? Has he given you

any indication that he doesn't want to give up?

I believe if it were me in your situation that I too would have mixed feelings

and want to keep on fighting even though I knew my beloved other half didn't

want to. We just don't want to give up or in, it is in our nature to continue to

fight for the lives of our loved ones. But if he is suffering than to continue

to fight would be wrong.

Why won't the doctor let Duane have any antibiotics? Why doesn't hospice want

you to make him get up or to feed him? This would make me very confused and my

feelings would be so mixed, especially if I wasn't allowed to let him have the

basics(food and water) to live.

I agree with you this disease sucks and so does what you are going through right

now. I pray that God will stay close by and help you through these difficult

times, and please know that I am here for you if you need anyone to talk to or

just need a shoulder to cry on. I have two strong ones !!!

Thinking of you and keeping you and Duane in my prayers.

Hugs,

Ann-Marie

Original Message -----

From: Jan

To:

Sent: Sunday, December 04, 2005 2:06 AM

Subject: today

Hi all

today they came to do all of the paper work for hospice, and explain every

thing and how it all works, the nurse thinks that he has a UTI because of his

confusion, she called the doctor and he said no to an antibiotic.

I don't know how I feel about that

I am thinking why not what do we have to loose.

I an uneasy about this next stage

He got up at 4pm and went back to bed at 8:30 the nurse told me not to force

feed him or make him get up if he doesn't want to.

Of course I have mixed feeling I still want to fight,yet I know what Duane's

wishes were.

This SUCKS

sorry no other word fit.

Hugs Jan thanks for listening

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Jan,

I have never been very good with putting my feelings to words but i want you

toknow that I have you and Duane in my prayers and I want you to know that i

will do whatever I can to support you both.

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Jan, my heart goes out to you. This must be a very difficult part of

the journey. I would find it just awful. Shelby

> Hi all

>

> today they came to do all of the paper work for hospice, and explain

> every thing and how it all works, the nurse thinks that he has a UTI

> because of his confusion, she called the doctor and he said no to an

> antibiotic.

> I don't know how I feel about that

> I am thinking why not what do we have to loose.

> I an uneasy about this next stage

> He got up at 4pm and went back to bed at 8:30 the nurse told me not to

> force feed him or make him get up if he doesn't want to.

> Of course I have mixed feeling I still want to fight,yet I know what

> Duane's wishes were.

> This SUCKS

> sorry no other word fit.

>

> Hugs Jan thanks for listening

>

>

>

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Jan

My thoughts are with both of you. You need to do what makes you and

Duane comfortable. It may mean that you shouldn't fight with Duane to

get up or eat. Encouraging him as you have so lovingly done throughout

this ordeal can't be wrong if that is what is best for both of you.

Continue to stand up for what you feel is right - others don't know

who you both are and how you deal with things.

My support is here for you along with others on the list. Come to us

when you need to and we will be here. Day or night, someone is almost

always on-line.

Hugs,

laurie

> Hi all

>

> today they came to do all of the paper work for hospice, and explain every

> thing and how it all works, the nurse thinks that he has a UTI because of

> his confusion, she called the doctor and he said no to an antibiotic.

> I don't know how I feel about that

> I am thinking why not what do we have to loose.

> I an uneasy about this next stage

> He got up at 4pm and went back to bed at 8:30 the nurse told me not to

> force feed him or make him get up if he doesn't want to.

> Of course I have mixed feeling I still want to fight,yet I know what

> Duane's wishes were.

> This SUCKS

> sorry no other word fit.

>

> Hugs Jan thanks for listening

>

>

>

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