another baby

[Guest guest]

Hi folks,

I am new to the list. I have two boys with autism, one with PDD and the

other - well who knows?

I don't want to step in when not asked but I want to tell you about my

daughter. She was unplanned after the two boys who take so much of my

physical and emotional energy. She is so typical! She seems to renew me and

my husband. She has also been a blessing to Sammy (3). They are now on

almost the same level and have become playmates (sort of ). She initiates

play and verbal responses from Sam. She is also interested in some of the

strange things Sam is interested in (like the blue water tower in our town)

so he can peseverate some with her. I know she will outgrow him in many ways

but she has helped him tremendously. I can't begin to comprehend what

differences there would be in our lives is she hadn't come. To have a

typical child is so different. I also felt that I deserved a " normal " child

if you can understand that at all. My boys are precious to me in different

ways. So my unsolicited response if that I feel very blessed that we did

have another child (but don't know if I could have handled another special

one!).

P.S. Going to see Dr. Bernard Rimland this weekend. Can't wait!

Amy U.

PA

[Guest guest]

Hi Cheryl

I get what your saying and it is all true BUT let me tell you something that

happened a couple of weeks ago. My husband and I went out for pizza and a

gental men and a little old lady walked in. It was clear he had a disability

But he was highly functional. I know this because he asked for what he wanted

gave his money and counted his change out loud Anyway this man kept on

staring at me and waving hello to me and of course I answered and smiled

everytime he smiled well his mothjer kept yelling at him cause he continued

staring and waving at me. She tells him " Tony stop staring at her she " s with

her husband " . How she new this I don't know. My heart was broken All he was

doing was being nice. I do understand that she was protecting(people can be

so mean). The thought that this lady isn't going to be around for too long to

protect him from cruel people kills me. Who will protect him he will be left

in this world to fend for himself all alone or maybe in a horrible nursing to

get abused who knows. The thought of that happening to my child kills me. I

don't regrete my baby at all and he is progressing tremendously thank GOD but

maybe I won't be so lucky next time around. I do want to have another child

but I really do need to think long and hard about it. I guess that means I'm

not ready yet.

Rebekha

[Guest guest]

I can't speak directly to this because my daughter is adopted. But as

the parent of a child with a disability, as a person with a disability

(blindness--i know, not comparable to the struggles of autism but still a

disability) and as a person having many friends with varying disabilities,

I want to comment about the idea somebody stated of not wanting to bring

another disabled child (may not be exact quote) into the world. I

understand the concern and compassion that prompts this statement, but

think about it for a moment. If we really considered all the struggles

that might lie ahead of our children, and wanted to spare them these

things, we might all decide never to have any children at all,

disabilities notwithstanding. If you knew that your daughter was going

to have breast cancer at age thirty-five and struggle for years to conquer

the disease while raising children, would you decide not to give her

birth? If you knew that your son was going to have three marriages that

ended in divorce and lose a long-time job to layoffs, would you wish to

spare him that by not having him? If you knew your child was going to get

into drugs and struggle with addiction for years, would you spare your

child by not having him/her? Maybe in some of these cases, yes, but the

point is: you don't know. Don't assume that bringing your disabled child

into the world is a terrible tragedy for that child; in most (but not all)

cases, it is viewed more that way by family and friends than by the

person with the disability. I do know of a few cases where people with

disabilities wish they hadn't been born or hadn't been allowed to live,

but for the most part people with disabilities don't view their lives as

accidents or tragedies that shouldn't have been allowed to happen. If

you're fearful of having another child for your own sake or for your

family's sake, I think you need to consider carefully before having

another child. If you don't feel that you have the resources or the

willingness to raise another child with a disability, and you think this

to be a real possibility, then probaby you need to take steps not to have

more children. But I don't think you want to stop having children

because you think you are protecting the hypothetical child from a

hypothetical disability; you just don't know what life holds for any of

your children and who is to say that bringing a disabled child into the

world will cause that child or other people greater heartache than the

bringing into the world of a " normal " child who later has great

difficulties or causes great trouble to others? I know this whole issue

is a difficult one, so I am not making light of anybody's views or

feelings. I have a friend who is blind from a genetic condition that

could cause this person's children to be carriers or to have not only

blindness but a combination of severe physical and intellectual problems

and my friend has struggled with this decision. But I think we need to

focus on our ability and willingness to handle another child with a

disability if we think it's likely rather than refrain because we think we

are sparing a child pain that may actually never occur or that that child

may not view as pain. I think when we start holding back from having

children to protect the children we come close to making decisions about

whether a life will be worth living or not. I don't think I am in a

position to decide whether the child I haven't even conceived yet has

enough of a risk of not having a life worth living that I should just

refrain to possibly spare that child.

Cheryl

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I have 3 other children besides my daughter w/Autism. She is 2nd eldest. I

had some people at the center where my daughter originally went to day school

tell me how selfish I was to go through with the next pregnancy. They were

astounded that I wouldn't have an abortion.

You cannot control every issue of life.If my daughter has taught me ANYTHING

in life it is that particular lesson. My last two children were very close

together - maybe if I had envisioned the challenges ahead of time I would

never have allowed myself to become pregnant, but they were a Godsend for my

autistic child!

The child I had next after Maegan (my autistic daughter) was a boy - and Meg

told him when she started communicating " I've loved you since you were born! "

I know this to be true since we had to put him in a basket on top of the

refridgerator most of the time since she was always trying to get at

him!!!!!!! LOL

She said that he always asked the questions that she wanted to ask, but being

nonverbal, could not.

The list goes on and on - even now she is 21 and they are in High School. She

is more " regular " w/sisters and a brother to tell her off, argue with, give

advice to and lovc.

AMy Gracia

[Guest guest]

What a wonderful post! It was good to read today...my husband just told he

wants another baby! It is good to hear that it is " do-able " ..to have an

autistic child (or two) and a baby. My younger daughter is NT and is

already a help to her older PDD sister. I think she is the best therapist

around! Blessings to your family.

H, mom to 3.3 yrs, PDD; and 2 yrs, NT.

[Guest guest]

Yes, Rebekha, I know exactly what you are talking about. My daughter is

twenty-two and will allways need twenty-four-hour care; oh, she can feed

herself and mostly dress herself but she can not even do most daily living

skills without assistance. And this is a major issue for me because I

don't like the options out there for her when I die or can no longer care

for her. I sure don't have any glib answers for this; I know that all of

you are working hard to try to help your children so that maybe they won't

need such care when they're adults, but you might give serious thought to

what you can start doing to ensure that our society will have respect and

care for people with severe disabilities twenty years from now. Some of

you will never have to deeal with these issues as your child progresses

but those of us with adult children with severe forms of autism/pdd never

really stop thinking about it.For those of you with younger children, it's

hard to even try to advocate for these issues because you're involved in

the daily struggles: maintaing or reclaiming your sanity, caring for your

family, managing diet and numerrous other therapies for your

child/children with disabilities plus the normal challenges of parenting,

handling all the myriad behaviors and ailments that can surface--and the

list goes on. Oh, and then there are all the school hassles! These

issues make you feel like it's all you can do to deal with the day-to-day,

but for the sake of us whose children will grow up to need much care as

adults, please do whatever advocating for adult services that you can

manage. I hope there

will be better options twenty years from now than there are at present,

but there are days when I feel like it's going the wrong way. So start

advocating for adult services in your spare time--lol!

Cheryl

[Guest guest]

I know exactly what you mean. My first boy was typical and my second

autistic, Asperger's, depending on the doc. Anyway, when my autie son was

12 months, I had no intention on having another child. I was 33, and felt

two was enough, despite yearning for a girl. Still, we decided we would

wait until he was two, before deciding to have my hubby do the big " V " .

Well, to make a long story short, I became pregnant, despite birth control.

My daughter has been the best blessing too. She has helped in more

ways than one. She is above average for milestones for her age, and spoke

in sentences by 12 months. He is turning 5, but more like 4, and she is 3,

but more like 4. It's like twins, only one is bigger than the other. They

are the best of buddies, and she is a great model for him. He learns so

much from her. She doesn't take no reaction or no for an answer, so she's

constantly getting a reaction out of him. It's great to see them play, and

fight. I'm so glad I had all three of them.

I'm now divorced, and turning 37. Due to health issues, I'm facing the

decision of having a hysterectomy. Well, I'm fighting it, because I still

consider that 4th child. I know my age is a factor, but if I were to meet

the right man, and marry, I would love to have a child with him, despite the

autism and Down's issues.

a

> I am new to the list. I have two boys with autism, one with PDD and the

> other - well who knows?

>

> I don't want to step in when not asked but I want to tell you about my

> daughter. She was unplanned after the two boys who take so much of my

> physical and emotional energy. She is so typical! She seems to renew me

and

> my husband. She has also been a blessing to Sammy (3). They are now on

> almost the same level and have become playmates (sort of ). She initiates

> play and verbal responses from Sam. She is also interested in some of the

> strange things Sam is interested in (like the blue water tower in our

town)

> so he can peseverate some with her. I know she will outgrow him in many

ways

> but she has helped him tremendously. I can't begin to comprehend what

> differences there would be in our lives is she hadn't come. To have a

> typical child is so different. I also felt that I deserved a " normal "

child

> if you can understand that at all. My boys are precious to me in

different

> ways. So my unsolicited response if that I feel very blessed that we did

> have another child (but don't know if I could have handled another special

> one!).

[Guest guest]

This is a tough issue that my husband and I have talked about at

length. Our 7 yr old has PDD. We also have a 5.10 yr old and a 3.3 yr

old. We feel very blessed to have run the Great Smokies digestive stool

analysis and a few other tests about 22 months ago (to give mommy peace

of mind before giving our 4 yr old son his boosters and continuing our

daughter's vaccinations). God is so good. The test results came back

indicating underlying problems. Because of this (and the advice of a

DAN! dr), we stopped vaccinating our younger two children and placed

them on the GFCF diet with their brother.

Since that time we have found out that children (and parents, too) have

problems with heavy metals. The dr feels that the digestive, immune

and other problems that are present are due in large part to the heavy

metals. We are chelating very slowly with small doses.

It may seem strange that we are thankful for this info, but we are able

to address the issues with each child before the younger two were

potentially lost to autism. Also, our 7 yr old is improving by leaps

and bounds. It is such a joy to see his personality, sense of humor and

imagination blossoming.

Before trying to become pregnant, you might want to consider improving

your health in a few ways. One DAN! dr that speaks at seminars

addressed these points. He encouraged women to go GFCF (also stop

drinking sodas and avoid artificial food colorings) and to chelate

(after any dental amalgams are removed) if there are issues of heavy

metal poisoning because the metals will be passed to the developing

child, remain GFCF while breast feeding, and keep the little one GFCF

(at least for the 1st year). There are no guarantees that you will have

a " perfect " child, but there may be ways to avoid some of the same

struggles you have experienced with your autistic child.

The other suggestion (the most important) is to pray for guidance. Best

wishes.

[Guest guest]

Cheryl:

What state do you live in since I am interested in the support group DAWN?

Thanks

[Guest guest]

I thank GOD everyday for my younger NT child. He has helped in so many ways

and has actually made it easier for us to deal with the ups and downs of an

autistic older brother. He'll actually communicate to us his brothers

feelings in a way only a five year old can and its precious. It eases the

stress.

[Guest guest]

I was pregnant with a second child when I found out about my son's

autism/SID/ADHD possibilities...at that time I was very scared about how I

was going to take care of them both, more than whether she would also be

autistic....although (3 1/2 PDD) sometimes wants nothing to do with

her (le, now 1, NT so far!!!), especiallyl once she was mobile on all

fours, he really loves her, talks with her and initiates play with her...she

also looks for him and she brings him out of his funks sometimes...

Looking back I think I would do it again if I were to have another

child...the socialization skills practices on her are critical to

his own development. Trust God, and He will give you only that which you

can bear....

Lynn in MD

[Guest guest]

Cheryl I sure will!!!

Good luck and GOD Bless you and your daughter.

Rebekha

[Guest guest]

Hi Amy

I love to read stories like yours it keeps going. I am so glad it's

working out for you. If I make the decision to have another one I just pray

it works out for me too.

GOOD LUCK

Rebekha

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/30/01 10:37:54 AM Pacific Daylight Time, MMacGregor

writes:

> Hi

>

I sent this morning and haven't seen any responses, so I'm trying again.

> Anyone know what the chances are of having a second ASD child? DD is my

> first.

>

>

[Guest guest]

There was a response to this question just a couple of days ago. You

can check the archives. I believe A. gave the stats.

Jeannie

MMacGregor@... wrote:

>

> In a message dated 4/30/01 10:37:54 AM Pacific Daylight Time, MMacGregor

> writes:

>

> > Hi

> >

>

> I sent this morning and haven't seen any responses, so I'm trying again.

>

> > Anyone know what the chances are of having a second ASD child? DD is my

> > first.

> >

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

On Mon, 30 Apr 2001 19:35:01 EDT MMacGregor@... writes:

> In a message dated 4/30/01 10:37:54 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

> MMacGregor

> writes:

> > Anyone know what the chances are of having a second ASD child? DD

> is my

> > first.

> >

*

I don't know the recorded scientific data on this, all I can say is that

I know families that have only 1 child ASD out of several children ( the

ASD child in some families is the 1st child and no others ASD after that,

in some it is their middle child and no others) and yet I also know quite

a few families that have several ASD children and one family that even

her brother is autistic, she gave birth to an autistic boy and had

another child by invetro (spelling?) that also is autistic and both her

other brother and her sister had autistic children. I guess the reality

of it all means that you have to be willing and able to take upon the

possibilities since in life there are no guarantees.

in New York

*

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[Guest guest]

Re: another baby

I heard it was 7% at a conference I attended

Best wishes for all our children,

.

> Hi

>

> Anyone know what the chances are of having a second ASD child? DD is my

> first.

>

> Margaret

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/30/01 12:42:14 PM Eastern Standard Time,

MMacGregor@... writes:

> Anyone know what the chances are of having a second ASD child? DD is my

> first.

>

>

My doctor said about 25%.

[Guest guest]

I think it is a 1 in 4 chance, 25%. I think that's what was posted before.

MA

[Guest guest]

Margaret,

I just attended the Autism Society of Ohio Conference here in Columbus last

weekend and was able to listen to London, MD speak. He is one of the

directors of NAAR (National Alliance for Autism Research). He stated that

if you already have one ASD child the chances for having another one on the

spectrum are 5-10%.

(Aidan's mom)

Re: another baby

> Hi

>

> Anyone know what the chances are of having a second ASD child? DD is my

> first.

>

> Margaret

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

At 06:27 PM 2001-04-30, you wrote:

>Subject: Fwd: another baby

>

>In a message dated 4/30/01 10:37:54 AM Pacific Daylight Time, MMacGregor

> > Anyone know what the chances are of having a second ASD child? DD is my

> > first.

We have 4 kids. My 5 yr boy is autistic. 20 month baby appears

fine...exactly like 5 yr old prior to vaccines. We believe he had Lyme

Disease when he was vaccinated. 16 yr sister and 11 yr brother are pillars

of health; regularly attaining straight " A's " .

Be cautious...the ounce of prevention school enhances one's odds, IMHO.

Refrain from dairy, other than nursing, avoid wheat. Judiciously examine

vaccines and determine which are right for your child. My personal opinion

is PERTUSSIS, in a single dose, attenuated, thimerosal free has value,

after the immune system has a chance to establish itself.

I would definitely check titer levels for measles and mumps, prior to an

MMR, single dose or not.

FWIW: we see the little one helping the older one " catch on " with some of

the early learning stages. It is also healing for the other family members.

[Guest guest]

My older brother and younger sister we believe are on the spectrum,

closer to Asperger, my son was diagnosed HFA, though it seems now he is

closer to Asperger since the diet and ABA, I believe I shadow ADD as do

my other two siblings. No wonder my mom was crazy! LOL

I also have a 13 month old daughter and with her, so far so good. She

does things that our son NEVER did. We are constantly going,

" Ohhh...that's what they meant by doing this or that... "

There are no guarantees in life. If I said I wasn't afraid of having

another child on the spectrum I'd be lying.

Suzanne

>

> MMacGregor@... wrote:

> >

> > > Anyone know what the chances are of having a second ASD child? DD is my

> > > first..

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/2/01 5:32:26 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

momotrons@... writes:

> He stated that

> if you already have one ASD child the chances for having another one on the

> spectrum are 5-10%.

> (Aidan's mom)

>

>

Well either I got lousy luck by hitting that 5 to 10 percent or hmmmm could

those vacines have " pushed " us there????? I just read even more about how

those with autoimmune diseases in the family should not be " cookie cutter "

vacinated. OK let's see on the list of autoimmune diseases for my

family......my dad has rheumatoid arthitis, my mom diabetes/thyroid. Myself,

my sis. and my aunt all have/had thryoid diseases. Sure wish my ped. had

known to ask me!

Debbie

[Guest guest]

If you've had genetic testing done to rule out things like fragile X, I think

you're chances of having a non-austistic child are good, especially since if

there is a chance of some inherited immune weakness you know the triggers to

avoid - mainly vaccinations and food allergies. My first is autistic (boy

7), my second son (almost 5) who received all the early vaccinations, had a

little speech delay but is now fine (and won't stop talking!), and I have a

17 month old unvaccinated daughter who is doing fantastic - walked at 10 mos,

is saying some words etc.

I can't say enough, in addition to just their being themselves, what a

blessing it is for my son to have some siblings, they've helped him progress

by encouraging play and speech. And on a selfish note, though I know I can't

and wouldn't make them, I'm hopeful that if, god forbid, my son continues to

need help in the far future, they will be there to look out for him and make

sure he gets the care he needs when my husband and I are no longer around or

able to give that care. Noone can look out for you the way a person who

loves you can

n a message dated 5/3/2001 8:28:33 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

lisacna@... writes:

<< ust my 2 cents, but genetics do play a role if only a small part, other

issues like a family history of auto immune problems can spell disaster when

mixed with vaccinations, all I can say is it will always be a risk, I have

two children both affected although my youngest was affected most severly

pre diet, now he is doing quite well. F

Re: Fwd: another baby

>

> On Mon, 30 Apr 2001 19:35:01 EDT MMacGregor@... writes:

> > In a message dated 4/30/01 10:37:54 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

> > MMacGregor

> > writes:

> > > Anyone know what the chances are of having a second ASD child? DD

> > is my

> > > first.

> > >

> *

> I don't know the recorded scientific data on this, all I can say is that

> I know families that have only 1 child ASD out of several children ( the

> ASD child in some families is the 1st child and no others ASD after that,

> in some it is their middle child and no others) and yet I also know quite

> a few families that have several ASD children and one family that even

> her brother is autistic, she gave birth to an autistic boy and had

> another child by invetro (spelling?) that also is autistic and both her

> other brother and her sister had autistic children. I guess the reality

> of it all means that you have to be willing and able to take upon the

> possibilities since in life there are no guarantees.

> in New York

> *

> _______________________ >>

[Guest guest]

I put this posting up yesterday but have had no responses to it. I

know for a fact I have read in the past 2 days that chances of having

a child with Autism is 1 in 150 and a second child your chances are 1

in 20.

I have been going through my papers trying to find where I read this,

I know I did because my husband and i discussed it. I first child is

fine, our second is diagnosed with PDD. We toyed with the idea of

having a 3rd even before Will was diagnosed. If I had known those

odds then, I would not even of considered having another child. I

will keep looking for this information. I do remember it said it was

announced at a conference this year. Which one, it didn't say.

Everyone's views are different, some people are willing to take the

chance.

- janowski

> If you've had genetic testing done to rule out things like fragile

X, I think

> you're chances of having a non-austistic child are good, especially

since if

> there is a chance of some inherited immune weakness you know the

triggers to

> avoid - mainly vaccinations and food allergies. My first is

autistic (boy

> 7), my second son (almost 5) who received all the early

vaccinations, had a

> little speech delay but is now fine (and won't stop talking!), and

I have a

> 17 month old unvaccinated daughter who is doing fantastic - walked

at 10 mos,

> is saying some words etc.

> I can't say enough, in addition to just their being themselves,

what a

> blessing it is for my son to have some siblings, they've helped him

progress

> by encouraging play and speech. And on a selfish note, though I

know I can't

> and wouldn't make them, I'm hopeful that if, god forbid, my son

continues to

> need help in the far future, they will be there to look out for him

and make

> sure he gets the care he needs when my husband and I are no longer

around or

> able to give that care. Noone can look out for you the way a

person who

> loves you can

>

>

> n a message dated 5/3/2001 8:28:33 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

> lisacna@e... writes:

>

> << ust my 2 cents, but genetics do play a role if only a small

part, other

> issues like a family history of auto immune problems can spell

disaster when

> mixed with vaccinations, all I can say is it will always be a

risk, I have

> two children both affected although my youngest was affected most

severly

> pre diet, now he is doing quite well. F

> Re: Fwd: another baby

>

>

> >

> > On Mon, 30 Apr 2001 19:35:01 EDT MMacGregor@a... writes:

> > > In a message dated 4/30/01 10:37:54 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

> > > MMacGregor

> > > writes:

> > > > Anyone know what the chances are of having a second ASD

child? DD

> > > is my

> > > > first.

> > > >

> > *

> > I don't know the recorded scientific data on this, all I can say

is that

> > I know families that have only 1 child ASD out of several

children ( the

> > ASD child in some families is the 1st child and no others ASD

after that,

> > in some it is their middle child and no others) and yet I also

know quite

> > a few families that have several ASD children and one family

that even

> > her brother is autistic, she gave birth to an autistic boy and

had

> > another child by invetro (spelling?) that also is autistic and

both her

> > other brother and her sister had autistic children. I guess the

reality

> > of it all means that you have to be willing and able to take

upon the

> > possibilities since in life there are no guarantees.

> > in New York

> > *

> > _______________________ >>