Re: I am going off RSS Subject, but I would really like group members opinions pleas

[Guest guest]

Laurie,

I am so sorry about your relationship with your mom. I have one

suggestion, could you maybe ask other family members like aunts,

uncles, grandparents if they have any pictures of you when you were

young?

Pattie

> Hello group

> I know that I am going off subject but I would really like some

group

> members opinions please. Ok this is what it is about, my mother

has

> never been very nice, accepting etc about my being short statured,

so

> we do not have a good relationship. She down right hated it when

I

> got married to a tall man (6ft 5) and when I got pregnant with my

son

> she told me to have an abortion. Gee what a wonderful mother.

Ok,

> she has never been a real grandmother to my son, and I know in the

> past that she has lied to me about family information, things that

I

> should know, ie medically etc. Anyways, I have asked her several

> times for family photo albums. The ones that were taken when I

was a

> child, so that I can get a baby pic of me to submit to the site

photo

> album, so that someone in the group could say yes you look like a

RSS

> person. My mother is claiming that there were never any photo

> albums, then she has said I do not know where they are at. My

> feeling is that she is lying to me again. After all, if there

were a

> fire in a house what would you get out? I would think it would be

> people, pets, meds, and family photos, which can never be replaced

if

> lost. As you can guess, I am really mad about this, not just for

> myself, but my son who does not have any pics of his grandfather

or

> any other family members. I would really like group members

opinions

> and or suggestions.

>

> Thanks

> Laurie

[Guest guest]

Wow, Laurie. I can feel the pain in your email. You are in a tough

position.

It sounds to me like your mom is in a degree of denial and guilt.

Those are tough emotions to deal with when you are the one who is

the " victim. " I like Pattie's suggestion of asking other family

members for pictures. That is one way to get around the problem.

As for your mom's feelings and behaviors, you may never be able to

change them. Your best bet is to try to be as loving and supportive

of her as you can, but I know that must be hard at times. Each time

she sees you and/or talks to you she is reminded of those negative

feelings. Without educating herself about RSS, she will not be able

to understand it and help herself get over those feelings. Even

learning more may add to it and make her feel worse for the

timebeing.

Unfortunately, most of us have family issues that are hard to face

and handle. I am blown away by this because we all grow up being

taught that our families are the most important part of our lives

and that we should love each other and all get along. But I know

that in my own family some of the worst problems I deal with involve

them. Currently it is my brother who had a fit because his 7 year

old could not find a Yu-Gi-Oh card and he accused Max of taking it.

To make a long story short, he is not talking to us and he hurt Max

terribly because he accused Max of something he would never even

consider doing. I know it is not to the same degree as you and your

mom, but I bet I could match it with other stories.

I know you have a family of your own now and having your mom as part

of it and being able to hear and see stories/things that involve

your childhood are very important. But you may find that going

around " the elephant in the room " is easier for your mom to take

that pointing to it and making it noticeable to everyone -

especially her.

I hope I have helped in some small way. I wish you the best.

Jodi Z.