This is how I feel!!!!

[Guest guest]

Since When Am I Public Property?

by Gail Montenegro

The number one pet peeve of my pregnancy wasn't what you would

think. It wasn't the queasiness and morning sickness during those

first months, nor was it the constant lower back pain I suffered

with my 40 pound weight gain.

My biggest gripe during those nine months was the incessant

unsolicited comments and advice that everyone I came into contact

with felt compelled to share with me!

I took issue at the way friends, acquaintances and complete

strangers would take the liberty of touching my stomach and, in my

opinion, invading my personal space. People would invariably tell me

how big or small they thought my stomach was, or how my heartburn

meant that I was going to have a hairy baby, or how the Tylenol pill

I was taking for my splitting headache would hurt my baby, and then

go on to tell me their own personal and traumatic childbirth

stories. It was as if having a big belly suddenly threw me into a

category labeled " Public Property, " and it was a label with which I

wasn't quite comfortable.

I was fortunate to have a doctor and a wonderful husband who would

both constantly reassure me and tell me that I was going through a

perfectly normal pregnancy. The best advice that my doctor ever gave

me was to take everything I heard with a grain of salt until he

could confirm or deny it for me. He also encouraged me to respond to

these unsolicited comments in the following manner: " I appreciate

your interest in my pregnancy, but I haven't asked for your opinion.

When I have a question, I'll be sure to let you know. "

Another advice my doctor gave me was to tell everyone that my due

date was a week later than it actually was. That way, if the baby

was a week late, as my son, , was (and as many first babies

are), then I wouldn't have to put up with daily phone calls from

anxious family and friends once my actual due date came and went.

What a great way to keep over-enthusiastic meddlers at bay!

I found that I was a much happier person because I had learned to

intercept and/or tune out those unwanted comments and horror stories

that plagued me the first time around. I have also made a sacred vow

to myself to never offer unsolicited advice to anyone else who is

pregnant. My theory is that each pregnancy/childbirth is different,

and each woman should be allowed to make her own individual

decisions on how to approach or handle her experience.

" I appreciate your interest in my pregnancy, but I haven't asked for

your opinion. When I have a question, I'll be sure to let you

know. "

I am very careful not to share any scary stories with expectant

mothers or make comments that might undermine their self-confidence

(such as " You are SO big for only being five months pregnant! " ). I

am more than happy to share my experiences with them (both good and

bad) if they specifically request my input, but otherwise I've found

it best to just be a good and supportive listener while keeping my

opinions to myself. These women have enough on their minds as it is,

and I'm certainly not going to play any part in increasing their

anxiety level! So the moral of the story is... " If you can't say

something positive, don't say anything at all! "

About the Author: Gail Montenegro is the mother of two and a public

relations professional.