OT: Strangers bonded by Autism

[Guest guest]

In light it being Autism awareness month, I am sharing this article that

really hits home with me. I thought it might be appreciated by those of you

with children on the Autism Spectrum.

Strangers bonded by autism

April 18, 2006 6:02 am

<http://fredericksburg.com/News/FLS/2006/042006/04182006/181657>

http://fredericksburg.com/News/FLS/2006/042006/04182006/181657

SEVEN YEARS AGO, a doctor looked at my toddler son and immediately

recognized autism.

Since then, I've seen it countless times in the halls of the mall, in

grocery stores and restaurants. I will notice a child who seems a little bit

different. Perhaps he's spinning in circles or avoiding eye contact,

flapping his hands or repeating phrases from a movie. Right away, I'll sneak

a glance at the mom, recognizing her, even though we've never met.

But Miss Manners hasn't come up with a delicate way to ask, " Is your kid

autistic, too? "

And so we pass each other without a word, just a small nod to show our

solidarity.

But I want to walk up to that mom and talk to her, because even though she

looks nothing like me, somewhere inside we're the same: Mothers who know

what it's like to lose a child who's sitting right next to you.

I want to ask her if she ever thought she'd shop for diapers for a

9-year-old. To know if she's ever sobbed as she scrubbed poop out of a

carpet, wondering just how her life turned out this way.

If she, too, lies awake at night wondering what it would be like to hold a

conversation with her first-born child. I would ask when she stopped

speculating about which college her son would attend.

I want to know how she handles the dirty looks and even reprimands from

strangers, because her child doesn't behave like the other kids.

We could almost speak another language to each other, using jargon like IEP,

EEG, ESY and FAPE. After a while, the letters roll off your tongue so easily

that you forget the rest of the world has no idea what you mean.

But this mom would know. She would know that single word with six letters

can change your entire life.

I want to tell her that I, too, go years in between dates with my husband,

because it's too hard to find a baby sitter. That I've been a mother for

nine years, but my family has taken only one vacation. Our time, energy and

money all go elsewhere.

I want to talk about how my husband and I decided not to have any more kids,

not because we don't want a bigger family, but because after having two kids

with autism, the genetic odds just don't seem to be in our favor.

Mostly, I want to know if she ever noticed the moment autism stopped being a

tragedy and simply became a fact of life.

Of course, this mom and I are not exactly alike. In fact, besides autism, we

might have nothing else in common.

That's the reality of autism: It can strike in just about any family.

As parents of children with autism, we cross all races and nationalities.

We're rich and poor, single parents and married couples, conservatives and

liberals. Some of us are shy; others are loud.

Just about anyone can be inducted into our club. In 20 minutes, there will

be a new initiation.

That's how often a parent hears " Your child has autism. "

This year, doctors will say that 24,000 times.

That's a lot of parents who know just what I'm talking about.

Date published: 4/18/2006

To reach AMY FLOWERS UMBLE: 540/735-1973

Email: aumble@...

Kelli

SAHM to Kai 3 1/2- ASD and Tatum 1 1/2 NT

SCD since 5/05, off for 3 months, back on 3/10/06