Re: Getting Contacts

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/30/00 6:16:40 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

kurzawa@... writes:

<<

Um. I'm a pretty old lady as ladies on this list go. So I'm gonna

address something that bugs me in as nice a way as I can and do it in

the way I would if you guys were my kids (and one of you guys is my

kid).

If you need contacts, the best way to do it is to write to

individuals and ask them specific questions. Or to ask one general

question, such as, can you tell me about your MGB experience.

Let me tell you why I say this. If you just post a thingie on the

list and say you need contacts, you are (without meaning to) dumping

your responsibilities on folks to come through for you. To be a

contact you have to sit at your computer, organize your thoughts and

spend a little time writing to help someone. In the manual, Dr. R

tells you to make contact with at least ten people who have had

surgery. What he wants you to do is contact people, not just throw

out a post and assume that others will carry your ball.

I don't mean to lecture here. It's not my nature as most of you know.

But if you want to change your life and have this surgery, please

take some responsibility for that. Please show some personal courtesy

for that and be polite enough to write to people, on an individual

basis, and ask them to be your contact. I am always flattered when I

am asked to be a contact. I NEVER respond to general requests to the

list for a contact for two reasons: 1. Being fat for 50 years leaves

you with the feeling that you're not good enough and that no one

really wants you for a contact and 2. I don't assume others

responsibilities that are thrown at me. I told my daughter that the

proper way was to write individually to people...and that's what she

did. She wrote to 12 people and got 12 contacts back in less than 24

hours.

I'm stepping down off the soapbox now and hope to hell I don't fall

on my butt while doing it. You can start throwing the flames now.

This is not directed at anyone but just a gentle reminder that we all

have lives and that a little courtesy goes a long way!

Flo

>>

Hi Flo,

I'm glad you posted this I am pre-op so didn't think it my place to, but I

wholeheartedly agree. In my daughter Chris' case, we contacted over 80

people, hearing back from over half. We wrote a letter introducing

ourselves, told a bit about Chris' wt. history and what her life is like, and

then asked for whatever info the person would care to share. We felt a long

list of questions was a bit demanding, and did not want to assume that people

would feel comfortable answering them. Now, after we got responses back,

many people invited us to ask questions, and then we felt more comfortable

" imposing. "

The letters we got back were wonderful, and we appreciated the effort and

kindness. We even heard back from a few people who say they hardly ever

respond but felt compelled to due to the personal nature of our letter. By

the way, we sent back personal, individual letters of thanks and good wishes

to each and every person who sent us their story. Bottom line, past patients

are sharing a very personal story, the least we can do is be courteous and

appreciative. I cringe when I see people use this list and then say

something like,

" Hey people, where are my contacts? "

I think this also pertains to any requests for help that go through the list.

As you might know, I have shared my 3 letters of appeal with many people.

Lately I have been getting one sentence requests from people who just pop on

the list and say, " I would like your appeal letters. " Many people have not

even sent a thanks back. Taking shortcuts is not really in anyone's best

interest. My mother taught me to be polite to everyone, and this applies to

cyberspace, folks. Thanks for reading this, friends.

Regards,

Debbie in IL

Daughter MGB 8/9 Cigna (3rd appeal)--BMI 45

Counting on Cigna for Debbie (BMI 40) First request denied 7/21 :0(

[Guest guest]

Um. I'm a pretty old lady as ladies on this list go. So I'm gonna

address something that bugs me in as nice a way as I can and do it in

the way I would if you guys were my kids (and one of you guys is my

kid).

If you need contacts, the best way to do it is to write to

individuals and ask them specific questions. Or to ask one general

question, such as, can you tell me about your MGB experience.

Let me tell you why I say this. If you just post a thingie on the

list and say you need contacts, you are (without meaning to) dumping

your responsibilities on folks to come through for you. To be a

contact you have to sit at your computer, organize your thoughts and

spend a little time writing to help someone. In the manual, Dr. R

tells you to make contact with at least ten people who have had

surgery. What he wants you to do is contact people, not just throw

out a post and assume that others will carry your ball.

I don't mean to lecture here. It's not my nature as most of you know.

But if you want to change your life and have this surgery, please

take some responsibility for that. Please show some personal courtesy

for that and be polite enough to write to people, on an individual

basis, and ask them to be your contact. I am always flattered when I

am asked to be a contact. I NEVER respond to general requests to the

list for a contact for two reasons: 1. Being fat for 50 years leaves

you with the feeling that you're not good enough and that no one

really wants you for a contact and 2. I don't assume others

responsibilities that are thrown at me. I told my daughter that the

proper way was to write individually to people...and that's what she

did. She wrote to 12 people and got 12 contacts back in less than 24

hours.

I'm stepping down off the soapbox now and hope to hell I don't fall

on my butt while doing it. You can start throwing the flames now.

This is not directed at anyone but just a gentle reminder that we all

have lives and that a little courtesy goes a long way!

Flo