This is a tough group to break into!

July 31, 2000

In a message dated 7/31/00 6:10:46 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

dizzybme2@... writes:

<< I still avoid mirrors, but I

know in my head now what I look like. Is anyone else this vain?

I hope some of you will give me the opportunity to befriend you. I

am taking this one step at a time. I don't want to intrude on anyone.

Everyone that post real regularly seems very candid in the war

against weight. PLEASE LET ME IN!!!

Hopeful,

A-J >>

Hi ,

I don't think it is being vain at all. I think it is trying to feel like we

fit in in a thin-obsessed world. Plus, you are right, we do delude

ourselves because sometimes it is too painful to face the fact of how out of

control we really are. But then comes that one fateful day when we take a

good look in the mirror (or a photo) and say, " Oh my God! Is that me? I'm

so fat! " Then the depression really sets in--and what do many of us do when

we are depressed?? You got it--EAT!! It's a horrible way to live, isn't it?

BTW, you don't need to be " let in " the group, sweetie, you already are! And

welcome!

Regards,

Debbie in IL

Daughter MGB 8/9 Cigna (3rd appeal)--BMI 45

Counting on Cigna for Debbie (BMI 40) First request denied 7/21 :0(

July 31, 2000

In a message dated 7/31/2000 9:10:57 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

dizzybme2@... writes:

<< Everyone that post real regularly seems very candid in the war

against weight. PLEASE LET ME IN!!!

Hopeful,

A-J

>>

,

Welcome!!!!!!! I too know the feeling of avoiding mirror's, camera's,

going out to social functions. It can be hell!! I even avoided letting my

family get me on the Xmas video's the last few years. Isn't that awful, if

something were to ever happen to me, my kids I know would want to see these

pictures and video's at some point and there are none because I let shame

prevent me. I too do so hope to have this surgery so I can actually get a

life back.

Don't feel like you're not being let in, just keep posting and you will be

responded too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cathy in Lenoir, NC

5' 0 "

216.5 Lbs.

BMI 42

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

July 31, 2000

Hi All!

I have posted more than a few times to this list. Some of you have

been kind enough to reply to personal requests and to those who have

thank you. I have made all of my contacts, some have provided phone

numbers for me to speak with. I have done just that too; called and

asked all kinds of questions. The questions pop into mind often

times after posting to the list. I realize everyone has probablely

agonized over this very, very personal battle. It was excruiatingly

difficult for me to talk about my true weight. In my head I could

easily be deceptive about my weight. I had the body of someone who

weighed 175 lbs (just a little overweight), that was until I looked

in the mirror and saw with my eyes. So the choice was easy --- just

don't look in the mirror. And I didn't until I had ballooned up to

312 lbs. I am little over 5'8 " tall. I still avoid mirrors, but I

know in my head now what I look like. Is anyone else this vain?

I hope some of you will give me the opportunity to befriend you. I

am taking this one step at a time. I don't want to intrude on anyone.

Everyone that post real regularly seems very candid in the war

against weight. PLEASE LET ME IN!!!

Hopeful,

A-J

July 31, 2000

In a message dated 7/31/2000 10:46:24 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

florence@... writes:

<< Monday for sure I would REALLY go on a diet and

change my life. 50 years worth of Mondays came and went. I lost and gained.

I lost and

gained. >>

Flo,

I really know what you mean about Mondays. I did that what seemed like a

thousand times. Like oh I'll start Monday and this time I'll do it, or cheat

on it by that evening and say well I'll start again next Monday. I never

could figure out why the hell I thought Monday was the be all cure all day. I

now find myself doing that over trying to stop smoking. I'm always going to

do it on Monday. I guess I need to go crazy and say try a Wednesday. LOL LOL

LOL I too had never told anyone my weight until I came to this site, only my

Dr. knew and I hated that because of that look I always get when they realize

how short I am.. I'm one of these who is almost literally as round as I am

tall. I'm 60 inches tall and have a waist of 48 inches. It still shames me so

much to acknowledge that. OK I've gotten carried away here. Sorry !!!

Cathy in Lenoir, NC

5' 0 "

216.5 Lbs.

BMI 42

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

July 31, 2000

In a message dated 7/31/2000 1:52:49 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

talachee@... writes:

<< that I refuse to diet anymore

for fear of gaining even more next time I regain. >>

Stormy,

I have been there and done that. I told my husband that I truly believed

it was more dangerous for me to diet than not because I always wound up

bigger after each one, not counting the amazing speed that the pounds I would

lose would hop back on.

Cathy in Lenoir, NC

5' 0 "

216.5 Lbs.

BMI 42

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

July 31, 2000

, I found was very freeing to be able to actually say how much I weighed by

email and by

chat to this group. It actually helped me break the denial that has been a part

of my life for

many years. I knew I was overweight. But when I did look into the mirror, I did

not see 304

pounds looking back..I looked a little chubby. I was in terrible denial about my

health

problems.

It has been liberating to say to this group that I am 5'10 " tall and weighed 304

pounds and

that I am addicted to food...or whatever the latest buzz word. It was here that

I could admit

that I ate when I was not hungry, that it had nothing to do with stomach hunger,

and that

despite all the warnings my body gave me..I chose to ignore the fact that I was

killing myself

with food. And when I didn't ignore it, I didn't know what to do about it. All

of the diets

ended the same way. I spent thousands on WW and all of the various and sundry

methods

out there..all with the same result....reduced self esteem and more weight gain.

The other thing that liberated me was that this was not a personal choice for

me...and that

something in my physical make up (genetics or whatever) drove me to this weight.

I am not a

fat and lazy slob like society taught me was the case. I am a person whose body

betrayed

her..who for whatever reason was never satisfied with quantity or quality and

spent many

years, a few minutes at a time, in the quest for the one bite that would satisfy

this never ending

compulsion to find that perfect bite. I never found the perfect bite. I found

arthritis, edema,

high blood pressure and sleep apnea. I found hurt feelings, running out of

breath, and

constant torturing of myself that next Monday for sure I would REALLY go on a

diet and

change my life. 50 years worth of Mondays came and went. I lost and gained. I

lost and

gained. Then one day I found a website and a Dr. who let me know that I'm not a

bad

person, that I'm not a pig, and that I needed my plumbing altered. And is my

plumbing ever

altered! Wanted to eat no longer dominates my thoughts day and night. I no

longer crave

sweets. I can eat anything I want without dumping. I have a little of whatever I

want...like a

" normal " person. This surgery is a miracle!

You are home . Welcome.

Flo who's melting in land

MGB 5/31/00

-45 pounds in 7 weeks

No more swelling in feet and legs

No more high blood pressure

No more sleep apnea

No more arthritis medication

No more headaches

Florence Ballengee

Hollywood, land

florence@...

Download NeoPlanet at http://www.neoplanet.com

July 31, 2000

Hi ,

I'm sorry that you are feeling neglected. I wanted to tell you that

our stats are very simular. I am 5'8 " and 278. I think that I got

here by not looking in the mirror and by not getting on the scales

because I could'nt stand to see a five pound weight gain. That five

pounds turned into well over 100 extra pounds in such a short time. I

know how hard it is for you. I had to take my before pictures

yesterday and I could not bear to look at them. It's hard to go out

of the house for fear of seeing someone who has not seen me in a few

years. They always look so mortified that I have gained so much

weight. I was about 170 pounds before I started on this weight gain.

I have gained and lost so many times, that I refuse to diet anymore

for fear of gaining even more next time I regain. I am pre-op, with

insurance approval pending. I can't help you with your contacts, but

if you ever need a friend, please email me anytime. Welcome to our

group!

Stormy in Alabama

> Hi All!

> I have posted more than a few times to this list. Some of you have

> been kind enough to reply to personal requests and to those who

have

> thank you. I have made all of my contacts, some have provided

phone

> numbers for me to speak with. I have done just that too; called

and

> asked all kinds of questions. The questions pop into mind often

> times after posting to the list. I realize everyone has probablely

> agonized over this very, very personal battle. It was

excruiatingly

> difficult for me to talk about my true weight. In my head I could

> easily be deceptive about my weight. I had the body of someone who

> weighed 175 lbs (just a little overweight), that was until I looked

> in the mirror and saw with my eyes. So the choice was easy ---

just

> don't look in the mirror. And I didn't until I had ballooned up to

> 312 lbs. I am little over 5'8 " tall. I still avoid mirrors, but I

> know in my head now what I look like. Is anyone else this vain?

> I hope some of you will give me the opportunity to befriend you. I

> am taking this one step at a time. I don't want to intrude on

anyone.

> Everyone that post real regularly seems very candid in the war

> against weight. PLEASE LET ME IN!!!

> Hopeful,

> A-J

July 31, 2000

In a message dated 7/31/2000 9:10:48 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

dizzybme2@... writes:

>

> Hi All!

> I have posted more than a few times to this list. Some of you have

> been kind enough to reply to personal requests and to those who have

> thank you. I have made all of my contacts, some have provided phone

> numbers for me to speak with. I have done just that too; called and

> asked all kinds of questions. The questions pop into mind often

> times after posting to the list. I realize everyone has probablely

> agonized over this very, very personal battle. It was excruiatingly

> difficult for me to talk about my true weight. In my head I could

> easily be deceptive about my weight. I had the body of someone who

> weighed 175 lbs (just a little overweight), that was until I looked

> in the mirror and saw with my eyes. So the choice was easy --- just

> don't look in the mirror. And I didn't until I had ballooned up to

> 312 lbs. I am little over 5'8 " tall. I still avoid mirrors, but I

> know in my head now what I look like. Is anyone else this vain?

> I hope some of you will give me the opportunity to befriend you. I

> am taking this one step at a time. I don't want to intrude on anyone.

> Everyone that post real regularly seems very candid in the war

> against weight. PLEASE LET ME IN!!!

> Hopeful,

> A-J

>

Welcome ...yes we all know the battle you face and we are all in it

together. I know I always feel thinner than I look too..and then I will see

a picture or walk by a mirror and am still shocked at how heavy I have

actually become..I am 5'6 and about 325. Have you been approved by insurance

yet or where are you on your journey to having surgery??

This is a great group and very supportive...you'll see! I definately

wouldn't have been able to make the decision to have surgery without all of

these great people!

Holly

July 31, 2000

,

Hi! My name is Malinda. I am working on my package, and hoping that BCBS of mo

will pay. I live in the St. Louis area. Where do you live? Please feel free to

email me at malinda_h@... I will answer what I can or we can chat.

Malinda

happygirl0925@... wrote: