Reasons for eating disorders....

[Guest guest]

Hi All.

I found this post on a different list, the Emotional Weight Loss List. The

person who posted it copied it from yet another list. Although I don't

really agree with all of it, some of the information really hit home with

me. What do ya'll think?

Stormy

Hi gang! I thought this might interest you. I got permission

from the woman

who posted it on another list to post it on ours. I hope you

enjoy:

Number One Reason For Developing An Eating Disorder

by Joanna Poppink, M.F.C.C.

Hundreds of people have asked me why people develop eating

disorders. Of

course, there are many issues involved, but as I explore this

field, over the

years I have concluded that there is one outstanding theme that

runs through

every person with an eating disorder I have encountered.

Early in their lives they experienced, on a sustained basis,

relentless

boundary invasion on every level.

When a person's physical, emotional, psychological,

intellectual, sexual,

creative boundaries are consistently ignored and penetrated that

person

experiences total boundary invasion. When that person has no

control or way

to stop, protest or often even acknowledge such invasions, the

person

experiences helplessness, despair and a certainty that they are

worthless to

themselves or anyone else.

The consequences of such total invasion are vast. One

consequence is an

eating disorder.

Having had so many boundaries disregarded, the person has no

knowledge or

skills in recognizing or honoring boundaries herself. She will

eat for

emotional relief. She may eat vast amounts of food for comfort

value alone.

She has no internal limit setter that tells her when she has had

enough.

Being oblivious to any boundary means being oblivious to limits

of any kind.

The compulsive overeater eats whenever and whatever she likes.

Her choices

are based on self medication issues, not feelings of physical

hunger.

The anorexic will not eat. There is no limit to her not eating.

She will

starve herself to death in search of relief from her emotional

pain. She

knows nothing of the experience enough. She couldn't say,

" Enough, " to an

invader of her boundaries, and she can't say to it herself. The

concept of

enough has no meaning to her. She often feels that, if she

" disappeared " she

might find some permanent relief. I have heard countless

anorexic young women

talk ethereally, with a lost in a beautiful world of angels

smile, of how

wonderful it would be to be vapor or a light dancing spirit in

the clouds.

Ah, such spiritual bliss, they imagine. In reality, it's the

final protective

act, to destroy their bodies and their lives completely. Then

they can truly

escape the complexities of being alive.

The bulimic will binge grotesque amounts of food, literally

assault herself

with more food than a body can tolerate. She has no limit at

all. The

compulsive overeater will, at last, have to stop eating if only

because of

the pain of her distended stomach. Her body sets a final limit.

The bulimic

has no such limit. She experiences (in her mind) no consequences

for the

assault of food. When her body cannot bear more, she will vomit

it all out.

Then she will continue her binge. She may reach her body's

limits many times.

Each time she does she can throw up and continue.

Eventually she may stop because she is completely exhausted, or

she is in

danger of being discovered. " Enough " has no meaning to her.

There are no

limits and no consequences.

Realistically, of course, there are plenty of consequences.

There is

tremendous damage happening to the body. And each time people

with an eating

disorder assault themselves they destroy more of their spirit,

soul, self

esteem, sanity, health and value to themselves and others. Each

violation

deepens their ritualistic behavior, and they become more

entrenched in their

disorder. The consequence of this is increasing anguish and

despair.

So what do I mean by a history of boundary violations? Blatant

and extreme

boundary violations involve sexual molestation, sexual abuse and

physical

abuse. Much has been written about these areas now, especially

in material

exploring Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Dissociative

Identity

Disorder (DID). Use your search engines to find some quality

information

posted on the internet in these subject areas.

There are other kinds of boundary violations, less dramatic,

less discussed

and more prevalent which are also devastating to a person's

psyche. When, in

the name of caretaking, people in authority take over a young

person's life,

it constitutes boundary invasion. When she has no privacy, when

her diary is

read, when her things are borrowed or taken without permission,

when her

efforts in school or sport are overwhelmed by someone else's

ideas, goals or

personality, when her choices are disregarded or treated with

disdain, when

she has little or no choice where her personal life, clothes,

foods, friends,

activities are concerned, her boundaries are being invaded.

Her boundaries are also invaded when, in the name of caretaking,

she has no

responsibilities of her own and no consequences for her actions.

When " the

little princess " or the " little prince " can have anything she

asks for

without putting forth any effort to earn such gifts, she learns

nothing about

personal effort, limits, consequences or what " enough " means. If

she wants

something, she gets it. That's all. If someone picks up her

clothes, does her

laundry, fixes her car, pays her bills, lets her " borrow " money

or things and

never asks for them back, she experiences no boundaries and no

limits. If she

doesn't have to keep her promises, if she doesn't reciprocate

with caring

activities for people who care for her, she learns nothing

useful about

herself in relationship to other people. She certainly learns

that there are

no limits to her behavior or desires.

She doesn't learn that she has meaning and value. She doesn't

learn that she

can put that meaning and value within her to work to accomplish

goals. For

example, if she breaks something, whether it is a lamp or a car

or someone's

heart, it can be up to her to make necessary repairs using her

own resources

and her own creativity. In such a process she would learn what

effort means.

She would learn what responsibility and consequences for actions

mean. She

would learn what reasonable limits and reasonable expectations

are.

Without such learning all she learns are the tricks involved in

being cute

and manipulative to get what she wants. These are poor and

insubstantial

tools to rely on when building an adult life.

Somewhere inside, over time, she may gradually realize this.

But, having no

sense of boundaries, she will only become bewildered and

anxious. She will

use her eating disorder as a way to numb her feelings of

anxiety. She will

use her manipulating skills to get what she wants from whoever

she can use.

As time goes by there will be less people who will allow

themselves to be

manipulated. The quality of her circle of associates will

decline. She will

find herself in bad company. This becomes all the more reason

for her to rely

on food for comfort. The people around her are less reliable all

the time.

And finally, they tolerate her presence only because they can

manipulate her.

Then she is truly in a total victim position. Her manipulative

skills

backfire. There are people in this world who are better at

manipulating and

using than she. She has found them. She has become their target

and then

their prey. Reliable food or food rituals, including starvation,

become her

most valuable relationship.

Early in her development she learned through massive boundary

invasions

(which perhaps seemed so ordinary and unimportant at the time)

that she was

helpless to assert herself. She learned that she had no private

or sacred

space to cherish and respect. She also could not acknowledge --

often even to

herself -- that she was being thwarted, invaded, controlled,

manipulated and

forced to deny large aspects of her natural self. She had no

recourse except

to comply. She complied and developed an eating disorder.

Now that she's older and her manipulation skills are failing her

she only has

her eating disorder to rely on. This may be the most crucial

time in this

person's life. If her pain and despair are terrible enough and

she is certain

she can not bear this way of living anymore she still has

choices. One is to

continue down the road of self destruction. The other is to

reach out and get

help.

It's a very tough position for her. She would have to recognize

that she has

had enough. She's never known what enough was. She would have to

recognize

that she can't bear any more pain. She's never known what a

limit was. She'd

have to be honest and reach out for genuine help. She has only

known about

manipulating others.

She's got to feel a lot of anguish and pain before she stretches

beyond her

life pattern into what might be a real healing and recovery path

for herself.

She's reaching for something she can't even imagine. No wonder

it's so

difficult for a person with an eating disorder to decide to get

help and

allow themselves to begin to trust someone with knowledge of

their real

personhood. She doesn't know that people exist who do respect

and honor

boundaries. She doesn't know that there are people who can and

will honor and

cherish her most private and sacred inner spaces. She doesn't

know yet, that

someday that trustworthy, respectful, steadfast and competent

caretaker she

needs so badly can be herself.

09/13/98

Joanna Poppink, M.F.C.C., licensed by the State of California in

1980, is a

Marriage, Family, Child Counselor (License #15563). She has a

private

practice in Los Angeles where she works with adult individuals

and couples.

She specializes in working with people with eating disorders and

with people

who are trying to understand and help a loved on who has an

eating disorder.

Contact Information:

10573 West Pico Blvd. Suite 20

Los Angeles, CA 90064

phone fax

________________________________________________________________________

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