therapist,...psychologist? (sorta long..skip if not interested!)

[Guest guest]

has anyone here seen a therapist? My parents feel that i shoudl see

one...ive been really down lately (well, ever since i found out i had

rosacea in march) and especially now that it's summer and school's

out,i feel like i spend 90% of my day thinking about rosacea andhow

to beat it/cure it/suppress it. the only time i feel like i'm at

peace is when i'm asleep and dreaming.. i think 2 seconds after i

wake up the first thing that comes to mind is that i have rosacea..i

dread my cleaning regimen,i dread showering, all for fear of seeing

myself red in the bright lights of my bathroom. and i've only been

getting together with my friends during the night because i have this

notion that natural light really brings out the redness which i cant

even hide well with foundation. (and this is true, i dont have body

dysmorphic disorder or anything.) i hate myself for being like this

but i cant help it. it just baffles me how i could be totally normal

a few months ago, and i dont understand why i cant just accept the

redness and come to terms with it.

i think i'm driving myself and my parents nuts with this. theyve

altered their cooking in order to help me ,and my mom has taken me

to see derms, a holistic ayurvedic derm, chinese herbalist, eye

doctors, and my general practitioner. goodness. i feel so sorry for

her, especially since i was a fairly carefree person before this. now

im so tense about everything, and almost anything can make me on the

verge of tears. except that ill stop myself from crying because i

KNOW every time i do cry my rosacea worsens. i guess i just really

miss not being able to do spontaneous things like rollerblade in the

rain at 4am, drink or go clubbing with friends, or even run around

outside on a beautiful sunny day and help my dad washt he car or

something without worrying whehter i'm doing damage to my skin/blood

vessels. it has completely restricted my quality of life and i really

dont want to let it go on any longer but im so worried about

exacerbating my rosacea....i really feel for those who are in

constant pain or burning .i dont mean to whine when thigns could be

so much worse. but to literally see my skin deteriorating slowly,

week by week,month by month,is just so upsetting.

ive always felt that my tendency to blush made me more inclined to

getting this condition...and together they have both impacted my self

esteem in a major way. maybe if i can get the blushing and self

esteem part under control with a therapist i can live easier? or

maybe i just need to put rosacea itself in perspective? not be so

self-conscious? i know some of you are on anti-depressant meds...i'd

like to avoid this if possible but if it would help me get back on

the right track again i'd be willing to try anything. ive been

reading with interest many of the archives on regulating body temp

(esp people who had raynauds) with biofeedback, as well as other body-

mind techniques, self hypnosis,etc. please, if anyoen has any

experience or can offer a good psychologist in the NJ/NY/PA area

please contact me . i rarely feel happy anymore and i dont want

rosacea to consume my life when i still have a good 50 or so years to

live~ i dont want to give in to this disease but i just feel like i'm

living in this rosacea prison...i feel so helpless sometimes.

also, im seeing my derm tomorrow. i always feel like i cant express

myself in front of doctors...i think i start getting nervous and

talking too fast and probably stammering like a child...except my

derm seems to think im extraordinarily intelligent in analyzing my

own condition. its funny cuz last time i was throwing around words

like edema just because ive learned so many terms from this board and

they just come naturally to me now,and his medical intern was

astonished cuz she didnt even know what i was talking about. she kept

giving me these strange looks and unfortuahntely that made me turn

even more red and self conscious..ha. im going to bring dr. nase's

book along with me tomorrow. but i find that whenever i do (to my

allergist, gastroenterologsit), they all sort of dismiss it just

because he isn't a MD. arghhhh. i guess im rambling as always (!) so

back to the subject: does anyoen think a therapist would be

helpful ?? id probably only be able to see one for 2 months since

i'll be back in school late aug/early sept. ..so is that better than

nothing?

thanks for hearing me out , once again!