RE: The emotional rollercoaster

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

You are not old, you are just the right age. Change that email identity if you

have to. Nothing is wrong with you. The pump was defective. You are especially

annoited to care for your child.

You, teamed with God are the best chance your child has to recover, and yes,

that can happen.You do not, and I hope will not, accept illness for yourself and

your child.

SCD may be the next best thing to breastmilk.

You're in the right place. Forgive yourself, God already has.

If you have to accept something or be in 'the process of acceptance' make it

God's forgiveness that you accept.

Agape,

Michele List wrote:

I know what you mean Antionette about the process of acceptance. I just read

one of your posts that said you'd found out about some things that can cause

ASD. And I had to check about everything you had on your list. I did terbutaline

(sp) for 2 months while I was on bedrest for preterm labor. Then they had to

induce because I suffered pre-eclampsia at the end. So right off the bat, the

poor kid had some challenges. Then I had a nightmare with breastfeeding that

still chokes me up. The nurses convinced me that I had to pump because of my age

(37 at the time) so I brought the thing home and pumped every day. Well a couple

weeks into it I noticed the supply was drying up. Also, Danny would cry ALL THE

TIME and I assumed it was because he wasn't getting enough milk. This put me

into a deep postpartum depression because breastfeeding was sooo important to

me. I grieved so much thinking after all that time (13 years) trying to become a

mom that I would be unable to do this

one

thing for my child. Finally I accepted that I would have to feed him formula and

vowed to make it up to him in other ways. Well I finally got around to returning

the pump about 3 weeks later and they told me that the pump was defective.. the

tubing had clogged. That was why I wasn't getting any milk. The reason he was

always crying wasn't because he was hungry. " Collic, digestion issues, reflux

etc " were likely to blame in restrospect. Well I fanatically tried to

re-establish my milk supply. Contacted LaLeche league, took copious amounts of

herbs, etc. To no avail. Of course we then started the ear infection and sinus

infection rounds and I've always blamed myself. I'm trying to let go of this

great feeling of being responsible for EVERTYTHING, try to forgive myself and

just take it one day and time and focus on doing the next right thing. This

is so hard.

(Old)Mom to DS 7 with emerging neurological alphabet soup (aspolaraddocd)

---------------------------------

Talk is cheap. Use Yahoo! Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates

starting at 1 & cent;/min.

[Guest guest]

-

You have nothing to forgive yourself for, you didn't do anything wrong.

Instead, you had awful medical advice. I've never heard of such a thing,

holy smokes, if 37 is young enough to make and carry a baby, I guess

than she's young enough to feed it.

My son is 6.5. I had pre-eclampsia too and he was a 4 lb preemie. I had

to pump also but even with a very good pump, I could barely pump a

thing. The whole idea that pumping will " show " whether a mom has a good

milk supply is insane. Some people just can't pump. The insane thing is

that when Noah was born, he also lost a lot of weight just nursing that

he couldn't afford to lose. Gavage (tube) feeding spent less energy than

nursing, but if I couldn't pump enough milk, they would " top off " the

breast milk with formula. He would always puke immediately after, but

ONLY if there was formula. It made me so crazy, all that work pumping

and then it would get up chucked because they needed him to consume a

certain # of calories. Uggh!n He'd have been better off getting less

calories from whatever I could pump, then throwing up after the whole

feeding.

Sorry to go off a bit. Please cut yourself a lot of slack. And you're

not an OLD mother either. Gee, I'm approaching 35 and I don't feel too

old to have another at all- tired yes. My boys would tire any age mom

out though, LOL.

Becky

mom to Noah (6, HFA) and (3, NT)

SCD 1+ month

Then I had a

> nightmare with breastfeeding that still chokes me up. The nurses

convinced

> me that I had to pump because of my age (37 at the time) so I brought

the

> thing home and pumped every day. Well a couple weeks into it I noticed

the

> supply was drying up. Also, Danny would cry ALL THE TIME and I assumed

it

> was because he wasn't getting enough milk. This put me into a deep

> postpartum depression because breastfeeding was sooo important to me.

I

> grieved so much thinking after all that time (13 years) trying to

become a

> mom that I would be unable to do this one

> thing for my child.

>

> (Old)Mom to DS 7 with emerging neurological alphabet soup

(aspolaraddocd)

>

[Guest guest]

Oh Michele...if you are old then so am I....I am 38 years old...you just feel

old because you have had a hard life, like me...I now like to look at it this

way....this makes you/we WISE not old!

52 days ago....I too felt old, sick and like I may be dieing from Aids...but

didn't have aids.....my celiac had gotten out of control...was loosing weight

dangerously my depression and " bi-polar " was back, rage attacks where back,

chronic pain chronic fatigue.....and just not motivated anymore........(ask your

mom or my dad)...and my little 22 month old angel was vanishing into the depths

of autism...even being breast fed I might add! Later to find out that I had

many deficiencies myself ....that could not disappear until I took my own

" vicious cycle " into serious consideration.

I agree breast milk is best...but ASD has so many causes...if I blame

myself....I can't save them!...my self esteem is coming back now that I know

that what I am feeding my ASD family in a way that is bringing them " back " to

me...and not " feeding " this monster...because it feels like a " monster " to me.

If I blame the doctors the resentment overcomes me.....I realize that they are

ignorant and have much to learn. I try to the best of my ability to forgive

them...and learn that they are human and have errored too. My husband and I

have suffered so miserably being misdiagnosed and to see my children go down the

beginning of this road terrified me! It has not been easy.

When 's rages and my own rages disappeared...that day in it self was a day

to rejoice...when KiKi started to smile and laugh...for the first time I might

add...it made me rejoice! She never use to know that the sky existed...or the

sun...or a bird in the tree...or even an airplan flying by.....today she points

and tries to " talk " about everything...it amazes her to " see " what she was

missing

......she also never even said MaMa addressing me for the first time....never

talked....often slept the day away....wanting to disappear inside herself....and

acted as if she wanted to be with the " angels " again.....I thought she might die

she was so " depressed " and her brain was " starving " ........and then SCD happened

and rather quick she started to emerge...the true her...her brain started to get

the food it had missed.....thanks to her gut being all messed up........now I am

a " ma ma "

...this is the gift that awaits you...to meet who your son really is!

Learn to live again...feel young again.. join us with SCD...and see yourself

heal and " grow " with your child....a miracle awaits you both....and to think it

isn't in a pill! AMEN

Antoinette (day 52 and out of the grace of God entire family...husband having a

time of it....but still with us!)

The emotional rollercoaster

I know what you mean Antionette about the process of acceptance. I just read

one of your posts that said you'd found out about some things that can cause

ASD. And I had to check about everything you had on your list. I did terbutaline

(sp) for 2 months while I was on bedrest for preterm labor. Then they had to

induce because I suffered pre-eclampsia at the end. So right off the bat, the

poor kid had some challenges. Then I had a nightmare with breastfeeding that

still chokes me up. The nurses convinced me that I had to pump because of my age

(37 at the time) so I brought the thing home and pumped every day. Well a couple

weeks into it I noticed the supply was drying up. Also, Danny would cry ALL THE

TIME and I assumed it was because he wasn't getting enough milk. This put me

into a deep postpartum depression because breastfeeding was sooo important to

me. I grieved so much thinking after all that time (13 years) trying to become a

mom that I would be unable to do this one

thing for my child. Finally I accepted that I would have to feed him formula

and vowed to make it up to him in other ways. Well I finally got around to

returning the pump about 3 weeks later and they told me that the pump was

defective.. the tubing had clogged. That was why I wasn't getting any milk. The

reason he was always crying wasn't because he was hungry. " Collic, digestion

issues, reflux etc " were likely to blame in restrospect. Well I fanatically

tried to re-establish my milk supply. Contacted LaLeche league, took copious

amounts of herbs, etc. To no avail. Of course we then started the ear infection

and sinus infection rounds and I've always blamed myself. I'm trying to let go

of this great feeling of being responsible for EVERTYTHING, try to forgive

myself and just take it one day and time and focus on doing the next right

thing. This is so hard.

(Old)Mom to DS 7 with emerging neurological alphabet soup (aspolaraddocd)

---------------------------------

Talk is cheap. Use Yahoo! Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates

starting at 1 & cent;/min.

[Guest guest]

Hey Michele, you are not an old mom. I ,at 57,am an old mom. My 2

are adopted but I still go through some of the guilts and wonderings

if we were fair to take these children. God then reminds me that it

was Him that placed them in my arms, He did it because He knew that

I would fight for them and that I should not waist the energy that

it takes to be feeling guilty about any of it.

You are the mom God chose for your child. The medical industry many

times gives incorrect advice. When we don't know any different we

follow it.

Relax, and know that you are on the right track. There is healing

for our children.

Be Blessed

Sandy M.

>

> I know what you mean Antionette about the process of acceptance.

I just read one of your posts that said you'd found out about some

things that can cause ASD. And I had to check about everything you

had on your list. I did terbutaline (sp) for 2 months while I was on

bedrest for preterm labor. Then they had to induce because I

suffered pre-eclampsia at the end. So right off the bat, the poor

kid had some challenges. Then I had a nightmare with breastfeeding

that still chokes me up. The nurses convinced me that I had to pump

because of my age (37 at the time) so I brought the thing home and

pumped every day. Well a couple weeks into it I noticed the supply

was drying up. Also, Danny would cry ALL THE TIME and I assumed it

was because he wasn't getting enough milk. This put me into a deep

postpartum depression because breastfeeding was sooo important to

me. I grieved so much thinking after all that time (13 years) trying

to become a mom that I would be unable to do this one

> thing for my child. Finally I accepted that I would have to feed

him formula and vowed to make it up to him in other ways. Well I

finally got around to returning the pump about 3 weeks later and

they told me that the pump was defective.. the tubing had clogged.

That was why I wasn't getting any milk. The reason he was always

crying wasn't because he was hungry. " Collic, digestion issues,

reflux etc " were likely to blame in restrospect. Well I fanatically

tried to re-establish my milk supply. Contacted LaLeche league, took

copious amounts of herbs, etc. To no avail. Of course we then

started the ear infection and sinus infection rounds and I've always

blamed myself. I'm trying to let go of this great feeling of being

responsible for EVERTYTHING, try to forgive myself and just take it

one day and time and focus on doing the next right thing. This is

so hard.

>

> (Old)Mom to DS 7 with emerging neurological alphabet soup

(aspolaraddocd)

>

> ---------------------------------

> Talk is cheap. Use Yahoo! Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls.

Great rates starting at 1 & cent;/min.

>

>