The emotional rollercoaster

April 15, 2006

I know what you mean Antionette about the process of acceptance. I just read

one of your posts that said you'd found out about some things that can cause

ASD. And I had to check about everything you had on your list. I did terbutaline

(sp) for 2 months while I was on bedrest for preterm labor. Then they had to

induce because I suffered pre-eclampsia at the end. So right off the bat, the

poor kid had some challenges. Then I had a nightmare with breastfeeding that

still chokes me up. The nurses convinced me that I had to pump because of my age

(37 at the time) so I brought the thing home and pumped every day. Well a couple

weeks into it I noticed the supply was drying up. Also, Danny would cry ALL THE

TIME and I assumed it was because he wasn't getting enough milk. This put me

into a deep postpartum depression because breastfeeding was sooo important to

me. I grieved so much thinking after all that time (13 years) trying to become a

mom that I would be unable to do this one

thing for my child. Finally I accepted that I would have to feed him formula

and vowed to make it up to him in other ways. Well I finally got around to

returning the pump about 3 weeks later and they told me that the pump was

defective.. the tubing had clogged. That was why I wasn't getting any milk. The

reason he was always crying wasn't because he was hungry. " Collic, digestion

issues, reflux etc " were likely to blame in restrospect. Well I fanatically

tried to re-establish my milk supply. Contacted LaLeche league, took copious

amounts of herbs, etc. To no avail. Of course we then started the ear infection

and sinus infection rounds and I've always blamed myself. I'm trying to let go

of this great feeling of being responsible for EVERTYTHING, try to forgive

myself and just take it one day and time and focus on doing the next right

thing. This is so hard.

(Old)Mom to DS 7 with emerging neurological alphabet soup (aspolaraddocd)

---------------------------------

Talk is cheap. Use Yahoo! Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates

starting at 1 & cent;/min.

Recommended Posts