Re: Keri/ intimacy

[Guest guest]

> Keri:

>

> I just wanted to thank you for bringing up the topic of sex. I

know some

> may not think it appropriate for the message board, but what an

important

> part of your relationship that suffers, along with alot of others.

My

> husband has started counseling recently to help him deal with all

the fall

> out from me being so sick. He had been really getting angry alot.

Not

> directed at me, just very short tempered, which is not him. The

counselor

> suggested he is grieving over the loss of the lives we used to have

> together. She hit the nail on the head. He is getting alot of good

> direction, and somebody to vent to, which as we all know is crucial

for good

> mental well-being. Besides being tired, as well as on anti-

depressants

> which decrease sex drive, it's hard to make intimacy a priority.

But we try

> to set time aside deliberately to be close. And not always for

sex, just to

> make sure we connect regularly. He is very understanding, and even

does an

> occasional massage to help get me over the hump! I hope it helps

to know

> you are not alone, and that maybe these suggestions will help.

Hang in

> there!

>

> Robin

>

Robin,

Thanks for responding, I was afraid I might get swept under the rug.

I knew I couldn't be alone; but you have no idea how fantastic it is

to know it. That it is not all me. I love my husband dearly, and he

has been with me for five really bad years (during which we also

added two kids!). He gets so angry about it, and I know that is just

his way of expressing the hurt and rejection he feels. He just

doesn't understand that besides the pain and agonizing nausea,

fatigue, the meds that decrease desire are like the icing on the

cake. Or nail in the coffin I suppose is a little more accurate. I

hope he never has to be on this side to see; but it is so hard to

convey to someone who hasn't felt what we feel. Like you said time

for intimacy is so important and that doesn't have to include

physical intimacy, just time to enjoy each other. Yet it is hard to

find the help I need with our kids when I am in the hospital, or too

sick to manage them alone. Wait till I start asking for volunteers to

babysit so we can have time for ourselves. I bet they'll laugh me out

the door. Oh well I guess I just have to keep on keepin on until I

find a solution. Sometimes it just feels so far away.

Lots of love to you, and thanks again for being candid, Keri