pancreatitis & working

[Guest guest]

When I finally accepted the fact that I was too sick to work, I got

really depressed. I worked hard to become an RN & desperately wanted

to keep working. But when I started making mistakes, (med errors,

forgetting things), vomiting so much that I carried a plastic bag

around with me, becoming more & more unreliable, & the harsh reality

that I could do some real harm to someone else, I had no choice but

to let go. So I decided I would try something else, & tried to work

as a vet tech for almost a year. But I continued to get worse. I am

now on disability, & let go of my nursing license. In a way, it's

helped me a lot to let it go, & accept the hand dealt to me. I'm

soooo grateful that I got to work for 9 years in the proffesion I had

dreamed of since I was a little girl. I just turned 40 & am grateful

that I am still here to be with people I love. I may have lost my

ability to hold a job, but I also have so much to be thankful for.

Don't get me wrong, I definately have my bad days, angry days, a poor

me days, but when I do have a good day, I enjoy it as much as I can.

I even have my " suicidal thoughts " days. But if I can take the focus

off myself, & keep reminding myself of all the good things in my

life, I feel less like isolating myself. Obviously this is a good

day. Tomorrow may be one of those days when I cry non-stop. I am

grateful for this website & the freedom I have to say what I feel

here. And that there are thhose of you out there who know how I feel

without me trying to put it into words.

With warm thoughts to all of you,

Deanna