Re: Need advice to

[Guest guest]

,

Without barging in and getting to know you and your husband both I

cannot come close to making a really sound, balanced statement --BUT-

-Hey! I never let that stop me from sticking my foot in my mouth!

I know you feel hurt and betrayed. You feel that in a way he is

cheating on your and being unfaithful. Those are strong, harsh

feelings. He undoubtedly feels some guilt, embarrassment, and

frustation, too.

Without knowing how involved his chats are, one can't say he has

actually crossed a line he should not have. And those lines are

drawn by the couple, what one couple can accept others may not, and

another couple may not even be the least bit worried about it. And

it is also important to make sure both wife and husband have the

same understanding. That is where things can become confused and

miscommunication can occur.

Men and Women are sexual beings. I think muture open couples can

work through hard illness issues by up front frank and honest

discussion. I have been for the most part uninterested in sex for

about 7 months: first from attacks of pancreatitis, then from

undergoing the total pancreatectomy and not capable of performing

because my belly was hacked to bits, and then from recovery issues,

and finally to psychological issues dealing with the physical scars

as well as feeling odd about my body missing so many organs. Illness

really complicates things. But my wife and I have stayed close and

have managed to help each other with our individual and couple needs

by just talking honestly. Nothing is taboo for a married couple to

talk.

Now, if your husband is unwilling to talk with you or if there are

communication issues that makes it hard. That might be time for

couple counciling.

I am just trying to say that what he did may not be so horrible, or

it may be just a sign that he is human and weak, or many other such

things. Talking is the way to find out what is going on and how each

person feels and then through talking hopefully you two can come out

the other side of this holding hands and closer than ever with a

better understand of each persons' needs.

But if any of what I have said disturbs you, feel free to delete

this as fast as you can! This is a touchy subject I am sure. I don't

mean to preach or push my opinion at you, I am just sharing.

peace and health,

Bert