5 weeks post op and now the hard part comes.....

July 14, 2000

Deena,

Some husbands are sure to have a hard time with this. I worked as a

weight-loss counselor for several years, back in my thinner days, and I well

remember my clients coming in complaining about the way that their spouses

were treating them. Surely you remember your dieting days when your husband

would try to sabotage your efforts by exposing you to tempting foods. Some

men are insecure about the way that other men might look at their wives

after they lose weight. Your confidence in yourself will increase every day

as you lose weight and begin to feel good about yourself. This will affect

your relationships with family and friends. You deserve to feel great about

yourself at any weight, but sometimes a spouse may make a comment that is

meant to hurt you enough to " keep you in your place " . It is a real struggle

to keep your emotions in check while losing weight. So many of us are

" safe " in this blanket of fat that we have taken years to surround ourselves

in. It is physically and emotionally uncomfortable to lose weight. You are

quite literally losing part of your physical being. At the same time, it is

both wonderful and frightening when you get looks and sometimes advances

from others. Some people who have been overweight from childhood have never

had men look at them " that way " . Husbands have a REALLY hard time dealing

with their emotions in this matter. While they are thrilled to be getting a

" new " thinner, healthier, more energetic wife, they are also frightened

about the changes that are taking place. If you have had a good

relationship with your husband in the past, just try to understand that he

is frightened and reassure him that you love him. Let him know when he

hurts you, and explain (over and over again, if needed)that you are adult

enough to make the correct food choices. Explain that there will be times

when you fail to make the correct choices, but that YOU ALONE are

responsible for the choices that you make where your eating habits are

concerned. He is not helping you by eating pizza in front of you at five

weeks post-op, and I strongly suspect that he is acting out of insecurity.

If he bothers you about how much you are losing, don't tell him how much you

lose or gain. Above all else, TALK WITH SOMEONE as you go through these

changes. There are places that you can go to seek unbiased counsel. This

support group helps greatly, but you need to be able to talk with someone

either in person or on the phone. I would be happy to talk with you and

there are many others on this support group who will also. Find a support

group in your area. Even a group like TOPS or Weight Watchers could help.

I'm not an expert on many things, but I know men REALLY well. They are

wonderful, crazy creatures that need to be guided on the ways of passion and

understanding when it comes to women. Best of luck. You can email me

privately for my phone number if you need to talk with someone.

Stormy

(If I have offended any men, I am sorry. I LOVE

men! Just realize that we are different in

many ways.)

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July 14, 2000