Guest guest Posted July 29, 2001 Report Share Posted July 29, 2001 Hi Stacey, I would encourage you to encourage them to vent their fears and feelings, and just openly listen without judgment or the need to defend your choice. You have a right to take care of yourself in the way you feel is appropriate, and they have the right to own their fear! Perhaps this situation will facilitate greater healing of the grief they have been experiencing since your brother's death. As a parent, I can say we often hold fears and concerns for our children's welfare. You sound like you have a very special, close bond with your parents, so perhaps you might ask them what you need from them and express your appreciation of their support. I would wager to bet that they will come around with 100% support for your welfare. Take Care..... And Best of Luck with your process.... Janne >From: Porcia30@... >Reply-To: duodenalswitch >To: duodenalswitch >Subject: Family >Date: Sun, 29 Jul 2001 04:23:51 -0000 > >Hi- I'm trying to figure out a way to ease my parents fears about >this surgery and wondering if anyone has any suggestions. To give >you a brief background on why I am concerned about this is, I am 31 >and single and very close to my parents. So they will be with me >during this whole process. I have talked to both of them and they >are excited in their own way for me. My brother died of cancer 6 >years...he was 27 years old and it was a long terrible death. I am >the only child left. They haven't said anything to me, but I know >everytime I discuss the surgery, I see the fear, eventhough they try >to hide it. They are both extremely supportive, but I thought maybe >I could offer them something to ease their fears. Considering that >they already lost one child I wish I could promise them that nothing >will go wrong, but I can't. I don't know, maybe there is no way to >make this easier on them...I just thought I would ask. > >Take care, > > > > >---------------------------------------------------------------------- > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 29, 2001 Report Share Posted July 29, 2001 Hi Stacey, I would encourage you to encourage them to vent their fears and feelings, and just openly listen without judgment or the need to defend your choice. You have a right to take care of yourself in the way you feel is appropriate, and they have the right to own their fear! Perhaps this situation will facilitate greater healing of the grief they have been experiencing since your brother's death. As a parent, I can say we often hold fears and concerns for our children's welfare. You sound like you have a very special, close bond with your parents, so perhaps you might ask them what you need from them and express your appreciation of their support. I would wager to bet that they will come around with 100% support for your welfare. Take Care..... And Best of Luck with your process.... Janne >From: Porcia30@... >Reply-To: duodenalswitch >To: duodenalswitch >Subject: Family >Date: Sun, 29 Jul 2001 04:23:51 -0000 > >Hi- I'm trying to figure out a way to ease my parents fears about >this surgery and wondering if anyone has any suggestions. To give >you a brief background on why I am concerned about this is, I am 31 >and single and very close to my parents. So they will be with me >during this whole process. I have talked to both of them and they >are excited in their own way for me. My brother died of cancer 6 >years...he was 27 years old and it was a long terrible death. I am >the only child left. They haven't said anything to me, but I know >everytime I discuss the surgery, I see the fear, eventhough they try >to hide it. They are both extremely supportive, but I thought maybe >I could offer them something to ease their fears. Considering that >they already lost one child I wish I could promise them that nothing >will go wrong, but I can't. I don't know, maybe there is no way to >make this easier on them...I just thought I would ask. > >Take care, > > > > >---------------------------------------------------------------------- > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 29, 2001 Report Share Posted July 29, 2001 -Dear Stacey, I also have lost a young brother to aids caused by a tainted blood transfusion. My mother was inwardly a wreck about my surgery. The absolute best thing you will do to help your parents....................... when you wake up with a smile in recovery and they can see you are just fine! They also should be thrilled to see you lose your excess weight and will be estatic to see you healthy and happy. What a great gift to give to loving parents or spouses. DAN > Hi- I'm trying to figure out a way to ease my parents fears about > this surgery and wondering if anyone has any suggestions. To give > you a brief background on why I am concerned about this is, I am 31 > and single and very close to my parents. So they will be with me > during this whole process. I have talked to both of them and they > are excited in their own way for me. My brother died of cancer 6 > years...he was 27 years old and it was a long terrible death. I am > the only child left. They haven't said anything to me, but I know > everytime I discuss the surgery, I see the fear, eventhough they try > to hide it. They are both extremely supportive, but I thought maybe > I could offer them something to ease their fears. Considering that > they already lost one child I wish I could promise them that nothing > will go wrong, but I can't. I don't know, maybe there is no way to > make this easier on them...I just thought I would ask. > > Take care, > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 29, 2001 Report Share Posted July 29, 2001 -Dear Stacey, I also have lost a young brother to aids caused by a tainted blood transfusion. My mother was inwardly a wreck about my surgery. The absolute best thing you will do to help your parents....................... when you wake up with a smile in recovery and they can see you are just fine! They also should be thrilled to see you lose your excess weight and will be estatic to see you healthy and happy. What a great gift to give to loving parents or spouses. DAN > Hi- I'm trying to figure out a way to ease my parents fears about > this surgery and wondering if anyone has any suggestions. To give > you a brief background on why I am concerned about this is, I am 31 > and single and very close to my parents. So they will be with me > during this whole process. I have talked to both of them and they > are excited in their own way for me. My brother died of cancer 6 > years...he was 27 years old and it was a long terrible death. I am > the only child left. They haven't said anything to me, but I know > everytime I discuss the surgery, I see the fear, eventhough they try > to hide it. They are both extremely supportive, but I thought maybe > I could offer them something to ease their fears. Considering that > they already lost one child I wish I could promise them that nothing > will go wrong, but I can't. I don't know, maybe there is no way to > make this easier on them...I just thought I would ask. > > Take care, > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 29, 2001 Report Share Posted July 29, 2001 Hi, , Janne hit the nail on the head: I would encourage you to encourage them to vent their fears and feelings, and just openly listen without judgment or the need to defend your choice. You have a right to take care of yourself in the way you feel is appropriate, and they have the right to own their fear! I can only add that there is nothing that anybody can do to eradicate your parents' fears, but you seek, realistically only to ease their fears. That is caring and loving on your part. I'll bet that you must have some fears, too. Fears, especially if kept bottled up and not acknowledged, can come out in other unproductive ways (anger, withdrawal,...). In discussing their fears for you, they will have to face, once again, their grief over your brother. That will be a double-whammy for all of you. Is there someone that is available to help all three of you in the discussions: a pastor, a therapist, a wise and caring friend? If so, you might consider having the first discussion as Janne suggests, followed by facilitated discussions with the help of the other person. My best wishes for all three of you in this difficult passage, Steve At 4:23 AM +0000 7/29/01, Porcia30@... wrote: Hi- I'm trying to figure out a way to ease my parents fears about this surgery and wondering if anyone has any suggestions. ... My brother died of cancer 6 years...he was 27 years old and it was a long terrible death. I am the only child left. They haven't said anything to me, but I know everytime I discuss the surgery, I see the fear, eventhough they try to hide it. ... -- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 29, 2001 Report Share Posted July 29, 2001 Hi, , Janne hit the nail on the head: I would encourage you to encourage them to vent their fears and feelings, and just openly listen without judgment or the need to defend your choice. You have a right to take care of yourself in the way you feel is appropriate, and they have the right to own their fear! I can only add that there is nothing that anybody can do to eradicate your parents' fears, but you seek, realistically only to ease their fears. That is caring and loving on your part. I'll bet that you must have some fears, too. Fears, especially if kept bottled up and not acknowledged, can come out in other unproductive ways (anger, withdrawal,...). In discussing their fears for you, they will have to face, once again, their grief over your brother. That will be a double-whammy for all of you. Is there someone that is available to help all three of you in the discussions: a pastor, a therapist, a wise and caring friend? If so, you might consider having the first discussion as Janne suggests, followed by facilitated discussions with the help of the other person. My best wishes for all three of you in this difficult passage, Steve At 4:23 AM +0000 7/29/01, Porcia30@... wrote: Hi- I'm trying to figure out a way to ease my parents fears about this surgery and wondering if anyone has any suggestions. ... My brother died of cancer 6 years...he was 27 years old and it was a long terrible death. I am the only child left. They haven't said anything to me, but I know everytime I discuss the surgery, I see the fear, eventhough they try to hide it. ... -- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 29, 2001 Report Share Posted July 29, 2001 Hi Janne- Thank you for your kind words and thoughts on this matter. I've printed off as much info on the surgery as possible and will plan to sit down with my parents this week and discuss the surgery in greater detail. They are truly wonderful parents and I know they will support me in this...maybe its just my own fears manifesting themselves...maybe I'm just afraid that something will go wrong and they will lose their last child...I think you are right that we need to get this all out...our grief, our fears. Thank you again. Take care, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 29, 2001 Report Share Posted July 29, 2001 > The absolute best thing you will do to help your > parents....................... when you wake up with a smile in > recovery and they can see you are just fine! > > They also should be thrilled to see you lose your excess weight and > will be estatic to see you healthy and happy. What a great gift to > give to loving parents or spouses. > Dan- You are sooo right...just the thought of this brought happy tears to my eyes. You obviously have been in the position I am now, with your own experience with your brother. Thank you for allowing me to see that while mine and my parents fears are valid, there is also a great gift to look forward to. Thank you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 29, 2001 Report Share Posted July 29, 2001 > I'll bet that you must have some fears, too. Fears, especially if kept bottled up and not acknowledged, can come out in other unproductive ways (anger, withdrawal,...). Hi Steve- Thank you and everyone who responded to my post. I appreciate your thoughts and insight. As I mentioned in a reply to Janne, I think you are right when you suggests that my personal fears are a part of this as well. Although I am extremely excited about the surgery and thoroughly prepared to have it done, I am still afraid on many levels because I have never had any form of surgery before. But I think my main fear...is what it would do to my parents if something went wrong. I think I will have many ups and downs over the next few months until I am on the other side of the surgery. I'm sure this is pretty normal for pre- ops...lol....lord I do hate being stereotypical...lol. Well, anyway, thank you again. My best always, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 30, 2001 Report Share Posted July 30, 2001 At 3:57 AM +0000 7/30/01, Porcia30@... wrote: >...Although >I am extremely excited about the surgery and thoroughly prepared to >have it done, I am still afraid on many levels because I have never >had any form of surgery before. I had never had MAJOR surgery, though I had had an appendectomy. I was scared, too. But, I trusted in my surgeon (by definition). >But I think my main fear...is what >it would do to my parents if something went wrong. Very valid. >I think I will >have many ups and downs over the next few months until I am on the >other side of the surgery. And, please write us when you do. We can be better at hand-holding than at bickering. >I'm sure this is pretty normal for pre-ops yes, for those who are honest with themselves. Good luck, , Steve -- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 30, 2001 Report Share Posted July 30, 2001 Stacey, Listen well to Steve; he's got a great head on his shoulders and a great heart (and if your lucky, he'll call you " sweetums " ). He's a great source for solid information and good advice. Marcia > Re: Family > > > At 3:57 AM +0000 7/30/01, Porcia30@... wrote: > >...Although > >I am extremely excited about the surgery and thoroughly prepared to > >have it done, I am still afraid on many levels because I have never > >had any form of surgery before. > > I had never had MAJOR surgery, though I had had an appendectomy. I > was scared, too. But, I trusted in my surgeon (by definition). > > >But I think my main fear...is what > >it would do to my parents if something went wrong. > > Very valid. > > >I think I will > >have many ups and downs over the next few months until I am on the > >other side of the surgery. > > And, please write us when you do. We can be better at hand-holding > than at bickering. > > >I'm sure this is pretty normal for pre-ops > > yes, for those who are honest with themselves. > > Good luck, , > > Steve > -- > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 30, 2001 Report Share Posted July 30, 2001 Stacey, Listen well to Steve; he's got a great head on his shoulders and a great heart (and if your lucky, he'll call you " sweetums " ). He's a great source for solid information and good advice. Marcia > Re: Family > > > At 3:57 AM +0000 7/30/01, Porcia30@... wrote: > >...Although > >I am extremely excited about the surgery and thoroughly prepared to > >have it done, I am still afraid on many levels because I have never > >had any form of surgery before. > > I had never had MAJOR surgery, though I had had an appendectomy. I > was scared, too. But, I trusted in my surgeon (by definition). > > >But I think my main fear...is what > >it would do to my parents if something went wrong. > > Very valid. > > >I think I will > >have many ups and downs over the next few months until I am on the > >other side of the surgery. > > And, please write us when you do. We can be better at hand-holding > than at bickering. > > >I'm sure this is pretty normal for pre-ops > > yes, for those who are honest with themselves. > > Good luck, , > > Steve > -- > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 30, 2001 Report Share Posted July 30, 2001 Marcia- lol...I'll eagerly await the day I get called " sweetums " . Steve does appear to have a great handle on this whole process. I look forward to hearing more from all of you in the future and will definitely let everyone know when I have the surgery done...most likely in January. Take care, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2003 Report Share Posted April 30, 2003 Hey all My name is Crystal and I am only 16. No I dont personally have Cystic Fibrosis but I have two younger siblings with CF and there are some problems right now. My oldest brother Josh is 19, My youngest sister Rebekah is 4. Well I have been placed in foster care for a year and I am only aloud to see them once every two weeks and my parents dont really seem to call me that much. So Im sort of scared that something might happen to them while Im gone and I wont know what happened. Do you think I might be able to get some advice? Please post me if you can. Thanx Crystal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2003 Report Share Posted April 30, 2003 Hey all My name is Crystal and I am only 16. No I dont personally have Cystic Fibrosis but I have two younger siblings with CF and there are some problems right now. My oldest brother Josh is 19, My youngest sister Rebekah is 4. Well I have been placed in foster care for a year and I am only aloud to see them once every two weeks and my parents dont really seem to call me that much. So Im sort of scared that something might happen to them while Im gone and I wont know what happened. Do you think I might be able to get some advice? Please post me if you can. Thanx Crystal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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