To Summer / Was Re: OT speech

[Guest guest]

Hi Sandy,

((Hugs))

Your letter touched me. First, I want to say what an inspiration

you have been to me. Since I joined pecanbread I have been in awe of

the amazing job you are doing with your son. There are days I think

just of your signature line " Entire family SCD in support of a 5 yr

old who rages " . I am finding it hard going to stay on our extremely

limited SCD myself, and that one line speaks volumes to me about

your strength and perseverence.

I am 47. I cannot imagine how I'll feel when I'm 57, I'm plenty

tired now. To be older means it is more work and there are fewer

years left for us to help solve our children's problems before they

are left to face the world on their own. It is a frightening

prospect. Having a child at 43 was a second-marriage decision,

almost an afterthought. A welcome one, but I was completely

unprepared for the level of challenge. We too have nobody to help

with our son if something happens to us. I'm a cancer survivor, very

conscious of how precious and fragile life is. My family is

worthless, and in any case both my brothers have refused to serve as

guardians for my son. My parents are still alive but are elderly and

too busy enjoying their retirement to spend any time with my son.

They have poor judgement and are not to be trusted to even avoid his

allergens. They don't even believe in carseats. Our " best " option is

my husband's brother with Asperger's, who's reasonably bright and

loving, but often unemployed and currently living 2,000 miles away

from his wife for career purposes (also Asperger's but more stable,

employable and responsible).

I have been feeling very guilty lately, and I haven't posted about

it, but you might understand. I am in the process of weaning my son.

Although he's 3 1/2 and I've been planning this for a year, it's

partly happening now because I find I'm unable to maintain such a

limited diet. I have been on an extremely limited diet for over

three years now, and I just can't live on 2 vegetables and one meat

anymore. This is where the guilt comes in. I look at the example of

you and the other SCD parents on the board, and I think " Why can't I

do that? " And then I remember the moms who tried so hard to

breastfeed their children and were unable, and the guilt they felt

at having to give their babies formula. We can never be perfect. I

think we older mothers sometimes are the ones who try the hardest,

who hold ourselves up to an un-achievable image of perfection,

because we've got the patience and the fortitude and the experience

to try to do " just one thing more " . But wisdom comes in knowing when

to step back and take the slower path at times, to ease up and be

gentle with yourself.

So for Mothers Day, please give yourself the gift of gentleness and

peace. Know that you are doing so much more for your children than

so very many other parents, and that your hard work has reaped

tremendous rewards already. And realize that you deserve your own

love and occasional rest yourself. Be gentle with yourself - you are

a most amazing mother.

Suzanne

> >

> > Summer, you continue to be an inspiration. Thank you for telling

> us

> > a little of your story. It takes great strength to succesfully

> > parent a child with autism, and even more strength to try and

heal

> > the sick children we all are attempting to do with great effort

on

> > the SCD.

> >

> > Motherhood is difficult enough for any woman, and those of on

this

> > list face additional large challenges. Sometimes they seem

> > insurmountable. I'm sure I'm not the only one who wonders every

> > day " Am I up to this challenge? "

> >

> > Some of us have had to carve a path ourselves, figuring out each

> > day's answers fresh every morning. Occasionally, we find other

> > mothers in whom we recognize the strength and grace and wisdom

we

> so

> > badly want to possess ourselves. Inspiration comes rarely,

> quietly,

> > sometimes hard to see, but so welcome when it appears. It is

> mothers

> > like you to whom we look in those dark days when inspiration and

> > answers seem lost. Sometimes the answer is " I don't have the

> > answer ... look harder for your own answer - search, question,

> seek,

> > research, try and try again! " Sometimes the answer is so simple

as

> > to escape us in our desperation: " Give the kids to their dad for

a

> > few hours and get some sleep! "

> >

> > So Summer, thank you for taking time every day to shed some warm

> > light and intelligence on this little corner of the internet.

Have

> a

> > wonderful Mother's Day with your beautiful boys. They are so

> > fortunate to have been graced with you for a mother.

> >

> > Suzanne

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sandy,

((Hugs))

Your letter touched me. First, I want to say what an inspiration

you have been to me. Since I joined pecanbread I have been in awe of

the amazing job you are doing with your son. There are days I think

just of your signature line " Entire family SCD in support of a 5 yr

old who rages " . I am finding it hard going to stay on our extremely

limited SCD myself, and that one line speaks volumes to me about

your strength and perseverence.

I am 47. I cannot imagine how I'll feel when I'm 57, I'm plenty

tired now. To be older means it is more work and there are fewer

years left for us to help solve our children's problems before they

are left to face the world on their own. It is a frightening

prospect. Having a child at 43 was a second-marriage decision,

almost an afterthought. A welcome one, but I was completely

unprepared for the level of challenge. We too have nobody to help

with our son if something happens to us. I'm a cancer survivor, very

conscious of how precious and fragile life is. My family is

worthless, and in any case both my brothers have refused to serve as

guardians for my son. My parents are still alive but are elderly and

too busy enjoying their retirement to spend any time with my son.

They have poor judgement and are not to be trusted to even avoid his

allergens. They don't even believe in carseats. Our " best " option is

my husband's brother with Asperger's, who's reasonably bright and

loving, but often unemployed and currently living 2,000 miles away

from his wife for career purposes (also Asperger's but more stable,

employable and responsible).

I have been feeling very guilty lately, and I haven't posted about

it, but you might understand. I am in the process of weaning my son.

Although he's 3 1/2 and I've been planning this for a year, it's

partly happening now because I find I'm unable to maintain such a

limited diet. I have been on an extremely limited diet for over

three years now, and I just can't live on 2 vegetables and one meat

anymore. This is where the guilt comes in. I look at the example of

you and the other SCD parents on the board, and I think " Why can't I

do that? " And then I remember the moms who tried so hard to

breastfeed their children and were unable, and the guilt they felt

at having to give their babies formula. We can never be perfect. I

think we older mothers sometimes are the ones who try the hardest,

who hold ourselves up to an un-achievable image of perfection,

because we've got the patience and the fortitude and the experience

to try to do " just one thing more " . But wisdom comes in knowing when

to step back and take the slower path at times, to ease up and be

gentle with yourself.

So for Mothers Day, please give yourself the gift of gentleness and

peace. Know that you are doing so much more for your children than

so very many other parents, and that your hard work has reaped

tremendous rewards already. And realize that you deserve your own

love and occasional rest yourself. Be gentle with yourself - you are

a most amazing mother.

Suzanne

> >

> > Summer, you continue to be an inspiration. Thank you for telling

> us

> > a little of your story. It takes great strength to succesfully

> > parent a child with autism, and even more strength to try and

heal

> > the sick children we all are attempting to do with great effort

on

> > the SCD.

> >

> > Motherhood is difficult enough for any woman, and those of on

this

> > list face additional large challenges. Sometimes they seem

> > insurmountable. I'm sure I'm not the only one who wonders every

> > day " Am I up to this challenge? "

> >

> > Some of us have had to carve a path ourselves, figuring out each

> > day's answers fresh every morning. Occasionally, we find other

> > mothers in whom we recognize the strength and grace and wisdom

we

> so

> > badly want to possess ourselves. Inspiration comes rarely,

> quietly,

> > sometimes hard to see, but so welcome when it appears. It is

> mothers

> > like you to whom we look in those dark days when inspiration and

> > answers seem lost. Sometimes the answer is " I don't have the

> > answer ... look harder for your own answer - search, question,

> seek,

> > research, try and try again! " Sometimes the answer is so simple

as

> > to escape us in our desperation: " Give the kids to their dad for

a

> > few hours and get some sleep! "

> >

> > So Summer, thank you for taking time every day to shed some warm

> > light and intelligence on this little corner of the internet.

Have

> a

> > wonderful Mother's Day with your beautiful boys. They are so

> > fortunate to have been graced with you for a mother.

> >

> > Suzanne

> >

>