Hubby...Re: here 4 days post op

November 23, 2004

Hi Ladies,

Just thought I'd add a comment that I got from my beloved husband

postop. Please read to the bottom.

Keep in mind that I had my mother here to care for me and my mother-

in-law here to look after my toddler son, my husband didn't have a

whole heck of a lot extra to deal with, other than to watch me

suffer and feel helpless. He was ok the first couple weeks postop.

I was one with a pretty difficult recovery for the first couple

weeks. Week 3 I started feeling like venturing around and was able

to get more nutrition, etc. About 80% of my swelling was down and

my mother had gone home the week before. For those who have been

through this, you know that once you are able to get up and about,

you still tire easily. Your face may be looking better but you

still have a lot of healing to do. Week 3 as my face started

looking normal again, the first week we're " back to normal " with no

extra help around the house, by 5:00 pm I was exhausted, to say the

least. Loving husband looks at me and says, " Don't you think you

should be feeling better right about now? " Kinda in that tone

like, " OK, I've had about enough of this, back to normal now. " And

I thought like you guys did ... geez, you could have been on this

end of the surgery, pal! I thought he was pretty insensitive.

Having the benefit of hindsight I truly realize that our spouses

(not just husbands, wives too) do indeed feel helpless when we are

recovering. They know we've been through alot and they crave the

time when we are at peace, not suffering and the normalcy of

everyday. I truly know ~now~ that it was less about my being a

nuisance than it was that this was something my husband couldn't

just " fix " . True, they can be short-tempered because they are

required to do more (and they will truly appreciate what they have

now!) but it doesn't mean that they don't care about you. They just

realize they can't do it all, which becomes frustrating. And let's

face it, some spouses just aren't as nurturing ... they have

difficulty sitting bedside and chatting with a sick patient. At the

time, I felt my husband's comment was pretty insensitive, but now we

can look back and laugh. He realized just how much value I have in

this home (now if only he could remember it from time to time

Some don't appreciate it until it's gone. I also felt that I spent

too much time alone, and didn't get much pampering from my husband,

but looking back it was a blessing just to have my little boy kept

busy. I don't know where I'd have gotten the energy to heal as well

as keeping a 2-year-old happy. Hang in there ... it does get

easier.

Irish!

Coming up on 2 years postop

Upper, Lower, Genio

> >

> > Hey all I am 4 days post op (surgery Nov. 17) and doing as well

as

> > can be expected, I think. I spent 1 night in the hospital after

> > surgery and I definately think it should have been a least 2

> days.

> > I did really well the first 24 hours and then it all went down

> > hill. The next 24 hours were not so good. The pain meds made

me

> > vomit and thanks to this site I did not panic, I just leaned

> > forward. Then of course I got behind on eating and pain meds so

> we

> > called the OS and he fixed everthing and now I am doing well. I

> of

> > course am swollen and more so on my right side.

> >

> > My husband has been very wonderful about taking care of me until

> > today and he snapped. Yelling at the dog yelling at the kids

and

> I

> > know it's hard but suck it up. I think something he wishes I

was

> > the one taking care of him, but let me tell you it is not all

rosy

> > on this side. So now I will not be asking him for anything else

> and

> > I will do it all myself. Like tonight I fixed myself mashed

> > potatoes, but after I got finished making them I wasn't hungry

any

> > more, so I put them in the fridge for another day. sorry to

vent,

> > but I cannot imagine what he is going through is worst, is it?

I

> > asked him why all the anger and he told me he felt like a

grunt.

> I

> > will tell you I tell my husband thank you EVERYTIME he brings my

> > anything. What else can I do??

> >

> > hope everyone else is doing well,I saw 2 post ops from Nov. 18th

> and

> > I'm glad they are doing well.

> >

November 23, 2004